by Eden Rose
How can I protect Britney and Aidan when I couldn’t save my sister? I’m the reason why my sister died. I’m the reason why we were in that tent to begin with. I’m the fucking dead-beat brother who can’t protect their own sister. I had to fall asleep that night and because of my carelessness, Kayla was taken from me.
Kayla was everything that was right in this world but was given to the wrong people.
I run my hand over my face in hopes to calm down from the nightmare that happened to me seventeen years ago. The nightmare that comes out full force every time I let someone get close to me. This is the story of my life. One fuck up after another.
The difference between now and then? I have a beautiful woman who has placed her trust in me and I’m just going to shatter it. I’m not the man who you can depend on. I’m the man that you fuck and wait until the next one shows up.
It just had to be Britney.
“Wake up, fucker!” Someone yells outside my door and pounds on it. “We gotta get this shit rollin’ for the prez!”
Son of a bitch. I forgot all about this stupid engagement party that is actually supposed to be flushing out Jen’s family.
“Yeah, yeah,” I holler at them as I roll out of bed and grab a pair of jeans.
The pounding on the other side of the door happens again. “Hurry the fuck up! We gotta make sure we have everything ready,” Rabies yells.
“For fuck’s sake!” I mutter under my breath. These assholes are so pushy.
By the time I’m dressed, I still feel the dark edges from the dream holding onto me. I still feel how a sudden movement, a thought or anything could send me back into that nightmare.
We’re all a little on edge with today being the day we think those fuckers are going to attack. I’m waiting for them, but I hope it’s not a blood bath.
BRITNEY
Kate shrugs a little and then purses her lips. “I don’t think it’s unfair that you ask them to not fuck other people. What are you going to do if they ask you to choose between them? Are you going to be able to pick?”
“No!” I blurt out. The thought of having one without the other isn’t something that I can imagine. They both are amazing. “Do you think they would do that?”
“My mom used to tell me that if you truly loved someone, you wouldn’t want to share them with someone else.”
My mind spins a little more. “Be blunt about it,” I spit angrily.
She holds her hands up in the air in mock surrender. “Sorry! Who would you choose?”
“I don’t think I can choose. They are both amazing and I love them both.”
Kate flips me off. “Yeah, rub it in.”
I woke up at Kate’s with a pounding headache from all the wine that we drank last night. At some point, we managed to walk down to the liquor store and get more wine.
Needing the much needed girl time, I opted to stay here for the three days that Aidan is at David’s house. Also, I can’t stand staying in my apartment without Aidan there. I get lonely when he’s not there, plus it gives me too much time to think.
To keep the peace, we have open visitation of Aidan. Meaning, as long as its five nights on and two nights off, we don’t fight each other. Well, too much. In the summer, he gets him for the five nights every other week.
And by think, I mean obsess over Mack Truck and Flip. It’s bad enough that I’ve had some vivid dreams about them the past two nights. By vivid, I mean I woke up with my hands down my shorts.
The light is piercing through the windows making me wince at the intrusion. “Jesus,” I mutter and roll off the couch.
My phone beeps off to the side drawing my attention to it. Carefully, I crawl over to the loud device off at the side. I see that it’s David.
“Hello?” I groan in the phone. Having him call me is never a good sign. He only calls me when something bad is going on.
“Where the fuck are you?” He bellows down the line.
Rolling my eyes, I count back from ten to try and calm myself down. I’m too hung over to deal with David’s bull shit today. “At a friend’s house. What’s going on?”
David lets out an exasperated breath. “Let’s see… How about the fact that my son’s mother didn’t pick him up in time?”
I pull the phone away from my head to look at the time. Son of a fucking bitch! “David, I’m so sorry. I’ll be there in like twenty minutes!”
He groans. “I’m at your house right now. Where the fuck are you?”
God damn it. “I told you, at a friend’s.”
“Get your ass over to your house right now,” he doesn’t allow me to answer him because he’s hung up on me.
“Kate!” I holler. “I have to go home!” The sound of me yelling, has my head pounding even more. This fucking sucks! I shove my feet in my shoes, gather my shit and walk out of her apartment.
I practically sprint all the way home making sure that I can get there in enough time to get changed to go to the party. I rake my fingers through my hair nervously just as my building comes into view.
This is not going to be good. God damn it. I hope it’s David- my child’s father- and not David- the cop. Dealing with the latter is always frustrating and there’s no way that I can win that battle.
He’s standing outside his car with Aidan sitting on top of the hood. The minute that Aidan sees me, he hops off the car and comes running over to me.
“Mom! Mom! Mom!” He says excitedly.
I ruffle his sweaty hair making him wince. “Sorry, buddy. Did you have fun with your dad?”
Sharing my son isn’t something that I enjoy. It’s actually something that I fucking hate. David has his ways of disciplining Aidan and I have mine. While the differences in parenting are an issue, it’s the fact that David’s constantly trying to take custody from me.
“You’re an hour late,” David’s cool voice filters through my ears.
Well, it’s a good thing that I wasn’t planning on having David take Aidan for an extra night. Shit, it would be like World War Three up in this bitch. Plus, I missed my son.
Suppressing a wince, I hold my head up to look at him. “Sorry, the time got away from me,” I offer an excuse. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to tell him that I have a hang over or that I was at Kate’s house drinking. One, it’s not any of his business. Two, it doesn’t make me look good.
He rolls his eyes while handing me Aidan’s overnight bag. “Britney, you need to get your priorities straight.”
My head flies back at his words. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I hiss. “Me? Where the hell have you been?” I squawk at him.
“I’m a cop. I have a real job that’s not lying down like some biker’s slut.”
His words are knives against my body. “Go home. I’ll talk to you later,” I throw over my shoulder and grab Aidan’s bag.
I’m about to slam the door shut when he shoves his body in the way. “Did you get a chance to read the folder?”
His smug face makes me want to punch him. Why the hell did I even sleep with this man? There’s not one thing about him that makes me think he’s cute. Not one. He’s an asshole.
“No,” I admit defiantly. “I’m not going to. Are we done?”
David’s smile widens scarily. “I’ll be in touch,” he promises.
Aidan and I just stand in the doorway while David leaves my apartment. The second the door is closed to get out of the building, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
My son is talking to me about what he did at his dad’s house. All I can hear is that he’s excited. I’m a piece of shit parent because I can’t help but think about what David had said. He’s got something up his sleeve.
“That’s nice, baby,” I pacify Aidan.
I’m walking towards my bedroom to change when his voice is heard from the living room. I already know that he’s turned on the television to watch some stupid ass cartoon.
“Why does dad say I’m gonna live with him?”
&nbs
p; My heart falls out of my chest and clogs my throat from breathing. “What did you say?” I ask him to clarify what I heard is correct. Sometimes kids make up shit to see what the other parent is going to do about it but that’s not my son. He wouldn’t do that.
I’m walking out of my room to stand in front of Aidan to coax out any information. “It’s okay to tell me, buddy. I want you to know that you can trust me.”
You can trust me when I say that I’m going to kill your father, bury his body in a pig pen then have a party. You can trust me that I’m going to make him suffer for being an asshole to me and you.
I rub my hand over my face and wait for Aidan to deliver the death blow to my life. If something were to happen to him or if he had to leave my house… I would fucking be done. Aidan’s my world and I couldn’t stand having some asshole of a sperm donor think he could take my son.
“Dad said that he’s gonna talk to the judge and move me in,” my son states. His words are rushed, almost flowing in with the last word showing me how frustrated he is with what is going on.
“No, baby. Dad’s not going to take you from me,” I assure him.
Aidan nods his little head, eyes focused on the television. “Good, you have better cartoons,” he replies flippantly.
“Oh, that’s the only reason why you want to stay with your mom who loves you and cuts the crust off your sandwiches?” I’m trying to remain calm but inside, I’m raging fucking mad. I can’t believe that David would tell our son this shit.
He’s back to ignoring me with his eyes fully trained on the television. Knowing that this is the end of the conversation, I kiss the top of his head. “Mommy loves you no matter what,” I whisper.
“Love you, too, mama.”
Walking back to my room, I grab my cell off my bed. I pull up David’s contact information and immediately call him. The second I hear him answer, I let him know what’s on my mind. “How dare you spit that fucking garbage at our son!”
David clears his throat. “Nice to hear from you, too, Brit. What is this garbage that I’m supposed to have spit to my son?”
Oh the nerve of this prick! Thinking that he can get away with it and there be no consequences for his actions. I fucking hate him! “Where you told Aidan that he’s going to live with you?” I blurt out harshly.
“I wouldn’t consider the truth garbage, would you?”
I pace my room trying to calm down. I’m way too close to the edge right now to not freak out on him. I’m ready to strike him where it hurts. “It’s not the truth, David.”
He chuckles. “I would consider the fact that my only son, whom I love, is being surrounded by his whore of a mother and all the damn biker trash that come by.”
I don’t say a word.
“You thought I wouldn’t know about those assholes coming to the house where our son lives? Think again. I know everything before you even think about doing it,” he retorts harshly. “I know that you’re fucking all these random guys. Especially your boss? That couldn’t be very sanitary, could it? Fucking in a tattoo parlor? That’s how those places get shut down.”
Suddenly, everything becomes clear. He wants something. “What’s your end game?”
His deep breath filters through the line. “End game? Whatever do you mean?”
“Don’t be cute about this. You’re threatening the mother of your child’s life right now.”
“Stop being so dramatic!” He blurts.
I breathe through my nose and out through my mouth trying to calm myself down. “Dramatic? You’re telling lies to our son!”
David clears his throat again. “You seeing these bastards on a daily schedule is hurting my chance of running for county sheriff.”
And there it is.
“You’re running for sheriff?” I repeat stupidly.
“Yeah, and I can’t have my son’s mother being a skank.”
“You want me to stop seeing them?” I reiterate.
“Well, not entirely.”
Rolling my eyes, I look up to the ceiling in hopes for something to calm me down. This man has constantly pushed me over the edge, over and over again. I know that he’s looking for any excuse to take Aidan from me so he can screw me over.
“What do you expect me to do, David?” I spit. “Be single the rest of my life? Not give anyone a chance to be a stand up guy for me? For my son?” I stupidly blurt.
David’s breathing into the phone louder than before after what I just blurted out. “For real? Are you fucking kidding me, Britney? You are so desperate for someone to slink in and playing daddy to my kid that you’re willing to fuck bikers? What the hell is the matter with you?”
I take a deep breath before I let the word vomit fall out of my mouth. “Don’t you talk to me like that!” I have tears rolling down my cheeks because I’m so pissed off right now that I can’t stand it. Now I’m even more mad because I’m crying like a little bitch.
“I want you to think about what’s more important to you. Having your son being at home or being with those pieces of garbage.”
I fight the urge to defend Mack Truck’s and Flip’s honor but I don’t. There’s nothing else I can say especially since David hung up the phone.
This is not good! Not good at all! Fuck me!
I toss the phone on the bed and stomp over to my closet to grab something to wear to the barbeque. Even though David’s threats are still playing in my mind, I’m going to go to this party and see what options I have in order to stop David from doing something that is going to kill me.
*
The whole way to the clubhouse, I’m on the verge of a panic attack. If it weren’t for Aidan in the backseat, I wouldn’t have come here. I’m not in the mood to be at a party but I’m not in the mood for everyone to ask me what’s wrong.
Flip and Mack Truck are the only reasons why I’m coming here. I need the support and security that they offer me while fucking my brains out. While holding me close to them and whispering how much they want me.
The difference between what I want and what I’m probably going to get? I want them to tell me how much they love me not how much they want to fuck me.
You know what sucks the most? The fact that I’m pretty positive that I’m in love with both of them. Is that possible? Seriously. Is that humanly possible to be in love with two different men that make you feel some different?
Flip makes me feel adored. He has the ability to make me feel sexy and wanted along with caring about what I have to say. Mack Truck does that too, but he’s more graphic. He’s the dirty talker.
We are pulling through the gates and Aidan hasn’t stopped talking to me about being at his dad’s house and watching television. “Dad doesn’t let me watch cartoons. He says they’re dumb.”
I roll my eyes and try to muster up enough strength to pretend to be interested in how he’s complaining about his father. Truth be told, I want to bitch about his father too. My eyes are still stinging a little bit from holding back my anger tears.
Flip’s waiting for me in the courtyard looking too fucking sexy in his tight jeans that hug his muscular thighs and a tight black shirt under his cut. The man exudes sex. I squeeze my thighs together in hopes to suppress my arousal that’s coursing through my body.
Aidan’s already throwing the door open and running towards Flip before I can even put the car in park. My ovaries explode at the sexiness of seeing Flip care for my son like he does. It’s the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life. What is it about a bad boy caring about a kid that makes girls go all gooey?
I open my door, sliding out of the car to walk towards Aidan who’s talking a mile a minute. I smile at Kate who is standing there with Flip and a couple of the other guys.
Each of the guys hug me, kissing me on the cheek and telling me how pretty I look. I eat it up like I always do but my eyes are on Flip’s. They darken a little more as each guy touches me.
Why is it so hot to see that he’s jealous?
“Hey, preci
ous,” Flip greets me before directing his attention back to Aidan’s long tirade.
“So, then my dad told me that I’m moving in with him because mom is a whore.”
My mouth drops. Everyone stops in the courtyard to look at my child who just blurted out something that I’m trying to forget. It’s not working, obviously.
“What did you say, little buddy?” Flip asks Aidan patiently.
I’m standing in the middle of all these bikers with my head spinning. I can’t believe that he would say that!
Without even realizing I’m doing it, I feel the tears slip through my lids. God damn it!
The second Flip places his hand on my shoulder, I flinch away from him. Something about him showing me kindness that sets me off from the hurricane of emotions that are roaring through my body.
It’s a strange fucking feeling. The act of Flip showing me compassion has my eyes flooding with tears.
“Aw, precious,” he murmurs before pulling me against his chest. “Nothing is going to happen to Aidan. He’s exactly where he’s meant to be.”
MACK TRUCK
I’m currently about three shots of Jack past being drunk off my ass when I see her red haired self walk into the clubhouse. This is my safe place. This is the place out of every single fucked up place in the world that I get to be safe and I’m not. I’m not safe of the memories of Britney moaning underneath me. I’m not safe from the memories of her laughing or saying my name. No. Her being here is another stab at my gut that just proves to me that she’s not mine and never will be mine.
“If you keep staring at her like that, she might piss her pants,” Rabies says behind me and takes the shot from my hand.
I growl at him and yank the shot glass back. “I didn’t ask for your opinion, asshole.”
He chuckles to himself and then signals to Amanda. “Get us another shot, doll,” Rabies winks at her and then takes the shots from her.
“Why do you look so sad?” Amanda asks me.
She knows why I look sad or whatever the fuck she’s implying. Amanda knows damn right why I’m pissed off and glaring at Britney while she flirts with Flip.