“We just haven’t talked about it. I kind of figured you didn’t want to go out again.”
“I don’t recall you asking me out for a second date either.” She paused. “Besides, you had another date last weekend, and all I heard via text is that it wasn’t great.”
“You’re right.” Hillary laughed at Lucy’s playful tone.
“I have a dinner tonight, but how about tomorrow night?” Lucy asked.
Tomorrow night was Saturday, and she again had plans. It was incredibly rare for Hillary to have Saturday night plans two weeks in a row.
“I can’t tomorrow,” she answered without adding why.
“Another hot date,” Lucy stated instead of asking. “Got it. Sunday?”
Hillary leaned back in her chair and tried to think about how to handle this situation. She’d gone years without having to learn how to date two people at the same time. She’d never thought she would need that skill.
“I can do Sunday,” she answered and then grimaced for some reason.
“I’ll think of something for us to do and let you know. Around six?”
“Six is fine.”
“I’ll text you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope your hot date tomorrow night is terrible.”
Hillary hung up after they said goodbye and had no idea what she’d gotten herself into. She’d always been a one-person person and had no plans to date two women at the same time. Things with both of them were so new though. She’d had a great time with Lucy the other night. If she hadn’t known Amara beyond her name and the fact that she was a college student, she probably would have no qualms about going out with Lucy again. Lucy was attractive and funny. She was smart. She was also bisexual. That wasn’t something that mattered to Hillary normally. She’d never actually dated a bisexual woman before, and she found their conversations about their experiences calming somehow. It was nice to know she wasn’t the only one dealing with misconceptions and rude comments.
Her date with Amara had been fantastic, but the end had her confused, and she wasn’t sure if there was something Amara was holding back from her. Amara didn’t owe her anything, necessarily; they’d only been on one date. But the way she’d basically shut down once inside Hillary’s apartment, had Hillary wondering if there was something going on that she should be worried about.
◆◆◆
“You have two dates this weekend?” Kellan asked her when they FaceTimed Friday night.
“I had two dates last weekend, too,” she told her.
“What? Where was I? Why didn’t I know this?” Kellan asked with a chuckle.
“You’re in Tahoe.”
“Sorry, I’ve been a bit out of it. Reese and I are thinking about adding onto the house. We’ve been talking to contractors. It’s all annoying but necessary.”
“Adding onto the house? Don’t you guys have a two-bedroom?”
“It’s a patio, not a bedroom,” she explained. “There’s a great view out back, but we have no way to enjoy it. We’re thinking about a sun porch with windows to keep out the cold in winter, and a small patio off to the side when it’s warm.”
“You really are all settled out there, aren’t you?”
“Well, I own a business here, a home here, and my girlfriend is here.”
“I know,” Hillary replied softly.
It had been harder for her than the others when Kellan had moved away. She’d bonded with Kellan immediately, and they’d become good friends. Hillary missed having Kellan around all the time. She was happy for her and for Reese, but she also wished Reese lived here and they could have that same home and business down the street from her own apartment.
“You okay?” Kellan checked and glared at her through the screen.
“You’re gone. Keira and Emma have each other. And now Joanna and Greene are together. At least, before, I had you as my fellow single friend.”
“You have two dates this weekend,” Kellan reminded. “And, apparently, two last weekend. Are these with four different people? Did you join a dating site or something?”
“Three different people; second date for two of them.”
“Whittling them down until there’s only one survivor?”
“Not exactly.” Hillary lowered her gaze. “I went out with a woman last weekend. Her name’s Lucy. She’s great. I had a lot of fun. We left things casual.”
“Go on.”
“I also had a date with a guy, and it wasn’t great.”
“Because he’s a guy?” Hillary glared at her. “What? All I know is that he’s a guy. Not a lot to go on to figure out why your date wasn’t great.”
“He’s just not the one for me.”
“Fair enough. Who’s our third contestant?”
“Amara,” she announced.
“Amara? The Amara?! The one who always stares at you, and Keira had to get her name for you?”
“Yes, that Amara.”
“Did you ask her, or did she ask you?”
“I asked her.”
“Finally!” Kellan exclaimed.
“Finally, what?” A voice from Kellan’s side of the screen sounded.
“Hill finally asked Amara out.” Kellan turned her face to deliver.
“Amara?”
“Reese knows her name?” Hillary asked her friend.
“Reese knows the whole story,” Kellan said as Reese sat down next to her.
“And I think it’s romantic,” Reese added.
“We haven’t gotten to the romance part yet,” Kellan told her. “How was it?”
“We went out last night, and it was amazing,” Hillary replied.
“Amazing is better than great,” Kellan said.
“What?”
“You said your date with Lucy was great, but the date with Amara was amazing.”
“Yeah, but what I don’t know yet is why it was so amazing.”
“Explain,” Reese requested.
“Have I built it all up in my head with Amara?”
“Because you two have had your eyes on one another forever?” Kellan asked.
“We had a great time. I want to learn more about her. But I don’t know that I want to dismiss Lucy because I stared at a woman from across a café for a year without ever getting to know her.”
“And these are your two dates this weekend?”
“Yes.”
“And neither of them has a problem with that?” Reese asked.
“Lucy doesn’t seem to.”
“And Amara?”
“She doesn’t know,” Hillary replied.
“Risky.” Kellan leaned back against the sofa she and Reese were sitting on.
“She could be dating someone else. I haven’t asked.”
“It was a first date.” Reese turned her head to Kellan. “I seem to remember you and Morgan almost going on a date when you and I started.”
“Morgan asked me out; I turned her down. I was too into you,” Kellan defended.
“You guys are adorable. Let’s talk about that more,” Hillary deadpanned her annoyance.
“Sorry.” Kellan laughed. “Listen, I think you should go on another date with both of them this weekend and make the call after that.”
“The call?”
“On whether or not to keep seeing them both. At some point, Amara might ask. You’ll need to be honest. Lucy might start having a problem with it if things go well with you two. Just be honest about how you feel with both of them, but try to see if it was all just the build-up between you and Amara, or if there can be something beyond that. If there is, I think you owe it to yourself to go for it.”
“All in,” Reese added.
“All in,” Kellan repeated.
“I’m worried.”
“I think what you’re actually worried about is that it is all a build-up and there’s nothing there; that would be disappointing for you. That should also tell you something, though, Hill.”
“Like what?”
“That it matters to you,�
�� Kellan answered.
CHAPTER 13
Amara needed a friend. The only person she’d ever been able to count on consistently in her life was her father, and even if she was out, he wouldn’t be someone she could talk to about her feelings. She’d never had a best friend in school. She’d had friends; they’d all spent time together. But she’d never had that one friend she could pick up the phone and call to talk about anything. That had been a conscious choice on her part, because once she noticed all the girls pairing off with all the boys, she knew she didn’t want to be one of them. She worried that if she had that kind of friendship, her secret would get out. So, she’d kept everyone at a distance.
She also hadn’t gone to college with all of them. And now, she could only count one female friend in her life, and that was Janice, the sixty-two-year-old retired woman, who volunteered at the church. She couldn’t exactly talk to Janice about Hillary, though. That left her alone with her feelings just like with everything else. She’d made many mistakes in her life, and she was certain not making friends was one of them.
Without someone to confide in, she’d spent her entire Friday trying to figure out how to handle the situation with Hillary. Their first date had gone so well until the very end, and that had been her fault. She hadn’t wanted to bring up Mark and their past relationship; it would have opened the door to everything else. If she had a friend to talk to, maybe she’d tell her that it was better that Hillary know her secrets, because then she’d know all about Amara. They’d be able to see if there was something real between them then. That was scary. If Hillary knew, and she turned her down, it would be over. The woman she’d been fantasizing about would no longer be an option. She’d be truly alone, without the possibility of finding happiness at least for a very long time.
If Hillary didn’t have a problem with Amara’s lack of experience or the possible issue with her father, that left the possibility that it could work between them, but that she’d have to navigate their relationship and the one with her father. She’d have to ultimately decide whether or not she was a gay woman that was out to her father and the rest of the world regardless of the consequences, or if she was too scared and would live that part of her life separately from the one with her father. Amara really needed a friend.
It was after seven on a Friday night, and she had no plans. She wondered what Hillary was doing tonight, and tried not to picture her out on a date with the woman from the coffee shop. They hadn’t spoken about her. Amara had no plans to bring her up. The thought of Hillary being out with another woman made her sick to her stomach. The thought of anyone touching Hillary in the ways she’d imagine touching the woman made her even sicker.
Amara hadn’t made plans to remain a virgin until she was married; she was just raised with the belief that she should. She’d considered it initially, when many of her friends began talking about sex. She’d been fourteen when she’d first thought about kissing a girl in her class. And by sixteen, despite having boyfriends in school, she knew she wouldn’t be having sex with any of them. She hadn’t given much thought to it after high school. She’d gone to work at the church full-time and spent most nights at home with her father. Suddenly, she’d turned around, and she was a twenty-six-year-old virgin, who was close to being a twenty-seven-year-old virgin. Worse than that, she’d barely kissed anyone beyond a peck. There were a few boys in high school that wanted to move beyond that, but she hadn’t been ready. She’d dated a few guys here and there since then. She’d had one make-out session that she could technically call making-out only because it lasted longer than a standard kiss. She hadn’t enjoyed it, had separated their mouths, and turned her attention to the TV to shut down the possibility of it happening again.
With Mark, she’d had safety, because he had his own beliefs that only a husband and wife should make love. When he’d found out she was a virgin as he was, he’d taken it as a sign to continue their relationship because it was meant to be. Their kisses had all been brief. She’d been grateful whenever she didn’t feel terrible about the whole thing. Mark had begun his work with the church, and they’d seen one another in passing. But they hadn’t spoken about anything other than church-related activities, and she’d been grateful for that, too. She had asked that he find someone else to help with the Al-Anon meeting clean-up, though, but failed to mention that it had more to do with Hillary than him.
She still needed to talk to Hillary about Al-Anon. She hadn’t been honest with her, and she owed her honesty. She was also curious to know more about why Hillary had been there, too. Al-Anon was for people who loved others that struggled with addiction, but it was also for people who supported those people. Mark had mentioned several times that others joined the meeting participants to offer their support without being attendees, necessarily, themselves. Maybe that was why Hillary was there. Then again, she might have been there because she knew and loved an alcoholic and needed support. Her phone scared her as it went off on her bed. She nearly jumped and dropped the laptop she’d been doing homework on when the ringing started.
“Hello?”
“Hi.” Hillary’s voice calmed her and made her nervous all at the same time.
“How are you?” Amara asked and bit her lower lip.
“Bored. You?”
“I’m doing homework. So, I’m bored, too.”
Hillary laughed, and Amara leaned back against her pillows.
“Should I take offense to that? Is it my subject you’re studying?”
“No.” Amara laughed. “It’s my other, less interesting class.”
“Nice save.” Hillary laughed back. “Should I let you go?”
“No,” she answered immediately. “I could use a break. Why are you bored?”
“I’m in the process of writing a paper for publication, and I’m at a standstill with it right now. It’s annoying. I got fed up with it and ended up watching twenty minutes of cat videos on YouTube.”
“I’ve fallen victim to the same adorable animal videos.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Do I still get to see you tomorrow?”
“Of course,” Hillary replied quickly.
“I just saw your name on the screen and thought you might be calling to cancel.”
“No, I’m not canceling. I can’t wait to see you. Actually, if you didn’t live so far away, according to you, I’d try to come see you.”
“I could come to you,” Amara replied and covered her mouth immediately.
“Really?” Hillary sounded excited.
“I don’t mind.”
Amara glanced down at what she was wearing and realized she’d have to change and do her hair, since she’d showered and hadn’t put it back up.
“You don’t have to come all the way over here,” Hillary said. “It’s late, and I do need to work.”
“Oh, okay.” She pushed the thought of getting ready out of her mind, and her disappointment grew.
“Can we just talk for a few more minutes and then I’ll let you go?”
“We can talk as long as you want.”
“Can you maybe tell me what happened last night? It’s been bothering me all day,” Hillary asked.
“I’m sorry.” Amara moved her phone to her other ear. “I just had a weird moment.”
“When I mentioned Al-Anon?”
“Yeah.”
“Because I go to meetings sometimes?”
“No, that’s not–” She stopped herself. “Because I was there because of my ex, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“I thought it was a part of your job.”
“It’s both,” Amara explained. “It’s a church hosted program, but I only started helping a couple of months ago because my ex goes. I stay late and help with the clean-up when I can.”
“And that’s all?”
“It was a first date; I didn’t know if I should bring up my past like that.”
“I thought it was because I go to meetings.”
“No, I promise. It had nothin
g to do with that. If you want to talk about that sometime, I will happily listen. But it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I actually admire people who seek support when they need it.”
“Like your ex?”
“Yes. And like everyone else, too.”
“How long ago did you guys break up?” Hillary asked.
“Last week,” she answered and gritted her teeth.
“Oh… Wow.”
“It’s not like that, though, Hillary.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess I’d just assumed–”
“It was a very brief relationship. It was someone my dad thought was good for me. I should have ended it a long time ago. In fact, I should have ended it before it began, but I wanted to make my father happy.”
“But you weren’t happy?”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“What about now?” Hillary asked her.
“That, I don’t know about yet,” she said. “I’m working on it.”
“Me too.” Hillary let out a short laugh. “But it’s over with you two?”
“Yes.”
“I should tell you something then.”
“Oh?”
“I went on a couple of dates last weekend. One of them didn’t go well; but the other one did, and we’re going out again.”
“The woman from the café?” she asked.
“You did see us.”
“I thought I saw her flirting with you and figured she’d asked you out.”
“She did. We went out last weekend. Nothing happened between us. She knows I’m going out with other people.”
“Right.”
“I wanted to be honest with you. Did I do the wrong thing?”
“No, you did the right thing,” she replied, though with some sadness in her tone. “We’ve been on one date. You can go out with anyone you want.”
“I’m not like this, I swear. I’ve had exactly one long-term relationship that mattered, and it ended years ago. I’ve gone years without a date before. For some reason, recently, people have been asking me out.”
“Because you’re gorgeous,” she said without thinking.
“What?” Hillary laughed.
“You’ve been working out a lot lately. I’ve noticed the bag and water bottle you bring to the café every week. I’ve also noticed the change to your… body.” A blush crept across her cheeks. “Other people are noticing, too, I guess.”
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