Commencement

by Lawrence Cherry

It was 85 degrees outside, so that meant that it had to be about 105 degrees on the platform of the Bowling Green Station. Jim had just come back from lunch and was waiting to relieve the driver of the northbound 4 train. The morning had been frustrating, especially when he was driving uptown in the Bronx. There were several delays, one involving a sick passenger at Kingsbridge, and the other a 5 train that had gotten stalled on 149th street as he was on his way back to Bowling Green. But such disruptions were fairly common in the underground caverns of the city.

  He was a little early for this shift, so he checked in at the dispatch office next to the platform to pick up his belt, radio, goggles and headset and wait for his friend Brian, who would be the CR, or the conductor, on his train for the rest of the day. To his surprise, Brian was already there along with Greg the dispatcher. Greg was about forty or so and, at least to Jim’s knowledge, had been there the longest. Brian was African-American just like Jim and was one of his closest associates on the job. In fact, he was the one who had helped him to get a job in transit in the first place. Jim had known him from his days at St. John’s University. Brian had the same hard time that Jim had trying to get a job out of college. Fortunately, Brian had an uncle who was a transit worker. It was this uncle who helped Brian get a job as a CR. Later after running into Jim and hearing just how down he was on his luck, Brian was able to help Jim get a job as a motorman. When Jim came in, Greg was already talking to Brian about the rest of the day’s schedule. Jim knew there was always some type of interruption, especially with the 4 line. Occasionally, there were signal problems, trains breaking down in the tunnels, or track work going on, in which case trains had to be re-routed, and then once that happened, he had no idea where he would be going. But best to find out before the run than during the run, which happened more often than not.

  “Hey, everybody. What’s up?”

  “Hey, Jim. Great timing, I was just telling Brian about the change.”

  “Are we going to have to re-route?”

  “No, nothing like that yet. Your going to do two runs from Green to Woodlawn and then on the third, you’re going to go from Woodlawn all the way to Crown Heights and Utica for the evening rush.”

  “Brooklyn? But it will only be 3:00. I thought the rush starts at 4:30 for summer.”

  “This is just temporary, at least until they finish renovating the station at the Bridge”, explained Greg.

  “Look at it this way, Brooklyn isn’t as bad as Manhattan. Once we get over Bowling- Green it’s no sweat from then out”, said Brian.

  “I guess”, said Jim, still not completely comfortable with the situation.

  “Hey, Jim. I’m going to get a snack from the newsstand before the train comes. You want anything?” asked Brian.

  “Yeah, I’ll roll with you. Just let me grab my bag.”

  Jim grabbed his bag from the corner of the office where he had left it and followed his friend out the door onto the steamy platform.

  “See you guys later”, called Greg.

  “See-ya”, they both called back.

  Brian and Jim headed toward the newsstand, where they both bought candy bars and soda to serve as fuel for the long ride ahead. There was still some time before the train came in so they decided to hang back from the crowd that was starting to gather and engage in some friendly banter.

  “So how you been, man?” asked Brian.

  “I’m good”, replied Jim.

  “Did you hear from any schools yet?”

  “Not yet”, said Jim with some hesitation, and making sure to avoid Brian’s eyes as he spoke.

  Both Brian and Jim wanted to be lawyers, and they had both made plans to get started, but only Brian had followed through. They started out taking an LSAT prep course, but unbeknownst to Brian, Jim’s determination had exhausted itself after the actual LSAT exam. Jim’s scores were actually pretty good, even better than Brian’s. They were both supposed to have applied to several law schools together, including Columbia, John Jay, Fordham, and his alma mater, St. John’s. But for some reason, Jim choked at the application process. The problem was, he was finding it hard to keep up his momentum. The longer he had been away from school, the harder it had been for him to stay connected to the dynamic that energized him. For some reason, he could not psyche himself up to the tedious process of writing essays, interviewing, and begging for recommendations. Jim felt as if he didn’t have the energy and his work for the MTA took up a lot of the precious little time and energy he did have. When he got home at night, he often felt as if he had been run over by one of the trains. If only he had started his legal career straight out of college, it would have been easier. If only he had been able to find a legal job. That’s what it had to be. Brian on the other hand had applied to several schools and had recently gotten the green light from St. John’s. Ever since, he’d been asking Jim about how he fared, with the hope that they could go to school together. Jim admired Brian’s energy and drive, and wished he’d had the same fortitude. Jim didn’t have the nerve to tell Brian the truth. Jim had gotten himself into a very sticky situation and he couldn’t help but feel a little ashamed.

  “You’ll make it, man. Maybe I got my letter quicker, since I live in Queens”, said Brian, sensing his friend’s uneasiness.

  “Yeah, but even if I decided to go, how am I going to do law school and transit at the same time? Law school is tough. I can’t be puttin’ in 12 and 14 hour days here and fulfill my obligations to school. I’d never get any sleep.”

  “You could get another job that’s less demanding, like those jobs at the University. That’s what I plan on doing.”

  “If it’s less demanding, it’s probably because there’s less money, and you know a brother got bills, and law school is going to be a big one. I can’t pay my rent and everything with no campus library job.”

  “I hear you, and transit is good money, but if we’re gonna go for it we’ll just have to make some sacrifices.”

  “It’s rough out there, man. If it weren’t for you hooking me up, I wouldn’t have this job. I don’t know if I can give it up just like that. I can’t go back to livin’ with my moms even if I wanted to.”

  “I feel that. But the long-term rewards make up for the short-term suffering. C’mon, I know you’re not going to cut out on me now, are you?”

  “No, no. I still want to go”, lied Jim. “It’s just…I need to think this through. You know, weigh the pros as well as the cons.”

  “What’s to think through? This is your dream right?”

  “Yeah, man”, said Jim trying to sound confident.

  “Then you have to go for it all the way, forget about the things that could hold you back. You deal with them. If it’s your dream, you just got to keep going.”

  “Now you sound like my friend Allen.”

  “You mean the Harvard dude. How’s he makin’ out?”

  “He’s good. Got a lot of interviews. Went on one today. Should be over by now, though. I’ll have to ask him how it went”, Jim said glad that his friend was changing the subject.

  “Interviews are one thing, man. Anybody with a European sounding name can get some interviews, but will he get hired?”

  “I tried to break that down to him, but you know how some of these brothers are.”

  “Yeah, they got they rose colored glasses on, so to speak. They believe in the rainbow. But come on, in New York City more than 50% of black males are unemployed. More than 50%. That’s not just some coincidence. That’s some systematic scheming. That’s why we got to get to law school. We got to get into this system and stop some of this stuff.”

  That’s why Jim liked Brian. It was nice to have someone around who could hear where he was coming from, someone who understood. Jim thought about Allen and the exchange they got into a while ago. He hoped for the best for Allen, but his common sense told him otherwise. He didn’t think Allen would get the job, and he felt bad that he could not drum up any more enthusiasm for his friend. But then he thought,
“What if Allen did get the job? What would that mean?” Jim’s thoughts were interrupted by his friend’s sudden outburst.

  “What’s up with this train, man? This guy was supposed to be here by now!”

  “Could be a disruption. There’s always a disruption on this line.”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if the gig we supposed to be drivin’ broke down. Greg already told me it’s one of those old fashioned jobs.”

  “Yeah, and the AC isn’t working so great on it either. When I left, it was like a sauna in there.”

  “See. Now this is another reason why we gotta get to law school. There’s way too much to put up with in transit. There has to be more to life than drivin’ these raggedy trains in circles, going nowhere.”

  Jim was totally stunned with the intensity of Brian’s dissatisfaction with the job. If this had been two years ago, Jim might have agreed with him. At present, Jim didn’t see anything so terrible about being a train operator. True there were lots of problems, but for Jim, there were problems everywhere. The salary was solid, and there were opportunities for advancement. He had even begun to think it was a worthy cause, especially when he thought about how important a job it was to get people to and from their jobs on time everyday. It surprised him to think about how much he had changed or even matured.

  After a few more minutes of nervous anticipation, the train finally arrived; however, it was not the old clunker they’d expected. Both men were surprised by the fact that they were going to ride in one of the newer models. After the train stopped, he could see Jake, the original motorman coming towards them.

  “What happened to 1134?” asked Jim.

  “Probably back at the yard by now. Mechanical Problems. The AC finally went dead, and the brakes were acting up. Luckily, I was at the grand central junction when it happened”, Jake replied.

  “I know the passengers are going to be happy”, said Brian sarcastically.

  “Tell me about it. The looks I got on the way over.”

  “You’d think that after that last fare hike, they’d retire some of these old trains and put more new ones on”, said Jim.

  “Man, please! They just retired the redbirds a couple of years ago, only after a million years of service”, Brian complained.

  “We better head on out, before the crowd turns on us.”

  Jim exchanged some final courtesies with the two men, before they each headed in separate directions, he to the motorman’s car, Brian to the conductor’s car, and Jake to the office, wading through the crowd that had gathered on the platform. Jim and Brian were not surprised by number of people that had aggregated in such a short amount of time. As usual, they were anxious to get where they were going, and upon seeing Jim and Brian in their MTA uniforms, the realization that this was a layover stop for an already delayed train, made them even more apprehensive. Jim could hear the heavy sighs and angry expletives of the passengers as they made their way toward the train. But as he stepped into the motorman’s car and put on his goggles and headset, he was able to tune all of those things out. The AC in the car was a welcome change from the stifling platform. After performing his standing break tests, he radioed Brian to see if he had all of the signs changed. Then he punched the timer in the station and checked the signal. Both were green. Just as he was about to start the train up, he heard a call on the radio. It was Greg.

  “You’re going express in the Bronx on the first run. Just 161st, Burnside, Fordham, Bedford and Woodlawn.”

  “Got it.”

  Jim radioed Brian to let him know. Then Brian made the announcement on the PA system. Immediately following there was a rush of angry passengers who left the train, voicing obscenities to the MTA. Then he led the train out into the darkness of the tunnel. Jim thought about the first time he actually drove a subway train. It was a hot and noisy old-fashioned train. It was creaky, but that wasn’t much of a problem for Jim, as he was used to riding in them as a passenger. The one thing he couldn’t get over was the darkness within. His trainer had told him that it would be the same as driving around at night, but it didn’t seem that way for Jim. There weren’t as many lights or signs to guide him. Entering the tunnel for the first time was like driving nearly blind. Jim was terrified. In front of him there was nothing but a narrow tunnel with a few lights strung up here and there. You were never really sure of where you are until you’re right up close and by then sometimes, it’s too late to change direction. Jim was never totally sure of where he was going most of the time, but he got to the right places somehow. Now he was no longer afraid, and he was pretty sure of himself no matter what route he drove. Jim couldn’t see himself leaving his good transit job. Not for law school. That would be like facing the dark tunnel all over again.

  Four