Shadow Keeper

by Christine Feehan

  Butterflies fluttered in her stomach when she raised her gaze to his. It was impossible not to see the worry in his eyes. The emotion. Stark. Intense.

  "We were playing a game here, but for me it's real. Touching you. Kissing you. The moment my body is next to yours I heat up. Catch fire. I thought this was fun for you, too, but you're not into it." He zipped up her top and enfolded her immediately into his arms, his body tight against hers.

  She was into the game. She had been. She'd initiated it. She had thought to put the game to rest. The worry she had that he was playing her long term. She didn't believe Aaron. In fact, she knew he lied, but still, that little nagging worry told her this was all happening too quickly. How could Giovanni fall in love with her so fast?

  For her, it wasn't about his looks. It wasn't about the money. She'd fallen because when her shadow had touched his, she'd known him. She'd "seen" him. That first night when he'd taken her to the pizzeria, then walked her home, she'd felt him. His sincerity. His need to protect and care for others. Giovanni was many things, but beneath that mask he wore in public, the playboy, he was something very different. He said things, things she normally wouldn't believe, because everything between them had happened so fast, but she knew he was sincere. She knew he was telling the truth because her innate ability to hear lies told her she could trust what he said and did.

  Still, she doubted herself at times. She didn't understand how it happened so fast for him. For her, it made sense. She was alone. Everything around her was crumbling. Her brother--that beautiful man she loved so much, her last relative--had little time to live and barely knew who she was from one day to the next. Need was a strong motivator even for love.

  That pulled her up short. Was she with him only because she needed someone to help her get through the terrible fears she had over Sandlin? She pressed her face deeper into Giovanni's immaculate jacket. Was she that shallow of a person that she would cling to a man she barely knew, convince herself that she was falling in love?

  "Baby, stop."

  She knew he was moving them through the couples, but she didn't look. She just went with him. She heard herself sobbing, but she was disconnected, and there was no stopping anyway.

  Giovanni took her to the edge of the dance floor and was immediately surrounded by his family. He didn't know how Stefano was always aware of each and every one of them as well as their state of mind, but he was. He had the bodyguards there as well, so they moved easily through the crowd toward the back hallway where the offices were located. No one was the wiser that anything was wrong. Even the paparazzi was used to the family walking from place to place together.

  The moment they got to the hallway door, Giovanni yanked it open, took Sasha on through and, still holding her to him, brought her into the family's office. It was large. They each required space. Maybe it had to do with spending so much time in the shadows, but they all preferred wide-open spaces if they could get them.

  He sank down onto the plush couch, taking Sasha with him, cradling her close to him. Maybe if she hadn't spent hours serving drinks and being brave, or if she hadn't set out to seduce him using his own game, her tears wouldn't have gutted him the way they did, but the longer she sobbed as if her heart was breaking, the more he wanted to fight someone, slay dragons, do whatever the hell he needed to do to get her to stop.

  He massaged her scalp and rocked her, holding her to him, the entire time murmuring soothing reassurances in Italian. He let her cry, wracking his brain, trying to think of what could have happened. He'd been careful to keep them in the shadows, so much so that at times, the pull on his body had been tremendous and his leg had ached until he thought it might shatter. Still, every second of her seduction had been worth the pain to him.

  He loved her all the more for her courage and sense of fun, for her willingness to forgive his stupidity and turn his game into something beautiful and intimate between them. He rubbed his jaw and then his cheek along the top of her silky head. Strands of hair caught in the five-o'clock shadow that had seemed to be a part of him since his late teens.

  She hiccupped. Coughed. Clearly made an effort to stop. He kept her head pressed against his shoulder, knowing she wanted to hide from him. He was content to let her, as long as she was in his arms.

  "Can you tell me, Sasha? What's wrong?"

  "I just need ..." She trailed off.

  His heart clenched and sudden fear swept through him. He knew what she was going to say. He was that tuned to her. She wanted to put space between them. She wanted to rethink her decision to be with him. Go backward.

  "Don't, baby. I'm asking you not to say it. Not that." He struggled to keep his voice from breaking. Her wild emotion seemed to be contagious. "Just talk to me and tell me what you're feeling. I know you're overwhelmed. We can be an overwhelming family. I know it has to feel as if everything is happening too fast, but we can deal with those things together. Just talk to me. Trust me enough to talk to me."

  She squirmed, her hands coming up to his chest, but she didn't push him away. She just kept her hands there while she pressed her forehead against him, still struggling to gain control. "I'm sorry, Giovanni. I don't know what happened."

  He wanted to let her get away with it, but he couldn't. They had to always be on the same page. That was part of being a shadow rider. "You need to tell me what happened."

  She sighed and lifted her face so her eyes could meet his. His heart stuttered, and he brought his hand up to cup her face even as his other arm continued to lock her to him.

  "I think I panicked. I'm getting in too deep here, Giovanni. I don't know how to play games, and if that's what's going on here ..."

  That was a knife, striking deep, straight through his heart. He couldn't even be upset with her for thinking it, although he thought they'd put that to rest. He cursed himself and the stupid, idiotic idea of the game he had played with his brothers and cousins. He thought Ricco was going to have problems with the ridiculous things he'd done before he found Mariko, but this was just as bad if not worse.

  "Does it really feel as if I'm playing games with you, Sasha?" He leaned into her, brushed her trembling lips with his. That shock of electricity he'd come to expect when he touched her raced through his body. He brushed those velvet soft lips a second time, his heart accelerating.

  No one had ever told him that he could fall so far so fast. There was something about her, that combination of vulnerability and independence, strength and yet compassion. He liked her honesty, even when, like now, she didn't want to admit what she was feeling.

  "No." Her voice was a whisper. A thread of sound. "No, but ..."

  She tried to turn away, the tears tracking down her face obviously embarrassing her. He could tell she didn't believe in letting anyone see that evidence of vulnerability. "I'm not just anyone," he reminded. "That ring on your finger means something to me. I've never told a woman she matters. Or that I'm falling in love with her. I've never wanted a woman to wear my ring. The sad truth is, Sasha, I knew when I told Goodman, the administrator, that we were engaged, that the news would be leaked all over the next day--I wanted it to be."

  "To protect my brother," she agreed.

  "To wrap us tighter together. I didn't want you running from me. I know you're the one. The moment I saw you working, I couldn't take my eyes off you ..."

  "That's physical attraction, Giovanni," she pointed out a little desperately.

  He nodded, sweeping one hand down the back of her head. He leaned forward to sip at her tears. He wanted them gone any way he could get rid of them. "I know that's physical attraction, Sasha. Believe me, I know what my body feels." Before she could say anything more, he had to tell her the rest. "I watched you all evening. I saw you give that bottle of very expensive champagne to the couple who couldn't afford it. I saw you pay the bartender out of your tips."

  She ducked her head. "They were celebrating their tenth anniversary. He'd gotten the special tickets for that private table and it was
all they--"

  "I know that. I made it my business to find out. The money for their tickets was refunded to them and they were comped a dinner at Salvo's. Thank you for bringing them to our attention. You also helped a young woman whose blind date was a nightmare."

  She frowned at him. "I couldn't just leave her sitting there crying when he told her to get herself home and she could pay the tab."

  "You didn't have money to pay his tab."

  She shook her head slowly. "No, but I asked Alan if I could make payments. He consulted you, and you said you'd take care of it."

  He had taken care of it. The man who had run up a very big bill and was down on the floor dancing with his real girlfriend, leaving his "blind" Internet date with his mess, had been escorted by security into one of the offices. He'd paid the bill and was then escorted to the door, thrown out and told never to return. The woman sitting alone on the second tier was given a free cab ride home.

  "I could go on to tell you several other things I discovered about you by just observing you, but you get the point. I got there just after we opened. You were an interesting pastime, and the various tables that were filled. People come and go throughout the night, but I was more interested in you than watching any of them. I learned more than the fact that I was seriously attracted to you. And at that point, I didn't even know about your brother."

  She pressed fingers to her mouth to try to suppress the last of her hiccupping tears. "Why do you say it as though knowing about my brother is a good thing?"

  "You love family and are loyal to them no matter the circumstances. I'm the same way. I want that trait in my wife. I want it instilled in my children. Your brother is a highly intelligent man and he's also strong in what Francesca refers to as 'shadow blood.' That means, when his shadow touches mine, I can read him just as he can read me."

  "What does your shadow tell you about him?"

  He heard the curiosity in her voice. She was becoming distracted, calming down from the storm of tears. He could breathe easier. If she cried like that again, he knew he'd be on his knees, promising her anything, and as a rule he was as tough as nails.

  "He's a good man. Doesn't have a mean bone in his body, but he's strong. He'll stand when it's for something he believes in."

  She pressed her forehead against his chest. "He was like that, Giovanni. What's he like now?"

  "Baby." He tipped her chin up. "You're adept at reading shadows. Why are you asking me? You know the answer."

  She shook her head. "I don't." Her eyes met his and there was pleading there. That look shook him just the way her tears did. "What you told me and what I read are the ways he was before the accident. He can't remember anything. How could he remember what he believes in? The answer is he can't."

  "I don't know what he remembers and what he's forgotten. He accepts you coming to visit him," Giovanni pointed out. "He likes you reading to him. It makes him feel peaceful when so many things upset him. He doesn't like that he can't remember and becomes agitated in his mind. You have to have felt that."

  She nodded. "That's why I read to him. It calms him down."

  "You calm him down, Sasha. Not the reading. You. When you sat on that couch with his head in your lap while you read to him, I stepped into your shadows. He was feeling you. The way you love him. He might not know your name, but he knows who you are to him. You represent love. His world. His family. He doesn't believe in a what. He believes in a who. That who is you, honey. He becomes agitated if more than a couple of days go by without seeing you, according to Goodman. No, he doesn't know what being your brother or sibling means. He doesn't know your name from one day to the next, but he recognizes you. Never think he doesn't."

  He spoke the raw truth to her, looking into her eyes, willing her to see the honesty. He wasn't lying to soften a blow, he knew the truth of every word. He'd read Sandlin's shadow. His shadow had deliberately connected to her brother's in an effort to assure himself that there was no threat to Sasha.

  "He doesn't understand that we're siblings," she insisted.

  He shook his head. "That doesn't really matter. His life is all about you, waiting for you, seeing you, listening to you. He likes that you tell him stories of his past. He might not remember them, but he hears the love in your voice when you talk to him about the ranch, the cattle, the horses and your parents. He listens for the sound of your footsteps. That's love, Sasha. It might not be what you had before, but you still have your brother."

  "How did you get that from just his shadow?"

  How did he tell her he'd been reading shadows from the time he was a child? He cleared his throat, hoping she wouldn't think he was a stalker. She already had one of those and didn't need two. "I went down the hall several times to check on you while I waited for Goodman to arrive. I listened to you talking to your brother, telling him funny and loving childhood stories, and I watched Sandlin's face. I deliberately connected our shadows so I could feel his emotions. Sandlin was acutely aware of me because I was so locked on to you, yet during the telling of those stories, his attention didn't wander once. He barely knew I was there, he was so interested in what you were telling him."

  Sasha framed his face with her hands and looked into his eyes. Twin sapphires, so brilliant, a deep blue, stared straight into him, looking past the facade he wore for everyone else. Seeing him--seeing the man he was inside.

  "Thank you." She whispered it. "I am falling very hard for you. Very fast. I let myself doubt you and I'm sorry for that, but seriously, Giovanni, I can't afford to get my heart broken, not with everything I've been through these last months. You're that heartbreak. I can't seem to resist you no matter how hard I try."

  "Please don't. I'm right there with you, Sasha, just as vulnerable." How could he make her believe him after the stupidity of his game? The sad truth was, it had been his invention.

  He'd been sidelined far too long from his real purpose in life. He was a shadow rider. He meted out justice. He didn't know who he was without being a rider. Just sitting around acting like a bored playboy, flying into various locations and having women climb all over him while his picture was taken for months and months while his leg healed, was enough to tip him right over the edge. Maybe it had. He'd come up with the game thinking it would relieve his boredom--and truthfully--maybe to get back at the women hunting his brothers, cousins and him for their money. He'd been an idiot and now he was paying the price.

  "How can I possibly know I'm not just one of those women you compete with Aaron or some other men for?"

  He stiffened, adrenaline rushing through his body. He'd seen her with Aaron. He'd forced himself to sit at the table while his friend talked and laughed with her. While the MMA fighter had walked her down the stairs, engaging in what appeared to be a very serious conversation with her.

  "What are you talking about, Sasha? Competing with Aaron? I've never done that. Not with him, not with any other man other than what you overheard. I would never take something so far that I'd ask a woman to marry me--"

  "You didn't ask me, Giovanni," she interrupted.

  Everything in him stilled. "I didn't?" Surely, he hadn't been that big of an idiot. No, he'd been that arrogant. He'd declared it to the world, put the ring on her finger, but he hadn't asked her because ... "You might have said no to me. We talked about this."

  "How it came about. Wearing your ring. That we might actually make it work, but you didn't really ask, Giovanni."

  "If I ask officially, are you going to say yes?"

  She burst out laughing. "You can't cheat. Either you do the right thing and ask me or you'll never know."

  "Are you serious?"

  She nodded her head, but there was a teasing glint in all that sapphire staring into his eyes. She took his breath. His heart. She liked to play. To laugh. She gave that to him in some of their worst moments, and he knew she always would.

  "Giovanni, if and when you really ask me, you have to be serious."

  "Baby, you're still doubti
ng me. Go over there, where your shadow can touch my shadow." He practically tossed her off his lap. She wanted a proposal, she was going to get one and she was going to be standing where their shadows touched so she could feel exactly what he was feeling. He didn't want her to doubt him again.

  "What did my good friend Aaron say to you?" He should have obeyed his first instincts and broken that up immediately, but he wanted to show her he could overcome jealousy.

  "Just nonsense apparently. I knew he was lying and I still was worried. Maybe it's me I doubt, not you. I don't seem to know what I'm doing anymore."

  "You work too much and you're tired, Sasha."

  She shook her head. "I'm used to working long hours. On a ranch, the work is never done. It isn't that, it's Sandlin."

  Her voice broke, and he wished he still had her in his lap.

  "I lost my parents, the ranch, my entire world. And they keep telling me I'm going to lose Sandlin. I'm fighting for him the only way I know how, but sometimes, I can't sleep worrying that when I'm not with him, something terrible is going to happen and then I'll lose him, too. I just can't, Giovanni. I just can't lose him."

  He would give his fortune to keep that from happening. He had to consult with the acknowledged best doctors in brain trauma that he could find. He had to make it a priority immediately. That didn't mean he was going to be distracted. He knew Aaron had said things their friendship should have prohibited and he needed to know what those things were in order to do damage control. He was not going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

  He slipped off the chair and waved her toward the light where her shadow would be cast straight across his. When she backed into that position, he moved as close as possible and knelt down. Her eyes widened and she shook her head. He could see that she hadn't really expected him to ask her. Not formally. Not on his knee.

  "Sasha Provis, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife and living the rest of your life with me?" His heart pounded and thunder roared in his ears. He hadn't expected to be so fearful. "I need you. Your laughter. The way you know how to love. I want you for a million other reasons. I know you're the one, the only for me. I don't cheat, in spite of whatever you may have heard to the contrary. I believe in loyalty and family. I swear on my family's code that I will do everything I can to make you happy."