Commencement
Page 89
It had been three days since Allen had decided to go on a fast. He had gotten the idea after reading in the book of Luke when Jesus had been tempted in the wilderness after fasting. When the devil told him to turn the stones to bread, Jesus responded with the Word: “for man shall not live by bread alone, but every word of God.”1 Allen couldn’t help but feel that was what he needed right now. He was also hoping that in the process of fasting and praying, he would be able to confront and deal with his anger towards God. Allen wanted to remove the obstacle that was hindering his relationship with God. Allen decided to fast until the evenings, replacing his meals with prayer to God and the spiritual food of the Word. Then he would eat his dinner and pray and meditate on the word. Allen thought it would be easy, but so far it was proving to be a real struggle.
It seemed as if it wasn’t until he made a decision not to eat, that he saw and smelled food everywhere. His job didn’t make things easier because there was so much physical work to be done, that often times he would feel weak, but he knew that he had to believe that God would give him strength through the Word. By the time he got home, sometimes he would eat like a pig, and then be so full that he would fall asleep instead of reading his word and praying like he should. But Allen was determined to keep going.
In addition to dealing with his anger, Allen was hoping that God would speak to him. Allen had read in the book of Samuel, where God spoke to Samuel when he was a little boy. He called Samuel by name and gave him a prophetic word.2 God also spoke that way to a lot of the prophets and to the apostles as well. He gave them great revelations, visions, and dreams. Allen still wondered why God hadn’t spoken to him like that. This was what he was pondering on his lunch break while reading his Bible in the little office on the fifth floor when Davis dropped in.
“Hey, Al. How’s the fast going?” inquired Davis.
“Okay, I guess”, said Allen sadly.
“You don’t sound okay.”
“It’s just that…I don’t want to be angry and frustrated, but I feel like I can’t shake it. When I think of all the things that are going on right now…”
“So don’t think about those things, man. That’s what the devil wants you to do. Now that you’re fasting I think you should get into the Word and read the scriptures that talk about the goodness of God. Like some of the Psalms. Try to meditate on all the ways God has been good to you. That’s going to counter all that other stuff the devil is going to try to put in your way to make you angry. If you want I can e-mail you some scriptures that you could read.”
“Thanks, man. I’d appreciate that. I think the real source of my frustration is that I don’t hear anything from Him. I’ve never had a vision, or a dream, or even heard him calling me.”
“But Allen, think about it. Have you read about what happened with Elijah?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like when God wanted to speak to him, there was a wind, and an earthquake, and a fire, but God wasn’t speaking to Elijah through any of that. It was the small still voice.3 I mean, I can only speak for myself, but that’s how I’ve experienced it. It’s real subtle. Sometimes it wasn’t even like a lot of talking. It wasn’t a big vision or anything like that, and I’m not saying God can’t operate that way, but he’s got a lot of ways of doing things. That’s why his ways are past finding out.”
“Yeah. ‘Past finding out’ just about describes Him for me.” Allen said dejectedly.
“Don’t be so down on yourself, Al. He’s gonna come through for you.”
“Speaking of Him coming through, how is your study for the English regents coming along?”
“I’ve been taking practice exams all this month. On one I got a 70 and on the other I got a 76, so I’m not doing too bad. I’m getting better. You and Miko helped me a lot with my grammar and that’s made a huge difference.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Yeah. I can see where I’ve improved a lot because at the beginning of the year, when I took the pre-test, I only got a 35. It was really bad. But I said, you know what? God, You blessed me to get back into school, and You know the program I want to get into requires a 75. If this is what You want for me, it’ll happen. And that’s what I’m believing now. If this is what God wants for me I’m going to have it. I’ll get the 75. After all, I’ve done my part. If not, He’s got something better.”
“So when’s the big day?”
“Two weeks.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help you in the meantime, just let me or Tamiko know.”
“Thanks, but I think I’m okay for right now. I’m more worried about our man, Tim.”
“Yeah, I hear you man.”
“You know he called me the other day. He wanted to make sure we was straight and everything. He told me about the tumor.”
“Really? So you know it’s pretty bad.”
“Yeah. But like I told him, it’s never too bad for God. I told him that if he wanted, we could all get together and go to the church one day during the week when it’s open and just go before the Lord and pray together. It’s like the Bible says “if two of you agree touching anything that they shall ask it shall be done for them by my Father which is in heaven.”4 You could join us.”
“Of course, man. Just let me know when.”
“I’ll let you know when Tim gets back to me.”
“Do you really believe Tim will be healed? I mean I know there were lot’s of people who were healed during the time when Jesus walked the earth, but I haven’t heard of a lot of people being healed now.”
“Allen, I believe that God is the same, no matter what time it is. If He did it then, He can do it now. Look what He did for me. I told you, I had a hole in my chest the size of handball. I should be dead, but by the grace of God, I’m not.”
“And what if He doesn’t heal Tim?”
“Then He doesn’t. Tim is saved now. If God calls him home, he’ll be in a place where he won’t have to worry about sickness or pain or anything else. We’ll be hurt, and we’ll miss Tim, but we’ll see him again some day. No matter what happens God is still God.”
Sixty-Eight