The Complete Tommy and Tuppence

by Agatha Christie

  ‘Well, this book didn’t belong to her. In the beginning it says in a rather silly, childish-looking writing, it says “Alexander”, Alexander Parkinson, I think.’

  ‘Oh well. Does it really matter?’

  ‘Of course it matters,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘Come on, I’m hungry,’ said Tommy.

  ‘Restrain yourself,’ said Tuppence, ‘I’m only going to read you the next bit until the writing stops–or at any rate stops in the next four pages. The letters are picked from odd places on various pages. They don’t run in sequence–there can’t be anything in the words that matters–it’s just the letters. Now then. We’ve got M-a-r-y J-o-r-d-a-n. That’s right. Now do you know what the next four words are? D-i-d n-o-t, not, d-i-e n-a-t-u-r-a-l-y. That’s meant to be “naturally”, but they didn’t know it had two “l s”. Now then, what’s that? Mary Jordan did not die naturally. There you are,’ said Tuppence. ‘Now the next sentence made is: It was one of us. I think I know which one. That’s all. Can’t find anything else. But it is rather exciting, isn’t it?’

  ‘Look here, Tuppence,’ said Tommy, ‘you’re not going to get a thing about this, are you?’

  ‘What do you mean, a thing, about this?’

  ‘Well, I mean working up a sort of mystery.’

  ‘Well, it’s a mystery to me,’ said Tuppence. ‘Mary Jordan did not die naturally. It was one of us. I think I know which. Oh, Tommy, you must say that it is very intriguing.’

  Chapter 3

  Visit to the Cemetery

  ‘Tuppence!’ Tommy called, as he came into the house.

  There was no answer. With some annoyance, he ran up the stairs and along the passage on the first floor. As he hastened along it, he nearly put his foot through a gaping hole, and swore promptly.

  ‘Some other bloody careless electrician,’ he said.

  Some days before he had had the same kind of trouble. Electricians arriving in a kindly tangle of optimism and efficiency had started work. ‘Coming along fine now, not much more to do,’ they said. ‘We’ll be back this afternoon.’ But they hadn’t been back that afternoon; Tommy was not precisely surprised. He was used, now, to the general pattern of labour in the building trade, electrical trade, gas employees and others. They came, they showed efficiency, they made optimistic remarks, they went away to fetch something. They didn’t come back. One rang up numbers on the telephone but they always seemed to be the wrong numbers. If they were the right numbers, the right man was not working at this particular branch of the trade, whatever it was. All one had to do was to be careful to not rick an ankle, fall through a hole, damage yourself in some way or another. He was far more afraid of Tuppence damaging herself than he was of doing the damage to himself. He had had more experience than Tuppence. Tuppence, he thought, was more at risk from scalding herself from kettles or disasters with the heat of the stove. But where was Tuppence now? He called again.

  ‘Tuppence! Tuppence!’

  He worried about Tuppence. Tuppence was one of those people you had to worry about. If you left the house, you gave her last words of wisdom and she gave you last promises of doing exactly what you counselled her to do: No she would not be going out except just to buy half a pound of butter, and after all you couldn’t call that dangerous, could you?

  ‘It could be dangerous if you went out to buy half a pound of butter,’ said Tommy.

  ‘Oh,’ said Tuppence, ‘don’t be an idiot.’

  ‘I’m not being an idiot,’ Tommy had said. ‘I am just being a wise and careful husband, looking after something which is one of my favourite possessions. I don’t know why it is–’

  ‘Because,’ said Tuppence, ‘I am so charming, so good-looking, such a good companion and because I take so much care of you.’

  ‘That also, maybe,’ said Tommy, ‘but I could give you another list.’

  ‘I don’t feel I should like that,’ said Tuppence. ‘No, I don’t think so. I think you have several saved-up grievances. But don’t worry. Everything will be quite all right. You’ve only got to come back and call me when you get in.’

  But now where was Tuppence?

  ‘The little devil,’ said Tommy. ‘She’s gone out somewhere.’

  He went on into the room upstairs where he had found her before. Looking at another child’s book, he supposed. Getting excited again about some silly words that a silly child had underlined in red ink. On the trail of Mary Jordan, whoever she was. Mary Jordan, who hadn’t died a natural death. He couldn’t help wondering. A long time ago, presumably, the people who’d had the house and sold it to them had been named Jones. They hadn’t been there very long, only three or four years. No, this child of the Robert Louis Stevenson book dated from further back than that. Anyway, Tuppence wasn’t here in this room. There seemed to be no loose books lying about with signs of having had interest shown in them.

  ‘Ah, where the hell can she be?’ said Thomas.

  He went downstairs again, shouting once or twice. There was no answer. He examined one of the pegs in the hall. No signs of Tuppence’s mackintosh. Then she’d gone out. Where had she gone? And where was Hannibal? Tommy varied the use of his vocal cords and called out for Hannibal.

  ‘Hannibal–Hannibal–Hanny-boy. Come on, Hannibal.’

  No Hannibal.

  Well, at any rate, she’s got Hannibal with her, thought Tommy.

  He didn’t know if it was worse or better that Tuppence should have Hannibal. Hannibal would certainly allow no harm to come to Tuppence. The question was, might Hannibal do some damage to other people? He was friendly when taken visiting people, but people who wished to visit Hannibal, to enter any house in which he lived, were always definitely suspect in Hannibal’s mind. He was ready at all risks to both bark and bite if he considered it necessary. Anyway, where was everybody?

  He walked a little way along the street, could see no signs of any small black dog with a medium-sized woman in a bright red mackintosh walking in the distance. Finally, rather angrily, he came back to the house.

  Rather an appetizing smell met him. He went quickly to the kitchen, where Tuppence turned from the stove and gave him a smile of welcome.

  ‘You’re ever so late,’ she said. ‘This is a casserole. Smells rather good, don’t you think? I put some rather unusual things in it this time. There were some herbs in the garden, at least I hope they were herbs.’

  ‘If they weren’t herbs,’ said Tommy, ‘I suppose they were Deadly Nightshade, or Digitalis leaves pretending to be something else but really foxglove. Where on earth have you been?’

  ‘I took Hannibal for a walk.’

  Hannibal, at this moment, made his own presence felt. He rushed at Tommy and gave him such a rapturous welcome as nearly to fell him to the ground. Hannibal was a small black dog, very glossy, with interesting tan patches on his behind and each side of his cheeks. He was a Manchester terrier of very pure pedigree and he considered himself to be on a much higher level of sophistication and aristocracy than any other dog he met.

  ‘Oh, good gracious. I took a look round. Where’ve you been? It wasn’t very nice weather.’

  ‘No, it wasn’t. It was very sort of foggy and misty. Ah–I’m quite tired, too.’

  ‘Where did you go? Just down the street for the shops?’

  ‘No, it’s early closing day for the shops. No…Oh no, I went to the cemetery.’

  ‘Sounds gloomy,’ said Tommy. ‘What did you want to go to the cemetery for?’

  ‘I went to look at some of the graves.’

  ‘It still sounds rather gloomy,’ said Tommy. ‘Did Hannibal enjoy himself?’

  ‘Well, I had to put Hannibal on the lead. There was something that looked like a verger who kept coming out of the church and I thought he wouldn’t like Hannibal because–well, you never know, Hannibal mightn’t like him and I didn’t want to prejudice people against us the moment we’d arrived.’

  ‘What did you want to look in the cemetery for?’

  ‘Oh,
to see what sort of people were buried there. Lots of people, I mean it’s very, very full up. It goes back a long way. It goes back well in the eighteen hundreds and I think one or two older than that, only the stone’s so rubbed away you can’t really see.’

  ‘I still don’t see why you wanted to go to the cemetery.’

  ‘I was making my investigations,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘Investigations about what?’

  ‘I wanted to see if there were any Jordans buried there.’

  ‘Good gracious,’ said Tommy. ‘Are you still on that? Were you looking for–’

  ‘Well, Mary Jordan died. We know she died. We know because we had a book that said she didn’t die a natural death, but she’d still have to be buried somewhere, wouldn’t she?’

  ‘Undeniably,’ said Tommy, ‘unless she was buried in this garden.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s very likely,’ said Tuppence, ‘because I think that it was only this boy or girl–it must have been a boy, I think–of course it was a boy, his name was Alexander–and he obviously thought he’d been rather clever in knowing that she’d not died a natural death. But if he was the only person who’d made up his mind about that or who’d discovered it–well, I mean, nobody else had, I suppose. I mean, she just died and was buried and nobody said…’

  ‘Nobody said there had been foul play,’ suggested Tommy.

  ‘That sort of thing, yes. Poisoned or knocked on the head or pushed off a cliff or run over by a car or–oh, lots of ways I can think of.’

  ‘I’m sure you can,’ said Tommy. ‘Only good thing about you, Tuppence, is that at least you have a kindly heart. You wouldn’t put them into execution just for fun.’

  ‘But there wasn’t any Mary Jordan in the cemetery. There weren’t any Jordans.’

  ‘Disappointing for you,’ said Tommy. ‘Is that thing you’re cooking ready yet, because I’m pretty hungry. It smells rather good.’

  ‘It’s absolutely done a` point,’ said Tuppence. ‘So, as soon as you’ve washed, we eat.’

  Chapter 4

  Lots of Parkinsons

  ‘Lots of Parkinsons,’ said Tuppence as they ate. ‘A long way back but an amazing lot of them. Old ones, young ones and married ones. Bursting with Parkinsons. And Capes, and Griffins and Underwoods and Overwoods. Curious to have both of them, isn’t it?’

  ‘I had a friend called George Underwood,’ said Tommy.

  ‘Yes, I’ve known Underwoods, too. But not Overwoods.’

  ‘Male or female?’ said Thomas, with slight interest.

  ‘A girl, I think it was. Rose Overwood.’

  ‘Rose Overwood,’ said Tommy, listening to the sound of it. ‘I don’t think somehow it goes awfully well together.’ He added, ‘I must ring up those electricians after lunch. Be very careful, Tuppence, or you’ll put your foot through the landing upstairs.’

  ‘Then I shall be a natural death, or an unnatural death, one of the two.’

  ‘A curiosity death,’ said Tommy. ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’

  ‘Aren’t you at all curious?’ asked Tuppence.

  ‘I can’t see any earthly reason for being curious. What have we got for pudding?’

  ‘Treacle tart.’

  ‘Well, I must say, Tuppence, it was a delicious meal.’

  ‘I’m very glad you liked it,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘What is that parcel outside the back door? Is it that wine we ordered?’

  ‘No,’ said Tuppence, ‘it’s bulbs.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Tommy, ‘bulbs.’

  ‘Tulips,’ said Tuppence. ‘I’ll go and talk to old Isaac about them.’

  ‘Where are you going to put them?’

  ‘I think along the centre path in the garden.’

  ‘Poor old fellow, he looks as if he might drop dead any minute,’ said Tommy.

  ‘Not at all,’ said Tuppence. ‘He’s enormously tough, is Isaac. I’ve discovered, you know, that gardeners are like that. If they’re very good gardeners they seem to come to their prime when they’re over eighty, but if you get a strong, hefty-looking young man about thirty-five who says, “I’ve always wanted to work in a garden,” you may be quite sure that he’s probably no good at all. They’re just prepared to brush up a few leaves now and again and anything you want them to do they always say it’s the wrong time of year, and as one never knows oneself when the right time of year is, at least I don’t, well then, you see, they always get the better of you. But Isaac’s wonderful. He knows about everything.’ Tuppence added, ‘There ought to be some crocuses as well. I wonder if they’re in the parcel, too. Well, I’ll go out and see. It’s his day for coming and he’ll tell me all about it.’

  ‘All right,’ said Tommy, ‘I’ll come out and join you presently.’

  Tuppence and Isaac had a pleasant reunion. The bulbs were unpacked, discussions were held as to where things would show to best advantage. First the early tulips, which were expected to rejoice the heart at the end of February, then a consideration of the handsome fringed parrot tulips, and some tulips called, as far as Tuppence could make out, viridiflora, which would be exceptionally beautiful with long stems in the month of May and early June. As these were of an interesting green pastel colour, they agreed to plant them as a collection in a quiet part of the garden where they could be picked and arranged in interesting floral arrangements in the drawing-room, or by the short approach to the house through the front gate where they would arouse envy and jealousy among callers. They must even rejoice the artistic feelings of tradesmen delivering joints of meat and crates of grocery.

  At four o’clock Tuppence produced a brown teapot full of good strong tea in the kitchen, placed a sugar basin full of lumps of sugar and a milk jug by it, and called Isaac in to refresh himself before departing. She went in search of Tommy.

  I suppose he’s asleep somewhere, thought Tuppence to herself as she looked from one room into another. She was glad to see a head sticking up on the landing out of the sinister pit in the floor.

  ‘It’s all right now, ma’am,’ said the electrician, ‘no need to be careful any more. It’s all fixed.’ He added that he was starting work on a different portion of the house on the following morning.

  ‘I do hope,’ said Tuppence, ‘that you will really come.’ She added, ‘Have you seen Mr Beresford anywhere?’

  ‘Aye, your husband, you mean? Yes, he’s up on an upper floor, I think. Dropping things, he was. Yes, rather heavy things, too. Must have been some books, I think.’

  ‘Books!’ said Tuppence. ‘Well I never!’

  The electrician retreated down into his own personal underworld in the passage and Tuppence went up to the attic converted to the extra book library at present devoted to children’s books.

  Tommy was sitting on the top of a pair of steps. Several books were around him on the floor and there were noticeable gaps in the shelves.

  ‘So there you are,’ said Tuppence, ‘after pretending you weren’t interested or anything. You’ve been looking at lots of books, haven’t you? You’ve disarranged a lot of the things that I put away so neatly.’

  ‘Well, I’m sorry about that,’ said Tommy, ‘but, well I thought I’d perhaps just have a look round.’

  ‘Did you find any other books that have got any underlined things in them in red ink?’

  ‘No. Nothing else.’

  ‘How annoying,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘I think it must have been Alexander’s work, Master Alexander Parkinson,’ said Tommy.

  ‘That’s right,’ said Tuppence. ‘One of the Parkinsons, the numerous Parkinsons.’

  ‘Well, I think he must have been rather a lazy boy, although of course, it must have been rather a bother doing that underlining and all. But there’s no more information re Jordan,’ said Tommy.

  ‘I asked old Isaac. He knows a lot of people round here. He says he doesn’t remember any Jordans.’

  ‘What are you doing with that brass lamp you’ve got by the front door?’ asked
Tommy, as he came downstairs.

  ‘I’m taking it to the White Elephant Sale,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Oh, because it’s always been a thorough nuisance. We bought it somewhere abroad, didn’t we?’

  ‘Yes, I think we must have been mad. You never liked it. You said you hated it. Well, I agree. And it’s awfully heavy too, very heavy.’

  ‘But Miss Sanderson was terribly pleased when I said that they could have it. She offered to fetch it but I said I’d run it down to them in the car. It’s today we take the thing.’

  ‘I’ll run down with it if you like.’

  ‘No, I’d rather like to go.’

  ‘All right,’ said Tommy. ‘Perhaps I’d better come with you and just carry it in for you.’

  ‘Oh, I think I’ll find someone who’ll carry it in for me,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘Well, you might or you might not. Don’t go and strain yourself.’

  ‘All right,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘You’ve got some other reason for wanting to go, haven’t you?’

  ‘Well, I just thought I’d like to chat a bit with people,’ said Tuppence.

  ‘I never know what you’re up to, Tuppence, but I know the look in your eye when you are up to something.’

  ‘You take Hannibal for a walk,’ said Tuppence. ‘I can’t take him to the White Elephant Sale. I don’t want to get into a dog-fight.’

  ‘All right. Want to go for a walk, Hannibal?’

  Hannibal, as was his habit, immediately replied in the affirmative. His affirmatives and his negatives were always quite impossible to miss. He wriggled his body, wagged his tail, raised one paw, put it down again and came and rubbed his head hard against Tommy’s leg.

  ‘That’s right,’ he obviously said, ‘that’s what you exist for, my dear slave. We’re going out for a lovely walk down the street. Lots of smells, I hope.’

  ‘Come on,’ said Tommy. ‘I’ll take the lead with me, and don’t run into the road as you did the last time. One of those awful great “long vehicles” was nearly the end of you.’