Courage (Blackstone Book 4)

by J. L. Drake

  “That’s not fair.” I squeezed my eyes shut and begged myself to find some control.

  “No, Sloane,” he leaned forward and kissed my collarbone, “what’s not fair is finding you half naked on the couch and having to fight all my inner instincts not to toss you over my shoulder and haul you away, to take you the way I want to.”

  “Mm…” I pulled back slightly and cocked an eyebrow. “So, you like control?”

  “I don’t like it, Sloane,” he lifted me up and lined his erection up with my opening, “I need it.”

  As much as I wanted to drop down and let him have his way with me, I felt a little playful. Both hands landed on his shoulders, and I lifted myself to my feet in one quick motion.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Maybe I like control too.” I couldn’t help but break into a smile when he folded his arms, unamused with my game.

  “What kind of control would you like, then, Ms. Harlow?”

  “Hmm,” I pretended to think, “where to start?” I eyed the staircase but jumped when he reached out to grab my hand. “Oh, no, no, Mr. Black.” I scowled him. “No touching…yet.”

  “Is that so?” He stood and pressed his chest into my aching nipples. “You see, we have this code among our team, Code 45, and when used in situations like this, it can be very effective.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I tried to think if I’d ever heard the guys use that code around me.

  “Oh, yes.” He suddenly bent down and scooped me up and over his shoulder. The world spun and dipped as he climbed the stairs to the loft and carefully dropped me onto the bed.

  “I’ve seen and done many things that would make most cower and head home. I don’t judge them for that. Our line of work isn’t for everyone.” He spread my legs and stood back to admire my naked body. “Control is the only thing we have, Sloane.” He dragged a finger along my inner thigh, and I felt a delightful shiver. “If you want control, I’ll try my hardest to step back, but,” he leaned over me with a dangerous grin, “when we’re naked and you’re looking at me like that,” he pointed to my face, “I need to be in control.”

  “I can agree with that.” I shamelessly spread my legs farther, and he wasted no time diving straight in. I jolted upward and lifted my back off the mattress.

  “Jesus, Sloane,” his jaw tensed, and sweat broke out along his forehead, “you can’t do that.”

  “What?” I lifted higher, which tightened my muscles again, and watched his face fight for control. Ohh, so I do have a little power.

  “Sloane,” he warned as his face flushed and his neck contracted. When I reached for his neck, he grabbed my hands and held them above my head and devoured my mouth while thrusting at a deliciously rapid rate. Colors, sounds, and the smell of the cool night seemed to vanish as he made love to me in his way. I couldn’t care less who had control, as long as this man kept doing what he was doing. I wished I had a mirror, just so I could watch every inch of the man who was doing what he apparently did best.

  My stomach coiled to the point of pain when he changed the angle, and I was catapulted off the ledge.

  The last thing I remembered was him burying his face in my neck and his moan as he found his own release.

  I woke to the feeling of my pillow vibrating. Inching my fingers along the mattress, I pulled my phone to my ear, while visions of John roaming my body danced inside my memory. I squinted at the unknown number on the screen and hesitated to answer it, but when I recognized the area code was the same as John’s, I accepted the call.

  “Hi, Sloane, this is Kelly Black, John’s mother.” Poof, and there went my dirty thoughts. “I hope it was okay that I got your number from Daniel. I feel that John wants to keep you all to himself.” She chuckled self-consciously. “I was wondering if you would like to meet up for lunch sometime today. It was really nice having you at the house the other day. Oliver and I appreciated the change in pace,” she rambled.

  “I would love that, Mrs. Black. When and where?”

  “Oh, dear, please call me Kelly. How about Zach’s at noon?”

  “That sounds great. I’ll see you there.”

  I sent a quick text to Dell asking him if he could drive me into town and tossed my phone aside. A crinkle of paper interrupted my effort to get comfortable. It was a note from John to say he would be out for most of the day and that if I needed anything to call him. I laughed out loud when I saw he had added, “And give me back my dog.” After a few moments, I convinced myself to get up and get going.

  I sat in the front window of Zach’s a few minutes early while Adam busied himself around the table to make everything perfect. A red Ford pulled up, and I saw Kelly dab at her eyes as she stepped out onto the curb. She took an obvious deep breath before she entered the restaurant. As soon as she spotted me, a genuine smile raced across her lips and lit up her dull eyes. I stood and was wrapped in a bear hug, which instantly warmed me.

  “Sorry,” she sniffed, “I’m a hugger.”

  “Me too.” I laughed and pointed to the chair for her to sit.

  “I can’t thank you enough for meeting me today. I just needed a moment of normalcy. You seemed so kind and at ease with us, and by that, I mean our family situation. I wish I could get through to my daughter the way you do.”

  “That’s only because I’ve been around cases like Ellie’s my whole life. My mother is a neurosurgeon and brought me into that world, so I can really understand what you must be going through.”

  We paused to order, made small talk over lunch, but to my surprise, she brought back up the difficulty she had been having with Ellie.

  “Oliver and I hate to rely so much on John, as we want him to have his life, but we just can’t seem to move forward without him. Ellie is so difficult.” She pulled out a tissue to blot her eyes. I reached out and covered her hand with mine.

  “Kelly, at the risk of overstepping, may I offer you some help?”

  “I’d love some,” she whispered, teary-eyed.

  “At Ellie’s hospital, there is a brain-injury support group that is there for families like yours to show you that you’re not alone.” I raised my hand to stop her when I felt her need to protest. “Honestly, Kelly, you would get a lot from it, make friends who understand what you’re going through and can be a shoulder to lean on.”

  “I don’t know, Sloane. That’s really out of my comfort zone. We’re just not good at letting people in.”

  “You don’t have to go alone. I could go with you.” I could see the idea was rolling around in her head, and to my shock, she asked when the next meeting was.

  “I already checked, and there is one this afternoon at three.”

  “Okay, if you’ll go with me. Thank you, Sloane.”

  We killed time by checking out some of Kelly’s favorite stores. I found an amazing shoe place that carried my favorite boots and a Papillon outlet that just happened to be five minutes from Zack’s. There were a lot of hidden gems in the town that I missed the first time around. I was in love and could have spent all day there, but we needed to head in a different direction.

  I threaded my arm through hers, and we walked into the support group where there was a horseshoe-shaped arrangement of chairs with a small podium in front. Eleven women and three men all sat, some talking together in small groups, and some who looked totally zoned out. Kelly took a long, shaky breath and patted my hand as we took the chairs closest to the podium. We listened to the speaker as she encouraged us to introduce ourselves and explain why we were there today. I was proud of Kelly as she told her story and expressed the stress her family carried day to day due to Ellie’s injury. Every so often, Kelly would reach over and squeeze my hand when I knew other people’s stories touched home. At the end of the meeting when they were wrapping up, Leslie, a woman whose son was in a motorcycle accident, offered to exchange numbers with Kelly, as she was also new to the group.

  “Kelly,” the instructor reached out and shook hands with her, “I’m always so pleased
when new members come into the group. The first step is realizing your life is forever changed, and not for the bad, and not for the worst, just changed. The second step is to remember that no two brain injuries are alike. Everyone is different. What might work for one person may not work for you, but that’s why you’re here, to learn all of this and gain some tools.” She stepped a little closer. “Remember you are not alone, and we really hope to see you again soon.”

  Kelly quickly turned to look at me and in a panicked voice said, “Oliver and I would really like it if you came to dinner tonight. Please, won’t you join us?”

  How could I say no when she had just taken such a giant leap in the right direction? I knew my mother would be very proud of me, and I couldn’t wait to share this experience with her. So much information was at people’s fingertips. It was whether they choose to use it or not that could make the difference in their future.

  “I’d love to.” I followed her out to the car. I sent a quick text to Dell explaining I needed more time and asked if that would be all right. He was visiting a friend and was happy to stay longer. When we arrived at the Blacks’ house, I spotted Oliver on the porch swing staring out over his crop. I wondered what was going through his head and how much of it was stuck in the past.

  “I’m crashing dinner.” I grinned and climbed the steps. He pushed off the chair and wrapped me in a hug.

  “Never crashing, dear. You’re always welcome here.”

  “Thanks.” I followed him inside and spotted Ellie in front of the TV watching Saved By The Bell.

  “Hi, Ellie.” I sat across from her in the big La-Z-Boy chair. “I’m John’s friend. I was here the other day.”

  Her eyes moved back and forth as she tried desperately to recall that memory. She couldn’t locate it, so I just moved on. “Hi,” she smiled politely, “are you here for dinner?”

  “I am.”

  “Where’s John?”

  “He’s at work, but he might be by later.”

  “Oh.” She looked at her mother before she went back to watching the show.

  Oliver waved me into the kitchen and put the kettle on for some tea.

  “You’re good with her,” he muttered like it was hard for him to speak about her.

  “I just understand, that’s all.” I wanted to say more, but his face looked a lot like John’s when he didn’t want to talk about something, so I knew better than to push. “How have the chickens been this week? Lots of eggs?” His face instantly relaxed, and I knew he had now had something he wanted to share.

  It was like a light switch with the Black family. As long as you kept the conversation on the things they felt safe talking about, they could pull themselves out of their stress bubble and focus elsewhere. So, that was what I did all during dinner, and it was really fun to watch them relax and enjoy themselves for a while.

  “So, wait.” I laughed so hard tears leaked out. “He lost his shorts swimming and had to walk all the way home stark naked?”

  “Yeah.” Oliver reached over to Kelly, who was in a fit of laughter, and held her hand. Kelly’s face lit up and dropped to his hand on hers like it was something he hadn’t done in years. I saw how hard their love had been tested. “Now,” he continued, “John mostly worked in his jeans, so just image how white his legs and bare butt were!”

  I could barely breathe, my insides hurt, but the picture in my head was so worth the pain.

  “What’s so funny?” Ellie came into the kitchen confused. “Who are you?”

  And just like, that the cloak of stress was draped back over their lives.

  “Ellie,” I addressed her, “I’m John’s friend, Sloane.”

  “Where’s John?” She glanced around the room as the phone rang on the counter. Kelly slowly excused herself from the table.

  “He’s not here right now, Ellie.” Oliver’s face slipped back into his normal checked out stare. I didn’t judge him for that. It was a coping mechanism that happened a lot, especially with men. Asking for help just didn’t seem to be in his DNA, nor was showing any kind of real emotion when the stress took over.

  “Nothing, dear.” Kelly’s worried tone made all of us tune in to her telephone conversation, and I suspected it was John. “I met Sloane for lunch, and then we…” She stopped when Ellie started to get upset over a commercial on TV.

  “That’s not true!” Ellie yelled, and I knew another meltdown was about to happen. “That never happened! Dad, the TV is lying again.”

  I hated that we went from one hundred to zero in a millisecond. I would have done anything to have heard them laugh again.

  I texted Dell and asked him to come get me, and he said he was five minutes away. I grabbed my coat and watched from the porch for the headlights. I didn’t want to be in the way or embarrass them as shit was about to hit the fan.

  “I’m sorry, dear.” Oliver joined me on the porch. “Our life isn’t much fun to be around these days.”

  “I disagree, Oliver. I had a lot of fun tonight. I just hope I didn’t,” I fought my own emotions, “upset Ellie by coming over without John. I know it’s confusing for her.”

  “You tried to help, and that’s what counts. That’s more than anyone else has done for a long time.” He tucked his hands in his pockets and leaned on the railing. “We lost a lot of people when Ellie became like this. I think we’re both holding on to some miracle that one morning everything will be right again.”

  Headlights lit us up, and I hugged Oliver a goodbye. “Please let Kelly know I’m sorry, and anytime she wants to meet for lunch, she’s got a date.”

  “She’d love that, but don’t forget about me,” he whispered. “I need to laugh too.”

  “Anytime.” I hurried down the stairs and gave him a wave before I disappeared into the black SUV.

  I was pleased Dell was on the phone when I got inside. I really needed to check out and preserve the wonderful moments I witnessed this afternoon. Maybe, just maybe, I had helped Kelly and gained a new friend.

  Back at the house, I decided after such an emotional day to hit the bed early. I dug through my purse and retrieved my phone. I walked up the stairs and went to reach for the door, only to have it whipped open, and there stood a fuming John. He took a heavy step toward me, and I took a step back.

  Wow, what was going on?

  “What the hell were you thinking?” His eyes were bright with anger, and it was directly at me.

  “What?” I took another step back.

  “Do you understand the damage you just caused?”

  “John, I’m honestly totally lost. What are you talking about?”

  “Weren’t you just at my parents’ place? Did you not just take my mother to some crazy brain AA meeting?”

  “Not quite, but I did take your mother to a brain injury support group meeting. After we spoke about it at lunch—that she initiated, by the way—and we enjoyed—”

  “She enjoyed it, did she?” he interrupted. “Because the phone call I just had…sounded completely different.”

  “I was just trying to help. I—”

  “And who gave you the right to step into my life and show my mother that life will never be the same again? You had no right.”

  I stood in shock, trying to recall the sequence of events that had happened. We cried, we laughed, we learned, but not once did I feel I had overstepped. After all, Kelly called me and seemed to appreciate my taking her there. Hell, even Oliver seemed to enjoy my company tonight.

  His arms fell to his sides, and I saw his walls fly up tight.

  “John?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We had made such progress. What the hell just happened? “Could we maybe just take a second and talk about this?”

  “I can’t.” I could see this was much bigger than I had realized. “I let you into a part of my life that I hadn’t even shared with my brothers, and you abused it and added even more pain to my family. I trusted you, I fell for you, and look where it got me.”

  “I never mea
nt to hurt anyone. I thought I was helping.”

  He shook his head slowly. “This is fate’s way of reminding me of what I did to my sister. Happiness is not in my future, so better I learn this now.”

  Panic swiped over me.

  “I’m so sorry. Can we just go inside and talk about this? I’ll make it right.”

  “No.” His clipped tone made me flinch.

  He walked past me toward the main house and called back over his shoulder, “Please stay away from my family.”

  I wanted to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and cry. I wanted to shut the world away and not overanalyze where I went wrong, but instead I found myself digging my suitcase from the closet and dumping my belongings inside. I sent a quick text off to Dell, who agreed to take me into town. I was assuming from the delayed response he needed to check if it was okay or not. Twenty minutes later, we were on our way with no questions asked. Dell was wonderful for reading a situation and acted like it was a routine drop-off.

  The airport was quiet, the lines were short, and the staff were happy to be getting off soon. I tried to match their smiles, but I found the pain in my chest tightened every time my smile did. Instead, I just gave up and kept my head down.

  My flight left on time, and once in the air, I leaned my head against the window and pulled my sweater up over my face to block out the passengers.

  Never had I let my emotions send me into this kind of state. I knew better than to run. I wasn’t a runner. I talked things through and made sense of the situation at hand. But this was different; I’d never dated anyone like John. He just shut me out, turned off, and walked away. I wasn’t allowed to defend myself. No, I was told to stay away. And just like that, we were finished.

  Tears slipped down my cheeks and dampened my sweater. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself using the sound of the engines to tame my hurt.

  Hours later, I held my phone to my ear and waited for him to pick up.