by Cee Bowerman
“Look at me, little bird. Look at me.” He said in a soft whisper. Lisa slowly raised her eyes to his. I could see the tension in her face, and in her arm where she wanted so badly to remove her hand from his.
“I will never, and I mean never hurt you. There is not ever going to be a time, and when I say that I
really mean it, for you to feel that you have to be afraid to say something to me. Me, or any of my brothers. I bark and I growl and so do they. We get loud and say things that sound mean, because we’re just cavemen deep down. But, and hear me when I say this little one, anytime you need Carlie or anything else you feel free to interrupt me and her no matter what we are doing. No matter where we are, no matter what is going on, nothing. I don’t want to ever scare you, sweetheart. I would never mean to do that. Please hear me, little bird, okay?” I was proud of Lisa that she held his eyes through that. And, she never moved her hand.
Lisa looked away from Sam to stare at me. She kept her hand in his, looked down at it for a second and then looked back up at me.
“Jesus, where do you find these guys? And there’s two of them?” She looked from me to Sam and then up to Zeke. She started to blush as she noticed Zeke’s intense stare aimed at her. She lifted her hand from under Sam’s and fanned her face for a second. She looked back at Zeke for a second, then looked down and muttered, “My ovaries just did a little dance and my uterus is down there in the corner crying. Christ.” She spun around and opened the freezer and stuck her head in.
Zeke pulled his lips between his teeth and turned to his brother. Sam was biting his lip but still had to put his hand over his mouth. The two of them were so close to losing it, but they were trying so hard to get it straight. I tilted my head and made my eyes go wide. A silent, “Boys!” They pulled themselves together before Lisa turned back around from the freezer.
She spun around and avoided all eye contact as she went to the cabinet to get our plates.
“What I was saying, before. Well you know, earlier. Anyway. Whatever. The boxes will arrive with your things from storage tomorrow. I am not sure how many there are, but we can sit them out back on the patio and let you go through them there if you want to. If you would rather, I can go through them and look for mementos, photos, anything that might hold sentimental value to you from your old house. The newer boxes are things that were removed from apartments over the years. Could be all crap, might be some things you want to keep from your, well, travels I guess you could call it.” She had passed out the plates and we started to grab sandwiches and pass around the chips.
“I want to see all of it, but I would welcome the help going through things.” I returned.
“Boxes? Of your stuff from the years?” Zeke asked. I nodded my head as I swallowed.
“If they could, someone would go in well after we left and take stuff that had meaning. Or what they thought might have meaning. Pictures mostly, hopefully some stuff we had on shelves that had meaning. But the person packing our stuff wouldn’t know that. And they had to be quick and quiet about it, probably, so they wouldn’t get to linger and find things. I tried to keep stuff with me that I couldn’t live without, but then again, I only had one bag for emergencies. Not all the things I loved were in there.” I paused to take another bite. “There’s no clothes or anything like that in the boxes. Probably nothing to keep except, like I said, pictures.”
“I wonder how much there will be. Where they kept it all.” Lisa and I had discussed this before. She and I were trying to look at it like a treasure chest that I got to open after years of it being hidden away.
“We’ve got boxes. All of them.” Zeke said. “All in the attic at the garage. We can bring them too.”
“Boxes from your apartment when you left. The ladies let us in and we packed all your stuff and kept it. Not your furniture or dishes, but pretty much everything else. Clothes, cd’s, pictures, recipe books, you know, stuff like that. We cleaned the place out. Gave the furniture to a shelter along with the dishes.” Sam took a drink of his soda. “Sucked to do it but I knew someday you would come back and if you didn’t I would have those things close by.”
“You make my heart happy, Sam Sam. Full and happy.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. “You kept parts of me, just in case.”
“Me and the boys can bring the boxes over tomorrow. If we are allowed to, that is.” Zeke chuckled. “Gotta let the girl up for air sometime, brother.”
“Zeke, buddy, shut it. You’ve got no clue.” Sam said seriously. “No clue.”
I guess my parting shot about his place in my life hit the target. Sam understood the importance of our first time together, and also this first time. I wasn’t blowing smoke and he knew I would never lie about something like that. He was my first everything. My first kiss at 16 after a school dance. I lost my virginity to him a year later and if we were alone we were naked until I left when I was 19.
I had opportunities to date over the years, and I went on a few just for companionship. I never let a single one of them kiss me or have anything more than a few conversations and maybe a dinner or two. I knew that Sam was it for me. I wanted to keep that memory of him, us together, with me forever and not mar it with time spent with someone else.
I knew while I was gone that Sam would move on, date, maybe even fall in love. My brain knew that he would have other women, even though my heart hoped that wasn’t true. After the clinch I saw in his office yesterday it was confirmed. And I realize now that I was deeply jealous of the time those women had with him while I was gone.
I knew it was irrational to be angry and jealous, and I was working hard to tamp those emotions down and let them go. I had him here with me now and that is all that mattered.
“I’m going to hop in the shower real quick. Won’t take but a minute. Then, we can go.” I reached over to kiss Sam on the cheek. “I’m gonna dress for the bike, just in case you have the urge to give me a ride.” I hopped up and put my plate in the sink.
“Meds.” Lisa said. “Don’t forget since you just ate.”
I spun back around and went to the cabinet. I pulled out the clear tote that held my medicines and opened the container for today’s slot. As I sorted through Lisa brought up some other things that were on her mind.
“Yoga, also. Missed yesterday and going to miss today. Has to be tomorrow. And don’t forget your crème. And your stretches after your shower.” She was so cute when she was bossy. I tiptoed to put the meds back in the cabinet.
“Yes, ma. I’m on it.” I winked at her and walked to my bedroom.
~*~ Sam turned and watched Carlie’s bedroom door close.
“What are the meds for? And all the other?” Sam asked.
“Well to put it in a nice simple package, she lost a kidney. Injured her liver and lost a section of her intestines. She had three major surgeries and two minor ones. Fought off three different kinds of infection and was unconscious for over six weeks. In that time, she developed pneumonia and a couple of secondary infections.” Lisa stated very simply.
“Jesus, man.” Sam said and ran his hands through his hair. “Is everything else inside her okay? What about her legs?”
“Everything else in there is fine. Heart and lungs are fine, although I am on her ass to completely give up the smokes, especially after the pneumonia. She rarely has one, and she thinks she hides them from me, but she should still completely stop. The first time she woke up, after I told her Joe was okay, she said, ‘Are my girl parts workin’, Lees? I want to give my Sam some babies.’ and then she fell right back out for three more days.” Lisa chuckled. “A man tries to kill her, but she’s got priorities.” Lisa took a deep breath and said more.
“Yoga is part of her physical therapy too because even though it’s been a year she did spend more than two months in a bed. The stretching and stuff helps her not only physically get in shape, it helps her scars to not get tight but it calms her too. It does that for both of us. The crème is to help with the scarring.�
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“Oh my god.” Sam dropped his head to look at his plate. Lisa realized that Sam was close to crying.
“God.”
“Did you know about us when she got shot? Why didn’t you call? You were all alone to take care of her and Joe. Any one of us would have helped.” Zeke put his hand on Lisa’s arm. He felt her flinch, but she didn’t pull away. She looked up to see tears in his eyes too. “I’m not accusing or anything, just asking.”
It clicked somewhere in Lisa that these were men who would die to protect her, they would never hurt her, they didn’t have that in them.
“Sam. This time you look at me. Both of you listen.” She reached for Sam’s hand and slid her arm so her other hand was holding Zeke’s. Sam looked up at Lisa, tears on his face. “There was nothing you could have done. Nothing. She ran so that these things wouldn’t happen to any of your family, the whole time praying it wouldn’t ever happen to her, but she knew it could because she watched it happen to her parents. I know you would take that for her if you could and she understands that too. But when she woke up we talked about this. She hurts for Joe and she is broken about Sheila, but this is how it had to end. That monster had to die. It’s unfortunate that others were hurt first but unless he was dead she would never be able to stop running. Honestly, she never told me last names. She said she couldn’t. But, even if she had, she didn’t know how any of you would feel after all this time. She and I knew each other okay, but not like best friends who do each other’s hair or whatever. You know?”
“Little fairy, can I hug you? Would that be okay?” Zeke asked Lisa.
Lisa thought about if for a few seconds. Zeke could see the emotions playing over her delicate face. Finally, she nodded.
“Gotta have the words, sweetheart. Is it okay?” Zeke whispered.
“Yes. It’s okay.” Lisa turned to him and slowly put her hands on his chest.
Zeke slowly put his hands around her, very softly hugging her to him. He slowly put his head down and softly kissed her hair.
“Thank you, fairy girl, for all of it. For taking care of her and helping her to get home to Sam. Thank you for giving us the words to tell us how to help take care of her. And mostly, honest to God, thank you for trusting me to put my arms around you.” Zeke murmured all of this in her hair and felt her relax against his chest.
He looked up to see Sam wiping his face as he stood and turned to Carlie’s bedroom. “Can I have some of your clothes, brother?” he asked as he walked away.
“I’ll leave some outside her door.” Zeke answered as he watched him walk away. Then, he stood there in the kitchen, his arms around this wonderful girl, his lips in her soft hair. He smiled as the minutes went by and he felt Lisa melt closer to him.
13.
I was excited as I stepped into the shower and my music playlist reflected that. Korn is my go-to when I am excited and today was definitely an exciting day. I cranked up the volume to max sound and thought of the progress of my day so far. I had reconnected with Sam’s siblings and although it was a rough start, the ending was better than I could have hoped. I made plans with Sam to get my errands done, and those plans rolled into tonight when Sam would be with me again in my bed. I moved through the shower as quickly as I could, making sure that I was shaved and smooth in all the right places. Tonight, Sam would see all of me again for the first time in eleven years.
I was no longer a 19-year-old young woman. I hit 30 this year and along with that I was covered in scars from gunshot wounds and surgeries. My breasts were still fantastic. I know I was a bit biased, but I was pretty sure I had a seriously nice rack. I stared at myself in the mirror, analyzing them. I was okay with how they looked, even without a bra on. My belly was mostly flat. Not supermodel thin, because that wasn’t something I would ever aspire to, but not too heavy either. I was comfortable with it. I turned to the side and investigated my hips and thighs. Still had the bubble butt, which Sam had always appreciated, but I also was working on some minor hail damage down on the thigh area. I just shook my head. Nothing I can do about that in the next 8 hours, so I would have to power through.
As I turned back to face myself in the mirror, my hand went to my stomach. My scars. They were still bright red and puckered, crisscrossing here and there, but the main eye catcher was where the bullet went into my skin. It was dimpled in, lower than the rest of my skin, and a dark purple red. I rubbed my hand over the still sensitive area and realized Harvey Danger was on now and the beat was starting to make me move around with a little pep in my step.
I remembered the woman I saw in the office with Sam and I compared myself to her. She was very thin. I was not thin at all. She was a bit taller than I am, but maybe that was the heels. She dressed to show lots of skin and that is not something I knew I could never be comfortable with. When we spoke last night, he told me about her, and that she was one of the women that hung around the bar, and he had no feelings for her. She was just a warm spot to get his needs met and pass the time. I was a little hurt that he was so vulgar about it but I understood. He didn’t have any ties and had made no promises, so she shouldn’t have had many expectations of forever.
I unwrapped the towel from my hair and shook it out, bending over at the waist. Flipping my hair over my shoulders, I dabbed the towel on my face and then hung it on the rack. Running my hands through my hair to de-tangle, I started moving to the beat when Jimmy Eat World kicked in with The Middle. My theme song. I rubbed crème on my scars and a lotion/sunscreen combo all over the rest of me while I shook my hair and lip synced into the mirror.
As the song went into the final chorus I held my imaginary microphone, threw my head back in lip sync perfection and bounced into my bedroom to get dressed.
Sam was laying across my bed. He had his head propped up in his hand and was watching me jiggle around to my favorite song. His eyes were dark and his grin was, for lack of a better word, delicious. I
let out a shriek and about faced to run right back into the bathroom. Not that it helped a lot, considering my bathroom had no door.
When I looked at the floor plans before I bought the house, I noticed the doorway was wide, but never paid attention that there was no door. The toilet was off in the corner in a little closet for privacy, but an open doorway with just a small wall leading in separated the two rooms. As I stood there to the side, with a wall between me and Sam, I realized that if a person laid at just the right angle across my bed and looked into the full-length mirror to the left of the bathroom entrance he could see the other mirrors reflecting the entire bathroom. Including the vanity where I did my body inspection and started my dance. That wicked, wicked man. I knew he was wicked because right this second, I was staring at his reflection in the mirror watching a slow grin spread even farther across his face. If his beard wasn’t so full I knew I would be getting both dimples along with that devious smile.
Well, as far as an ice breaker of letting him see the current me went, the smile just gave away that he’s all for it. So, as a woman who knows she has lost the battle but is ready to win the war, I threw my hair over my shoulders and strutted my naked ass out of the bathroom and walked into the bedroom to stand there at the end of the bed, naked in all my glory.
Sam never spoke. Not a word. He just lifted one hand and crooked his finger at me. Like that finger was attached to a string at my middle, he slowly reeled me in. I stopped when my thighs hit the edge of the mattress.
“C’mere, sweetheart.” he patted the bed in front of him.
As if in a trance, I obeyed. I put my knee onto the mattress and crawled toward him. When I got close enough Sam put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled my head to his. His mouth caught mine and the kiss started hot. It wasn’t the slow burn he had started with before, this was instant inferno and I was caught in the middle of it. Still with one hand on my neck, he took his other hand from under his head and wrapped it around my shoulders. His mouth never left mine as he rolled to his back and positioned me on top
of him. His long kisses were melting every part of me right into him.
Sam’s hand went from my shoulders and slowly moved down my back until he was cupping my ass. His hand went down a bit further and pulled my thigh to bend it up next to his hips. I felt his hand stop when it hit one of the scars there and then he picked his hand up and skipped over it and moved his hand up to my ass. His other hand left my neck to do the same with the other leg. He put both hands on my ass and gripped it, pushing my hips down to grind on the fly of his jeans. He let out a low growl and did it again.
I moved my lips from his and trailed kisses down his jaw to his ear. My hands had come up and were at his scalp, tangled in his hair. I let my tongue follow the curve of his ear as I ground my myself onto him. Sam bent his head and kissed my jaw, running his tongue along it up to my ear.
“Listen to the song, baby.” Sam kept kissing my neck. “Hear it?”
“Yeah,” I breathed, “I hear it. It’s Stevie.”
“My Pride and Joy. That’s you, baby.” As the guitar took over Sam’s hand moved between us and went down to touch me. At first it was slow but as the music grew he put his thumb right over my clit and rubbed a circle.
“Just…. God...” I was out of breath. I couldn’t think.
He moved one of his fingers and let one slip inside of me but kept his thumb moving in those slow lazy circles over my clit. I moved my hips to give him better access and to push against his hands. He started to move faster as he lightly bit my neck by my ear.
I moved my lips to his and ran my tongue over his bottom one. Our mouths were almost touching, and we were breathing against each other as his hands worked their magic, going faster now. His hand on my ass pushed down so that I was grinding against his hand. I let out a low moan. It had been so long since I had another person’s hands on me I was ready to combust.