Stained Hearts

by Parker Williams

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  He shook his head harshly.

  “That’s fine. We can sit here awhile.”

  After about fifteen minutes, he blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.”

  “Okay. Want to tell me why?”

  He rubbed a hand over his leg. “Mostly these.” He was quiet, so I didn’t say anything, and then he turned to me, his eyes wide. “I get that I’m not anyone’s dream. I’m never going to be able to keep up with anyone else. I just want….” He sniffled. “I want someone to see me, and not my damn legs. I’m so sick of being everyone’s project. Olivia could have a life if it wasn’t for me. I could go out with friends and, you know, do stuff. And you’d….” He turned his head away.

  “I’d what? Please, O Wise One.” I gripped his arm. “Tell me what you foresee in my future.”

  “You deserve someone who isn’t damaged.” His voice was so soft, so tiny.

  “Let me tell you something…. We’re all damaged in one way or another. There isn’t anyone alive who doesn’t have some kind of baggage they bring with them. What needs to happen is for us to see if another person can mitigate some of that damage. When Brian was still alive, he smoothed out my rough edges. He gave me something to think about, someone to love. Then he died, and my smooth edges shattered and became shards, ready to rip anyone apart. I went through more than a year of thinking I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I pushed away family and friends, thinking I didn’t deserve them because I couldn’t protect someone I loved. And you know what?”

  “What?”

  I pulled him closer. “I was wrong. I couldn’t protect Brian—no one could. Cancer is an evil bitch, and no one on the planet is strong enough to save another person from it. The only way for me to keep Brian Chen in my heart is to honor him in my life.”

  Aiden cocked his head. “Brian Chen? I met him, I think.” He turned to me. “Slender, dark hair, soft-spoken? He was really polite.”

  That was news to me. “You met Brian? When?” Because I sure didn’t know anything about it.

  “Livvy and I were at the diner one night, and he came in to talk to Noel. It was busy, so Noel asked if Brian could sit with us until he was done. We said sure. He took a seat and smiled at us. I remember, because he had a nice smile. He asked about my art and about Livvy’s job, and we talked for a few minutes while Noel was working. When Noel finished, he went upstairs and changed, then came back down, and the two of them left.”

  Olivia had been right. It was a small world.

  I gave Aiden a smile. “He was a good man. Just like you are. So, you were telling me about this asshole who hurt you.”

  I had to get him back on topic, because we needed to clear the air.

  “There’s not much to tell. I said yeah, he could come back to my place. I mean, if I had to be his dirty little secret, that was a fair exchange, right?”

  “No, it’s not. What happened?”

  “He sneered at me. Told me he’d let me blow him, maybe he’d fuck me, but he wouldn’t touch me… you know, there, and he didn’t kiss.” Aiden sucked in a sharp breath. “And I was still ready to say yes. Here I was, twenty years old and a fucking virgin. I would have said yes to pretty much anyone, right? But…. Okay, I said no. Not because I was against it, but because I wanted… I wanted something stupid, and he wouldn’t give it to me.”

  “And what did you want?”

  His expression went dreamy as he stared out at nothing. “It’s stupid. I wanted my first kiss. I mean, I had to be worthy of that, right? I wouldn’t have cared if he only used me, but I wanted that kiss more than I think I ever wanted anything else. So I said no.”

  At that moment, I doubt I could have been more proud of him. “Would you be okay with me kissing you? I don’t want anything else, just a kiss.”

  He gave me a sad smile. “But what if I want other things?”

  “That’ll come in time, if we both want it to. Right now, I really want to kiss you. Would that be okay?”

  He nodded, breathless. I leaned in, and he whimpered as my lips brushed over his. He sobbed again, and this time when he put his arms around me, he mashed our mouths together. He opened for me, mewling like a kitten, and I swept my tongue inside his mouth, licking his teeth, his tongue, and all the while rejoicing in the fact that he wasn’t letting go.

  I pulled him onto my lap, and he ground against my cock, rubbing his ass along the shaft. I leaned back. “Hey, you gotta stop.”

  “No, don’t make me. I want this.” He ground down harder, letting me know what he was willing to give.

  “And do you want it in the park? Do you really want an audience?”

  “Don’t care! I want you to”—his voice dropped to a whisper—“fuck me.”

  I eased him off my lap, my erection crushed painfully in the tight pants. “I care. You’re more than a fuck. You’re someone I care about, and I won’t take advantage of you like that. You deserve respect, not just a quick lay.”

  He looked up, his lashes glistening with tears. “You mean that?”

  I leaned in and kissed him again, this time butterfly-soft. “Yeah, I do. And one day, if you still want it, we’re going to get there. But I’m the kind of man who wants to win your heart before he takes your body. Understood?”

  He nodded, obviously in awe.

  And it became my job—my pleasure—to win his heart, because we both deserved it.

  Chapter Nine

  NOEL CAME over to the table and slid into the booth. “How’s he doing?”

  I sighed. Being with Aiden, spending the day driving around, talking about anything and everything we could think of was great, but…. It wasn’t enough. Dropping Aiden off at home was harder than I’d imagined it would be. He insisted he didn’t need help to get in, and I was torn whether I should let him go on his own or follow along to make sure he got inside safely. In the end, I told him I was going with him because I wanted a good-night kiss. That perked him up immediately.

  Once he was safely inside, I gave him the kiss he demanded, then told him good night. He jutted his lower lip out and gave me some incredible puppy-dog eyes. God, who knew he could pout so well?

  “He’s okay.”

  “Lincoln told me what happened. That doesn’t sound like okay.”

  I shrugged. “I can’t say anything. That’s up to Aiden to tell if he wants. But he opened up to me and let me in. I’m going to do my best to make things right for him.”

  Noel patted my hand. “You’re a good man. Brian would be proud.”

  I turned my attention to Noel. “You didn’t tell me he and Brian met.”

  Noel leaned back in the booth. “Yeah. It was a night from hell. No table sat empty for more than a few minutes, and Brian came in for us to go to the concert. I asked Aiden and Olivia if he could sit with them until I was done. After Lincoln told me I could go, I came over to Brian and found him laughing at something Aiden had said. That night, he told me how much he enjoyed my friends.”

  Knowing Aiden had made Brian laugh warmed me in so many ways.

  “I think the two of them would have become good friends. Brian wasn’t afraid to poke Aiden a little, and Aiden? He really bloomed talking about art with Brian.”

  I was stunned. Generally Brian only opened up to close friends. To know that he’d talked—and laughed—with Aiden was a pleasant surprise.

  I glanced up at Lincoln’s chicken clock and groaned. The diner was already closed, and I was keeping Noel and Lincoln up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late. You need sleep for work tomorrow, and I need to get home.”

  Noel stood and stretched, his T-shirt riding up, showing off his stomach.

  “Pup.” Lincoln’s voice held a note of warning. When I turned to him, I could see his flared nostrils and wide eyes.

  “Yes, sir?” If Noel was going for an innocent look, he failed. Even I could see the devil in his eyes.

  “Don’t yes, sir me.”

 
“Oh! I’m sorry.” He lifted his shirt up a little higher, showing off some wispy blond hair. When he reached down and ran his fingers over his tummy, Lincoln threw down his spatula and stormed out to the dining room, huffing like a bull. He grabbed Noel, who squealed with delight, then took his lips in a blistering kiss. When they stepped apart, it was impossible to miss their erections.

  “Upstairs. Be ready.”

  Noel winked. “Yes, sir!” He grinned at me. “Night, Tom.” And with that, he practically flew up the stairs.

  I thought Lincoln would go back to the kitchen, but instead he took the spot Noel had occupied.

  “Is Aiden okay?”

  “I think so. Or at least I hope so.”

  “Can I say something?” Lincoln rubbed a hand over the back of his head. “Brian would be proud of you, you know.”

  I did, but it was good to hear it. “Oh?”

  “When he was sick, he went to everyone and asked—begged—them not to let you wallow. I’m not sure if there’s anything after this life, but I have to believe if there is, he’s smiling at you right now.”

  And I knew he wasn’t wrong. Being with Aiden, wanting to get to know him, felt right. And kissing him? That had definitely been damned fine.

  “Okay, I’ll get out of your hair. And thank you for your help this morning.”

  “Anytime. You know you’re family, right? Like a brother-in-law or something.”

  We slid out of the booth, and to my surprise, I found myself crushed in Lincoln’s embrace.

  “Family trumps everything. Remember that.” He let go and gave me a cheeky grin. “Now get out of here. I’ve got an unruly whelp to deal with.”

  He locked the door as I left and waved as he flipped the sign to Closed. I walked down the street, and when I got to the car, I opened the door and slid in. As I was about to put the key in the ignition, my phone rang. I slipped it out of my pocket and smiled when Aiden’s name came up on the display.

  “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  He sighed. “Like an idiot.”

  “Aw, no. Why?”

  “When I got home, Livvy asked me what was wrong. I told her what happened, and as I did, I started to realize how it looked. Me, lying on the floor, and you having to pick me up and carry me. I’m sorry I put you through that.”

  “All right, you listen to me and make sure you hear me. You. Did. Nothing. Wrong. Okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  I heard his words, especially the ones he wasn’t saying. “What’s wrong?”

  “You know the saying about getting your hopes up? I’m trying not to do that right now.”

  That I could understand. He’d had more than enough disappointment in his life. I refused to be the next one in line for that job.

  “What are you hoping for?”

  He chuckled, but there was no mirth there. “I have this fantasy. I’m on the beach, lying out under the sun. The sand is warm, and the waves are lapping at my feet. I look over, and next to me I see a man. He lifts his sunglasses and winks at me, and my heart stops, swear to God. He reaches out and takes my hand and just holds it. For me, it’s like the perfect moment that I want to freeze.”

  I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. God, I wanted that for him too. “That’s a good dream.”

  “Yeah, but….”

  “What? Talk to me, Aiden. But what?”

  “Until today, the guy never had a face. Now he does.”

  I leaned back against the seat. “Oh?”

  “You’re the first person, Livvy included, who hasn’t treated me like I’m broken. I love Noel like a brother, but even he does it sometimes. You don’t stare at my legs or treat me like I’m someone who needs to be pitied. When we were sitting in the park, I expected that from you. I mean, what adult is on the ground crying?”

  “One who has carried all this inside him for too long and couldn’t bear the weight of it anymore. There’s no shame in that.”

  “But people were watching. They saw you carry me out. How many do you think felt sorry for you?”

  “Fuck them.”

  He gasped and I chuckled.

  “Seriously, I don’t give a shit what other people think. They’re not living our lives, so they have nothing to say about how we live them.” I slipped the phone between my shoulder and ear. “Aiden, where is this coming from?”

  He breathed in a few times. “I like you, and I don’t want you to think that I’m some freak.” There was a hitch in his voice. “Please don’t think that.”

  Aw, fuck. “Aiden, sweetheart, don’t cry. I don’t think you’re a freak. You’re a kind, sweet, caring guy. I like you too, and I want us to get to know each other. I want to date you, Aiden. I want to take you out and see things. I want to invite you to dinner with my parents, so my family can meet you. I want so many things with you, okay? But what I want most is for you to see yourself the way I see you. You’re not your legs. You’re your heart. Your smile. Your taste. That’s what you are to me.”

  He sighed into the phone.

  “Okay, do you want to know what I need you to do for me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Go get some sleep. Then tomorrow, if you’re willing, we’ll go to the museum.”

  There was a note of excitement in his voice. “I haven’t been there since…. Well, since I could walk.”

  “Okay, then let me make this official. Aiden, would you do me the honor of going out with me tomorrow? We’ll stop and have breakfast, then head to the museum. We can have lunch there, or go out and get something. Then, after we’re done, we’ll stop somewhere for dinner.”

  “You want me to spend the whole day with you?”

  Hell, I wanted more than all day. Somehow Aiden had wormed his way into my heart and my life, and the thought of him not being with me was hard to bear. Maybe it had something to do with losing Brian and realizing life was short. Either way, I had said I’d go slow, and I intended to do just that.

  “I’d like it, but the question is, would you?”

  “Yes!” Then he hummed. “What about your window?”

  “What about it? Will one day make a difference? You deserve a break too, you know.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Do you really want me to go? I’d have to take the chair.”

  “Okay, and? What part of me wanting you to come along don’t you understand? If pushing you around is what it takes, then I’m all for it.”

  Aiden sighed. “I don’t know why I’m so freaked-out over you seeing me as weak.”

  “No, sweetheart. Weak is giving up, despite the fact that there are people willing to help you. You’re many things—kind, sarcastic, a sugar fiend, and a great kisser—but you are by no means weak. The chair doesn’t define you as anything. Only you do that.”

  I could picture him clearly, sitting there, nibbling his lip and thinking hard on what I said.

  “If I go, will you let me get some chocolate?”

  Or maybe not so hard.

  “Yes. I’ll take you to Indulgence Chocolatiers for a chocolate and a nonalcoholic wine pairing. How does that sound?”

  “God, you’re going to spoil me.”

  That was the idea. Aiden had been given the raw end of the deal, and he deserved to have some pampering.

  “So, will you go with me?”

  “Sir, you had me at chocolate.” He laughed. “I’d love to go.”

  We talked for a bit, and then Aiden yawned.

  “Okay, bed. Now.”

  “God, you’re bossy.” He chuckled. “Just so you know, I don’t mind at all. Good night, Tom.”

  He hung up, and I sat there staring at the phone. Aiden was a flirt and tease, but damn, he tripped all my triggers.

  I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

  “SO, WHAT did you enjoy the most?”

  His eyes were still wide by the time we left. Like everything else I’d seen so far, Aiden was totally invested in the museum, just like he was in life. I pushed him down the street to where
I’d parked, and he chattered all the way about things we saw.

  “The planetarium. I didn’t know it would be so… amazing!”

  I’d thought so too. The whole thing only lasted twenty-two minutes, but as soon as the lights went down, a tentative hand reached for and covered mine. It was such a simple, sweet gesture that I turned my hand over and entwined our fingers. When I gave his a slight squeeze, he sighed and leaned back in his seat and watched as the universe unfolded above us.

  “What about you? Did you have a good time?”

  Oh hell yes. “I did.”

  He tilted his head back and looked up at me. “And what was your favorite part?”

  “Hm. I’m torn between the rainforest with the miniwaterfall, and the hand that somehow found its way into mine.” I leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I think the hand wins, overall.”

  His smile lit up his entire face and fanned the embers in my heart.

  “So, dinner?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”

  “Oh, okay. Then should we go right to the chocolate and wine tasting?”

  Another shake. “How about if we go to your house?”

  That brought me up short. “Aiden….”

  “I’m not talking about sex. I want to sit and maybe watch a movie or something. I mean, I wouldn’t be averse to cuddling on the couch, if you want.”

  Holy shit, that sounded so domestic. “I’m in.”

  We made it back to the car, and with practiced movements, I got him out of the chair, into his seat, then stowed the stuff we got and his ride in the back. After he was ready, I went to the driver’s side, climbed in, and turned the key in the ignition.

  Aiden hiked a thumb toward the back. “How’d you get so good at that?”

  “Brian had cancer. Toward the end, his body was too weak to walk, so he had a chair.”

  Saying it brought a twinge of sadness, but nothing like the crushing, debilitating grief I’d experienced before. It didn’t make me want to curl up on a ball and block out the world. Instead, it brought a wealth of memories, all of which were pleasant. And now I had a chance to make new ones.