Asylum

by Amy Cross

  Langheim, you old fool. You were a genius after all.

  I walk over to the mirror. I see Nurse Perry's naked body standing and staring back at me. Looking down, I see my old body on the floor. My body is a mangled, damaged, bleeding mess, and my severed head is by my feet. I pick it up and look at my own dead face. Thanks to the work pioneered by Dr. Langheim and then continued by Jerry, I've managed to complete my own brain transplant, moving it from my old, dying body into Nurse Perry's body. The latter, of course, is able to heal remarkably quickly. Within a few days, I should be almost back to full strength. Taking a deep breath, I feel her lungs fill with air, as her heart beats blood around her body and up to my brain.

  I walk toward the door, as the building continues to burn around me. It feels so strange, walking in someone else's body. I know I shouldn't try to do too much, since the cortex extender could reject the transplant at any moment, but if I don't get out of here I'll be dead anyway. Figuring the elevator won't be working, I see a patch in the laboratory where the ceiling has fallen down. I step past Jerry's dead body and carefully I climb up onto the desk, before hauling myself up through the hole in the ceiling and finally emerging outside. I turn and look up, seeing the huge inferno that continues to roar through Lakehurst. Already, the building is more than half collapsed, and the rest will be coming down any moment. I turn and start walking away, as a huge roar develops behind me. I've barely taken more than a couple of steps before the front of Lakehurst collapses in a huge fireball, crushing and consuming me before I have a chance to scream.

  Annie Radford

  "This way!" Kieran shouts as flames roar all around us.

  When the floor collapsed, we were lucky. We landed just a few meters down, on the floor of the next level. Nurse Winter, on the other hand, fell much, much further. I saw her plummet into the flames. Was it that easy? Is she gone now?

  "Annie!" Kieran shouts, grabbing my arm and pulling me across the room. Lakehurst is burning down all around us, and we're still far from safe. I have no idea what caused the explosion that ripped through the whole place, but it's clear that the building's going to collapse soon. The flames are spreading fast, and there's smoke everywhere. As Kieran leads me to a flight of stairs, it occurs to me that while he has to get out, maybe I should stay. After all, I deserve to die. The things I did to my brother, to my family, are too horrific to live with. I should just stop somewhere, breathe in the smoke, and let the flames take me.

  Eventually, somehow, we get down to the ground floor. I see the recreation room consumed by flames. There's a body on the floor, partially covered by the collapsed ceiling. As we get closer, I see that it's Dr. Sospiri, his head cracked open. A little further on, we come across the body of Eddie, the guard. He's still just about alive, trying to crawl to safety, but it looks like his back is broken.

  "There's no time," Kieran says, trying to pull me towards the door. "We can't save everyone!"

  "Go," I say, pulling my arm free from his grip. "I want to stay."

  He looks at me as if I'm crazy. "Annie, we have to get out of here." As the words come out of his mouth, there's an explosion behind us, shaking the whole building. "We haven't got long, Annie," he continues. "There's time for a debate later, but right now we have to go!"

  "I'd rather stay," I say. "You go."

  He stares at me. "Not without you," he replies.

  "You don't deserve to die!" I shout at him as the heat from the flames becomes unbearable. The building creaks. I look up and realize that the top floors are going to come crashing down any second and we're going to be crushed. "Go!" I shout at Kieran. "Get out of here!"

  "Not without you," he says again.

  "I deserve this," I say. "I killed Taylor. Don't save me. This is how I should die."

  "Bullshit," he replies. "Those radio signals -"

  "They're not an excuse," I shout at him. "I was still the one who pulled the trigger."

  "The radio signals were in your head," he says. "The experiments here were about mind control. Someone reached into your head, drove you crazy, and made you do it!"

  I turn to go back into the flames, but Kieran grabs me and starts pulling me from the building. I struggle, but I can't get free and a few seconds later he manages to get us out the front door and down the steps. He drags me across the lawn and I stare back at Lakehurst as the entire building collapses in a massive wall of fire. The countryside is lit up for miles by the inferno. I should have been in there. I should be dead right now, like all those other people. I doubt anyone had a chance to save the patients. They must have died in their rooms, locked up like caged animals.

  "You still wish you'd been in there?" Kieran asks, letting go of me.

  I stand and stare at the burning wreck of Lakehurst. "Yes," I say. It's hard not to imagine all the people in there, burning to death. How many souls were destroyed tonight? Whatever cruel games Nurse Winter and Dr. Langheim were playing, too many people had to pay the price. "They all died," I say. "Why did I get to be the one who was saved? I should have died with them."

  "Killing yourself would have been too easy," Kieran says. "Come on, Annie. You're as much a victim of that place as anyone. You're not a killer. They made you do it, and then they messed with your head so much, you can't see that you deserve another chance. Langheim reached out and touched your mind. He wanted to see if he could find someone good and make do something awful, and it worked. You loved your brother, but he made you kill him."

  I turn to him. "Why do you care so much?" I ask. "We only met once, for one night. Why did you come here to get me?"

  "I wanted to find out what was really happening at Lakehurst," he says. "When I realized the signals I was tracking converged here, I knew there was something going on. And then I realized you were here too, and it seemed like too much of a coincidence." He pauses for a moment. "Those signals in your head were responsible for what you did. And now... now everyone's going to think you're dead. They'll think you died in the explosion, so... I guess you've got no choice but to come with me."

  "And go where?" I ask.

  Without answering, Kieran takes my hand and leads me away. When we reach his car, he grabs some items from the boot, but the car itself has a damaged engine so we're going to have to walk.

  "We'll go to the nearest town," he says. "From there, we can get back to Boston. We'll keep you out of sight. Maybe get you a haircut, some new clothes. You'll need a new name. There are people out there who won't understand what you went through. I know someone who can help. We'll get you a whole new identity, and then we'll decide what to do next. For one thing, there's at least one more transmitter somewhere that was linked to Lakehurst, and I want to find it. Are you up for all that?"

  I don't reply. To be honest, I just want to crawl under a rock and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. Even if Taylor's death wasn't entirely my fault, I still have the memory of pulling the trigger. I still remember seeing him fall to the ground. I still remember my mother's screams.

  "I like you," Kieran says suddenly.

  I stop, surprised. "What?" I ask.

  He smiles. "Just thought I'd answer your question from earlier about why I wanted to get you out of there. I like you, Annie."

  I stare at him. "I like you too," I reply eventually.

  "That'll do," he says. "For now." He reaches out a hand, which I take, and we carry on walking. I still feel as if I don't deserve to be alive. Okay, Langheim reached into my mind and made me do what I did, but I could have stopped him. I could have been stronger. I loved my brother, so why wasn't I able to fight Langheim off and drop the gun? Kieran's view of things is too easy, too sympathetic. But I guess I'll have to live with what I did. If Kieran's right, and there's another transmitter out there somewhere, then maybe there are other people like me. If that's the case, I can help them. I know what it's like to be used in Langheim's experiments. I can put everything I've been through to good use. That, at least, might be a reason to stay alive.
<
br />   Epilogue

  One year later.

  I open my eyes. For a moment, I have no idea who I am, where I am, what I'm doing here, how I got here, what's happening... Nothing. I'm a blank slate. And then, something starts to come back to me as I remember a single image: an office, empty and clean. I feel as if it's my office, but why would I have an office? I don't remember what kind of job I have. Had... Maybe I -

  Another memory comes to me. I'm in a house, and I'm looking at an old woman whose head is being eaten by beetles. The old woman is someone important to me. My mother? My sister? My daughter? Hell, I don't even know how old I am. I raise my left hand and see that it looks fairly young.

  Who am I?

  "Hazel?" says a voice nearby. I turn and see a nurse standing next to my bed. "Can you hear me, Hazel?" she asks.

  Hazel? Since when was my name Hazel? My name is... I pause. What's my name again? I'm not sure, but I feel as if Hazel is wrong. Something similar, perhaps, but definitely not Hazel.

  "Can you say something for me?" the nurse asks. "Anything at all. Just say 'yes' if you can hear me."

  I open my mouth to reply. What will my voice sound like? "Yes," I say eventually. I have a quiet voice. Very soft and feminine. I like it.

  "I'll get the doctor," the nurse says, hurrying away. I take a deep breath. As the seconds tick by, I'm remembering more and more. I remember a man on the floor of a dark room, his head having been smashed in by a hammer. I remember an old man in a wheelchair. I remember a box full of dead birds. I remember being in a bar. I remember falling over in a school playground. I remember falling through fire. I remember a girl in a bed in a room that looks like it's part of a mental asylum. I remember feeling flames consuming my body. I remember the sound of a saw grinding through bone. I remember... my name.

  "Hazel?" says a voice, and I see that a doctor has entered the room.

  "Kirsten," I say, correcting him. "Kirsten Wi -" I pause. "Hazel," I say finally. "My name is Hazel."

  He smiles as he looks at my chart. "Hazel Perry," he says. "We ran a check on your DNA and dental records. It was the only way we could identify you. When we found you, your body was so badly burned, we thought you were dead. Your recovery is little short of a miracle."

  "A miracle?" I ask.

  He nods. "If you don't mind, we're going to want to do some tests on you at some point, to find out how you managed to recover from such horrific burns. I've got to be honest with you, Hazel, you look amazing."

  "Can I see?" I ask.

  "Sure," he says, grabbing a small mirror and handing it to me. I stare at myself and see an unfamiliar face. I'm sure I didn't used to look like that. The woman staring back at me was someone I knew, though. Something feels wrong here.

  "That's me?" I ask.

  "I think so," he replies, smiling. "Mirrors don't lie."

  "No," I say. "They don't."

  "We also need to X-ray your skull some time," he continues. "There's something in your head. Some kind of metal. We weren't able to examine it properly while you were in a coma, but now we'd like to get a look at it. Whatever it is, it's very unusual."

  "Of course," I say.

  He stares at me for a moment. "Do you remember what happened to you?" he asks eventually.

  I shake my head.

  "There was a fire," he says. "You were a nurse at Lakehurst Psychiatric Hospital. There was a huge fire, an explosion really, that destroyed the whole building. You were the only survivor. All the others... the patients, the other members of staff... they were so badly burned, some of them were just ashes by the time emergency crews arrived. I don't know how you survived, but somehow you're here with us today."

  "I am," I say. I remember now. I used the cortex extender to transplant my brain from my old body to Nurse Perry's. That's why they think I'm Nurse Perry. I guess my brain is still a little fuzzy from the trauma. Lakehurst is gone. If everyone else is dead, that means I'm left to start again. The past has been wiped away. I can choose to go back to being how I used to be, before Dr. Langheim and Lakehurst took over and steered me toward some of the more unpalatable things that I've done in my life. It's a new start. "What happened?" I ask. "Why did Lakehurst burn?"

  "The police think it was the janitor," he replies.

  "Morris?" I ask.

  He nods. "Apparently he sabotaged the boiler. His body was found in a nearby river. He turned out to have quite an interesting history."

  "Huh," I say. I always ignored Morris. After all, he was just the janitor. I guess Langheim must have got into his head too, and used him to orchestrate the destruction of Lakehurst. But why? Did Langheim really want to kill himself?

  "Rest now," the doctor says. "I'm going to get a counselor to come and see you. At some point, you might need emotional help dealing with what's happened. There are also some police officers who want to ask you about Lakehurst. They're particularly interested in the activities of your old boss, Kirsten Winter, and a man by the name of Dr. Langheim."

  "Kirsten Winter?" I say, my voice filled with innocence.

  "You remember her?" he asks.

  I nod. "She was a bitch," I say.

  "World's full of 'em," he replies. "I'll be back in a while. In the meantime, is there anything I can have brought to you? We have a book trolley and some magazines."

  "Sure," I say. "Thanks."

  "Sorry we don't have a TV for you," he continues. "There used to be one in this room, but it's broken and we haven't got around to repairing it yet."

  "That's fine," I say, spotting a small portable radio in the corner. "What about that?" I ask.

  He turns and sees it. "Sorry," he says. "We can't get any of the radios in the hospital to work. It started right after you were brought in, actually. It's really messed up a few things for us. Our tech guys have no idea what's causing it. It's as if there's just a load of static in the air."

  "Weird," I say.

  He turns to leave, but then he seems to remember something and he glances back at me. "By the way, we've called your parents to tell them you're awake. They'll be here tomorrow."

  "Parents?" I ask, stunned.

  "Walter and Alice Perry of Kansas City," he says. "That's right, isn't it?"

  "Yes," I say. Well, it's probably right. "My parents." It's strange to think that now I'm in Nurse Perry's body, I've inherited parts of her life, including her parents. My original parents were a waste of space. Perhaps this time I'll be luckier.

  Once he's gone, I find myself staring at the radio. Back at Lakehurst, right at the end, I finally worked out how to block Langheim's voice from entering my mind. Is he still out there, though? Is his mind still being broadcast around the world, despite the fact that his body is gone? If it is, I'm damn well not going to let him back into my head. Sitting up, I manage to get out of bed and stumble over to the little radio. I pick it up and turn it on, but all the channels, on all the frequencies, are filled with static. Buried in that static, though, there's a kind of distant, pulsing signal. Is that Langheim's consciousness, persisting still? His body's dead, but is his mind all around us? Before, I'd have been weak. I'd have been unable to prevent his voice from entering my mind. But now I'm strong. I can resist him. All I have to do is wait in this hospital for a few more weeks while my body heals, and then I'm out of here. I don't know where I'll go, but I'm sure I'll land on my feet. Perhaps I'll get a job at another psychiatric hospital. A normal one, this time. A chance to start again. Things will be much easier without Langheim's voice in my mind.

  With a satisfying flick, I turn the radio off, cutting the signal dead.

  Also available

  MEDS

  (THE ASYLUM TRILOGY BOOK 2)

  “Welcome to the Overflow. And remember, all roads lead back to Lakehurst.”

  At the edge of a ruined town, a burned-out hospital houses one final, functional ward. There, a small group of doctors and nurses tend to patients who have been consigned to the Overflow. Unloved, forgotten by the people who knew the
m, these are the patients who will never receive visitors. If something happens to them, no-one will ask questions.

  When she starts work at Middleford Cross, Nurse Elly Blackstock thinks she's getting a second chance. She soon discovers, however, that this particular hospital is unlike any other. In one of the beds, an old man grapples with the horrors of his past, while in another there's a woman condemned to a life of darkness and silence. Ghosts stalk the corridors, and more ghosts are on the way. And watching over all of this is the hospital's administrator, Nurse Kirsten Winter, a woman who is desperately searching for someone named Annie Radford...

  Asylum: Meds is a dark horror novel about the lengths one woman will go to as she searches for the truth about the voices in her head.

  Also by Amy Cross

  THE BODY AT AUERCLIFF

  “We'll bury her so deep, even her ghost will have a mouth full of dirt!”

  When Rebecca Wallace arrives at Auercliff to check on her aged aunt, she's in for a shock. Her aunt's mind is crumbling, and the old woman refuses to let Rebecca stay overnight. And just as she thinks she's starting to understand the truth, Rebecca makes a horrifying discovery in one of the house's many spare rooms.

  A dead body. A woman. Old and rotten. And her aunt insists she has no idea where it came from.

  The truth lies buried in the past. For generations, the occupants of Auercliff have been tormented by the repercussions of a horrific secret. And somehow everything seems to be centered upon the mausoleum in the house's ground, where every member of the family is entombed once they die.

  Whose body was left to rot in one of the house's rooms? Why have successive generations of the family been plagued by a persistent scratching sound? And what really happened to Rebecca many years ago, when she found herself locked inside the Auercliff mausoleum?