“I’m okay,” he replied. “We’re almost there anyway.” He smiled at Amara, who was looking back at him from her position in the front seat, next to her wife. “You have her name, Amara,” he added softly, staring out the window now. “I need to understand why.”
Amara nodded solemnly and replied, “I understand.”
“We’re pulling in,” Hillary said.
The car – which had been Amara’s first official brand new car purchase – pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant they’d agreed to meet at for lunch. Hillary was driving because Amara was too nervous to do so.
“Are you ready?” Amara asked her father.
“No.” He chuckled and met her eyes. “No matter what though, I have to trust your mother. I have to trust the life we made together. I have to trust her the way you showed your trust for your wife.”
Amara glanced over at Hillary, who had a nice dark tan that covered nearly her entire body just as she turned off the engine and smiled. Amara knew that tan covered her body because she’d touched every single part of it repeatedly in their hotel suite, on a private beach at night when no one was watching, and back in their own bed the night after they returned.
“I can understand that, too,” Amara said to him but looked at Hillary. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Ditto.” Hillary winked at her. “And to think, I was almost too much of a coward to even talk to you.”
“I thank God every day that you did,” Amara replied.
“Should we go in? We’re a little early.” Her father cleared his throat out of nervousness.
“Let’s go,” Amara said.
The three of them got out of the car. Hillary took Amara’s hand immediately and gave it a squeeze. There was just nothing like knowing the person you loved most in the world would always be standing by your side, taking your hand whenever you needed them to. Amara knew that things would go up and down in a marriage. Their marriage would be no exception. There was a reason the vows spoke about the good and the bad times. She also knew Hillary would always hold out her hand for Amara to take when she needed it, and that Hillary would take her own whenever she realized Amara needed their fingers entwined for support or comfort. There was something magical about that.
Her father no longer had that. He’d lost it with her mother. He thought he’d regained it a couple of times after that, but none of those times or those women had lasted. Amara could only hope that talking to this woman from her mother’s past with a more open approach today would help him get something he’d been missing since the moment he found out his wife’s secret.
She squeezed Hillary’s hand back just as her father opened the restaurant’s door for them. When they walked in, she immediately recognized an older version of the Amara she’d once tracked down. The woman stood and brushed nothing off her pants. She was alone. There was no longer a ring on her finger, Amara noticed accidentally. She felt sad in that moment. Maybe the older Amara had lost the woman she’d held hands with for so many years, too. Everyone should have someone to hold hands with, she decided as they approached her.
“Hello,” the woman greeted anxiously.
Amara knew, at that very moment, that whatever answers this woman gave them, it wouldn’t matter at all. Her father would get his real answers when he met her mother again in heaven. Amara had all the answers she needed already. She had her beautiful life with the one woman she wanted to share it with forever. She had a father who loved and supported her. She had her work that she felt was more of a calling.
There would always be questions. But, sometimes, the questions didn’t need answering. Amara only needed what she already had. She sat down next to her father. Hillary took the spot on the other Amara’s side, sensing the father and daughter would want to share the side of the booth for this conversation. Her eyes met Amara’s, and she smiled.
Amara had everything she needed.
AFTER… MACON’S HEART
“Is it crazy that they finally went through with it to you, too?” Greene asked her wife.
“Crazy? No, Macon. They were engaged after all,” Joanna replied.
“Yeah, for a long time,” Greene said.
“It’s different for everyone. Some people have short engagements. Some people have long ones. Whatever works for them, right?”
Joanna kicked off her shoes, leaving them by the front door of their home. They had bought a place the previous year more on a whim than anything else. Greene had been making good money touring and making guest appearances around the world. Joanna’s photography was bringing in more than ever thanks to her affiliation with her wife. She was Greene’s personal and professional photographer. They were able to travel together, and while they loved the opportunity to see so many places in the world, Greene was pretty exhausted. They’d found this place in the city one weekend and put in an offer. She’d wanted a new place to call home. Her old apartment, that they’d later shared together, had gotten smaller every time they’d returned from a trip. It didn’t help that both of them enjoyed picking up souvenirs and trinkets everywhere they went.
This house was nice. It was a two-bedroom, two-bathroom place. They used the extra room as both Greene’s music room and Joanna’s office. That wasn’t ideal, since sometimes they wanted to work at the same time, but Greene was more than comfortable playing in front of her wife, and Joanna had gotten used to editing pictures with a violin playing in the background. Still, Greene didn’t feel fully at home in the place, and she wondered why every time they came home to it.
They’d just returned from brunch at Amara’s father’s place. He’d hosted it to celebrate his daughter’s wedding the day before. They’d had fun, but they’d only just returned from Vancouver, where Greene had joined their symphony for a two-week-long program. Although it had also been fun, Greene was ready to stay in one place for a while. On top of that, she still had her position in San Francisco, that had grown a little old as well. She just didn’t feel challenged anymore, and she worried it was showing in her play.
“Do you want to order something in for dinner tonight?” Joanna asked after Greene sat down on the sofa beside her.
“I can make us something,” Greene offered. “I’m kind of tired of take-out and room service food.”
“Me too.” Joanna rested her head on Greene’s shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You just seem a little off lately. I don’t think our friends noticed. But I’m the wife; I notice, Macon.” She placed her hand on Greene’s thigh.
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I think I’m just tired.”
“The travel?” Joanna checked.
“How’d you know?” Greene asked, kissing the top of Joanna’s head.
“Because I feel the same way.” The woman lifted her head up and looked at her. “There are more offers.”
“To tour?”
“Yes.”
“I know,” Greene said. “I think we need to review all of them again and decide which ones to take.”
“What if you don’t take any?”
“None?” Greene asked.
“I don’t know, babe… I’m tired. You’re tired.” She looked around their condo. “And is it just me or does this place not feel like home the way our old place does?”
“Really?” Greene asked, sighed, and then laughed. “I feel the same way.”
“You haven’t said anything.” Joanna leaned back a little to take her in more.
“I didn’t know how to bring it up.” She shrugged. “When we bought this place, you seemed so excited.”
“I was; until we moved in all our stuff and had no room to move around.” She sighed deeply. “And I don’t want to give up our stuff, Make. We can’t even hang up that picture we bought in Florence after I proposed. We don’t have enough wall space here.”
“Or office space,” Greene added. “I know you don’t like working when I’m playing.”
“Yeah, during business hours. But I know you’d like your own space here, too.”
“I would. I think you do, too.”
“I do,” Greene confirmed. “What do you think we should do? If we take all or even some of the offers, we won’t have time to find a new place here. If we take none of them, we can find a new place, but without that money coming in, I’m not sure we’ll be able to afford much bigger. The symphony here doesn’t pay much. I guess I could go back to giving lessons or pick up more work at the universities to help.”
“Babe, you already work so hard,” Joanna said, turning her body all the way toward Greene. “I love you for that, but – I don’t know – maybe we should consider moving outside the city, like Hillary and Amara, or something.”
“I’ve lived in this city forever.”
“Not forever. It just feels like that,” Joanna suggested. “We don’t have to live in San Francisco proper to still enjoy what it offers.”
“I guess not.”
“We didn’t really look anywhere else,” Joanna reminded. “Maybe we should.”
Greene wasn’t sure how she felt about that idea. She knew it made sense, but she’d lived in this city since she moved here after college. She had found that magical apartment that she’d loved from moment one. It had been her place. She hadn’t allowed any woman she’d been with to even step foot inside until Joanna. Of course, they’d been friends before they’d started dating. Even after that, though, it always just felt like Joanna had belonged. With the two of them beginning their relationship, the small size of the apartment worked well. It forced them closer together in all things. Greene had assumed the same would happen here. But it wasn’t magical. It hadn’t brought them joy. She wanted to live somewhere that brought both of them joy as they continued to build their life together.
◆◆◆
“You heading out?” Keira asked.
“Just packing up. Macon and I have an appointment,” Joanna replied.
“Everything okay?” Keira asked, sitting in the bright yellow rolling chair at the next station over from Joanna’s station.
The event planning company Keira owned had that open office space with tables in rows, and employees got a table or station more than an actual desk. Joanna wasn’t technically an employee. Keira sometimes recommended Joanna’s photography services to her clients, giving her a steady income whenever she and Macon were in town, but those clients had been few and far between, given their recent travel schedule. Joanna had to be in town to photograph the events after all.
“We’re reviewing all her offers over dinner tonight,” she answered.
“More tours?” Keira asked.
“Probably.” She slid her laptop into her messenger bag.
“I hardly see you guys as is these days.”
“I know. But she’s a world-renowned violinist; people want her to play everywhere, and they pay her money to do it. They pay for the travel and accommodations. We’ve seen nine countries this year alone.”
“I don’t think I’ve been to nine countries in my life,” Keira said, leaning back in the chair. “I need to talk to Emma. I think we need to take a vacation and leave the country for once. We have beaches here, but the water is always too cold. She won’t go in. It limits the amount of chances I have to see my wife in a bikini.”
Joanna chuckled and said, “Well, if you’re looking for nice beaches… I can make some recommendations. However, if you’re looking for more chances to see your wife on a beach without a bikini, there are a few nude beaches I can recommend.”
“Have you and Greene–”
“Once in France; for about twenty minutes. I sat with my arms around my knees because I was uncomfortable. My wife, on the other hand, ran into the water completely naked. We left when I noticed there were about ten guys leering at her and at least a handful of women, too.”
Keira laughed and said, “Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about Emma’s body being on display like that.”
“Everyone else is naked, too. So, it’s not really a display thing,” Joanna replied.
“Well, I’m not sure I want to see anyone else’s body, either. I am a lesbian, after all. I have no desire to see a bunch of naked men with pot bellies.”
“Or naked women with pot bellies?”
“Exactly. I’ll enjoy my smoking hot wife in the privacy of our own home instead,” Keira said, standing up.
“I bet you will.” Joanna laughed as she slung her bag over her shoulder.
“Drinks tomorrow?” Keira asked.
“I’ll talk to Make,” Joanna replied.
“I’ll talk to Emma.”
“Who’s calling Hill?”
“I’ll text her later,” Keira confirmed.
They left their plan at that, which was their custom. Joanna made her way home, which now required a ride on BART to get there. She missed the days where she’d been able to walk to and from the office, or to Macon’s place from her own before they lived together. It was strange to her that this house, in combination with their travel, had actually pushed them further apart than when they’d lived in two separate apartments.
Joanna loved her wife like crazy. She missed how things used to be, though. It was almost as if the money and opportunities they’d made for themselves had caused some drifting apart instead of pulling them closer together. She knew Macon was talented and that people wanted to see her play the world over. But, sometimes, she just wanted her wife to herself, in a home that suited their wants and their needs.
“Hey, babe. I’m home.” She placed her laptop bag next to the small table in the foyer.
“In the kitchen,” Macon replied.
Joanna made her way in the direction of the kitchen, wondering why they’d bought a place with a closed off kitchen. They’d both wanted something more open. But this place was available, and the price was right. They’d made some compromises. They’d been so tired when they’d seen it the first time. She wished they could go back in time and rethink the purchase. Maybe they could talk about that tonight, too.
“Okay. I need to talk to my wife first,” Macon said into her phone as Joanna leaned against the wall next to the refrigerator. “By the end of the week? That’s only three days,” she added. “I understand. Okay.”
“Where are we going now?” Joanna asked as she crossed her arms over her chest and let out a deep sigh.
“Sydney,” Macon replied, placing her phone on the counter next to the stove.
“When do we leave?”
“No, Jo. It’s not like that,” Macon returned. She stirred something in a deep pot that smelled delicious. Then, she turned the heat down. “It’s not for a tour. It’s to stay.”
“Stay?” She uncrossed her arms.
“Jo, they want to offer me a permanent spot at the Sydney Opera House, as well as heading up their young composers’ program,” she replied.
“Permanent?”
“They said they emailed me all the information.”
“But permanent?”
“Yes,” Macon told her, moving into her space. “Jo, I can say no. I will say no. I got the call right before you got here, so it hasn’t sunk in for me, either.”
“Babe, we can’t move to Australia.”
“Okay,” Macon replied instantly as she ran her hands up and down Joanna’s arms, trying to get her to loosen up. “I’ll tell them no. It’s not a problem.”
“Do you want to move to Australia, Make?” she asked.
“I have no idea.” Macon smiled at her, and it melted Joanna.
“Babe, be honest.”
“I am being honest. I’ve never planned on living anywhere other than here. I pretty much freaked out when you suggested we live outside the city. This is the other side of the world,” she returned.
“It is,” Joanna confirme
d for some reason.
“It comes with some perks. They’re in the email. Do you at least want to look at it while we review the other offers?”
“I guess we should,” Joanna replied.
“Dinner will be about another hour. Want to take a look now or after you get settled?”
“Let me change into something more comfortable.”
“Can I suggest that little black number?” Macon asked with a sexy eyebrow.
“Maybe later.” Joanna gave her shoulder a light punch. “I’ll meet you in the living room.”
◆◆◆
A shoulder punch? Greene stood in their kitchen, wondering how her wife had just given her a shoulder punch when Greene had suggested Jo put on that black lingerie she’d bought specifically for Greene’s birthday the previous year. They hadn’t had sex in more than two weeks. That was a long time for the two of them. The last time they’d touched each other had been somewhat lackluster due to their travel schedule. They’d had a quickie in the shower before they had to check out of one hotel and travel to another. The orgasm had been pretty nice; her wife’s body pressing her into the shower wall had been amazing. Since then, though, they hadn’t shared an intimate moment. Even their kissing had gotten standard. Jo would peck her on the lips before she left to go to the office or to a shoot. Come to think of it, Jo hadn’t even kissed her hello when she’d gotten home. Greene grunted in frustration. How had they gotten here?
“Ready?” Jo asked as she made her way out of their bedroom, wearing a pair of Greene’s gray sweats and a baggy white t-shirt. It wasn’t her sexiest look ever, but Greene would find that woman sexy if she exited their room rocking out a potato sack and pedicure sandals. “Make?”
“What? Oh, sorry,” she replied, shaking her head from side to side. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
She joined Joanna on the sofa after grabbing her laptop from the dining room table where she’d left it earlier. Her agent had been the one to call and let her know about this new opportunity. She’d been just as surprised as Joanna had obviously been. She opened the computer, clicked on the email app, and opened the newest message in her inbox.
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