Squad Goals: Hot by Halloween

by M. F. Lorson

  “Why?” she breathed.

  “Because he abandoned our family for a new one. He taught me everything I knew, but he wasn’t there when it counted.” I didn’t have the guts to look at her while I spoke, but after a moment I felt her hand land gently on my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry, Gray.”

  “Eh. It’s okay,” I mumbled.

  I started to navigate through the website but had a hard time focusing. Something about Addy made it so easy to open up, and I really wasn’t used to that. She made me want to tell her everything and bare my soul, and that freaked me out big time. Like she would actually listen without telling me something superficial like everyone else did.

  “You know…” she whispered. “You’re better off without him. I mean...you swam your best when he wasn’t even there.”

  Finally, I turned and looked into her eyes to give her a thankful smile, and I was instantly struck by her round eyes, free of any makeup. With her long lashes and sprinkle of freckles around her nose, it was like I noticed for the first time just how pretty she was.

  Once again, I caught myself staring, and it didn’t take long before the charged moment became too intense and awkward. Quickly, I looked back at the computer screen. At the same moment, Addy’s hand left my shoulder as she seemed to scoot her chair back.

  A long second passed before I found the tab I needed. Rule Interpretations.

  “Okay, rules and regulations,” I stammered. “Let’s get this over with.”

  Addy

  The public library was not my favorite place. It reminded me of things like dust, deadlines, and my sixth grade presentation on abortion. I made it a point to never go there. Especially in the winter, when everyone and their uncle was sucking up the free wi-fi trying to stay warm. Today however, with Gray sitting across from me, all handsome and studious, I had a new appreciation for this classic pillar of society.

  We had been going over all the ways you could get disqualified from a swim meet. The purpose, of course, was to prevent my repeating what happened last weekend. I wasn’t thrilled to be spending my evening nose-first in a dated copy of some swim regulations rule book, but if I had to be studying at least I was in good company.

  “I still don’t understand why you get disqualified for swimming underwater longer than fifteen meters at the start. I mean, seriously? If you stay under much longer, you’ll be too far behind to win, anyway. Why disqualify?” I asked, packing my backpack as the library staff not-so-subtly flicked the lights on and off to warn us it was time to go. “I feel like all these rules are a control thing. Like the officials are sad people who need to be bossy to feel whole.”

  Gray shook his head. “The rules are there to keep the meet structured and the swimmers safe. Be grateful for them. I wouldn’t put it past Willow to pop into your lane and quietly drown you if it meant she had a better chance at regionals.”

  “Ugh,” I groaned, biting my bottom lip. I had done a good job of ignoring Willow the last few days, but I couldn’t avoid her forever. Gray was right. That chick had it out for me.

  “Don’t worry,” said Gray with a wink. “All you have to do to win her over is swim better.”

  “Oh!” I cried, pushing in my chair on our way toward the exit. “I wish you would have told me that earlier. Then I would have just swam better. I feel so stupid.”

  “Glad to be of service.” Gray pulled open the front door to the library. A cool burst of night air hit us as we made our way into the parking. It was finally starting to cool down in Delinki. There were fewer and fewer mosquitoes every day. The two-mile walk from Gray’s house to school wouldn’t be so bad this time of year. Not that I wanted to bring that up. Driving to and from school was quickly becoming my favorite time of day.

  I recognized Mitch’s shape in the parking lot before I saw Cassie’s blonde hair swinging to the side. Before I could look away, I watched as he tilted her chin up with his thumb and forefinger to put her face in the perfect kissing position. Some things never changed, I guess. Mitch was always in control, the first to press his lips to yours. There was no popping up your toes to lay a kiss on him. He dealt them out like candy to a child.

  I didn’t want to miss being on the receiving end, but seeing him leaning up against his car with Cassie, the way the two of us had done so many times before, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling like a forgotten toy. He had the newer model, a bright and shiny reminder that I wasn’t wanted anymore.

  Without thinking, I turned to bail. My car was fifteen feet away, and I was going to look stupid walking in the opposite direction, but I would feel stupid coming face to face with Mitch and Cassie, their cheeks still all glowy from canoodling.

  My escape was thwarted however, by Gray, who unexpectedly threaded his arm around my waist.

  “If you want him to believe you’re over him, you have to at least try to look over him.” he whispered, his lips just centimeters from my ear.

  “Addy?” asked Mitch, stepping into the streetlight, as if he could see us better by standing under it and not the other way around.

  “Hey, Mitch, Cassie,” I said, nodding my head in her direction and slowing in the middle of the parking lot. Cassie gave an awkward wave. It wasn’t her fault Mitch broke up with me so he could ask her out but her bottom lip trembled, anyway. The four of us stood there for a moment, unsure what to say. Until finally, Gray leaned close again.

  “Blah, blah, blah, etc., Now would be a good time for you to smile like I’m saying something sweet,” he whispered. Instead, I burst into laughter, all that nervous tension pouring out of me in full force. Of course Gray would say the perfect thing to turn this moment from pure heartbreak to oh well, laugh it off. Thank goodness I’d chosen to be bad at swimming and not some other sport. The girls soccer team pretending to hit on me in order to make my ex uncomfortable would have been far less effective than abs of steel, hair of gold, Gray Turner.

  “Nice bumping into you,” said Gray, steering me toward the car. “But we want to hit the custard stand before it closes.”

  “Later,” called Mitch, his hand flying up in an awkward wave that was obviously meant to appear friendly, but came off looking like a robot short circuiting. I watched out of the corner of my eye as a familiar twitch began in his jaw. He had a habit of clenching and unclenching his teeth when he was annoyed. I was well rehearsed in avoiding that look. Tonight though, tonight I didn’t mind it so much.

  With a smile on my face I tugged the seatbelt across my lap and started the engine.

  “Are we really getting burgers though?” I asked, fluttering my lashes at Gray.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Gray

  Since this weekend’s meet was in Yorktown, my mom couldn’t come, which meant I was taking the bus. It would have been too long of a drive after a night shift, and this time, she actually listened to me, so I couldn’t complain.

  On the bus, Addy and I sat in silence, each of us with our headphones on and the borrowed copy of Swimming and Diving Rule Book between us. I gave Addy a heads up on my pre-meet ritual, and after a few too many jokes about me being a moody loser, she obliged and even joined me in the silence. Every once in a while, I’d catch Willow and Freddy sideways glancing over at us, as if they wanted me to know they were watching. Like I cared. I had just as much at stake as they did—probably more—so I didn’t need the added pressure.

  I had no doubt that Addy’s start would be perfect today. We even threw in a couple extra practices this week, which was her idea. Everything from the start to the turn looked almost perfect, so I felt confident.

  But her leg kept a steady bounce next to mine, and she was chewing on her lip, both clear Addy signs that she was nervous. Out of pure reflex, I put my hand on her knee to try to calm her. She froze for a second before clearly getting the hint and letting herself relax.

  “This isn’t working,” she said as she pulled off her headphones. “Music isn’t distracting me.”

  I pulled my headphones
off my head and took a deep long sigh. “Okay, do you want to go over the rules again?” I asked.

  She answered with a harsh glare. I laughed and closed the book. “What are you so worried about? I mean...what’s the worst that can happen?”

  “Oh you mean besides bringing down the entire team and ruining everyone’s chance at regionals?”

  I sat quietly for a moment, wondering if I should even ask what I’ve been wanting to ask. “Addy…” I breathed. “Why did you join the team...if you’re so worried about it?” I tried to keep my expression soft, not wanting her to think I was being rude or didn’t want her there.

  She looked down at her lap as if she were thinking about something. Biting the corner of her lip, she finally said, “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.”

  “That’s it?” I asked, sensing there was more to it.

  “Well, I didn’t think I would be this bad,” she cried in a low whisper which only made us both break out in quiet laughter. People turned to look at us, so we hid our heads a little lower.

  “Are you sure it’s not to prove something to your ex?”

  Her jaw dropped open as she slapped my arm. “No!” she whisper-shouted.

  “Okay, good. Because that guy is a dirtbag, and you have nothing to prove to him.”

  “He is not,” she answered, but it wasn’t convincing enough.

  “Did he break up with you after two years to turn around and start dating someone else?”

  She didn’t answer, but I caught her chewing on her lip again.

  “That’s what I thought. Major dirtbag,” I said, bumping her shoulder with mine. “What did you see in that guy, anyway?”

  After a long moment of her avoiding eye contact, I couldn’t help but tease her. “Oh no, Addy. Don’t tell me...it was because you think he’s hot!”

  She immediately hid her face, trying to cover her blushing cheeks. “Don’t you judge me, Gray Turner. We all have our vices.”

  “I bet he was a good kisser too,” I said, winking at her with an elbow in the ribs.

  “He was,” she mumbled into her hands.

  She was well into a fit of silent giggling, but I found myself growing a little cold at the thought. I mean, I was the one who brought it up, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she would go back with him if she had the chance. Surely, not. Addy was smarter than that, but the thought wouldn’t stop worrying its way through my gut.

  We changed the subject a couple times and finally settled on poking fun at the stock photos in the rule book before the bus finally pulled up to the school. By the time we disembarked, my cheeks hurt from laughing, and I couldn’t remember the last time I felt that relaxed.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked as we walked across the parking lot.

  “I feel good,” she said, as if she was just realizing it herself. “Probably a lot better than I would have after listening to music.” She sent me a small smile which I definitely wasn’t going to get out of my head anytime soon.

  The boys and girls immediately separated into different locker rooms, and as I watched Addy walk away, I felt suddenly more nervous than she looked earlier. After undressing, the boys all congregated in a circle while Griffith and Freddy gave us the usual pep talk and heat assignments. It wasn’t subtle when Freddy looked at me while explaining that Yorktown was an old rival of Delinki High and that we had beaten them in overall score for three years straight, a streak we didn’t want to break.

  I hoped Addy wasn’t getting this same pep talk.

  Addy

  “Three years.” barked Willow. “We haven’t lost to Yorktown in three years. I sure as hell am not planning to lose my senior year.”

  “No pressure,” I mumbled to Amy who snickered beside me.

  “What was that, Addy?” asked Willow, glaring at me from her lofty perch above the changing bench. I briefly considered telling her we weren’t in a great American sports movie. She didn’t need to stand on the furniture and yell at us. This was a dual meet, not the world championships. But my better judgement told me to keep those thoughts to myself. She wasn’t exactly a listener, anyway.

  Instead, I hopped to my feet and placed my hand up to my forehead in a crisp salute. “Aye aye, Captain, ready and able!” The girls in the locker room giggled. Our captain didn’t like me, that was for sure, but it didn’t seem like everyone felt that way.

  Willow, however, was on a real tear today. “It’s all a joke to you,” she snapped, her face screwed up in an angry, frustrated expression. “But some of us have been working at this for years.”

  Suddenly, the buzz of giggling girls, excited for a meet, became the sound of people scurrying as far from the drama as possible.

  “I am going to do my best,” I replied, double-checking my bag for goggles and that stupid swim cap I hated so much. “You might not believe me, but I don’t actually want to let everyone down.”

  The hard set line of Willow’s jaw relaxed just a little. “I believe you’re doing your best,” she replied. “But your best isn’t competition material.” And with that she slung her bag over her shoulder and slid past me to the showers.

  I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood. It would have felt awfully good to give her a piece of my mind right then and there with the whole locker room as an audience. As far as I was concerned she stood on a pedestal she didn’t deserve, and all it would take was one sweep of the leg to bring her down.

  I didn’t though. Despite her bad attitude, I couldn’t ignore the fact that both she and Gray wanted the same thing, to finish their senior year with a winning season. The difference was, where he was willing to help me improve to get there, she clearly just planned to bully me into quitting.

  Unfortunately for her, that wasn’t going to happen. Gray may have been joking when he said I just had to swim better to win her over, but at this moment, that was my official plan.

  Besides, I really was swimming better. I’d logged more hours in the pool this week than I had in front of Netflix, and that was saying something.

  The medley was the third race in today’s meet. So, luckily for me, I got to watch Gray plow through the butterfly before I had to get in the pool myself. No surprise, Gray dominated both our guys and theirs. He didn’t, however, break his PR, which meant he paced around the pool with his headphones on for the five minutes directly following his race.

  Was I sad he didn’t break his record? Yes.

  Was I sad he was circling the pool in his speedo, oblivious to all of the wandering eyes admiring his form? Not so much.

  It was probably best that he didn’t notice me drooling. I still blushed every time I thought about the dumb comment I made about the picture on his computer. In my defense, I had never spent so much time with such a fine specimen of man. Learning to behave accordingly took time. I was still adjusting.

  When the time came for my race, I was ready to show Willow that my false start was an anomaly. No kazoo could distract me today. Gray had made sure of that by convincing Lucy to stand on the deck at our last private practice making bizarre noises every time I got ready for a run. If I hadn’t false started when she pulled a trumpet out from behind her back I wasn’t going to now.

  This time when the buzzer rang, I sprang off of the wall and into the water with perfect timing. How did I know it was perfect? When I hit the wall to finish, Willow dove past me with no hesitation. No foot tapping, downward scowling today. When I pulled myself out of the pool, Nora and Lucy were shaking their booties singing, “I like to move it move it!” at the top of their lungs. What did this have to do with swimming? Absolutely nothing, but it was our celebratory dance, so I joined them on the deck, not caring who thought what.

  Across the pool, with his earbuds still in, Gray shook his head, pretending to cover his face like he didn’t know me and couldn’t possibly be seen with me. Still, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Gray

  I
t absolutely killed me to admit it to myself, but I couldn’t get enough time around Addy. Every moment spent without her blurting out random song lyrics, making inappropriate jokes about swimming jargon, or calling me loser felt more and more dull with each passing day.

  None of this made any sense. Addy was undeniably not my type. Not that I had a ton of experience with girlfriends, but I was under the impression that I was into the athletic, composed girls. Now I couldn’t stop my brain from suddenly wanting to hold Addy’s hand around school or kiss her wet lips when she climbed out of the pool at practice. It was absurd.

  I even started spending my lunch at her table with her equally zany friends just to witness Addy in all of her oddball glory. Alone, was one thing. Those three girls together was like a triple threat of ridiculousness.

  On Monday after the Yorktown meet, which we dominated in nearly every heat, Simon and I sat down with Addy, Lucy, Nora, and Addy’s slightly guarded brother, Max. Throughout the thirty-minute period, students kept coming up to the table to congratulate me and Addy on the big victory over the weekend, at which she beamed with pride, and the itch to put my arm around her became unbearable.

  One of these said students happened to be a certain dirtbag who thought it would be a good idea to sit down across from Addy as if he belonged there. “Hey guys,” Mitch blurted, completely interrupting the current conversation. The group fell silent. “Heard about your big win over the weekend. Anytime we can beat Yorktown is great.”

  I actually considered playing the arm-around-the-shoulder move again just to make him uncomfortable enough to split. Before I could, he started in about his stupid Halloween party plans. “I just wanted to make sure you all know you’re still invited to the big party this year.” He looked directly at me as he said it, although I suspected he was talking to the others at the table, the ones he scorned when he dropped Addy like a bad habit.