No Regrets

by B. B. Donnelly

  “Were you going to kiss me?” I ask, surprising myself at my boldness, but it is something I must know. He lets his hand drop and he lifts off his hat, running a nervous hand through his hair, before putting it back on.

  “I guess I got caught in the moment.” He says with a shrug and I can tell he is trying to act like it was no big deal. A beeping sound coming from the office saves him and he grabs his drink. He gestures towards the office.

  “I gotta take that.” He says and I watch him walk into the office and close the door.

  I grab a bottle of water and head back outside. I really do need to keep up on my training. A slight rain has started, and I just keep hacking away at the wooden post, letting all my emotions go. The tears are mixed in with the rain.

  My head is filled with so many memories, thoughts, and emotions; I just let it all go. The rain starts to come down harder and I just go with it, letting it take it all away. I swing my sword around, slicing rain drops and watching the blade shine in wetness. When I’m breathing hard, I stop and just stand there for a few moments. I lean my head back and let the rain fall on my face.

  Just a few more minutes and then I will bring myself to face reality. I look down towards the targets on the fence. Our knives are still there. I always keep one on me. I slide one out of my wrist holder. I feel my anger bubbling up once again and I picture my uncle’s face on the target. I release the knife.

  And I whisper to the wind….

  “Bulls-eye.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  This mission is taking careful planning. We are going to take Alexis Johnson, ruining my uncle’s reputation. It will look very bad on my uncle, if the people who were hired to protect Alexis Johnson fail. We have it set up to take her to another of my father’s safe houses. The tricky part is I don’t know how many of the safe houses my father told Jackson about. Charlie thinks he only knows about the apartment because of Boots and this house because my father wanted someone to know where Charlie was. I start searching through the briefcase looking for a hint of a non-compromised safe house. I’m scattering the files everywhere on my bed when I hear a knock.

  “Come in.” I yell. I’m expecting to see Julia, hence why I don’t bother pulling a pair of sweatpants on over my pink underwear. My sweatshirt is long and comes to mid-thigh. I regret that decision when Charlie walks in. He throws a piece of paper at me as he plops down beside me. Some of the papers I was looking at fall to the floor. I roll my eyes at him and tug on my sweatshirt. His gaze follows my hands and gives me an amused look. In defiance, I let it go and turn my knees to the side like I’m wearing a skirt. I avoid his eyes and pick up the paper he threw at me. I read it.

  “Are you kidding me? A spa? I think she will be pretty recognizable at a spa.” I say, eyebrows raised.

  “This is a private spa, only the elite are allowed, and it is very confidential. In fact, your father used it for his……….” His voice trails off.

  “Oh, don’t worry I know all about Daddy’s mistresses.”

  “I’m sorry.” He looks at me and I can tell he is sincere. I just shrug.

  “I never agreed to his lifestyle and his views on love, but I miss him every day.” I say. He grabs my hand.

  “I knew of his views on love, but I can tell you without a doubt he loved you more than anything in this world and he was extremely proud of you. I heard all about your achievements. He was one proud papa.” I feel the tears sting my eyes. I let go of his hand to wipe a tear and his hand falls to my bare knee.

  I look down at it and then up to meet his eyes. I can see the yearning and then suddenly he gives me a friendly smile and removes his hand. I don’t know what moves me next, but suddenly I’m on my knees, reaching for him. He meets me halfway. Our lips crash together and his hands roam to my thighs pulling my sweatshirt up exposing my underwear. His hands caress my butt cheeks through the thin material. He deepens the kiss with a groan. I moan against him and press myself flush against his body. His hands are moving up my shirt when he suddenly stops kissing me and gently pushes away from me.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, confused. I thought he wanted me. I search his eyes and I know I’m not wrong.

  “Nothing changes from the other day. I’m not going to take advantage of your mixed feelings.” He says with a sad smile. I want to deny it, but I can’t. I am starting to have feelings for Charlie, but my heart has been Jackson’s for so long. I know I’m being stupid, but sometimes I can’t see what is right in front of me. A great guy with a heart of gold and most importantly, he believes in me without a doubt. Jackson has been a constant up and down, emotional ride.

  I pull my sweatshirt down and nervously run fingers through my hair.

  “I’m sorry.” I say, not sure what else to say.

  “Hey, it’s no biggie. We are under a lot of stress.” He says, but I can see the hurt in his eyes. I gently touch his cheek. He somewhat flinches and I feel like the biggest ass in the world.

  “You are a great guy…” I start saying, but he stops me by placing a hand on my mouth.

  “But you are confused.” He finishes.

  “No, I wasn’t going to say that.”

  He looks at me in confusion.

  “I was going to say that you are a great guy and I would be the luckiest girl in the world to have someone like you.”

  “But you are not ready.” He says, finishing the thought. I take a frustrated breath.

  “I guess you’re right.” I mumble.

  “Hey, like I said before, I’m here for you even as just a friend. You mean a lot to me.” I look back into his eyes and what to smack myself in the head. Why can’t it be this simple? Why am I hesitating? Jackson is never going to be mine. He somehow picks up on the dilemma in my head.

  He starts shaking his head, “I will not be second choice.” He says softly. I nod my understanding, unsure as to what to say. There is nothing that will make this better. He smiles and I’m in awe of his dimples. I feel the sting as he slaps me on the butt, breaking the awkward moment.

  “Hey!” He laughs at my outburst. I smack him in the chest. He grabs me and tackles me to the bed, tickling me. I’m laughing so hard and he is relentless. Suddenly, I hear the door open and there standing in the doorway is…. Jackson.

  I only get a glimpse of pure rage on his face before he is pulling Charlie off me. Before Charlie can react, Jackson pulls back and punches him. Blood spurts from Charlie’s nose and I scream.

  “Jackson!! Stop!” I jump off the bed and kick at Jackson’s knees, making him lose his balance.

  That is enough time for Charlie to recover and he is tackling Jackson to the ground. They start throwing punches and beating the holy hell out of each other. I stand there in shock, and then I start yelling at them to stop. They both ignore me and continue rolling around on the floor, both trying to get the upper hand. They start calling each other names in English and in other languages. I scream some more, but since they are not listening, I throw my hands up, frustrated.

  I settle myself against the wall with my arms crossed. I just stare at them in disgust. The guys seem evenly matched, but I can tell Jackson has the upper hand. He is sneaky. Charlie is trying to hold his own, but I don’t think he will last much longer. I watch both the men and I feel so much for them. It doesn’t help that Jackson looks like a badass tonight dressed in all black. Charlie looks like his usual rumpled mess. They are so different, but I can’t stop my feelings for them. Julia and Logan show up in the room. Julia comes and leans up against the wall with me.

  “Soooooo what happened?” She asks amusement on her face. I roll my eyes and watch as Logan tries to break them up.

  “Men.” Julia says, laughing.

  “Julia, I’m so confused.” I say softly, ignoring the grunts of pain in the room. She gives me a sympathetic hug.

  “You want to get out of here. Have some girl time?” I nod my head and I walk over to the closet and grab a pair of jeans. Logan is in between them but is str
uggling on keeping them apart. They are still slinging insults back and forth. Julia and I walk out without them even noticing. I pull on my jeans in the hallway and slip on some tennis shoes that I left in the office. I grab a ball cap and some big sunglasses.

  We leave the house and start driving.

  “Where are we going?” I ask. Julia gives me a big grin.

  “Retail therapy.” She says and I grin back at her.

  “Well, I’m going to need a clubbing outfit.” I say and I see her face darken. Uh oh, I forgot. I was so lost in my own problems that I forgot about Logan and Julia’s fight.

  “Hey, I don’t need Logan to be a distraction. I can handle it on my own.” I say, trying to make her feel better. She gives me a disgusted look.

  “The hell you are. You need someone there to help you. I just don’t like the thought of some girl all over him.” She says. I reach over and pat her hand.

  “Carter, how do you do it?” She asks me. I give her a questioning look.

  “You know, with Jackson and Brooklyn.”

  “I made myself believe it was a cover, it was just a job. He didn’t really care about her. Now, I don’t know anymore.”

  “Well, from the display in your bedroom, I would say he cares for you. A lot.” My heart flutters a little hearing that and it is enough to know that I can’t stop my feelings for Jackson.

  “I guess I’m just tired of the rollercoaster. I want off this ride. It’s been long enough, and I can’t take it anymore.”

  “So, what’s going on with Charlie?”

  “He is different from Jackson. He is less intense, funny and sexy adorable. The main thing, I can rely on him.”

  “I know you may not want to hear this, but Jackson has been helping you. Trust me, I know I haven’t been on the Jackson bandwagon of late, but I can see things that you are blinded to. I understand how you feel, but even though he isn’t flat out saying he is against your uncle, he has never given up our location and has been protecting you every time you’ve been in a jam.”

  “I know, that is why I’m confused.”

  “Well, how do you feel about each of them?”

  “Umm, Jackson is hot, passionate, and intense, like I almost can’t breathe when I’m around him. With Charlie, I’m comfortable and…”

  “Wait a sec, I don’t think comfortable is a good enough reason to be with someone.” She says, interrupting me.

  “But it is a good comfortable.” I argue. I let out a frustrated moan, putting my face in my hands. “I don’t know. I just really like him, and he is adorably hot. Besides, I thought you wanted me to give Charlie a chance.”

  “I know I said that, but really it is up to you. You are really the only one that knows what you feel for each of them. The more I thought about it, I realized it’s not my place to choose for you. I just know that they both care for you. Okay, no more talk about boys. We are here!” She claps her hands in delight. I look up and see us approaching an outlet mall. It is definitely a place that you would not see any one of our friends or family. They would die first before being seen at an outlet mall.

  As we make our way into the mall, Julia drags me shop to shop. I pick out a few nice outfits, a hot clubbing outfit, and some regular comfortable clothes. Julia buys a lot and I encourage her too. She didn’t have anything with her when she came to us. When I thought my legs were going to fall off, Julia lets out an excited squeal, which I’m starting to find annoying. I look up and see we are in a lingerie store.

  “Um, what are we doing here?” I ask with dread.

  “Oh, just having a little fun!” She is already grabbing a pair of sheer pink panties and bra set. I give her an eyebrow raise and she blushes.

  “Someone going to see those?” I tease. Her face is bright red. I laugh and start looking around.

  I pick up a turquoise blue sheer night set.

  “Ooooh, try that on!”

  “Are you crazy? I’m not trying this on!” She just laughs, pushing me into a dressing room.

  “You have two hotties panting after you!”

  I just shake my head as the door closes behind me.

  “I’m right next to you!” She calls and I look at myself in the mirror. I put the nightie up to me and decide why not? I strip down quickly and pull the nightie on. It fits perfect. It hugs my curves to perfection. The color looks great against my fading tan.

  “Hey, C, can you come here for a sec?” Julia yells at me.

  “Kind of indisposed, right now!”

  “I’m right next door, just slip in and help me.” She says with an aggravated grunt. I roll my eyes. I peek out and I don’t see anyone around, so I quickly open her door and close it behind me. Her eyes widen when she sees me in the mirror.

  “Holy cow! You look fantastic in that! You have to get it!” She exclaims.

  “I will. What the heck?” I see that she is a tangled mess.

  “I thought this was super cool, but I think it is too complicated for me.” I laugh at her expression. We are basically assassins and she can’t figure a piece of lingerie out. I admit all the straps and strips of cloth have defeated her. She starts laughing too. I start to slip one strap off and release her arm. We both start tugging and pulling. Finally, she is free. She flings the flimsy garment to the floor.

  “Definitely not that one. I mean I want him to have access to me, not have to work that hard for it.” I giggle with her. She is reaching for another piece, so I peek back out. All clear. I sneak back into my dressing room. Before I can even step into it, I’m pushed against the wall, hard. I gasp, ready to scream, but then I see ice blue eyes staring at me. I’m a little shocked, but not as shocked as when I’m pinned with my arms above my head

  and Jackson’s lips are on mine. I’m suddenly on fire. My senses are going crazy! Damn. Things just got complicated. Again.

  His body is pressed against me and holding me hostage against the wall. His lips leave mine to travel down my neck to my collarbone. He lets go of my hands as he runs his down my body. My arms go limp. He groans as he touches the thin material of the nightgown.

  “Are you okay, C?” Julia asks.

  “Yes!” I choke out.

  Julia laughs and says, “You know you should wear that for Charlie.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jackson’s body tenses up and he glares at me. I start to shake my head in denial, but he is on me again. His mouth is punishing mine. This kiss is hard and angry. His fingers are digging into my skin. It doesn’t hurt, in fact I’m ashamed to say, it turns me on even more. I love when he loses control. He leaves my mouth and brings his mouth to my ear. I feel his hot breath. My body shivers involuntarily.

  “You are mine.” He whispers vehemently. I throw my head back in surrender as he starts kissing my neck again. He is gentler now. I stifle a moan.

  “Seriously, dude, are you okay?” I hear Julia call, worried.

  “I’mmmmm fiinnee. Be out…. In a second.” I say breathless because Jackson is moving lower and I mean low. The pleasure he gives me with his hands is unbelievable.

  “I’m going to go look around a little more. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yep. See you soon.” I respond quickly, totally distracted by Jackson’s hands. Next thing I know, the door is flung open and Julia is standing there with her hands on her hips. Since I’m facing her I can see she is amused. Jackson, as quick as lightening, is up and in front of me, blocking me from Julia.

  “Well, well, well, look who we have here.” She says with a smirk. Jackson relaxes his pose.

  “Jules, can I have a minute with her.” Jackson asks.

  “Take all the time you need.” She says with a teasing smile. I glare at her, but she just laughs and wiggles her eyebrows.

  “I’ll be around, by the way Jackson, I knew you were in there the whole time. Guess you are not as sly as you think.” She says with a wink and walks off.

  I focus on Jackson as he turns to face me and can’t help but notice the cu
t over his eye. I reach up and gently touch it. I give him a disapproving look.

  “How bad is Charlie?” I ask. His jaw tightens.

  “He is fine.” He growls out. I put my hands on my hips.

  “What is going on with us, Jackson? I can’t keep doing this.” I wave my hand between us.

  He grabs my face. “I swear we will have this conversation, but not right now.” I start to protest, but he places a finger to my mouth, silencing me, “We will.” He says more forcefully.

  “Listen, I can’t stay, but I wanted you to know that you need to be very careful. Your uncle is starting to lose it. He is focused on bringing you in. I’m worried because I can’t guarantee your safety. I will protect you the best I can, but I think your uncle is starting to suspect me.”

  “Wait, what?” I look at him confused. He pauses and studies my face. He starts shaking his head in disgust.

  “Of course, that asshole.” He mumbles.

  “Are you saying you believe me?” I ask, unsure and trying not to get my hopes up.

  “Of course, I believe you. I told Charlie that I would be by to see you. I wanted to tell you in person, but then something came up. I asked him to pass on the message that I was wrong and I’m sorry. I… I talked to Max and he admitted that the order to kill your parents came directly from your uncle. I used my resources inside the organization and found that your uncle is the one who is doing these side missions. I also realized I had been used for a few.” He takes a deep breath.

  “I am so sorry, Carter.” He leans his forehead against mine.

  “I’m with you completely.” He says before kissing me on the nose. He lets go and turning for the door.

  “Wait, I thought you said you were with me. Are you done with Brooklyn and where are you going?” I ask exasperated. I want answers after that mind-blowing revelation! His hand is on the handle and he looks over his shoulder at me. The intensity in his blue eyes takes my breath away.

  “The Dick was also supposed to tell you that I’m your inside guy.”