by David Horne
He’d called again four months later, freaking out about them having a girl. I’d had no advice to give him because I was pretty sure I’d have been losing my mind if I found out I was going to be a father to a little girl. But in the end, he seemed to figure it out.
“Look at you,” I said as I gave Kimmy a hug. I placed a hand on her belly and felt emotion swell in my chest as I felt my niece moving around. I glanced over at Logan and wondered how he felt about kids. Was this something he’d want one day. I wasn’t getting any younger. How long did something like surrogacy take?
I shook the thoughts from my head and tried not to worry. We’d cross that bridge when we got there. I had other plans that night and needed to focus on those.
Last year we’d taken a holiday vacation to Switzerland and I’d never forget the look of wonder on Logan’s face. I’d wanted to take him back to do what I had planned but I was an impatient man and figured here was as good of a place as any.
I went to my room and smiled when I found Logan’s things were already in there. Last year we’d tried to stay in separate room as to be respectful of my parents’ house but that didn’t quite work out. It had been physically killing me to have Logan down the hall not having him in my arms. So, every night one of us snuck into the other’s room so we could make-out and cuddle. After the fourth morning of us doing this, Mom finally told Logan to just move his things into my bedroom because we weren’t as sneaky as we thought we were. Logan had been mortified while I had had just laughed my ass off.
We were sitting down at the dinner table and Logan was staring off into space. It looked like he had a lot on his mind, and I was worried about him. I took his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. He met my gaze before he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss.
“Okay?” I asked and he smiled before he replied. “Okay.”
But then he frowned and shook his head. “Okay, that was a lie, I’m not okay?”
Alarm filled me as I took in Logan’s distraught face. He closed his eyes and said, “So, we have this course at school where we were learning about DNA. So, they were offering us this DNA kit right, to show us our ancestry and all that. At first, I didn’t want to do it because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know about my past. But then I said, what the hell, why not? Ya know? It won’t change anything if the test shows anything, right?”
He was shaking and I tightened my grip in his. Logan and I had talked at length about his mother and how she’d abandoned him. I’d asked him if he would look for his mother if he could and his answer was always No. I never questioned if he was sure. I knew Logan well enough to know if this was something, he wanted then he would let me know.
“Did you take the taste, baby?” I asked and he nodded his head vigorously.
“They emailed the results but I’m too scared to open it,” he said in a rush. “W-what if their names are in there? Do I look for them? Do I not care?”
“Hey, it’s okay,” I said before I took his face in mine. “It doesn’t matter what that email says or who those people are. You have a family sitting right here and we love you more than anything in the world okay?”
Logan pressed his forehead to mine, and I could still feel him trembling. “I love you,” he said, and my heart never failed to swell each time he said those words to me.
“I love you too, sweetheart. If you want me to read it with you, then I will. If you just want to delete it, then we can do that too but no matter what. I’m here, okay?”
“What would I do without you?” he kissed me gently before he sucked in a long, deep breath. He then let it out slowly before repeating the process over again until he finally seemed to calm down.
“I know that knowing who you are is important. But… I don’t want to know who they were. They- they didn’t want me, and it was a long time ago. I think I should just let the past stay where it is and just look forward to the future and the people I already have in it.”
I wanted to kiss him again, but I refrained. What I did do was kiss the top of his hand and give it a squeeze. “Then we’ll delete it.”
***
Christmas morning arrived and I was a nervous fucking wreck. I was getting ready to make some changes in my life. They were huge and I was honestly terrified.
“You know he’s going to say yes,” Carter said from the doorway as I paced the living room.
“To which question?” I said and Carter grinned.
“Both. He loves you Sawyer, of course he’s going to say yes.”
I sighed heavily and realized I was being ridiculous, and Carter was right. I knew without a speck of doubt that Logan loved me as much as I loved him. Hell, the first time he told me he loved me he was so damn nervous he almost threw up. My man felt strongly and what he felt for me overwhelmed him sometimes. But we were a team and I knew we could get through any and everything together.
“He’ll say yes,” I said reverently, and Carter smiled before he gave me a hug.
“I’m so happy for you dude.” I squeezed my baby brother tightly before we both let go just as the rest of the family entered the room. I took in Logan who looked a bit tired. He’d been struggling with deleting the email and I told him he always had time to change his mind which was why I’d forwarded the email to myself just in case he changed his mind one day. He’d kissed me deeply and told me he’d be lost without me. He didn’t realize just how much I felt the same.
Mom began handing out gifts and winked at me as she handed Logan the gift I asked her to give him and moved to sit next to Dad. She had no idea there was a second part to the gift. A surprise that only Carter was in on.
We opened our gifts and I watched Logan closely as he opened his. He frowned as he pulled out the stack of papers, the photo and the key. He then began reading and his eyes widened as he turned to me and that was when I pulled his second gift from my pocket and dropped down to one knee.
“Oh my God,” Logan said as he placed his hand over his mouth.
“Logan, I love you more than anything in this world. Sorry Mom and Dad,” I said, and she let out a choked sob as I turned my attention back to Logan. “Being without you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do which is why I applied for jobs in Maryland. I had an interview a few days ago and was offered the job. That lease is for us, if you agree to all that I’m asking.”
I opened the ring box with trembling hands as I looked up into Logan’s tear-filled eyes. “I love you, sweetheart. And I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I promised I’d never let you go, and this is my way of showing you that I never will. You’re it for me Dr. Oliver,” I said with a smile and Logan took in a shaky breath. “Will you marry me and move in with me?”
Logan laughed before he threw his arms around me and kissed me long and hard before he took my face in his hands and said, “Yes, Dr. Dallas, yes to it all.”