“And with me?”
“I don’t want to be wrong again, Joanna. But I also can’t be wrong again; not with you. You are different. This isn’t some crush I have, or even intense feelings. This is real. It feels real to me. The fact that you’ve been entertaining the idea of trying this with me has been so miraculous, that I’ve been trying to put the worry away.”
“Entertaining the idea? Really? Macon, I listened to you come on the phone and then got myself off after, because I was so turned on,” Joanna reminded her. “Hell, I probably would have had sex with you that night had you not sent me away.”
“You would have?”
“Yes, and I would have reciprocated, too. Trust me.” She watched as Macon’s eyes grew darker and wondered if her own were doing the same. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with us. I don’t know if it’s for a while or forever. But I do know that I want you. I don’t just want to be touched by you, either. I want to touch you, too. I’ll probably be bad at it at first, but you can teach me what you like. I miss you like crazy, Macon.” Her eyes were welling up with tears. “You know the saying, ‘You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’… That’s how I feel right now: like if I would have figured this out sooner, we would’ve had time together before you left. You wouldn’t be worrying about this stuff right now. I miss going for dinner with you all the time, or you doing laundry here. I miss 7Ups. We still have points to earn and prizes to win.” She watched as Macon smiled. “I want all that back when you get home. I want to add to all the things we used to do.”
“Yeah?”
“I want to fall asleep next to you again and wake up next to you. I want you to grumble about the alarm clock again. I want to make you coffee. I want to kiss you before you head off to rehearsal. I want to come up behind you while you cook and hold you. I want to make love to you. I want you to climb in the shower with me. And I want to be your girlfriend. I want all that that entails, okay?”
Macon smiled back and wiped a tear off her cheek as Joanna did the same.
“Me too.”
“Go to sleep, beautiful; and think about everything I just said, okay?”
“I will.”
“Call me when you can?”
“I don’t call anyone else,” Macon replied and smiled, wiping one more tear.
◆◆◆
“It’s her, isn’t it?” Keira asked when Joanna smiled at her phone.
“Yeah, but it’s like two in the morning there. I wonder what’s up. I should get it.”
“Tell her I said hi and that she could call someone she’s not trying to sleep with maybe one day, since other people miss her.”
“I’ll let her know.” Joanna climbed inside the elevator on her way out of the Worthy Bash office after a meeting. “Hey, what are you doing up?”
“I just got back to the hotel.”
“From?” she asked, looking at her watch to make sure she’d done the calculations correctly. “It’s after two, Macon.”
“We went out after the show,” she said, sounding a little slurred.
“Are you drunk?” Joanna laughed as she arrived in the lobby.
“Yes.”
“Where did you guys go?”
“They took me to a bar to celebrate my last show in Paris and bought me drinks. I didn’t want to be rude, so I took them all.”
“Oh, Make.”
“I know. Then, Gail suggested we go to this lesbian bar over by Moulin Rouge, so we did. She ended up meeting some girl and made out with her in a corner while I sat there and did nothing.” She rambled. “I did nothing, okay? Some girls tried to buy me drinks, and one asked me to dance, but I didn’t do it.”
“Okay.” Joanna laughed again and made her way outside.
She didn’t feel like walking home, so she’d ordered an Uber from upstairs, and it arrived just as she’d exited the building. She climbed in and put her phone on mute for a second to say hi to the driver before he started driving.
“I made sure Gail got back to the hotel safely, and now the alcohol is really kicking in, and I am very drunk.”
“Oh, babe. I’m sorry.”
“I have a flight tomorrow. I’ll just sleep it off.”
“Your flight is to London, not New York, Macon. It’s super short. You need to drink a lot of water before you go to sleep, take some aspirin right now, and do the same in the morning. Have a big breakfast with lots of protein. It’ll soak up all the crap you drank tonight. You’ll feel better.”
“You’re very smart,” Macon stated a little louder than was necessary.
“It’s common knowledge, Macon.”
“Is it common knowledge that I can’t wait to see you?”
“I don’t know, but I would assume it’s not; and that’s probably especially true since you haven’t talked to anyone else since you left.”
“I know. I know. I don’t have a lot of time, Jo. I’m working. What time I do have, I just want to talk to you. I’ll apologize to them when I get back, okay?”
“Okay.” She smiled at Macon’s words. “I’m almost home. I was just at Worthy Bash.”
“Getting interrogated by Keira Worthy, I assume.”
“She does have a lot of questions about us.”
“What are your answers?”
“You really want to know?” she asked suggestively and then remembered there was a man driving this Honda Accord in the front seat.
“Yes.”
“That I want you.” She’d covered her hand to try to keep the driver from hearing. “That I can’t wait to see you because I want you.”
“You can’t say stuff like that to me right now.”
“Why not?” She smiled and blushed as the driver turned down her street. “Right here is fine,” she requested as he was near the front of her building.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m in an Uber. He’s dropping me off now.”
“Home?”
“Yes.”
“So, you’ll be alone?”
“Yes.”
“In your apartment?”
“Yes, Macon.” Joanna climbed out of the car and laughed.
“And I’m alone in my room.”
“And you’re drunk.”
“Drunk and horny,” she replied, and Joanna laughed wildly as she walked hurriedly to her building.
“Romantic.”
“I’ll be romantic when I see you. I watched a bunch of girls make out at this sexy lesbian club while I had to sit there, thinking about how much I wanted to touch you. My body is on fire right now.”
“You’re overheated because of the alcohol.” She unlocked her front door.
“Trust me; it is not because of the alcohol. Jo, I kept thinking about how you dreamed about me. I couldn’t stop.”
Joanna felt the blush creep across her cheeks as she made her way through her living room and into her bedroom, dropping her bag by her desk.
“I can’t believe I told you about that.” She sat on the edge of her bed and kicked off her shoes.
“I’m glad you did,” Macon replied. “Jo, tell me what else you want. Tell me how you want to be touched.”
“Are you–”
“Not yet.”
“But you want to?”
“Yes,” Macon replied immediately.
Joanna stood and ran her hand through her hair before she moved to her side of the bed, laid back on top of it, and bravely unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans.
“Did you just–”
“Yeah,” she interrupted. “I did.”
“Is this okay?” Macon asked.
“Yes,” Joanna agreed, feeling herself instantly wet. “But I want you to tell me how I should touch you.”
“You do?”
“Tell me, Macon.” She slid her hand between her legs and moved her fingers to her clit, waiting for Macon’s words.
“No, wait.” Macon seemed to snap out of something.
“What? Wait? Macon, come o
n.”
“I need to get myself in check.” Her deep sexy voice had disappeared. “I’m on my way to London, and then New York.”
“So?”
“So, I think we should wait.”
“You think we shouldn’t have phone sex right now?”
“I haven’t heard you yet, Jo.”
“Heard me?” Joanna tried to piece it together. “Oh, heard me when I come?”
“Don’t say come right now.” Macon laughed.
“You’re the one that started this.” Joanna laughed back and removed her hand.
“I know I’m going to regret this later, but I want to wait until I can be with you in person.”
“Okay. You can still do it, though. I’ve kind of already heard you.”
Macon laughed loudly and replied, “True. That wasn’t exactly planned. I still think I’d like to wait, if that’s okay.”
“Of course, it’s okay,” Joanna confirmed.
“I should probably try to get some sleep.”
“You’re going to hang up on me, get off, and then go to sleep, aren’t you?”
“No.” Macon responded. “I’m going to force myself to go to sleep while I’m this turned on, and then I’m going to resist doing anything else to myself until I can get to you.”
“And then I can do it for you?” Joanna asked, trying to be brave. “Or to you? Is it for you or to you? To you, right?”
“Oh, my God. You are so adorable.” Macon laughed. “You can do whatever you want for me or to me. How about that?”
“You’re making fun of me.”
“I’m not, I swear. I just think you’re cute.”
“Okay. Good night, Macon Greene.” Joanna laughed.
“What are you going to do tonight?”
“Not myself.”
Macon burst out laughing again and said, “Now, I feel bad.”
“Don’t. I can wait for you.”
“I promise, I’ll make it good.”
“You can’t say stuff like that to me.”
“Noted,” Macon replied. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Sleep well.”
“I’ll do my best. Jo, I’m…”
“Macon?” she asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Nothing. I’ll call you tomorrow. Good night, Jo.”
“Good night.”
CHAPTER 15
“So, where is our violinist on her world tour today?” Emma asked as she and Keira sat across from Joanna at one of their usual bar hotspots.
“She’s in New York, finally. She had her second show tonight and just texted that she’s back in the hotel,” Joanna replied. “One more tomorrow night, and the next day, she’s off to Boston for two weeks.”
“She texts you, huh? No text for her friends?” Hillary entered and sat next to Joanna.
“Sorry.”
“She could text me that, you know?” Hillary retorted in Joanna’s direction.
“Don’t shoot the messenger.” She held up her hands in defense.
“You’re the girlfriend now, dear. You’re linked,” Hillary stated.
“Oh, we’re not–” Joanna started. “We haven’t taken that step yet.”
“I just assumed, the way these two have gone on and on about you and her.” She pointed at Emma and Keira.
“We have not gone on and on,” Keira defended.
“You told me you wouldn’t be surprised if they get married one day,” Hillary professed.
“You did?” Joanna nearly choked out as she’d taken a sip of her drink one second too soon.
“So, no on the wedding then?” Emma laughed at her reaction.
“We’ve kissed once,” Joanna replied, taking a real drink now.
“And how was it?” Hillary nudged her shoulder.
“Right.” She shrugged her shoulders with a smile. “It just felt right.”
“Boring,” Hillary said. “What did it really feel like? This is your first kiss with a woman, right?”
“Oh, yeah, I totally forgot. You’re bi,” Joanna announced loudly.
The three of them laughed at that statement.
“I am, yeah,” Hillary replied and smiled at her. “But I can understand how you’d forget it: I’m usually surrounded by lesbians.” She pointed at the two across the table. “But if you need to talk, I’m here.” She said more quietly to Joanna.
“I might take you up on that.”
“I need a drink. Want to walk with me?” She nodded toward the bar.
“Sure.” She stood along with Hillary.
They walked together to the bar – which wasn’t as crowded as it normally was – and took two stools, knowing Emma and Keira had no problem keeping one another company for a few minutes as they ordered and talked.
“So, how are you handling this revelation of sorts?” Hillary asked.
“That’s the thing: it doesn’t feel like a revelation.”
“Feels normal?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“And I assume you’re not ready to label it anything?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really care. Is that wrong?” she asked.
“No, it’s not wrong. Human sexuality is a fluid thing that most people never open themselves up to experience. Some people are raised to hate anything other than the hetero norm: others are raised to be open-minded and understand that it’s okay to be different. Then, there are people that actually open themselves up to the possibility of love coming in from a totally different place; and that’s you with Greene.”
“She’s amazing.” Joanna blushed at the thought. “I honestly never thought I’d be interested in a woman. But I kissed her, and it felt…”
“Right?” she repeated Joanna’s earlier word.
“It felt like home. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” Hillary ordered her drink when the bartender approached. “How else was it, though?”
“You mean you want the not-boring details?”
“Yes.” Hillary laughed and grabbed her wine glass when it was presented in front of her.
“You can’t tell her this.” Joanna squinted at her with a shy smile. “I mean, we’ve talked about it some, and I’m sure I’ll tell her sometime at least...”
“I’m sworn to secrecy.” Hillary mimicked locking her lips and throwing away an invisible key.
“She played for me,” Joanna admitted.
“For you? Like, only for you?”
“Yeah.”
“She doesn’t do that. Keira and I have asked for a private concert for years.”
“She did for me.” Joanna smiled. “And it was one of my favorite songs. She knew that because we’d gone to see West Side Story together, and she knew I’d bought the performance soundtrack and that I’d listened to the song over and over, because she’d been there to hear it. It was like I suddenly remembered that she’d been there for a year. We’d spent practically every single free moment together. And it hit me in that instant that I wanted it to be that way. I wanted to spend every moment I could with her; and that wasn’t normal for people who were just friends. Then, I really watched her play. She’s so beautiful when she’s playing – like, really playing; not just sitting in the orchestra playing what they tell her to play. She let go that night. And I think I fell in love with her then. She doesn’t know that part. Please–”
“I won’t say anything.” Hillary laughed.
“I just stood up and kissed her. It wasn’t anything major; I just kissed the corner of her mouth, because I was too terrified to actually kiss her lips. Then, I did. I got up the courage and I kissed her on the lips, and then I pulled back to check to see if I was way off-base – when she pulled me back in, and we really kissed. I mean, we really kissed. It was hot, sexy, and slow. And then it was fast and, somehow, even hotter. It was the best kiss of my life.”
“Damn, sounds good. I’m kind of upset I didn’t try to get Greene to kiss me once so I could experience that.”
�
�Why do you assume she’s the one that made it so good?” Joanna tossed back with a wink.
“So, are you offering?” Hillary joked.
“Uh, no. I’m not.” She laughed at her.
“All that really matters is that you’re honest with yourself about how you feel about her, and that you’re honest with her about it. Greene can be a patient person. She is a pretty good listener. Even if the hormones are going crazy – thanks to that hot kiss you two shared – if you need to slow things down, or you need to talk through stuff before you take certain steps – like that pretty big one – you should.”
“I know; she’s good like that.”
“She is. She doesn’t let a lot of people in. And even when she does, she doesn’t let them in far. It’s different with you; I can tell. So can Keira and Emma.”
“I hope so. I guess I’m a little nervous about the whole thing. I don’t have a clue how to…” Joanna paused, embarrassed. “You know.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Hillary winked at her.
“What if I’m not?” She lifted a shoulder.
“You’ve had other first times with men, right?”
“Obviously.”
“Were you nervous with them?”
“Yes, but this is like that times ten.”
“Why?”
“The woman part.”
“And?”
“And I want to take care of her, you know? I want to make her feel good. I want to see her like that. I don’t know if I’ll be able to. With guys, it’s not exactly a concern.”
“Men don’t take a lot of work is what you’re saying.”
“No, not usually.” She hesitated. “I was nervous for each first time with all the guys I’d had sex with. But this is…” She allowed herself to think before she spoke. “This is Macon, and she’s not just a woman. She’s–”
“You’re in love with her, and it matters.”
“Yes. I know she’s worried that I might freak out or not like it, but I know that won’t be the case with her. I don’t want her to worry more if I’m unable to perform, so to speak. I don’t want her to think I’ll be phoning it in.”
“She won’t think that.”
“How do you know?”
“Because Greene knows you. And besides, you won’t be phoning it in, will you?”
“What? No,” she exclaimed as Hillary stood.
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