Burying the Shadow

by Storm Constantine

  Keea shook his head.

  ‘Then he is associated with your employers?’

  He was reluctant to answer. ‘That is always a possibility. How can I say? I did not see him.’

  ‘Surely you would know!’ I said angrily. ‘Keea, the man was insane. He attacked me! He appeared to know my movements! If you know who he was, tell me!’

  ‘I don’t know who he was, really I don’t. And how can I answer whether the people I work for have other agents in Khalt or not?’

  ‘So, you are an agent,’ I said. ‘That sounds sinister.’

  ‘Why? It simply means I am an information gatherer, that’s all.’

  ‘For who?’

  ‘It is confidential.’

  I made an angry noise and rubbed my face vigorously with my hands. Stupid boy! Did he want to play games at a time like this?

  As if sensing how much he was infuriating me, Keea tentatively touched my arm. ‘Rayo, don’t get angry. Tell me what you saw.’ His voice was gentle; his concern even sounded genuine.

  ‘I think I saw a ghost,’ I said.

  He smiled, but did not laugh outright. ‘A ghost? Do soulscapers believe in ghosts?’

  ‘This soulscaper might believe anything, at the moment,’ I answered.

  Keea listened to my description of the guardian-pursuer and, instead of asking what I meant by that, as most people do, said only, ‘If it was one of your guardian-pursuers, why were you afraid? Aren’t they supposed to be looking after you all the time?’ The question appeared innocent: I was dazed but not enough to be easily fooled.

  ‘You seem to know a lot about Tappish custom, boy...’ Perhaps I had told him too much. ‘Nobody but soulscapers know about the guardian-pursuers. How did you find out about them?’

  He shrugged, remarkably casually, seeing as I’d just cornered him. ‘You just spoke about them,’ he said. ‘Perhaps other Taps have as well.’

  I wondered whether he was implying that Aniti or Juro had confided in him. It was hard to believe; Taps just didn’t tell outsiders their secrets, and yet Keea did have a point - I had babbled out my story to him. Now, having calmed down, I wished I hadn’t.

  ‘You are an intelligent boy, Keea,’ I said. ‘So you must realise that soulscapers work with symbols. The guardian-pursuers are merely metaphors for our own consciences, self-discipline, and self-control.’

  He laughed. ‘Really! Then your conscience just attacked you in the road, did it?’

  ‘I’m not sure what just attacked me,’ I replied, trying to speak with some authority, ‘but I cannot dismiss the possibility that it was self-generated.’

  ‘The rider too?’

  It was obvious to me that he was looking upon our conversation as some kind of game. ‘The rider was real enough,’ I said, ‘and the bird-woman seemed so, but I shall retain an open mind as to their origin.’

  Keea smiled at me slyly. ‘Perhaps, with the advent of these new times, your personal authority will continue to hound you in the flesh, soulscaper!’

  ‘What new times?’

  Keea narrowed his eyes through the grass. ‘You have to admit strange things are happening in the world.’

  ‘Perhaps.’ I sipped for a few moments from the drink he had given me, eyeing him obliquely. For one so young, he sometimes spoke with the confidence of a far older person. Perhaps appearances were deceptive. He looked about eighteen years old. ‘You mystify me a little,’ I said.

  He smirked at me. ‘How flattering!’

  ‘Not necessarily. I just wonder why you’ve made sure I’m aware you have information I need, and yet refuse to share it. I wonder why you’re trying to play with me. Are you foolish enough to believe the things that are happening are part of a game? You are interested in me, Keea. I know you are. Perhaps you too realise that if there is danger in Khalt, only people like me can cope with it.’

  He laughed. ‘From the state I just found you in, I wouldn’t count on that!’

  I made an angry sound and he took hold of my hands. ‘Let me see to those cuts. I don’t mean to insult you, Rayojini. I quite like you.’

  ‘How fortunate I am!’

  Keea produced some balm and lint from his luggage and wiped my face and hands. ‘I didn’t do this to myself,’ I said.

  ‘Perhaps not, but do you still think the creature that attacked you was your guardian-pursuer?’

  The horror of it was fading. It would be easy to doubt what my eyes had seen. Why would one of my own guardian-pursuers attack me? It didn’t make sense. ‘Somehow I made her real,’ I said. ‘Somehow. I saw her!’

  For a few moments, Keea studied me carefully. I could almost see him sifting through several things he wanted to say to me. For a moment, I was tempted to say, ‘You need my help, don’t you’, for his expression held ghostly shreds of confusion and anxiety.

  ‘They are important to you,’ he said, staring me steadily in the eye. ‘Those creatures ...’ The last word held a tone of pure disgust.

  ‘Why are you so interested in my guardian-pursuers, Keea?’ I asked.

  He glanced at me sharply, almost guiltily. ‘I don’t want you to lose your mind, that’s all, and there is a danger of that around here.’

  ‘Thank you for your consideration...’ I finished the minted water and handed him back the cup. ‘It was very fortunate you found me, I suppose. So, are you going to escort me back to Halmanes, now? They, at least, have confidence in my sanity!’

  He seemed puzzled. ‘You want to go back?’

  ‘That is why you’re here, isn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t run errands for Halmanes, Rayojini.’

  ‘Yet you were following me...’

  He grinned and gestured at the road. ‘See this? There is a choice of two directions. There was a fifty per cent chance I’d run into you.’

  ‘I don’t really feel you have answered me but, if you want me to believe you’re travelling independently, so be it. Where are you heading?’

  ‘We’re going to the Strangeling, aren’t we?’

  At his words, something contracted around my heart. For a moment or two I was afraid that some invisible net was closing in, tightening around me, and yet, on another level, I was relieved not to be alone. ‘Why do you want my company?’

  ‘To tantalise you with what I do and do not know.’

  ‘And what if I don’t want company, hmm? I usually travel alone.’

  ‘Why should we separate when we have the same goal?’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘Enlightenment, naturally.’

  I nodded, pulled a sour face. ‘If you can promise you will not try to frustrate my investigations...’ I glanced at him quickly. ‘And what of Q’orveh? You are prepared to leave him?’

  ‘Q’orveh will survive!’ Keea stood up, obviously not wishing to discuss that subject with me. ‘Do you feel well enough to travel?’

  I snorted disparagingly and clambered to my feet beside him. ‘Keea, I am always well enough to travel. I can travel in my sleep, if needs be.’

  All around us, the fog was thinning, becoming transparent. Already the sun was a pale disc in the sky. Keea helped me restrap my carryback and we started to walk towards the west. There was no conversation, but Keea whistled between his teeth; a low, marching refrain. I squinted at him beneath the brim of my hat. Now was I getting way too jumpy or was it possible, however unlikely, that Keea had somehow engineered all that I had just experienced? All that had happened in the temple of Helat indicated he might be an illusionist of some kind. My instincts did not trust him. Were his motivations malevolent or benevolent? Yet despite these reservations, he intrigued me, not least because of his intimacy with Q’orveh. It would be as if I carried a tangible memory of the shaman with me if I travelled with his boy. Q’orveh would be aware by now that both Keea and I had left the camp. In a way, that gave me satisfaction. I wanted him to think we had left together. This was most unlike me. Could such emotional flotsam cloud my judgement of Keea? As I thought this
, he glanced at me and smiled. I would have to remain alert.

  Canto Three

  Section One

  Gimel

  ‘So soft and uncompounded is their essence pure, not tied or manacled with joint or limb, nor founded on the brittle strength of bone like cumbrous flesh…’

  Paradise Lost, Book II

  A few weeks after I had projected my spirit out into the world, and had initiated certain vital processes, I returned to my body in Sacramante. It felt stiff from disuse, even though I’d only been away from it for a short time. Now the ingredients had been thrown into the cauldron; I could only wait until the slow fusion was complete, to discover what fascinating result they would produce.

  Awaking to an autumnal chill, I felt as if I had been away for a hundred years. A questioning wind fluted around the high tower; above me, the black veils of the bed flinched restlessly to its tune. As I returned languorously to full consciousness within my body, the hayfield aroma of the plains slipped away from my memory, overcast by the echo of the last angry words I had exchanged with my brother, Beth. I was afraid of what might have happened in my absence.

  Tamaris came to help me, when she heard me stumbling down the stairs of the high tower. She took me to my rooms, bathed my body and let me feed from her wrist as I floated in the perfumed water. The curtains were drawn against a glum afternoon, and lamps, fragranced with essential oils, were burning low. ‘Has anything... happened?’ I asked.

  Tamaris’ dark eyes were cloudy with concern. She looked tired. Soon, we would have to perform the ritual for her rejuvenation. I didn’t want my faithful servants dying from neglect! ‘Lord Beth has been working hard,’ she replied.

  I closed my eyes and relaxed into the water, grateful he was still in the house, at least.

  ‘Madam..?’ The tone of Tamaris’ voice suggested she was about to address a difficult subject.

  ‘Yes, Tamaris?’

  ‘We - Ramiz and I - are aware all is not right between you and Lord Beth.’

  ‘It could hardly have escaped you, dear Tamaris. We made enough noise about it!’

  ‘Well... we want you to know that Lord Beth has not...’ She screwed up her face in vexation.,

  ‘Speak, for the sake of Light! I won’t bite you!’ We both smiled at the joke. She stroked a sliver of amber-scented soap down my arm.

  ‘Avirzah’e Tartaruchi has not been near the house, and neither has Lord Beth been near his. We thought you should know that.’

  ‘Thank you. It is gratifying news.’ I stood up in the bath and Tamaris wrapped me in a voluminous towel. I would dress and then visit my brother.

  I was relieved by the helpless welcome in Beth’s eyes, when I approached him in his brush court, although the ambience of the room itself was not that which I had expected to find. Gentle afternoon light came in through the north windows, and the room was full of tranquillity. Beth was dressed in a loose, paint-smeared shirt, the sleeves rolled back to his elbows. His hair was unbound, hanging round his shoulders; usually, he tied it back severely when he was working. Smiling, I walked past him, without attempting an embrace, and went to examine his latest work. Some of my relief condensed into a harder substance.

  ‘A good likeness,’ I said.

  The painting was of Avirzah’e. He was represented naked, but his loins were modestly shrouded by the tips of long feathers of purple hue. These feathers were the curling pinions of enormous wings, which Beth had painted sprouting from Avirzahe’e’s shoulders. The wings rose to bony joints high behind his head and swept around to fill the edges of the canvas. His hair poured like red and black flames to the upper corners of the picture, his head thrown backwards, reflecting a divine light that shone from above. His hands were raised in helpless supplication. Somehow, the attitude did not seem typical of the Avirzah’e I knew, but perhaps I did not know him as well as I thought I did. Poor Beth, it must have felt like slow and agonising death, keeping his distance from the Tartaruch; this work of art was but a poor substitute.

  ‘Gimel...’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know what to say to you.’

  I turned to inspect his condition more thoroughly. If I had hoped to see signs of physical decay, which would have given me a reason to reprimand him, I was disappointed. He appeared to be in the peak of condition; the Tartaruch’s juices must be potent indeed! Still, his face was creased in anguish. ‘I commend your continence,’ I said.

  He made a bitter sound and threw down the brush he was holding into a pile of rags. ‘I am torn two ways,’ he said. ‘Don’t make light of my predicament.’

  ‘You committed an impulsive act, Beth. I cannot lessen the burden of that.’

  He shook his head. ‘No, the act was not impulsive, and neither do I regret it. I have been thinking hard while you were lying alone on the black-veiled bed, beloved.’

  I should think he had! ‘And yet you have not gone to the Tartaruch... Has he attempted to summon you?’

  ‘Of course!’

  ‘Then, there is a puzzle. If you truly have no regrets concerning your action, I cannot understand why you did not obey the summons...’ It was as if I was forcing him to say hurtful things. It was as if I wanted him to surprise me and dissipate my fears. I was also aware of how my harsh words violated the peaceful atmosphere of the room. My presence was insensitive and destructive, as if it was I, not Beth, who was in the wrong.

  Beth’s shoulders slumped. He picked up a rag and began to clean his hands. ‘I share Avirzah’e’s philosophy, to a degree, but I cannot involve myself in his activities. He has my support - on a spiritual level.’

  ‘Such lofty talk, Beth! It is rubbish!’

  ‘I am very confused, Gimel. You cannot guess how much...’ He smiled at me sadly. ‘Look at you; you are so self-assured, so confident in your beliefs. There are more than two sides to every issue, you know. Blinding yourself to all but one is not the answer.’

  I was alarmed by the calm reason in his voice; he made it sound so plausible. ‘Beth, we committed ourselves to a course of action. You have betrayed me by abandoning it!’

  ‘I did not abandon it! You didn’t want Avirzah’e near your soulscaper, so you forbade me to assist you. It is your doing!’

  ‘I saw you drunk on Tartaruchi blood; that is all. Your involvement would have contaminated the whole procedure!’

  He raised his hands and threw down the cloth. ‘If you wish to believe that, do so! How is Amelakiveh?’

  ‘Competent. As I expected. He will soon establish contact with the soulscaper.’

  ‘And what does he think of you working alone?’

  ‘It is not his concern!’

  ‘Don’t be so arrogant, Gimel. He is faithful to me as well as to you.’

  I sighed and rubbed my face with weary hands. I didn’t want us to be arguing like this, but the hard, painful core in my heart, caused by Beth’s betrayal, made me reluctant to assuage the situation. Still, it was clear to me that Beth would not make any concessions; the role of peacemaker would have to be mine, whatever my feelings. ‘We mustn’t fight,’ I said. ‘It’s what the Tartaruch wants.’

  Beth did not deny it, but was chivalrous to acknowledge my attempt at reconciliation. ‘Tonight, there is a private distraction for the eloim at the Castile,’ he said. ‘May we go together?’

  I nodded. We put our arms around each other briefly and Beth kissed my face. ‘Will you ever smile at me with love again?’ he asked.

  The gathering at the Castile was remarkably well attended, but many of the faces I had expected to see there were absent. While I had been away from the city, two Metatronim had taken forced retreat. It was said that the trouble with Mervantes had sparked a host of terrors in eloim hearts, and some were not sturdy enough to withstand the conflagration. Since supping, I myself felt greatly invigorated, but still wished my father was present, to advise me over more recent and personal concerns.

  Lady Tatriel was in evidence, surrounded by the usual group of Metatronims. Beth and I spent a fe
w minutes in their company, in the outer hall of the Castile. Tatriel had adopted a certain authoritative air during Metatron’s absence, which I found rather irritating; she clearly fancied herself as a Metatronim matriarch. It was certainly time our mother came home from her wanderings; much more delay and she might find her belongings out on the street! Scanning the faces of eloim entering the hall, I was alert for an excuse to abandon Tatriel’s abrasive company.

  Fortunately, Yara Sarim arrived, and I was able to free myself from Tatriel’s circle, under the cover of inquiring after Hadith. A sizable portion of the Sarim throng had turned out for the evening, escorted by their patriarch, Sandalphon. I could not see Hadith among them. I was worried she might have succumbed in some way, but Yara reassured me instantly; Hadith was one of the evening’s performers and was preparing herself elsewhere in the building. She had, apparently, recovered her composure entirely after the unfortunate incident with Mervantes. Still, it was no secret that Hadith could not, for the time being, perform for the public; feelings concerning her continued to run high among some of the unsupped. Events had progressed while I’d been away. Yara said that, to a degree, things had calmed down, but it was an uneasy calmness.

  ‘The Judificator might be forced to release Zalero Mervantes and the woman,’ Yara told me. The Sarim naturally kept a close eye on what transpired in that direction.

  ‘That is only to be expected, I suppose,’ I replied in a commiserating tone. ‘They were only being held in confinement on the flimsiest of pretexts. I hope they won’t be moved to further indelicacies upon their release.’