Where Secrets Lie

by R E Gauthier

  Inside the same torment, Kelsey knew where she was because she felt the familiar tug she always did when Aisling was present. She was in Aisling’s house, and it was that night once again. The place was black so she couldn’t make out the details in the room, but she didn’t need to because she instinctually knew it was Aisling’s bedroom. Aisling was sobbing and hiding under her bed while she pleaded for Kelsey to help her.

  “Please Kelsey, I need you. I’m afraid, and I don’t think I can do this alone; please come to me.” Aisling pleaded.

  Kelsey found her cousin under the bed and tried to hug her, but something kept her from reaching Aisling. There was a tug on her arm, and Kelsey opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She tried again, but again the words wouldn’t form in her throat. She yelled inside her mind. I’m trying to get to you Aisling; I cannot reach you. I’m sorry, please forgive me.

  The horror turned to Aunt Cat’s assault, and Kelsey tried to close out the images of a large man hurting her. Aunt Cat was naked from the waist-down and crying, and Uncle Ethan was bleeding from a bullet wound to his shoulder. Uncle Ethan shouted and asked the man to stop, that he would give him anything he wanted. The large man kept laughing and yelling horrible things at Aunt Cat. Kelsey could feel the pain inside her as if the man was hurting her. She felt the sobs ripped from her body and got trapped inside the nightmare. Trying to block out the sounds and images, Kelsey willed this torment to stop, but it continued for what seemed like hours. When she thought it was over the man would strike Aunt Cat in the face and laugh when she screamed. The man would assault Aunt Cat again and again. Uncle Ethan was lying on the bed beside her, with his hands tied to the bedpost. The blood wasn’t seeping from his shoulder as much as it had in the beginning and Kelsey could see that he was crying quietly.

  Just when Kelsey thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, the man got up and said, “Now I must go find that sweet little daughter of yours, and we’ll have some fun. Sit tight and don’t try anything, because if you do, I’ll hurt her more than you can imagine.”

  Another man spoke, but Kelsey couldn’t see him. The man said, “I’ll keep an eye on these two while you finish up with her. Don’t get any ideas.” He cocked his gun and fired two shots into the wall above Uncle Ethan’s head. “You get smart and try something, and I won’t miss next time.”

  Fear gripped Kelsey as she knew that Aisling was still cowering under her bed; Kelsey knew that Aisling wouldn’t be able to get away and this man would hurt her as well. Kelsey tried to yell but nothing came out, she watched as the man walked to Aisling’s room, opened the door and said something under his breath.

  Kelsey saw and felt the terror in Aisling as the man grabbed her from under the bed and dragged her out. He picked her up as if she were a mere doll and threw her down. Aisling screamed as she hit the bed and the man was on her immediately. Kelsey saw his cruel face as it twisted into a snarl. He shoved Aisling’s hands away as she tried to fight him off. Kelsey wanted to hit him, but her body wouldn’t move. She had to endure the attack on her beloved cousin helpless and mute.

  Aisling didn’t stop fighting even when the man struck her in the face, she wiggled and kicked her feet. The man tore her nightgown and panties and started touching her with hurtful fingers. Kelsey felt the pain as Aisling did and she cried out silently.

  The man was laughing and making horrible noises as he kept hurting Aisling with his hands. Then he reached down and unzipped his pants. Kelsey knew what was going to happen and she willed Aisling to fight him with all she had. Please, Aisling, he’s going to hurt you more, you have to fight. Aisling did struggle, but the man didn’t stop. Kelsey felt the sharp pain and felt the dizziness as if she too were being assaulted by the man. The pain was nothing Kelsey had experienced before or since. Aisling screamed, but the man kept pushing into her and hurting her.

  Kelsey endured several long, painful minutes of Aisling’s assault before the man stopped. Kelsey then heard silence and then the vision was over. The dark grip on her arm and mind was gone, and her consciousness was returning. Hearing the harsh sound of her breath coming out in pants, Kelsey woke, covered in sweat and gripped in terror. She opened her mouth, and nothing came out, she opened it again, and this time a squeak escaped. Once again, Kelsey tried to utter a shout and this time a scream broke from her body.

  ***

  Kelsey woke from the nightmare covered in sweat and her mouth open.

  “Babe, what is it?” Miranda’s eyes searched Kelsey’s in the dim light for some understanding of her frame of mind

  Feeling disoriented from the memories of the horror she had experienced, Kelsey looked around. She wasn’t in Aisling’s bedroom, nor was Kelsey in her room at Nanna’s house; Kelsey lay in a bed at the cabana in Fiji. Miranda’s worried voice and stare were breaking through her brain fog. Taking a deep shuddering breath, Kelsey closed her eyes and tried to speak. Swallowing a few times, she attempted to free the large lump in her throat.

  “Please Kelsey, what is it? You were sobbing in your sleep, I tried to wake you, but you whimpered, the sobs turned to a scream like you were in pain. I was terrified, but I couldn’t reach you. Some horrible nightmare had you in its grip, and I could do nothing to help you. You screamed and then woke up. Do you remember what this nightmare was about?”

  Kelsey managed to shake her head. It wasn’t a usual nightmare. How can I tell Miranda this? A new terror gripped her. How would Miranda react to knowing she had kept this secret from her. “I…I want to tell you…but I don’t know how I can.”

  Miranda’s eyes softened, and she kissed Kelsey’s lips lightly. “You can tell me anything. Was it another vision?”

  Kelsey nodded. “It’s the memory or nightmare of the night my cousin, aunt, and uncle died. I couldn’t do anything to help them. The pain and terror of that night were unbearable, but I had to endure it.” Tears fell down her cheeks. Kelsey then retold the entire night. Through the trying ordeal, Miranda remained silent.

  Miranda’s thumbs brushed away the tears as she drew Kelsey closer for another whisper-soft kiss. “Oh Kelsey, I wish I could take away the pain. It had to be horrible for you to see what happened to them and to think it was when you were so young as well. Thirteen-years-old is such an impressionable age for you to experience the terror of that attack.”

  “I wasn’t thirteen when I first saw this nightmare; I had it just after my sixteenth birthday.” Kelsey swallowed hard because another large lump rose up in her throat. Fear gripped her as it did in the torment after that night.

  Miranda looked perplexed. “But how can that be? The night they died was almost three years before your sixteenth birthday. How come you never saw what happened in the original vision and not have the nightmare before?”

  “I’m not sure but up until then, that night’s memories were filled with blackness and then gunshots and my family was torn apart forever. I didn’t know what happened in my first vision of that night, not until the night three days after my sixteenth birthday. I had been sick with a stomach bug. I hadn’t eaten for two days, couldn’t keep anything down, and then I had that nightmare, the same one I had tonight.”

  Are you sure it was a nightmare of what happened that night and not a fever-induced alteration of your vision?”

  Kelsey shook her head vehemently. “That is what Nanna tried to convince me had been the case. But how could I have imagined that sort of physical assault on my aunt and cousin? I had never even seen people having sex, before that night. I only saw pictures of sex but this was real, it was like I was there.” Kelsey shuddered in disgust of the images coming back to her. The pain mixed with the sound of Aunt Cat sobbing and Aisling’s screams tore through her heart.

  “Had anything like this ever happen to you before? Had you ever had a vision and then saw something new and different in another vision or memory about the same event? It doesn’t make sense. Are you sure you hadn’t heard a movie playing while you slept?”

  “No!” Kelsey
hadn’t meant to shout but felt frustration build inside her. Kelsey tried to settle her nerves; Nanna had done the same thing when Kelsey told her about the nightmare years ago. Kelsey apologized for her outburst.

  Miranda smiled and kissed Kelsey again. “I’m not upset; I understand. You have gone through a lot, and this nightmare has to be terrifying.”

  “I believe with my whole being this was me, having a nightmare about what happened in my true vision, and no one would believe me. I cannot explain it but somehow, I didn’t see everything the first night, there was mostly blackness and the gunshots. Images were unclear; I saw men, heard voices, but nothing as concrete as the nightmare I had that night after my sixteenth Birthday.”

  “Why do you think that the first vision was so ambiguous?”

  “I don’t know; my visions have never been very detailed. I didn’t and still don’t fully understand how my gift works. Tonight, was the first time in many years that I had that nightmare again. I would have it from time to time when I went away to college and at times when I was deep into a case. It’s been two or three years since I have had it last.”

  “Have you ever asked Nanna about how to read your visions or what makes them work better for you?”

  Kelsey remembered the conversations she had with Nanna before the night Aisling died. Her grandmother would try to help them both realize their gift, but after that night, Nanna refrained from talking much about it. “My anger and pain never let me think about my gift and somehow not having Aisling with me any longer took the fun out of having something that couldn’t save her, when she needed me the most.”

  “Kelsey, I’m sorry. I wish you would try talking to Nanna about it now. She may be able to help you.”

  Shaking her head, Kelsey wasn’t sure that would be a good idea. “I’m not so sure; she would think it was me trying to embrace my gift and not a way to understand what happened that night. Nanna has never wanted me to find out the truth about that night.”

  “Does Nanna know what happened that night?”

  “She won’t talk about it. When I brought it up when I was younger, she would always change the subject. Then when I was eighteen, I went to the police station in Pittsburgh and asked to see the records from that night. I didn’t know until then that the police had it all wrong. They reported a man broke into the house and tried to steal stuff but got surprised and panicked. He shot them all while they were still in bed. I saw the photos, in my original vision I heard the shots, but only saw the man shoot my uncle. The report and photos showed them all shot in their heads, and there wasn’t any mention of the sexual assaults on Aisling and Aunt Cat. I saw Uncle Ethan shot in the shoulder not his head in the vivid nightmare. How could everything be so mixed up; how could the police have it all wrong?”

  “Oh my God. I had no idea. Nanna didn’t want to talk about how they died, but I…never would have imagined that…I can’t imagine how you must have felt all these years. Nanna never did tell you anything about that night?”

  Shaking her head, Kelsey recalled what her grandmother had told her, not once had Nanna told her if she had a vision or knew what happened. Kelsey said, “she told me the police caught the guy who was responsible. She didn’t want me to pursue the beliefs I had about what I saw in my nightmare. It’s been a sore spot in our family’s history for years. I couldn’t do anything until I had the authority to do so.”

  “Authority as in FBI’s jurisdiction to reopen the case?”

  Nodding, Kelsey took a deep breath. “I finally will have the power to reopen it and find out what happened. When we return to the US, the Attorney General is going to help me create the Cold Case Behavioral Unit. He then will name me Unit Director. I can finally shed the truth on a twenty-one-year-old lie.”

  Drawing Kelsey into her arms and holding tight, Miranda whispered, “I love you. What you must have had to go through all these years. The scars of seeing two people you loved so much being hurt like they were; I now understand you more than I did.”

  “Thank you for believing me, you’re the first person since Nanna and my father, I’ve told, and I needed someone to believe me.”

  “Thank you for telling me, thank you for trusting me.”

  Kelsey closed her eyes and whispered back, “Táim i muinín agat le mo chroí. Táim i muinín ortsa le mo anam; is mise mo Anam Charaid.”

  “There is that word you keep whispering to me when we make love. Anam Charaid it means soulmate, right?”

  Kelsey smiled. “It means so much more than that. You are the one and only person who has been with me before now and will be with me forever through eternity. I said, “I trust you with my heart. I trust you with my soul; you are my Anam Charaid.”

  Chapter Three

  FBI Headquarters, D.C., December 14, 2011

  Kelsey watched Nikki as she read the file and saw the shock and disgust awash her best friend’s face. How many times had Kelsey read the same words and knew in her heart that it was not right? That the words written on those papers were a false rendition of the facts of the night. Nikki had no idea that the words she read were not fact, the disgust and shock she felt was because of how horrendous and meaningless the crime depicted had been. The circumstances described in that report didn’t make sense, how could anyone believe that a man broke into a house to steal, walking back out after killing the whole family with brutality and without mercy? Renewed anger boiled inside but Kelsey forced it back down. She needed Nikki to finish the file then they could discuss it. How many times had she relived those moments? The terror, the painful details of that night came crashing down upon her and sweat beaded on her brow.

  Nikki drew in a deep breath and looked up into Kelsey’s eyes. “Oh my God, Mack how could this have happened? It doesn’t make any sense.”

  Shaking her head, Kelsey drew in her cleansing breath. “That’s just it; it never happened that way.”

  Furrowing her brows, Nikki looked back down at the papers in front of her. “I know these are copies of photographs of the actual case files, but they are the actual files are they not?”

  Kelsey had been able to get photographs of the closed case files many years ago. She didn’t tell anyone where she was going that day. Kelsey made an inquiry at the public records office to determine if she could have access to a solved crime. Kelsey discovered from her search that the police would allow the public access to closed case files. The next day, Kelsey rode her bike to the bus station and took a bus to Pittsburgh, and she went directly to the police station. After signing in with the desk sergeant, she was able to sit and read the file of the solved case of the night her cousin, aunt, and uncle died. The police officer told her she couldn’t take anything from the record, and the officer at the sign-in desk made her leave her bag with him, but she brought a tiny camera and took a picture of all the pages. Secretly she had the film processed and kept those photographs with her all these years. “They are photos of the actual file, but it never happened the way they said it happened. It wasn’t a simple home invasion that went wrong. What I saw happen was more heinous and that’s why I need to reopen the case.”

  Nikki frowned. “You were a witness, or you had a vision before it happened or while it occurred?”

  “I had a vision that same night, but I didn’t understand what I saw until the next day; when I learned they were all dead.”

  “If you knew what happened then; why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  Kelsey frowned. She had told someone. She told Nanna and her father, but they informed her that the police had everything they needed. Her vision was ambiguous and really couldn’t help anyone. The investigators had their theories and speculations, and they had their suspect. What they didn’t have, was the truth. “I did tell someone, but it never made a difference because the police had already made their assumptions from the evidence and forensics left behind. They had fingerprints, they had a murder weapon, and a few days after that night, they had a suspect in custody. By the time I knew they had m
ade a mistake, no one would listen to me.” Kelsey took a deep soothing breath and continued. “No one wanted to hear from me; I learned then that I couldn’t tell people about my visions. Even my father thought that all this talk about seeing things and being outside my body was the ravings and influences of my nutty grandmother. Dad forbade me to visit Nanna for quite some time, and that began a period in my life when I hated my father more than anyone or anything. Even Nanna would get angry if I brought that night up.”

  “Mack, I had no idea,” Nikki said putting her arm around Kelsey.

  Feeling the warmth of that arm on her back, Kelsey smiled. “You’re the second person I have told since I told my father and Nanna. I was so angry, and that anger only grew the longer my family believed the lies the police told. Dad and Nanna told me that Aunt Cat, Uncle Ethan, and Aisling got their justice, and I had to leave it alone. I made a promise the day I realized the police had it all wrong; I vowed I’d find real justice for them.”

  “The file says that after confessing that he broke into the house and killed everyone, the suspect killed himself in the county jail awaiting his day in court.”

  “Yeah, I read that too. The thing is, that man didn’t kill them, he may have broken into their house. There had been a string of home invasions and break-ins in the area weeks before that night, but he didn’t kill anyone except maybe himself.”

  Nikki looked down at the papers again. “You know he didn’t kill them, how?”

  “I know because I saw the man that night. I saw his face as he stood over Aunt Cat and when he attacked Aisling. The bits and pieces were foggy, but I saw him, and it wasn’t that man in that photo. It wasn’t Daniel Richardson. I don’t know who it was, I have looked at so many mugshots and police bulletins over the years and never have I once seen his face again. I know he wasn’t this man.” Kelsey rose and punched the paper with Daniel Richardson’s arrest photo on it.