Lair For Rent

by Skyler Grant

  I was getting a pretty good idea.

  Uma called through comms, sounding rather panicked, “Uh, I hate to interfere as you’re all getting blown up and stuff, but I’ve kind of got an emergency here. Patriot tried to infiltrate our mainframe. I’m better than they are, but now robots are shutting the servers down. I can't last much longer.”

  That was a problem. I was housed in the quantum sphere now, and the anti-viral properties of it had specifically worked to keep Uma out, so I couldn’t exactly take in a roommate.

  The city networks were going crazy given the attack, and Mastermind had taken over most of them. Still, as always MONEY is the greatest superpower there is. I purchased a dedicated data channel and some server space from Villazon.

  “You’ve got your exit. Go,” I said to Uma.

  We’d have to make it the rest of the way to our new temporary lair on foot. Fortunately, it was easy to find.

  You just had to look for the dragons soaring overhead.

  43

  Dragon talon legs on the tables, dragon artwork on the walls, little dragon-shaped mints for the humans to eat. I thought they were overdoing the dragon tower theme a bit.

  I called a meeting around the conference table. Once again it was nicer than our own. What was with these people? Did they have no idea of proper budgeting constraints? Did a conference table really need inlaid tiles depicting ornamental dragons at war?

  Jules asked, “So I take it the focus of this meeting is, 'We accidentally blew up the world, what do we do about it?'”

  I said, “At present Patriot mostly appears to be blowing up Mastermind Isle, and even that is contained. Mastermind doesn’t seem to know where these attacks are coming from.”

  “A fact that's bad for the city, but is probably keeping us alive right about now. Which hey, I’m okay with,” Niles said.

  Uma said, “Man, these Villazon servers are great. I can totally hack access to everyone's shopping data. What are all the salves for, Niles?”

  “The armor chafes, okay? Stop looking at my purchase history,” Niles said.

  “But I didn’t even get to the good bits!”

  “I am the most technical-minded member of this company and you do not want me figuring out how to take your access away,” Niles said.

  “Fine,” Uma grumbled.

  “Important things. City on fire, eviction from our own home, the S-Class villain that will want to kill us all dead,” I said.

  “We could run away. Disaster might take me in. I mean, I know she disintegrates some people, but she is a really good singer,” Uma said.

  “She actually is. That is no joke,” Niles said.

  “Is that even necessary? Does Patriot actually have enough power to pose a threat to an S-Class villain like Mastermind?” I asked.

  Jules said, “I don’t know. How do we know? But I know that Mastermind is really smart. I mean, that is kind of his whole thing, and he wouldn’t have called a level four emergency for nothing. Still, he hasn’t taken it higher.”

  “There is a higher?” I asked.

  “There is always a higher. At level five they call on the other villain territories to send support. At level six they call on the other S-Class. A level seven is classified as a planetary crisis and the heroes get called in. There are even tiers above that, not that I can really imagine what is above a planetary crisis,” Jules said.

  “So he’s concerned, but not in full-blown panic.”

  “And that might go away with time. He is Mastermind. Obviously whatever this is took him off guard, because Mastermind is always spinning plans and running the data, and he got surprised,” Jules said.

  Uma said, “Then we just move. It was a crappy old lair anyways. The servers were terrible and Walter has dreadful taste in decor."

  Jules asked, “What have we identified about Patriot? What do we know? I know, I know, locked away for a doomsday scenario. We must have something beyond that. How is this attack happening?”

  I brought up a display. This conference room had a holo-projector, of course, another unnecessary expense. Humans could understand two dimensional visuals just fine.

  A camera had caught a tank materializing in the street, manifesting out of cascading waves of blue energy.

  I said, “This looks like teleportation, but from what I can tell it isn’t. It's more like some sort of energy to matter materialization.”

  “What makes you think so?” Jules asked.

  “I don’t, but the scientists on Villainet are speculating, and they've hit on something important. So far Patriot’s attacks seem to be centering on power facilities.”

  Jules pursed her lips. “Mastermind will have picked up on that.”

  “And he seems to have. Right now every power station has several A-Class villains guarding it and everyone is being ordered to avoid them,” I said.

  We all pondered this a moment.

  I said, “Right, so Patriot is working with what it has to secure a power source—to make even more weapons. How is it materializing weapons all over the city?”

  “Nothing on the roof of our building is tall enough to affect the city. I’m guessing there must be a quantum pairing link to someplace that is,” Niles said.

  Uma said, “The city's network is being disrupted. As far as I can tell Patriot has some sort of digital warfare suite. It is kind of dated—not even on my level, but it is doing enough to throw things into chaos.”

  “The one battle droid I saw was heavily adaptable, that was one its strengths. We can expect that even if Patriot is a bit outdated now, it will be working to change that,” I said.

  “Patriot was top of the line at the time and is still going to be super-enhanced technology. The science might have changed a bit since, but the power behind it is what really counts,” Niles said.

  “We have to go to Mastermind. I know that he might shoot me again, and I don’t like that, but we unleashed something here and he is our best bet to put it back where it belongs,” Jules said.

  “Why do we care?" Niles said. "Mastermind wants Walter to kill us. So far Patriot just seems to not care about us, and might even support us, if we become useful."

  “Throwing us out wasn’t very welcoming. At best it was a sort of benign indifference,” Jules said.

  What really mattered was how we came out ahead. I didn’t know what Patriot was, but as Jules said it had shown no interest in working with us. Mastermind hadn’t shown much interest either, but he could be convinced with a good plan. In every disaster there was an opportunity. Yes, we’d unleashed the disaster. Now it was time to see if we could find some profit in it.

  44

  Mastermind’s tower wasn’t nearly the display of excess like Disaster’s, or as closed off. The entire bottom level was devoted to administration, a reception desk, screens everywhere, and rows of tasteful seats with copies of Villainous Quarterly on every table.

  Despite a city-wide disaster the place was busy, although mostly with B-Class and higher villains reporting as ordered for city defense.

  Being there to report having released the threat imperiling the city wasn’t exactly something I figured they had a prepared response for. Still, we were handed a number and told to have a seat.

  I’d brought the whole gang. If Mastermind wanted to start shooting, we were going to put up the best fight we could.

  Jules flipped through one of the magazines. “Why would anyone even think doing an exclusive interview with Puddle was a good idea? I mean Puddle is nothing in a fight without Electrogirl.”

  “Puddle took on that army of the Cyber Crusaders single-handedly. That was pretty badass,” Niles said.

  “They were electronic and not waterproofed. It wasn’t a fair fight. They were idiots.”

  “You probably respect Incentron for all the people he burned and really they just didn’t bother to fireproof themselves,” Niles said.

  “It isn’t the same thing,” Jules muttered.

  A sharply dressed
man approached and cleared his throat. “Mastermind will see you now.”

  Mastermind’s elevator was incredibly speedy and soon we were being released into what looked to be some sort of command center. There were thousands of screens displaying data from all over the city, and over a dozen workstations with agents tapping away.

  Mastermind was seated in a massive chair with controls built into the arms. It spun to face the elevator as we arrived.

  “Here before my deadline—and saying you are responsible for causing quite the mess in my city. Miss Morgan, congratulations on your upgrades. They are impressive,” Mastermind said.

  “Won’t be as easy to shoot me in the gut now,” Jules said.

  “I’ll find a way if I need to. Do I need to?”

  I said, “We inadvertently activated the Patriot system within our headquarters. It was a sort of doomsday protocol set up by the old government. To reclaim the world after a disaster.”

  “Your screw-ups are truly remarkable. If only your triumphs were equally as inspiring. At least now I know where to direct our attacks,” Mastermind said.

  “You need us,” I said.

  Mastermind directed a long look towards my drone. “If you have a case to make for your continued survival, make it.”

  “We believe that Patriot is operating on low battery power and is attempting to secure energy sources in the city. Your own data should confirm this.”

  “It does. Power plants, battery storage facilities, there was even an attempt to capture Shockfist,” Mastermind said.

  “We believe that Patriot is operating through a quantum pairing system located in our lair. We rebuilt that system, we know its intricacies, and we can shut it down,” I said.

  Mastermind studied us each in turn. “No, I’m quite certain that you can not. You don’t have the firepower necessary even with your upgrades. It is easier for me to simply level the facility.”

  “You could, but where is the profit in that? Patriot is an aggressive software system capable of computer intrusions into any network, in addition to being able to create highly adaptive hardware drones and even combat equipment converted from raw energy,” I said.

  “I’m aware of the capabilities my city is facing. You’re arguing you can somehow turn Patriot over to my cause? I must say, if so, you are doing a terrible job of convincing me,” Mastermind said.

  “I’m capable of resisting even a viral agent created by an S-Class. Just such a viral agent is also in my employ. That same agent re-initialized the Patriot system, and put in the right place will be able to take it over,” I said.

  Mastermind steepled his hands before him, “An intriguing possibility. Of course, if we shut down the quantum tunneling system it sounds like you’ll lose access to Patriot.”

  “It’ll be contained inside the building and critically low on power. They’ll try to conquer floors, working their way up and harvesting what equipment and energy they can. We’ll do the same in reverse.”

  “And using your unique set of skills and defenses you’ll not just neutralize the threat, but tame it for my use. And how am I trust you?” Mastermind asked.

  “We’re here, and I’m obviously interested in making a deal. You are a businessman and while you likely prefer to kill us, I’m offering you an option to get some profit out of this disaster,” I said.

  Mastermind considered this. “Acceptable. There will be conditions, of course. No point in agreeing to them now, because you’ll really have no choice but to agree to them as they arise. First, however, the virus, I won’t have it loose in our systems. We’re binding it into some form of hardware.”

  “I want a little fairy body,” Uma said quickly.

  “Alya, tell Binder I need him. Also tell the Toymaker that we’re going to need something whimsical to house a rogue AI. Make it an appropriate host,” Mastermind said.

  It was amazing how fast Mastermind could get things done. However, Uma didn’t get her fairy body. Instead the "hardware" was a robot in the form of a three-foot-tall teddy bear. Binder transferred her consciousness and, true to his name, bound it to the bear.

  “This is not a fairy. I can’t fly! I don’t have wings,” Uma said, stomping a foot.

  “You’re still pretty adorable,” Jules said.

  “I don’t even have weapons. Who builds a robot body without weapons?” Uma asked.

  “Toymaker is something of a pacifist. A great flaw in a villain, but I still manage to find a use for him. This will greatly curtail your abilities. You’ll now need physical contact with any system to infiltrate it,” Mastermind said.

  I didn’t disapprove of his choice. Mastermind might have made Uma weaker, but that just meant she had to be part of a team.

  This was good for us, good for me.

  45

  I had rather expected with the city under assault we would rush to take back our headquarters, following Mastermind’s army. There was more waiting involved. Patriot was drawing on a limited supply of energy and Mastermind wanted Patriot to deplete as much power as possible.

  That didn’t just mean fighting it in the streets. We wanted Patriot to commit resources, burn energy it didn't want to lose.

  As such Mastermind was staging a collapse of the defense at a power facility. It worked and Patriot sent a sizable army to secure it. As soon as they did, we made our move.

  We accompanied Mastermind in his luxurious hover ship. His command center here was almost as impressive as the one in his headquarters, with screens and the massive chair almost identical.

  Mastermind tossed out orders almost casually, as people hastened to obey.

  “We get too close, we’ll initiate a full defensive response. You simply returning to your lair may get less attention. We’re going to drop you close and let you figure it out. We’re providing you with comms in case of an emergency. Do avoid using them unless you absolutely have to,” Mastermind said.

  Right.

  Mastermind had at least provided us all some equipment upgrades.

  Jules was dressed in a skimpy outfit of white and gold, golden bands swirled serpent-like around her arms and ankles. Across her back was a bow. It was golden as well and a quiver was packed with arrows of a wide variety. All in all she looked like some kind of huntress goddess come to life, which was pretty close to the truth.

  Niles’ base armor remained the same, but the energy pack and blasters had been replaced by higher-powered variants along with a shield projector.

  Ox had been fitted with a muscle enhancement exoskeleton. In addition to being incredibly durable he was now capable of feats of superhuman strength.

  Uma had already gotten her upgrade, or downgrade, as it were.

  My upgrade? A paycheck. Lair for Rent was now officially a contractor for Mastermind Industries. I also got a high quality armored drone. It wasn’t great for combat, but excellent for observation.

  Mastermind’s teleporter beam released us and we materialized on the street. We were a few blocks from our headquarters.

  “You are so oinked,” came a voice from a nearby building. A massive hog stepped out with a shotgun in hand. There were squeals from nearby buildings as other hog riders appeared.

  “This didn’t go so well for you last time,” Jules said.

  “We fought you before? Don’t matter. This is our turf and we’re tired of being oinkin disrespected. Got ourselves some better guns, some upgrades. I’m the motheroinkin Hogfather and you’re going to learn what that means,” Hogfather said.

  There was a flash of blue light from the upper story of a nearby building. A hog sniper with some serious weaponry. Jules and Niles managed to get out of the way, with Niles snagging the arm of Uma and clutching the bear close to his chest as they moved. The rest of us were scattered by an explosion.

  We didn’t have time for this. We needed to get to our facility and shut down the quantum pairing network before Patriot could start funneling energy in.

  A hog toppled from the window, an arrow
through one of his eyes.

  Niles went flying back as the Hogfather shot him at close range. His armor was smoldering where the pellets had hit him—the Hogfather must be using some sort of powered shells.

  “Niles needs a tank,” I said.

  “Ox,” Ox said. “I am coming comrade! Do not give up the fight.”

  Ox charged forward, placing himself between Niles and the Hogfather. His shoulder caught Hogfather and sent him crashing back through the door from which he came.

  Niles was on fire, but it wasn’t stopping him from fighting back. Energy beams struck two of the hogs whose bullets traced blue pathways through the air. One hit my drone and I was driven backwards by a pulse of blue power.

  Jules was a terror. I’d swear she was actually dodging bullets, her body twisting into almost inhuman angles as she fought and arrow after arrow flew from her bow. These weren’t even powered arrows, and they didn’t need to be. Every one went through an eye and put a hog down.

  “We don’t have time for this. Handle this fast,” I said.

  Ox stumbled back from the doorway. He was on fire too. Blast after blast of the shotgun was punching him back.

  “You aren’t oinking going anywhere,” Hogfather said, finally reloading.

  Perhaps that was best.

  “Send him flying,” I said.

  Ox grabbed hold of Hogfather and flung him upwards. A last few shotgun blasts were dispelled helplessly into the air.

  The other hogs stared up as he arced through the sky.

  “We can fight this out and kill the rest of you, or you can go try to rescue your boss—on the off chance he survives,” I told them.

  The hogs exchanged look and one made a motion before pulling back.

  “Someone put me out,” Niles complained, still on fire.

  Ox for his part was already busy rolling around in a massive pool of mud near one of the doors.

  “Ox,” Ox said. “Use what the hogs have provided. When on fire stop, drop, and roll.”

  “Really,” Niles said, staring at the mud. “Really?”