Through Your Eyes

by Ali Merci

  “But...” Wyatt knitted his brows as he tilted his head slightly. “Despite all the ways he’s going to try to infuriate you or give you the cold shoulder, I think that, at the end of the day, he does miss you.”

  Asa was closing his locker now, completely oblivious of the two people observing and having a conversation about him.

  “Well…” Carmen huffed out a deep breath, making up her mind as she took out her phone and sent a text to her dad, asking him not to come and pick her up. “Guess I’m going to have to find a way to put up with his hostility until he cracks. It’s not like I don’t deserve it,” she muttered the last bit to herself.

  Wyatt chuckled, the seriousness in his posture fading away slightly. “Good luck with that. You’ll need it.”

  They stood there for a second longer, but Carmen snapped out of her uncertainty when Asa started to walk out of the school building, deciding to take that leap of faith. Turning to Wyatt, she threw him a quick goodbye and then picked up her pace before breaking into a sprint as she ran towards Asa.

  Always towards Asa.

  Carmen had made up her mind to fight for him. She wondered if perhaps her mind had already been made up ever since that instant her soul had struck a match with his, igniting a spark in each other that just wouldn’t die.

  •••

  Carmen found herself standing in front of the building that housed the school’s indoor swimming pool, a separate block that was within Reichenbach High’s premises but a minute’s walk from the school itself.

  She’d seen Asa disappear into it a few minutes ago, and instead of following him in and doing whatever it was that she felt she was supposed to do, she was standing out with her feet glued to the spot.

  It had dawned on her just as she was about to open the door that she didn’t exactly have some master plan. Carmen was utterly clueless as to what she would do once she found Asa.

  “I’ll hold on, even when you’re pulling away.”

  Asa had given her his word, hadn’t he? And he’d lived up to that promise, too because he had come back after the fight that November morning. He had come back to her.

  And maybe it was time Carmen did some of the holding on now. Maybe it was time she showed him that walking away wasn’t the only thing she was capable of.

  And so with her heart in her throat, Carmen gripped the handle of the door and pulled it open. Having come here a few times before when her spare periods had fallen on the same hour as Asa’s, Carmen had no trouble making her way towards the bleachers that surrounded the pool. Her eyes swept over a few guys in swim trunks who were seated, either scrolling through their phones with a towel hanging over their bare chests, or just jogging around as a warmup exercise before they dived into the water.

  Carmen couldn’t find Asa, but then again, she could see only a handful of the swimmers here, so she figured he was in the changing rooms with the rest of them.

  The thought hadn’t finished crossing her mind when she felt someone touch her waist from behind in an attempt to get her attention.

  It was too light a gesture, the fingers just brushing her hip for a fleeting second so Carmen couldn’t tell if it was Asa’s hand or not. She would have definitely recognised the familiarity of his touch had it lingered for a moment longer.

  The face that came into view once Carmen turned around wasn’t Asa’s. But it was a face she was familiar with nonetheless.

  A face she’d seen in the hallways, in the cafeteria, around the parking lot. And definitely a face that didn’t place a smile on Carmen’s.

  “You lost?” Carson William’s smooth-as-honey voice, accompanied by the usual raspy undertone, fell on Carmen’s ears as he directed the question at her.

  Carmen’s lips parted, as if to respond verbally, but she settled to just shaking her head instead.

  Carson leant back on one of the metal bars that ran down from the highest row of the bleachers to the bottom, acting as a divider for each block of seats.

  His eyes dropped from hers, travelling down the length of her body as the ends of his mouth stretched into a barely-there kind of smirk.

  “So, Asa huh,” he commented in a low voice, looking back up at her again. “What is it with you? You prefer Hispanic meat?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You know,” he said in a dismissive tone. “Out of everyone in the school, you go for the Mexican trash—”

  “All right, let me stop you right there.” Carmen’s eyes narrowed, her voice firm. “You’re not even half the man that Mexican trash is. So before you open your mouth and spit out opinions that aren’t required, I suggest you take a good look at the mirror and start worrying about what kind of person you are.”

  Carson’s smirk widened and he cocked his head to the side before taking a step closer to Carmen. “You talk to Asa that way?”

  Carmen stood her ground, not backing away even though she felt her stomach coil into a ball of discomfort. “No,” she said matter-of-factly. “Then again, when Asa starts to speak, it isn’t utter bullshit that spills out.”

  Carson’s eyes narrowed now, and he took one more step closer to her. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be a goody-two-shoes, you sure have a mouth.”

  An incredulous laugh fell past Carmen’s lips. “I choose to be kind because I want to, Carson. Because it makes me happy.” She looked him straight in the eyes then, making sure he felt the promise behind her next words. “But if you think I’m going to stand by and watch someone have a go at the people I love, you have no idea who I am. I can be fierce, and I’ll be so without apology.”

  Carson seemed like he was about to say something else but an unfamiliar feminine voice cut through the air, grabbing both his and Carmen’s attention.

  “Coach needs you,” the girl with shoulder-length honey hair and small, round grey-green eyes told Carson, walking towards them in one of those full body swimsuits, “now.”

  Carson muttered something under his breath, shot a glance towards Carmen, and then began walking in the direction of the changing rooms reluctantly.

  “Sorry about that,” the girl said with a small smile, approaching Carmen and dropping down on the nearest seat on the bleachers. “He’s a dick.”

  Carmen’s eyes widened with mild surprise as she blinked at the girl. “You did that on purpose?” she asked. “So the coach didn’t really call for him?”

  The girl grinned and shook her head. “A girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. I’m Marlene, by the way.”

  Carmen laughed lightly, shooting her a smile of gratitude. “Thanks, Marlene. I’m Carm—”

  “—Carmen.” She nodded. “I know. You here for Asa?”

  Something fluttered in Carmen’s stomach at the mention of him, taking her by complete surprise.

  “Yeah,” Carmen replied, her voice carrying an odd softness. “Yeah, I’m here for Asa.”

  Marlene smiled, her eyes examining Carmen’s face for a moment. “You know.” She chuckled lightly. “I actually used to have a major crush on him.”

  “Oh?” Carmen blinked, taken aback and completely unsure how to react.

  “Yeah… Maybe more than a crush, I don’t know. He’s the kind of guy you could actually get into a steady relationship with so that was like a bonus.”

  “Bonus?”

  Marlene’s face flushed and her cheeks turned a beet red. “Um, well, you know…we, uh…Asa and I— we sort of…” She shrugged awkwardly. “You know…”

  Oh, Carmen thought.

  “You’ve got nothing to be worried about,” Marlene said hastily. “That was long before you were in the picture. Besides, I haven’t fallen so low that I’d actually go after another girl’s man.” She smiled warmly at Carmen. “I’m just saying that he’s a good guy. A little bit of a magnet for trouble obviously, but you know, he has a good heart. I’m just happy he’s found someone.”

  “Uh…” Carmen hesitated. “We’re not really together anymore.”

  Surprise flashe
d across Marlene’s eyes, and her mouth dropped open slightly. “Oh,” she muttered, sounding a little disappointed. “That sucks. I mean, I don’t know you personally, but I’ve seen you around before and you seem like a really nice person. I was happy that Asa found someone like that, you know.”

  Carmen shifted on her feet, eyes flickering towards the pool, wondering when Asa was going to show.

  “Um, thanks I guess?” Carmen smiled uncertainly, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “If—if you don’t mind me asking. Why is it that you never made a move to ask him out? If you knew you’d have liked to be involved with him on a more serious level?”

  “Isla.” Marlene sighed, shrugging and running a hand through her short hair. “I mean, she was such a toxic presence in his life, you know? And I didn’t want that baggage following him into my life too. My older sister fell into an unhealthy relationship, and it took her a really long time to finally get away from it. I just didn’t want to have to deal with any kind of toxic shit after seeing what she went through.”

  Carmen frowned, letting Marlene’s words float around in her mind, not really understanding how one thing led to the other.

  “But…” Carmen furrowed her brows. “But your relationship would have been with Asa, not Isla.”

  A scoff escaped Marlene’s mouth. “Come on. Back then, there was no Asa without Isla. The two were a freaking package deal. If you wanted one in your life, the other came along. No questions asked.” She shook her head, a small sigh leaving her lips. “I’m not the kind who does half measures. If I’m going to get involved in a relationship, I’m in for the long haul. I knew Asa was the same too, so it’d have been perfect. But I also didn’t believe it was worth the burden Isla would’ve placed on us, you know?”

  And like the crack of dawn, that road towards convincing Asa they were worth a second chance became clearer.

  Carmen may have walked in here with no plan whatsoever, without the faintest clue about how she was going to approach Asa or how she was going to prove to him that she wanted to make things work between them, but the conversation with Marlene right then had just enlightened Carmen, and she knew what she had to do.

  It was a small step, a baby step, but it was a step forward nonetheless and that was what mattered. And now that Carmen knew where to start, she was going to see it through ’till the end.

  60.

  A Piece of Me

  By the time Asa walked out of the changing rooms with Wyatt in tow, Marlene had left the bleachers and hit the pool. Carmen could see her lithe body moving through the water with enviable grace.

  While Wyatt was in his swimming trunks, Carmen noticed that Asa wasn’t, and then she remembered that he probably didn’t need these extra practises because he was no longer taking part in the interstate competitions.

  Maybe Asa was just here for his friend, as a gesture of support. It seemed like the sort of thing Asa would do.

  Carmen saw him laugh as he spoke to Wyatt, watched Asa’s cheekbones rise as the corners of his lips stretched into a wide grin, and noticed his eyes literally glow with mirth.

  There was that tugging sensation in her chest again. As if Carmen was being thrown off a cliff and being yanked back up with a rope before she could hit the ground.

  Familiar coffee eyes met hers, and time seemed to just…stop for the two of them right then.

  Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered but that Asa was there—right there—standing a few feet away from her, and that his eyes were burning into hers with the kind of intensity poets bled on paper to describe.

  And then the moment was gone, the warmth draining out of his eyes, replaced with nonchalance instead.

  It was such a tiny gesture, but quite a significant one, and even though it hurt Carmen to have him mask his emotions in front of her, she couldn’t help but wonder if that was what she’d put him through each time she pushed him away and shut him out.

  Carmen stood up from her seat hesitantly, unsure of how he was going to react. She’d barely taken a step forward when Asa already resumed walking in the direction he’d been heading towards, completely ignoring her.

  She faltered in her steps at the obvious hostility, but didn’t stop as she forced her legs to carry her over towards him.

  Carmen cut into his path, coming to stand right in front of Asa and forcing him to stop in his tracks.

  He wouldn’t meet her eyes, his jaw clenching as he determinedly kept his stare fixed ahead of him, on whatever was behind Carmen.

  “Uh.” Carmen cleared her throat, clasping her hands together and shifting on her feet. “I, um, c-can I speak with you?”

  There was a beat of silence. Then another.

  Wyatt cleared his throat awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “I’m…I’m gonna go—I’ll leave you guys to it.” He was just about to move and head towards the pool, when Asa’s hand shot out and grabbed Wyatt’s arm.

  “Where are you going?” Asa frowned at Wyatt, his voice sounding tensed. “I’m supposed to help you get ready for the competitions.”

  “I know,” Wyatt responded calmly. “And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m gonna practise.”

  Asa nodded curtly. “Great, then let’s get started. Come on.” He moved closer, walking around Carmen and completely disregarding her presence, as if she was just a piece of rock blocking his path that he needed to sidestep.

  “No,” Wyatt called out almost instantly, causing Asa to stop in his tracks once again. “I don’t need you every single practise session, and I think I can handle myself for today, so you can leave.”

  Carmen saw Asa’s eyes narrow at his friend, shoulders squaring in a subtle manner. “Leave?” He lifted a brow. “I’ve got nothing better to do, might as well spend my time helping you.”

  “Asa.” Wyatt shot him a look.

  “Wyatt.” There was warning in Asa’s tone.

  A loud sigh left Wyatt’s mouth, and he fixed Asa with a hard look. “I’m going to go hit the pool, got it? And I don’t want to see you there. I mean that, Asa.” He broke the stare and looked at Carmen, offering her what she supposed was a reassuring smile. “All the best,” Wyatt mumbled to her under his breath before walking away from the two of them.

  Carmen shifted her body around to face Asa, watching wordlessly as he glared at Wyatt’s retreating figure before turning away abruptly and making his way towards the door of the building in quick, long strides.

  She took off after him immediately, not hesitating, not pausing for even the briefest moment to second guess herself.

  “Asa!” Carmen called after him as she picked up her pace, struggling to catch up with him.

  The second she pulled open the door to step outside, a blast of cool air rushed to Carmen’s face and the smell of damp earth wafted to her nose.

  Asa was standing just an arm’s reach away, a frown on his face as his eyes darted around the parking lot with agitation. His eyes flickered up towards the sky and upon noticing the dark clouds, his frown only deepened.

  Taking in a deep breath and ignoring the erratic beats of her heart, Carmen slowly approached Asa. Once she was close enough, she cleared her throat in an attempt to compose herself, hoping that she could get through this without losing her mind or tripping over her own words.

  “Listen, Asa, I—”

  “Your dad. Is he coming to pick you up?” Asa suddenly asked with a clipped tone, startling Carmen and making her blink repeatedly at him before responding.

  “W-what? My…Uh, no. No, he isn’t. I to—”

  “Stay here,” Asa ordered, still refusing to look her in the eyes. “I’ll bring the truck around.”

  “I thought you hated me.” Carmen raised her brows, looking at him through the corner of her eyes.

  Asa clenched his jaw, his shoulders stiffening. “I gave you the first ride back home long before we were even friends,” he told her. “It had been a simple, civil gesture back then just like it is right now. You don’t have to r
ead anything into it because it means nothing.”

  And then he was walking into the rain, towards the parking lot, heading in the direction of wherever his truck was.

  Carmen released the breath she’d been holding in, feeling her shoulders drop slightly at the realisation that Wyatt hadn’t been kidding when he said Asa was going to be difficult to crack. Of course, Carmen had known it too. Asa wasn’t one to forgive easily. But truth be told, she never expected him to have such a strong resolve.

  The sound of an approaching vehicle caught Carmen’s attention, and her eyes landed on the familiar red truck that set off the tugging sensation in her chest again.

  Sighing softly, she left the shelter that the roof of the building provided and went into the light downpour, running down the steps as she felt the wind whip her hair back and the raindrops kiss her skin, causing an exhilarating sensation to course through her veins.

  Asa leaned over the seats and opened the passenger door for Carmen, allowing her to get in right away instead of getting any wetter in the rain.

  “I love the rain,” she said in a rushed exhale, the lingering exhilaration doing the talking for her.

  “I know,” Asa muttered, driving them out of the school’s parking lot.

  “You do?” Carmen shot him a surprised look, knowing she hadn’t ever told him that.

  “Lucky guess.” His tone remained clipped and detached.

  Carmen looked away, not liking the disappointment or the sinking feeling in her stomach at being given the cold shoulder by Asa himself of all people.

  The ride was uncomfortably silent, the air so thick with tension and an undercurrent of something much stronger, yet also somehow so fragile that Carmen could have cut through it with her fingernail in order for it to explode.

  “You, uh.” Carmen broke the silence, then stopped, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “You didn’t ask me why I’m getting a ride from you today instead of my dad.”

  “I would have, but that would imply I actually cared,” Asa responded easily enough. “And I don’t.”