by Riley Ashby
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 15
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Epilogue
Thank you
About the Author
Playlist
Sneak Peek
“Look.”
She pointed at the tree whose branches scraped our windows on windy nights. It had been annoying as hell, and I had threatened to lean out the window and trim them myself several times, but Vail had always stopped me. Now I saw why.
A pair of robins hopped along the branches. Concealed among the leaves, I could barely make out the nest and baby bird beaks that strained above the top. One of the adults dipped their head to feed them, rising again quickly to look around nervously. Always on the lookout for threats and never resting in the quest to keep their offspring safe.
“I’d rather have quiet nights,” I said, but she shushed me. The bird turned its face toward us, searching out the source of my voice. I held my breath.
We were shoulder to shoulder, pressing our faces against the glass to watch nature in action.
“Have you ever seen anything so pure?” she whispered.
The light falling across her face matched the pattern of the dancing leaves as they swayed in the breeze. Her skin was pink from our weekend excursion as a trio hiking at Murphy Ranch on a whim. She bit her lip as she watched the birds, unable to look away from them just as I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
“No, I haven’t.”
Ten years later
The first thing I remembered after my slavery ended was waking up on a plane with my head resting against Castel Austen’s shoulder.
On the second day, I woke up in his bed.
I didn’t recognize where I was at first. The room was unfamiliar, the bedsheets foreign—I wasn’t in my normal room. Was this a trick? My breath came fast and hard, causing my body to shake uncontrollably. I didn’t recognize anything I was looking at, or smelling, or feeling. And then he spoke.
“You’re okay. Just relax.”
I looked to my left to find Cas sitting three feet away in a chair. The heavy bags under his eyes were more pronounced than I had ever seen them, but he sat forward the moment I awoke. I calmed but only slightly.
I had been dreaming of my last night with the man who took me. Chase Reilly was one of my brother’s business associates who, it turned out, ran an extensive network of human trafficking rings. He kept me for himself, finding his pleasure in my screams. The last night he had me, I’d been bound with chains.
Not anymore. My hands moved freely.
“Where am I?”
“My room.”
“No, I mean whose house am I at?”
He sighed and folded his hands. The concern on his face was evident. “Your brother’s. Ellery.” As if I’d forgotten him. “We picked you up two days ago in New York and flew home to LA the same night. You’ve been asleep for about sixteen hours. We’re going to see the doctor in an hour.”
Everything started to come back to me in waves. The drugs I was given had sapped my memories and made it hard for me to know what was real, but I remembered some things. A card game. An overturned chair. A girl I had never met before who was responsible for my being alive.
My desire to remember what had happened was quickly overcome with a craving. It’d been at least a day since I’d had a hit of … of whatever they were giving me. Nausea wracked my empty stomach while goose bumps spread across my arms. I reached for my elbow automatically, seeking the vein. Shame bubbled up my throat as my addiction subsumed me.
“I need some.”
Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a small envelope, holding it just out of reach. “Suboxone. Ellery had it brought over.”
Of course, my brother would have thought of that. At least I wouldn’t need to go through withdrawals. I held out my hand eagerly, and Cas dropped a film into my palm. He took care not to touch me, not even the lightest brush of his fingers against my skin. Fear twisted my gut. Was I so dirty and used up that he couldn’t even bear to brush against me?
Of course, you are. Why would he even want to be near you after what you’ve done?
I let the film dissolve under my tongue, trying not to choke on the taste. I would have taken anything he gave me if it meant I could overcome this hunger.
I held still for several minutes as the craving subsided, then took stock of my body. Same clothes I had gone to bed in, just a different setting. I knew I had fallen asleep in my own room.
“How did I end up here?”
He graced me with that wry smile that had always made my stomach drop to my feet. “Old habits die hard.”
I forced myself to sit a little straighter. The comforter on the bed was too heavy for this time of year, but I dragged it with me to cover my chest. It had been a long time since I’d had the authority to cover myself when I wanted to and have any say over who could look at me and when.
“I thought Tori was supposed to stay with me.”
“You were sleepwalking, and she was afraid to wake you.”
I nodded. It was probably a good idea. It had been several weeks since being woken from sleep had ended well for me.
“You need to dress. There are clothes in the bathroom. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
“Can you stay?” Squeezing my eyes shut, I didn’t trust myself to look at him because I wasn’t sure he would indulge me. It was silly of me to ask him. I felt like a child, but I didn’t want to be alone in case danger lurked nearby. A monster under the bed was far worse than any of my childhood imaginings.
He surprised me when he answered immediately. “Of course. I’ll sit right here.”
I climbed off the bed on the far side from him, testing out my joints and muscles. It had been so long since I had gotten a full night of uninterrupted sleep while comfortable, and my body was confused by the change. It still didn’t believe my surroundings were real, and it definitely didn’t trust that the person watching me would not attack at any moment. I walked sideways to the bathroom, keeping one eye on him the whole time. He stared right back.
“Hurry up,” he said. He kept his voice soft, but I heard the urgency in his words. “I doubt you want your brother to know where you spent the night.”
*
I would have preferred the doctor to come to Ellery’s home to look us over, but once Ellery told him what Sophie and I had been through, he insisted we come to his office.
“I’d like to look you over first, Vail.” I suppressed a shudder at the words. Dr. Halloway had cared for me for years, but now he seemed like another stranger. A newcomer who was going to take me into a room by myself with only one exit and tell me to take off my clothes.
You can do this, I told myself. It’s a normal doctor’s exam.
The moment I stepped over the threshold into the exam room,
the scent of disinfectant overtook my senses. My vision blurred as my blood drained from my head; I put one hand against the wall to steady myself and keep from falling over.
“I thought you wanted to eat today, my dear.” Chase’s hand landed under my chin to lift my gaze to his. His hand reeked of rubbing alcohol after sanitizing the bite I’d inflicted on him moments before. “Haven’t you ever heard not to bite the hand that feeds you?”
I snapped at him again, and he jerked his hand away. His eyes widened in fear before he regained his composure.
“Very well. We can fill your mouth with something else less palatable. And if you bite this…” He smirked as he began to undo his belt. “You’ll wish you’d never been born.”
I sucked in a breath of fresh air, desperate to remember where I was. “I need … I can’t…”
“It’s all right, Vail.” Dr. Halloway probably thought his voice was soothing, but all I could hear was a man. A man who wanted to hurt me. He backed away from me with his hands in the air. “Let’s see if we can make you more comfortable.”
Tori appeared by my side a moment later. “I’m eternally grateful,” I whispered to her as she helped me into the hospital gown once we were alone. Everything had returned to its rightful place in the room, and the scent wasn’t so overwhelming, after all.
“Anything for my lady.” Her friendly smile reminded me I could relax, if only a smidgen. “This is step one to getting better. After a couple of hours, you’ll be back in bed.”
After an extended pelvic exam and a Pap smear, multiple blood draws and some other samples were taken to determine which drugs I’d ingested during my captivity. It was an uncomfortable exam under the best of circumstances, but given my recent history, it was downright humiliating. When I changed back into my clothes—protective thick jeans and a baggy long-sleeved shirt—I sighed in relief.
“Are you all right?” Tori whispered as she bumped her shoulder against mine.
I pulled my lips into a wistful smile for my friend. Ellery had hired her a couple of years ago as a part-time bodyguard for us, but he’d promoted her to full time the night I was abducted. I was grateful she and I got along as friends and not just as boss and employee. I wasn’t sure if I was more or less humiliated that she’d sat through the ordeal and heard the answers to every question, but I couldn’t have done it alone. “I’ll make it.”
“We’re almost done. Someone will take us home as soon as this is over.”
I shook my head. “I can wait for my brother and Sophie. He wouldn’t like us leaving without him, anyway.”
She pulled a chair up alongside the exam table to sit close to me as Halloway walked back into the room.
“I have results for you, Vail. Would you like Ms. Ryder to stay?”
“Yes.” I couldn’t be alone in this room with him, no matter how much I trusted him. Tori slipped her hand into mine and clasped my fingers.
He settled into his chair and inhaled deeply. Gone was the professional expression he’d maintained throughout the exam. His face was etched with concern, the first emotion he’d shown since I arrived.
Fuck, something was very wrong.
“Let’s start with the pharmaceuticals. Obviously, you have been exposed to quite a few narcotics, and Mr. Austen tells me you started your Suboxone regimen today. We’ll have weekly appointments to monitor your progress and make any adjustments, as well as have you complete urine drug tests to ensure you’re only taking what I prescribe you. Does that sound all right?”
I nodded vigorously. Anything to keep me out of the drug dens of LA. Drugs had been withheld from me during my imprisonment to ensure my cooperation, and I never wanted to experience the shame of begging for a hit ever again. Showing that side of myself to Castel this morning had stolen a little bit of my soul I doubted I would ever recover.
I had always considered myself strong, but those men showed me how wrong I was. I had been forced to crawl for my food or choose between water and drugs. I had been subjected to depraved acts that no normal person would ever crave even under much safer circumstances. A little piece of my resistance fell away each time. I had tried so hard to be steady and hold on to the idea that my hero would come for me. He did, eventually, but too much of my rock was gone by that point.
The more dirt that ground under my nails as I crawled across the filthy floors for a morsel of food; the empty water bowl beside my bed as I chose a hit over cool, clear water. I wasn’t as fierce as I thought. Those men made sure I knew that.
“In terms of your blood results…”
I held my breath.
“You tested negative for any sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. You’ll take medicine for a couple of weeks as a precaution, and then I’ll test you again in three months.”
I could have wept with relief. Those fuckers hadn’t completely ruined my life, then. I was healthy. Tori brought my hand to her mouth and planted a quick kiss on the back of my hand.
He clucked his tongue as he crossed his ankles. “The blood test did indicate you are pregnant.”
Everything in the room stopped. My face was cold; all my blood had drained away. Tori’s fingernails dug into my skin.
“What did you say?”
I heard my voice in my ears. When had my body betrayed me and decided to speak?
Halloway looked at me with such pity I could barely stand it. “You’re pregnant, Vail. We can discuss—”
“Get rid of it,” I snapped. “Today.”
“I need to do an ultrasound to see how far along you are and determine the method.”
“I can’t do that,” I said, shaking my head vehemently. There was no way. It would be a vaginal ultrasound, and another invasion would break me. “I don’t want to see it. I was gone for eight weeks, so it can’t be older than that.”
It surely broke some law, or at least medical ethics, but he didn’t force me to do the ultrasound. He believed me. It was early enough that he could give me a pill to break down my uterine lining, then a second one that would cause my uterus to cramp and expel its contents. It would be painful, but I didn’t care because I couldn’t stand a procedure. The doctor gave me the first pill—my second, but not last medication of the day—and a prescription for another that I would take a few hours later. I swallowed the first right there in the office without waiting for a glass of water. I needed the process to start as soon as possible.
Everything faded to cotton in my ears. I heard him going through what to expect and hoped Tori was paying attention. I freed my hand from Tori’s to press it over my stomach. I forced myself to think about snow, falling soft and silent on an open plain. Undisturbed by footprints or attackers. Pure and clean.
She was fifteen the first time she climbed into my bed.
Though it was innocent, it set the stage for the rest of our relationship. Ellery and I were college freshmen in our second semester at UCLA. Vail was in high school, but she refused to live in her assigned foster home because she didn’t get along with her foster parents. She started spending more time on campus with us until she finally just moved into the dorm room. When Ellery asked if I would be willing to let her live in our already cramped space, I said yes. I saw how miserable she was in her home, and I couldn’t bear to send her back there. Even then, she was under my protection.
Ellery was passed out drunk on the floor between the beds in our dorm room after another night of drinking with the brothers at the fraternity he hoped to pledge. I spent more time with Vail than he did.
That was how I knew that even though she was silent and barely moving, she was crying.
“Vail,” I whispered, and she froze. “You’re not fooling me. What’s wrong?”
She sniffled and shook her head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me. Come over here.” I cursed myself internally on the last word, wondering if I was being too forward, but she didn’t seem suspicious.
“Ellery’s right there,” she muttered.
> “He won’t wake up.”
She hesitated, but after a few minutes, she stood up, stepped over her snoring brother, and slipped into the scant amount of available space on my twin bed. I grabbed my extra blanket to throw over her.
“I know you’re upset that he’s spending so much time at the frat, but he’s not going to leave you.”
“Then why is he trying so hard to impress those guys?” She sniffed. “He doesn’t even like vodka.”
“His scholarship won’t let him live in a fraternity house. He has to live in a dorm. And those guys are all filthy rich with the kinds of connections he wants. He’s doing it for his future. For your future.”
I didn’t know if she believed me, but after a while, she stopped sniffling. I stretched one arm out underneath her head; the pillow was damp where her tears had soaked into the pillowcase. Her cheek was warm against my arm, and I could feel the corner of her lips.
“Even if, in the event of some catastrophe, he decided to abandon you, which he wouldn’t do”—I poked her shoulder—“I wouldn’t leave you, okay? I’ll always make space for you.”
Bad move. She started crying again.
“Not if you have a different roommate.”
“I’ll get a single. Vail, it’ll be all right. Between the two of us, you’ll never be lonely.”
And I didn’t know why I did it at the time, but I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Not her forehead, like she was my sister; or her lips, like she was my lover; but her cheek, like I was sneaking an embrace in the schoolyard while the teachers had their backs turned. Which, looking back, was exactly what it was.
If she thought what I did was strange or forward, she didn’t show it. She folded her arms across her chest and settled against me. Not so close that I could know her body but close enough that I knew she was so much more than Ellery’s kid sister I was doing a favor for. After a minute, she stopped crying.
“I promise,” I whispered.
She nodded. “I believe you.”
We lay together until the morning sun woke me. When I shook her awake, she crawled back over to her bed without looking at me.