Commencement

by Lawrence Cherry

Davis was kneeling down by a table in his living room praying silently. This was the second time today that he felt he needed to unburden himself before the Lord. He really thought he was making progress in his Christian walk when he found the Greater Apostolic Church, and some decent Christian friends. But then came the Christmas Celebration and the deep humiliation that came with it. Since then, Davis didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to go back to church, and deal with the drama of “church folk”. Davis was becoming disillusioned with organized religion and the so-called “people of God”. “Was it always going to be like this?” he thought. “People who judged you and put you down because you happen to be different.” After reading his Bible, he found the scripture with the parable about the wheat and the tares.1 In every church there were people that were truly people of God or ‘the wheat’, and amongst them would be people who were not committed to God, but to religion or the ‘tares’. “How come I can’t find any of the wheat?” Davis asked himself. His situation made him feel very lonely. Once he heard a voice telling him that maybe he would be better off if he went back to his old friends in the street, but he knew in his heart he couldn’t. Now that he had tasted the goodness of God, there was no way he could go back to the old ways. It was like being caught between heaven and hell. So he prayed.

  “God, you see this situation that I’m in now. Lead me in the right direction, and show me the right path to follow. I need you to guide my actions. Help me to forgive my enemies and love them the same way you loved me when I was goin astray. I’m not going to lie. This is very hard for me right now because I’m really feelin’ a lot of hurt. I trusted some people and now I feel like I don’t want to trust nobody no more. I need you to help me get through this…”

  It was hard for Davis to admit, but he did feel hurt. Davis thought Allen respected him as his equal. When he talked to Allen, he though he could trust him and confide in him about his problems. He didn’t necessarily want help, just someone who would listen and understand. Davis and his sister were already in the process of working things out with the bank. They got a three-month forbearance and his sister was in negotiations with the bank about lowering the payments. God was working for him. His family didn’t need or want anyone’s charity. Looking back Davis probably wouldn’t have minded some financial assistance, solely for his mother’s sake, but he didn’t like the way Allen went about it.

  Why did he have to make Davis’s life a public spectacle? Why did he have to put his family’s poverty on display for the whole church? Davis felt as if Allen was using the situation to make himself look like a good Samaritan, seeking the praises of men, rather than God. Or maybe Allen was jealous of his position at work, and concocted this scheme to make Davis feel little. Did Allen think he was better than him? Did they all think that way? Did they make fun of him behind his back? Call him stupid and rude? In his past, a lot of the “upper-class” people like them did. He knew Tim probably did, and he and Allen were good friends. Maybe that was the case. Davis couldn’t believe he didn’t see this coming. Being that he was from the ‘hood’ and after everything that he had seen and been through, he should have been able to see through Allen’s front. Davis felt he was getting too ‘soft’, letting his guard down like that.

  “…and God please give me a more discerning spirit, to be able to tell the good from the bad; to know the difference between the people who serve you and those who serve themselves. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.”

  Davis got up off his knees and was going to work on finishing an assignment for school when there was a knock on his apartment door.

  “Who?” asked Davis.

  “It’s Pastor Bynum, son.”

  Davis couldn’t believe his ears. Why was the Pastor knocking on his door? Without any other thought, he went to the door and opened it. As he faced the Pastor, he was speechless. He had no idea what to say.

  “May I come in?” asked Pastor Bynum.

  “Yeah- I mean, yes Pastor-sir.” stammered Davis, stepping aside so the pastor could enter.

  “Nice place you got here.”

  “Thanks. Pastor Bynum, no disrespect, but what you want to see me for?”

  “I was worried about you, son. I haven’t seen you in church for a while.”

  “Pastor, I’ma be real wit’ you. I don’t think I’ma be comin’ back to Greater Apostolic no more.”

  “Does this have something to do with what happened at the Christmas Celebration?”

  Davis didn’t answer.

  “Davis, I am truly sorry about what happened. Neither my church members nor I meant to offend you. I was told that you needed assistance and was only trying to provide it. That’s what we do at our church. We’re all a family and we look out for each other. Looking back, I realize that calling you out in such a large group of people probably wasn’t the best way to go about it. I guess I got too carried away.”

  “Thanks for the apology. I accept it and all, but that don’t change that fact that I’m not going back.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Davis, but I think I understand. But even if you don’t come to our Church, I hope you find some place to be a sanctuary of God for you.”

  “I don’t know. I think I’ma just be wit’ God by myself for a while.”

  “In the meantime, if you should ever feel like you want to come back, you’re welcome at any time. And if you need anything, just ask. I want you to know I mean that with all my heart.”

  “Pastor, sir, I don’t mean to be rude or nothin’ but I got a lot of work I gotta do for school, so if that’s all you wanted to say…”

  “Say no more, I don’t want to keep you from your work. And I have to be at dinner. Oh, but before I forget, Tamiko asked me to give you something”, said the Pastor pulling an envelope from his coat pocket and handing it to Davis. Davis took it half-heartedly and chucked it on the table, and this did not escape the notice of the Pastor.

  “It’s just a letter, Davis.”

  “I know. So she’s the one that talked you into coming over here?”

  “No. Davis, I’ll have you know I’m not the type of man to be manipulated by my daughter for any reason. I came over here on my own volition, and when I told her about it, she asked me to give that to you.”

  “Oh.”

  “Goodnight, Davis. God bless you.”

  “God bless you, too, pastor- sir.”

  The pastor then left. Davis didn’t know how to feel at that moment. He couldn’t believe that the Pastor had come all the way to his house to see about him and to apologize for what happened. Had he been wrong about the church, or the pastor at least? Then there was the note from Tamiko. The pastor said she didn’t influence him to come over, but Davis didn’t know if he should believe that. He had to admit to himself that he was curious about what she had to say, but the part of him that was still hurting didn’t want to read it. There was so much he wasn’t sure about, and he was wary of opening himself up again to people who had hurt him so badly. Davis knew before the night was out he would be on his knees to God again praying for guidance. He would keep Tamiko’s letter and he would ask God if he should read it, as well as if he should go back to Greater Apostolic church. Davis would leave it in His hands.

  Fifty-Seven

  Allen came home from work exhausted. The snowstorm that the weather service predicted came as promised. During the late evening hours, there was a Nor’easter that dumped more than a foot of snow on the city. There were blizzard-like conditions as the wind whipped up the snow into the air and sprayed it into the faces of those walking about. Commuting to work was a nightmare, as everyone who usually took the bus crammed onto the subways, which began to experience service delays. Thankfully the mayor had decided to close the schools or it would have been worse. When Allen got to work he had to help shovel the sidewalks while fighting the strong gales of the storm. Now that the New Year was well underway, there were not as many occupants of the hotel, however, the few that rem
ained didn’t dare venture out into the storm. That meant there was a lot of foot traffic on his newly buffed floors, and the garbage cans needed constant re-emptying. Overall it had been a very trying day and Allen was glad to be home when he got there.

  There was dinner with his family as always, and after that, his mother retired to work on lesson plans for school, while his father fiddled with his hobby of making model boats. That left Allen to retire to his room where he could be alone with his thoughts.

  Once again the day passed without hearing anything from Davis. This still bothered Allen, but he had resoled to leave the situation in God’s hands. After all, he had left voice mails, and sent e-mails containing the most contrite apologies. Allen had done everything he could to reach out to Davis. There was nothing else he could do, so now he would wait for God. And yet there was something else on Allen’s mind. He thought about what he learned in the Brotherhood Bible study class the day before. He thought about ‘the greatest commandment of all’: to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and strength. Allen had to stop for a minute to really think about what that meant. Many times when he heard people testify in church and talk about how they loved the Lord, it was usually because He had done something for them. They loved what the Lord did, but did they necessarily love God? He had heard his mother and Tamiko talk about how we need to love God for who he is, almost as if he was like a person, like your mom or dad. “How could you do that?” Allen asked himself. With people you could spend time with them and talk with them to get to know them and let love grow out of the relationship. How could you do this with God?

  Allen opened his Bible to read. He turned to Matthew chapter 10 vs 37-39 when Christ admonished his disciples that he who loved mother or father more than Jesus was not worthy of him. And that he had to hate even his own life as well. How could this be?

  Allen felt like his relationship with God was very one-sided. Allen read his Bible, he prayed, he went to church, he was even into meditating on the Word, but still he rarely heard God speak to him. There were times when Allen felt something speak to his heart like when he came out of the shower that day, and at the Election Night party, and even before he was about to skip the Bible Study, he felt something speak to his heart and tell him to go. These were very small things, though. It was nothing like the instructions that God gave to Abraham, or to Isaiah, or like when he appeared to the Apostle Paul in a vision.1 That’s the kind of thing Allen was expecting. Something big and bold. There were times when Allen felt that God was with him and then there were times when he felt abandoned. How in the world could he get to know God like this? How was he going to learn to love Him in the way that he should?

  Allen needed to talk to someone about this, and who better to talk to about this than someone who really loved the Lord: his mother. So he went downstairs and knocked on the door of her room.

  “Come in, Allen.”

  “How’d you know it was me and not Dad?”

  “You’re the only one that knocks.”

  “Right”, laughed Allen.

  “What do you need sweetheart?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about God.”

  “What about?”

  “What does it mean to love God? How do people love God?”

  “That’s a funny question coming from someone who just recently got saved. Don’t you love God, Allen?”

  “I thought I did, but after the Brotherhood Bible Study class with Daniel, I’m not so sure.”

  “But how can you decide to devote your life to God if you don’t love Him?”

  “Because I stand in awe of Him as the Creator, and I fear Him. I serve him because I think I should, but I don’t know if it’s because I love him. I know how to love people, but with God it can’t be the same, can it?

  “Well, when you love someone, you want to be with them all the time. You want to give of yourself to them. And if push came to shove, you would lay down your life for them, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “We have to love God like that, too; even more than that. When you love God, nobody has to tell you to read your Bible, or pray or go to church because you love him so much you can’t help but want to be in his presence all the time. Nobody has to tell you to praise him, because you always have a praise in your spirit that has to come out.”

  “Still, how do you get that way? And how can I love Him more than anyone else?”

  “Allen, You love Him more than anyone else because He’s God and He’s the one that first loved us. He is love. You learn to love him by taking the time to learn about Him. Now we can’t learn everything about God, because as the Bible says “His ways are unsearchable”, but we can learn something. But you have to pray, and fast and read your Bible.”

  “But I’ve been doing that.”

  “Really? And how often do you read your Bible? How many times a day do you pray?”

  “I don’t know. I guess once a day, each.”

  “Once a day! Daniel prayed 3 times a day.”2

  “Mom, I work and I get really busy! I can’t pray and read the Bible all the time.”

  “Allen, I work too, and have been working since I was 14 years old, but I make time for the Lord because He’s important to me. If He’s important to you, then you will do the same thing. And you need to read your Bible and meditate more often, too. The Bible should be the first thing in your hand when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you put down before you go to bed at night.”

  “But I have to get up so early to go to work.”

  “So? When you were a baby Allen, I had to get up earlier than I was used to in order to feed and care for you. It wasn’t an inconvenience because I loved you. Now if you want to love God the way you say, you can get up a few minutes earlier to give yourself enough time for a morning devotion.”

  “I never thought of it like that.”

  “And if you have nothing to do you can start right now.”

  “Alright. I just hope everything works out in the end.”

  “Just believe Allen, and it will.

  Fifty-Eight