The Beauty of Us

by Kristen Proby

  “Be good.”

  “You be good,” I reply. He gets into the car and buckles up, starts the engine, and waves as he backs out and drives away.

  That’s it.

  He’s gone.

  And I love that he didn’t say good-bye.

  When he turns and he’s out of sight, I turn around and walk back inside. The TV is going, but the house still feels quiet. All of his things are gone. The Xbox is no longer sitting by the TV. His computer isn’t on my dining room table.

  I wander through the house, and the only thing to remind me he was here is the pizza box in the kitchen.

  Just like that, it’s as if he’s erased from my life.

  And it hurts.

  It fucking hurts so bad.

  So I sit in the chair in my bedroom, where his clothes were lying just a few hours ago, and I let the tears come. I’ve earned them. I’m going to cry right now, just today and then not again. Because it’s not sad. We didn’t break up, and he’s not gone forever, and we will be able to talk all the time. I’ll FaceTime him, and I’ll be able to see him.

  But I can’t touch him.

  He can’t hold me.

  And I miss that already. I don’t care if it does make me needy and weak and stupid. I don’t fucking care in the least.

  He’s mine and he’s gone.

  And that’s not okay.

  I haven’t bothered to turn the lights on in the house. I haven’t done much this afternoon except sit on the couch and continue binge-watching the show Trevor and I started this morning. I don’t know where the remote is, and I have no energy to look for it.

  Not to mention I’m getting really good at this whole home renovation thing. I think I’ll have my kitchen redone next. I want one of those farm sinks. They’re sexy.

  I mean, if a sink can be sexy, those are.

  It’s dark outside now, the only light is the glow of the TV. Trevor called an hour ago to let me know that he made it home safely and he misses me already.

  He’s going to call me when he goes to bed tonight.

  In the meantime, I’m just going to lie here in the dark and watch TV.

  The doorbell rings, and I glare at the door, willing whoever is there to leave. If I had the energy, I’d just yell out, Leave!

  Instead, I’ll just lie here until they get the hint and go away.

  “We know you’re in there!” Addie’s voice yells through the door. Well, shit. The girls are here, probably to make me feel better, but I don’t want them to make me feel better.

  I want to wallow.

  I pull the door open and flip on the porch light, making all four of them squint in the harsh light.

  “Fuck, Riley, warn a girl before you do that,” Mia says.

  “We’re here,” Cami says proudly.

  “You don’t say,” I reply dryly. “Why are you here?”

  “Because we used our Jedi mind tricks and knew that you would need some cheering up,” Kat says.

  “And we came with provisions,” Mia says, holding up wine and a white paper bag full of ice cream.

  “You guys—”

  “You can’t say no,” Addie says, and pushes her way past me and into the house, the others following her. “Trevor sent us here to make sure you’re not too sad.”

  “Jesus, it’s dark in here,” Cami says, searching for the light switch. “Since when do you become a cave dweller when you’re sad?”

  “I didn’t want to get up and turn on the lights,” I reply. “I have pizza. Does anyone want some?”

  “Me,” Kat says. “I haven’t eaten today.”

  Having resigned myself to having company, I grab the box of leftover pizza and join the girls in my living room. Mia’s turned off the TV, and everyone is gathered around the coffee table, some on the couch, some sitting on the floor.

  “Why don’t you own wineglasses?” Kat asks with a frown as she walks out of the kitchen with regular glasses.

  “I only have two, and they’re both dirty in the dishwasher.”

  “You can get more at the dollar store, for God’s sake,” she says. “You need more than two.”

  “It hasn’t been a problem before today,” I remind her, and gratefully accept a glass of cold, sweet wine. “This is my favorite.”

  “I know,” Kat says with a smile.

  “How are you?” Cami asks before biting into a slice of pizza.

  “Not great,” I reply honestly, happy with just the wine. I don’t need any more food right now. I ate an entire package of Oreos this afternoon.

  “Tell us everything,” Addie says. “We haven’t seen much of you in the past week.”

  “Thanks for picking up my slack last week,” I say, tears filling my eyes again. “Damn it, I thought I’d already cried all of the tears in the world.”

  “Oh, honey,” Mia says, laying her head on my shoulder and rubbing circles on my back. “I’m so sorry that you’re sad.”

  “I shouldn’t be sad.” I wipe my nose on the back of my hand in frustration. “I keep telling myself that it’s dumb to be so upset. We didn’t break up. He’s just not here.”

  “You have every right to be upset,” Addie says, shaking her head. “This love is new, Ri. It’s fresh and exciting. It’s the best time in a relationship, and just as you were finding your groove, he had to go. I mean, Jake and I have been together for a couple of years, and I still don’t like it when he has to go away for any length of time.”

  “Seriously,” Kat says, nodding, “being in a relationship is exciting, but it’s also work. And when you find someone that you just click with, and want to be with all of the time, being away from them is awful.”

  “It sucks,” Mia says. “I know, I’m the one who always says that relationships suck, and I don’t need a man, and I don’t, but I’m not heartless. This isn’t easy, and we want you to know that we’ve got your back. I just wish we could beam you down to L.A. Star Wars–style, so you could be with him.”

  “You just combined Star Wars and Star Trek,” I reply, a smile tickling my lips.

  “You know what I mean,” she says, rolling her eyes.

  “No, no, I don’t. Because what you said doesn’t make any sense.”

  The girls laugh and Kat reaches over and takes my hand. “You’ve come a long way since you met Trevor in my bar.”

  “I have.” I nod, thinking back over the past few weeks and everything that’s happened. “He’s really wonderful, you guys. And the sex? Best in my life.”

  “He’s a good man,” Cami says with a nod. “Even our guys like him.”

  “Nana likes him too,” I reply. “She says if I don’t keep him, she’ll steal him from me.”

  “Just hang in there,” Addie says. “Give the distance a chance. Maybe it won’t be for long.”

  “He’d have to move here,” I reply helplessly. “And he can’t. He has an amazing job with a major network. And I can’t move from Portland. Nana is here, you guys are here. I own a business. I just don’t know how it’s going to work.”

  “With a lot of air miles and faith,” Cami says with a smile. “Because he’s worth it, Ri.”

  “Oh yeah. He’s so worth it.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  ~Trevor~

  Call me.

  I frown down at my sister’s text, surprised that she doesn’t just go ahead and call me. Not that we talk all that often.

  I have a meeting with my boss in ten minutes, so I go ahead and dial her number.

  “You’re alive,” she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

  “As are you,” I reply with a grin. “I’ve been on location.”

  “I figured. Are you back in L.A.?”

  “Yes, do you need me?”

  “It would be nice to see my only brother, yes,” she says, and I wince. Colleen is the youngest of us. She’s single, and estranged from our parents. I should check in on her more often.

  “Let’s get together this week,” I reply. “Unless you need me befo
re?”

  “Well, I do need to talk to you about Stephanie,” she says, referencing my ex and making me frown.

  “What about her?”

  “She’s been calling me.”

  I lean back in my chair and pinch my nose under my glasses.

  “And?”

  “And, I think she’s regretful.”

  “Of course she is,” I mutter, and check the time. “Colleen, I have to get to a meeting with my boss, but I want to discuss this further. Are you available for dinner tonight?”

  “Sure. Our usual spot?”

  “Sounds great. I’ll see you there at six.”

  “Make it six thirty. I’m coming from across town.”

  “Okay. See you soon.”

  We end the call, and I grab a notebook, pen, my cell, and rush over to my boss Chris’s office. His assistant smiles and waves as I run by, and Chris’s door is standing open, waiting for me.

  “Hey,” I say as I rush inside. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

  “You’re not,” Chris says as he finishes typing something on his computer, shuts it down, and shifts his attention to me. “Did you get in last night?”

  “Yesterday afternoon,” I reply, and sit across from him. “It’s been a busy morning, catching up.”

  “Understood,” he says with a nod. Chris is a great boss. He’s understanding and pretty laid-back, but he expects nothing less than excellence. He’s also rather curt in conversation. “I’ve gone through some of the film from Portland. That was a great call, Trevor. The film is great, and the girls are beautiful.”

  “Thank you, I think so too,” I reply with a nod. “They were all nervous at first, of course, but with time they loosened up, and the filming went quickly.”

  “Which we all appreciate,” he says with a smile. “What do you have coming up?”

  We spend the next ten minutes going over possible projects everywhere from Miami to Seattle, and frankly, I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

  Which is so unlike me, but now that I’ve met Riley, the thought of traveling all over the globe for work isn’t as enticing as it used to be.

  “I’d like to talk with you about another idea,” I say just as we’re about to wrap up.

  “Okay,” he says, and leans back in his chair, crossing his ankle over the opposite knee. “What’s up?”

  “I think the girls and Seduction are great enough to do something semipermanent there.”

  “Add another show to the roster?” he asks with a thoughtful frown.

  “Yes,” I reply with a nod. “We could start with six episodes to see how well it does, but I love the idea of doing a competition-type show with Mia and a different guest celebrity chef each week.”

  “It’s been done,” he says, narrowing his eyes.

  “Not like this, and not with Mia. She’s brilliant with the camera.”

  “She has no experience,” he counters, and I know I have my work cut out for me with this pitch.

  “You said yourself that they’re great. The restaurant is beautiful and sexy. The kitchen is new and state-of-the-art, and Mia is funny. She looks great in front of the camera.”

  “She’s pretty,” he says, rubbing his fingertips over his lips, thinking it over. “Do I sound like a dick when I say that she’s not exactly thin?”

  “You sound like a network executive,” I reply, frustrated. “And so what? We have hosts of all shapes and sizes on our network, and have for years. She’s talented, and I think the show would be fun.”

  “And what if I say yes to pursuing it further?”

  “Well, then I’d ask to be relocated to Portland so I could be in charge of the project.”

  He narrows his eyes on me for a moment.

  “What’s going on, Trevor? What’s happening with you?”

  I sigh and close my eyes. I hope I’m not about to commit career suicide.

  “I’m in love with Riley.”

  “Christ, Trevor,” he moans, and shakes his head in disappointment. “This is Professionalism 101. Keep your hands off your colleagues.”

  “The way you keep yours off your assistant?” I ask, and am met with a death glare. “Okay, it’s none of my business.”

  “You’re damn right it’s none of your business.”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Of course you didn’t. Who am I supposed to have replace you in your job? The show you just wrapped will still be a show on our network.”

  “I’m certain there are several qualified people who can take over. Just give it some thought, Chris. I know you can’t give me an answer on it right away. Wait until the show is edited and ready to air, then have a look and make up your mind then.”

  “So, you’re not in a hurry to get back up there?” He cocks a brow.

  I want to go back right now.

  “I would like to go back soon, but we’re also not in a huge hurry.”

  “I’ll think about it,” he finally concedes, and I sigh in relief that he didn’t put the kibosh on it immediately. “And I’ll talk it over with my boss as well. It’s not a bad idea.”

  “Thanks, Chris.”

  “What are you thanking me for? You want to move to Portland.”

  I laugh and stand to leave, leaning over the desk to shake his hand first. When I get to my office, I glance at my phone and see that I have a text from Riley.

  Jesus, I just left her last night, and I miss her so much it hurts.

  Just got another message from Angie. Would you please take care of this?

  What the fuck? I scowl as I reply.

  I’m on it. I’m sorry. I hope you’re having a good day.

  Jesus, I’m sick of this bullshit. I take a minute to run to the restroom, and when I’m washing my hands, my phone falls in the motherfucking sink.

  The sink that has a slow drain, so the phone is submerged.

  “Son of a bitch,” I mutter, and shake the water off, wipe it off with paper towels, and sigh when I see that it’s dead.

  Great.

  Once back at my desk, I open my Facebook messenger on my computer and bring up the message that Angie sent weeks ago. I never did reply. I’m not afraid to. Conflict doesn’t bother me, but I wanted to talk with the other guys first, and frankly, I was putting time with Riley at the top of my priority list.

  But I’ve heard from all of the guys, who agree that she should go.

  So she’s going to go.

  I quickly type out a message to her.

  Angie,

  I would appreciate it if you would stop communicating with Riley. She and I are very happy together. In light of your recent behavior, the guys and I have decided that it’s best if we no longer game together. I wish you well.

  Trevor

  I hit send and dive back in to work, forgetting about everything except a restaurant in Baltimore that has gotten excellent reviews that I need to go scout out for the show. I’m combing through their website when my assistant calls.

  “Um, Trevor, I have a woman named Angie on the phone for you.”

  Without moving, I shift my eyes to the phone and scowl.

  “Are you there, Trevor?”

  “Yeah. Sorry. Send her through.”

  What in the hell is she doing calling me?

  My phone rings and I answer on the third ring, taking the time to take a deep breath so I don’t tell her to go to hell.

  “Angie.”

  “Hi, Trevor. I must have lost your cell number, so I figured I’d just call your office.”

  “I never gave you my cell. How do you know where I work?”

  “You’ve mentioned it before,” she says with a little giggle. “Are you having a good day?”

  “Angie, why are you calling?”

  “Because I wanted to discuss your message. Trevor, you can’t just kick me out of the gaming group. I’ve been in it as long as you have.”

  “But I’m not trying to make trouble in your private life,” I remind h
er, and take my glasses off so I can rub my eyes. “It’s already been decided.”

  “By who?”

  “By all of us.”

  “So, you talked behind my back.”

  “Angie, you’ve been sending messages full of lies to my girlfriend. Fuck yes I talked it over with the guys behind your back.”

  “Riley is not your girlfriend.” Her voice is shrill now, and I can’t help but wonder just how many issues Angie has. “You and I have something special, Trevor.”

  “I don’t even know you.”

  “That’s a motherfucking lie!” she screams, making me pull the phone away from my ear. “We’re in love. Riley needs to back the fuck off.”

  “I’m telling you this right now. You leave her alone, Angie. Leave both of us alone.”

  “You’re just confused,” she says, her voice softer now, but no less full of the crazy. “We haven’t talked in a while, and you’re confused.”

  “Angie, get some help. Seriously, this isn’t okay.”

  “Listen to me, Trevor. You belong with me, and if you think I’m going to sit back while some cunt tries to steal you away from me—”

  “That’s enough,” I yell, catching her attention. “We’re done. I’m telling you again to leave us alone.”

  She starts to yell again, but I end the call and send a text to Scott.

  Angie is officially crazy. We might want to block her from the group.

  Without waiting for a response from Scott, I switch over to my text thread with Riley on my desktop.

  Hey, babe, I just spoke with Angie. She has some serious problems. Please block her on Facebook so she can’t contact you anymore. I’m doing the same on both Facebook and the Xbox. Also, FYI, I dropped my phone in the sink, and now it’s acting dead. I’ll try the rice trick tonight. In the meantime, I’ll have to call from work, or text on my computer.

  Both Scott and Riley reply at the same time, agreeing that Angie should be blocked. I promise to call Riley later and set the whole thing aside so I can get through the bulk of my work before I head to dinner with Colleen.

  Where I get to talk about my ex-wife, who has managed to avoid starting drama for two years, but seems to think it would be fun to do so now.