Exploring Cassy

by Margaret Guthrie

Things kept going on around me, so much activity and voices talking, talking. At times it was exhausting and my eyes wouldn’t stay open even though I wanted to know what was happening. So it was a surprise when I was startled awake and found that face looking at me, and another face with it. They were smiling and excited. It had a feel of change. And sure enough, I was lifted out of this bed and put into the woman’s arms. I felt comfortable and safe. After the vibrations of her voice stopped, she shifted her hands and pretty soon I felt myself being placed into the other person’s arms. Those deep voice vibrations felt soothing and the arms comfortable and safe too. I could sense that something really important was taking place. The movement around me was different. There seemed to be a gathering up of objects, an exchange of voices, and I was carried further than ever before. The light changed, and the air totally different. Then the arms holding me changed position and I was in a new place and there were new noises and strange movements and then after a while another change. The arms with the beautiful face and lilting voice was carrying me again in that light and air that made me close my eyes and look through slits just large enough to see that it was all right, whatever they were doing to this body.

  Now I was placed into a new bed that came up around me that was as comfortable as that cave, but open at the top. I was carried around in it, and I watched the shifting sights above me. Moving, moving. When the bed was set down, there were new eyes, faces, smiles, as if I were of great interest to them. It stirred up such energy that I was reminded of the Beings I had so recently been with. I got excited then, and my body stiffened for a moment, without any intention on my part. I cried out. It felt like hunger, but a good hunger. I thought that it was like love. I didn’t know how to thank anyone. So I cried. 

  “She’s so sweet.” “Beautiful.” “Oh, look at that blonde hair. It’ll take a ribbon soon.” “Precious.”  The words went on above me. They carried meaning that was beyond me. But I heard that I was in my new and permanent home, with a mother and father to take the place of the womb mother that gave me life.

   “Heather didn’t know what a gift she was creating,” one of the voices told another.  “A 15 year old mistake has become Tom and Sophia’s delight.”

  “And little Trisha will have a wonderful home on this ranch with all of us working together like we do.”

  “She’ll have playmates. Tom and Sophia’s Emily is already bragging about her new sister.”

  “The adoption went rather smoothly, I thought.”

   “Yes, the social workers helped Heather work out her anger and guilt, and she’s going to finish her high school with home schooling. They also helped Heather’s mother and grandmother understand Heather’s rebelliousness. And doesn’t it seems perfect that this community can be the family little Trisha needs?”

  “Won’t it be fun watching her grow?”

  “But we must keep from spoiling her. And make sure that it’s Tom and Sophia that she knows as her parents. We who live here too, will be more like aunts, uncles, and cousins. Maybe like it really used to be when a family expanded and continued in one communal setting.”

  The voices kept on and their happiness made me feel good, too. I was a gift. I had a name. I was adorable. What more could one want?

  ***

  “Three months already,” a voice said.“ I was in my mother’s arms and tucked my face into her neck and peeked out at the voice. Something about it was special and a flash of memory told me that I knew the person with that voice. I had known her, that is. I had known her very well. A sister. Oh, my. I was flooded with thoughts. I was grateful that I didn’t know how to speak them, because this was just too awesome and private. Our eyes kept looking at each other, and when she held out her finger for me to grasp, I did. It was our message to each other. She knew I knew. And the electricity flew up and down our spines so strongly that I could almost see it.

   “Guess she knows you, Louise,” the man beside her said, and I looked over at him, too, still holding on to the finger. He had a big grin and he put his arm around Louise and then I felt I had to reach out to him.

   “Look, Ray, she wants you to hold her.” And he did. It gave me such a thrill. For some reason I thought of riding in the open air clutching on to this man of my most recent past life.

    “You know, Louise, this reincarnation thing is real, isn’t it?” He paused to consider what he’d just said, then added, “ I have a feeling we’re going to be riding a motorcycle again sometime. I remember the feeling of her behind me, her arms around me and her head buried into my neck, the wind whipping past as we roared up the canyon road to the mountains.” It was a long speech, and this Louise gave out a funny little laugh.

  This reincarnation thing, he had said. Again it was like being in two worlds. I could see these two people were important to me and would play a big part in this life, even if they were not like the other humans that seemed to be living together in this communal place. I could also see that being called Salvador that I had known along with Counselor and the others. And this Louise and Ray were somehow going to give him a new life in this Here called Earth.

   “But she’s going to forget,” Louise said, a bit sadly. “My big sister has come back but she’s not going to tease me this time.  I’ll get to do that!”

  “You won’t,” Ray said. He still had me in his arms and he rubbed my back in sympathy.

  “Not really,” Louise said. “She’s too cute. Besides, she’s Trisha and I love her this way.”

  Then I realized that all these people in this place were in some way known to me before. But I was in a totally different position in relation to them. What a plan. This kind of show could go on forever, with players taking different roles and drawing different situations to play out in the next scene.  Totally amazing.

  #######

  a note about the writer

  Margaret Guthrie received a B.A. in literature from Pacific University, Forest Grove, OR, and a Master of Social Work from the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI.  She is the author of two novels, The Return (available as an ebook) and Silent Truth, and three poetry books. She is a member of  Trail Ridge Writers,  Columbine Poets of Colorado, Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers, and the Lyons Itinerant Poetry Society. She lives with her husband in Estes Park, CO.