by Rita Hestand
"I guess that would give off a few wrong signals." He nodded.
"Well, no one will ever have to run again, as I've decided marriage isn't for me." She told him flatly.
"Oh, you have, have you?" he frowned. Then he stopped the buggy. "Just one little thing you forgot."
"What's that?" she chuckled.
"You are married!"
She looked directly at him now and saw something strange in his eyes. "We aren't really married. We just went through the motions."
"I think the preacher would tell you differently." He told her.
"We didn't do anything; we can probably just get one of those, what do you call them, annulments? Isn't that what they call it when you don't consummate the marriage."
Now he was really looking at her, "I thought you'd appreciate the fact that I didn't take you!"
Red-faced, she nodded, "I did, of course."
He whipped the horse into a trot again. When it got too quiet, she went on overloading her mouth. "It sure does say something about me though, doesn't it?"
"What do you mean now?" he glanced at her red face.
"I made so many mistakes. Then when I do manage to get married, my so-called husband turns away from me. I mean I guess I need a rock to fall on my head to get the message. You kissed me in the moonlight, it was romantic I'll grant you. It went straight to the heart. But then there was nothing. Then to top it off, my husband tells me I'm a selfish wench, a brat. And that was the honeymoon. Marriage is definitely something I intend to stay away from. Some just aren't cut out for it, I suppose. I'm one of them. As my daddy used to say, I need to pick another tack."
"I guess I was a little rough on you."
"A little rough? You tore me apart. I realized that night that I had lost my best friend. That I didn't know you any longer. Naturally, it was my own fault. But one thing about me, I learn quickly. So here I am, and I'm going to face every friend I ever had with the truth. I'm going to tell them I practically begged you to marry me too. I'm going to own up to the fact that I used you, like the wench I am. And I'm going to give you a divorce or annulment or whatever it takes to make you a free man, and everyone will know I am divorced, and I don't care anymore. But it's no longer important what everyone thinks of me. It's important what I think of me, what my family thinks of me, and maybe even a little what you think of me. Because I wronged you, and I'm sorry. I apologize for marrying you, for asking you to marry me! And maybe someday, oh who I am fooling someday never comes—"
"You wanted me to… take you?" he asked softly, as though her statement just now dawned on him.
"It's not that." She swallowed some pride shaking her head adamantly. "But it just added to the insults."
"Insult? I don't understand." He looked at her. "You didn't want me to sleep in the same bed with you!"
She stared at him and tears rolled down her cheeks now like a stream. "I had the audacity to ask you to marry me, but I had to ask. It wasn't like you offered to take Bill's place. Then we marry and you don't even touch me. I shouldn't have even expected it. But it's an insult too. It was the last insult. I am still a woman. I do have feelings, even though I do my best not to show them, most of the time."
"With any other woman, I could understand them throwing that in my face. But you didn't even want me to get in bed with you." He nearly shouted. "How was I supposed to know you wanted me to? I was trying to be a gentleman."
"Well you certainly achieved that. I don't even know if I did want you to. I've never done that with anyone." She cried.
"Well, I figured you hadn't, that's why I didn't. I mean our marriage was not like most. We started out kind of crazy like, and I wasn't sure what you expected."
"What do you mean by that? Am I so different than anyone else? Do you think I’m cold hearted too?"
"No, but you didn't love me. Anna Lee, love is what that is all about. I didn't want to force that on you. It wouldn't have been right. I could have gotten you pregnant, and you spouting you want a divorce."
She got out of the wagon and stood staring at him, "Your right of course, but then you always are. We started this marriage all wrong, I agree. And since you didn't take me, I can't understand why you insist on me coming with you now! It’s not like you want me for a wife. It certainly wasn't your idea."
"Taking a woman that doesn't love you, is like raping her. And I'm not that low!" He shouted.
She stopped to consider those words. "I never said I didn't love you. In fact, I said I did. I guess you weren't listening. You are right about that, I suppose. Anyway, it's not important now. But what possible good will it do to bring me out here and keep me until we can get this straightened out?"
"I don't know either, but I kind of thought maybe we could get to know each other again." He told her. "What we did was sacred, Anna Lee. We can't just throw it away without finding out exactly why we did it in the first place."
"I was saving myself an embarrassment, what were you doing?"
"Saving a friend maybe?" he looked straight at her again and reached a hand down to her to help her up once more.
She hung her head, as a tear fell. "You are always saving me, aren't you? Now, that we have established that, why go any further?" she asked sadly.
The look in his eyes pinned her to the spot. "Because I think there was something much deeper between us that got us to this point. Those kisses we shared told me that much. Maybe it's time we found out just exactly what we do mean to each other. Come on now, let's get home."
She stared and could not say another word. Slowly, she reached her hand to him and he helped her up into the wagon seat once more.
They didn't say another word until they reached the ranch, then she gasped at the fine meadows and beautiful landscape of his place.
"This is yours?" she asked in a husky tone.
He heard pure shock in her voice now.
"Yeah, I guess now it's ours." He smiled at her.
"My God, the last time I was here, it looked so different."
"I told you I'd been working at it."
"I've never seen a nicer place." She shook her head and stood up in the wagon to look upon the land. "You truly worked your butt off to make this happen."
"It took a little doin'." He smiled.
One of the ranch hands came up to the wagon. "George, this is my wife, Anna Lee." He told him.
George tipped his hat, "Mrs. Callahan."
It was the first time anyone called her Mrs. and it startled her. She nodded.
"The irrigation pump is busted." George told him.
"Alright, I'll order the part tomorrow. At least it didn't break during the hottest months." Joe told him.
"Ma'am," George tipped his hat and rode off.
The ranch house had been expanded; he'd added another story onto it. There were beautiful horses in the pasture beyond, and she could hear the cattle lulling in the distance.
"Hope Maria has supper on, I'm hungry." Joe broke the silence once more.
"Maria?"
"Yes, she's the cook, makes the best Mexican dishes you ever tasted." He explained.
He jumped down from the wagon and handed the reins to another hand. "Garcia, this is my wife, Anna Lee." He said as he helped Anna down.
"It is an honor," the man told her.
Anna smiled at him as he took his hat off and stared. He said something to Joe and walked off.
"What did he say?"
"He said you were very beautiful." Joe stared solemnly in her eyes.
"Oh yeah, in these clothes." Anna chuckled.
Joe seemed to take the time to look at her, all of her. "You sure fill them out well." He smiled.
That was the first nice thing he'd said to her in a long while.
Anna sighed, now she saw the big picture and she grimaced inwardly at what she'd done to Joe. He was a prominent citizen of Wayward, not some regular cowpuncher. He hadn't deserved this quick marriage she threw at him. It could hurt him in the community if they all l
aughed at him. He was somebody and she was a lowly livery stable hand. God, no wonder he was upset.
Still, for the first time in her life she wanted to right the wrongs, and he couldn't understand it.
It suddenly dawned on her that she could straighten it all out. She'd tell everyone how she practically forced him into marriage and how he was so good to her, that she had a guilty streak and decided to free him. Yes, that would work well.
"Aren't you hungry after working so hard?" he asked.
"A little." She nodded.
"Maria?" he called the minute he stepped into the house. Anna followed him, almost timidly now.
A Mexican woman of about fifty came around the corner of the front room smiling. "I have made something special for this evening, since you told me you'd be bringing the missus home tonight." She smiled, and two dimples showed up on her plump but beautiful face.
"Thanks Maria." He looked at Anna who looked so confused. "Come on, I can smell it from here." He encouraged Anna.
"Maria, this is Anna Lee, my wife."
"I am pleased to meet you at last Mrs. Anna. I hope the dinner pleases you."
Anna smiled, but what she felt was guilt so badly that everything she said coming out here seemed to stare her in the face. She wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there. By trying to rectify her wrongs, she'd only made him angry.
How could she set things right when everything she said came out wrong?
Joe pulled out a chair for her at the table and it was a long table. She ate at one end, and he at the other. Maria brought one dish after another filling Anna's plate up for her.
It smelled delicious and the woman had gone to so much trouble for her sake. "It's smells delicious." She told her.
"Enjoy," Maria smiled gently at her.
Maria had brought candlelight to the table and Anna felt so out of place. Romance was the last thing she needed.
He sat so far away that conversation was nearly impossible.
She took a bite of the enchiladas and shook her head. "This is so good." She barely managed as she found herself digging into the meal.
He chuckled. "She's a great cook."
Despite her ill at ease, Anna ate every bite and sipped the wine that Maria had poured for her.
"Maria is gonna love you." He grinned. "Most of the women that have ate here, ate like birds and it upset Maria so."
Anna closed her eyes, and she'd ate like a pig. Then it dawned on her that Joe had women here. So, he did have a life he wasn't talking about.
Anna clammed up the rest of the meal and when it was over, he encouraged her to join him on the veranda that led out from the dining room.
There were several rockers and he offered her one.
She sat down and stared out over the horizon, the sun had just gone down, and it left hues of many colors in its wake, as it colored the tree lines of his property and the stream that ran through it.
"It's beautiful here." She murmured.
"It took a lot of back breaking work to make this place look like this."
"I can only imagine." She whispered.
"Do you like it?" he asked.
"What's not to like about it. I've never seen anything like it. It even rivals your little paradise in San Antonio." She admitted.
"Yeah, I can't decide which I like the best." He smiled as he stared out at the evening. "So now you understand, you don't have to work at the livery stable any longer."
She sat up straight and stared through the darkness at him. How could she explain it? "I know you and probably the entire town of Wayward won't understand it, but I want to."
"Why?" he crinkled his nose up.
"I tried getting a job at the General Store, he wouldn’t' take me. I tried at a dress shop; she couldn't afford to pay me. I saw a sign at the livery, and you know how good I am with horses. I weighed the idea in my mind before I took the job. Everyone in this town has a preconceived idea about me anyway. It wouldn't matter if I became the grandest lady in Wayward, they would all gossip about my past. But you accomplished something here. You made something of this place. And I'm proud for you. But I need to feel useful too. I want to help my folks."
"They aren't struggling, they have land, and a decent house."
"Maybe, but they've done so much for me, and I've done nothing for them. I need to feel like I can do something for someone else. Especially now!"
"What do you mean especially now?" He asked.
She sighed, wishing she didn't have to bring it up. "In San Antonio you told me what kind of person I was, and you were right. It didn't take me long to figure that out, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling. I saw myself for the first time through someone else's eyes. You were quite blunt." She quickly added before he could excuse his behavior. "But one doesn't have to stay the way they are. You didn't. You worked hard for what you have here. I can see that."
"But Anna, you are a woman, and working in the livery stable of all places." He scoffed.
"That bothers you, doesn't it?" she asked softly.
"A little yeah!" he adjusted his collar.
"I want to work there, Joe, and if you want me to stay here for a while, you'll let me." She insisted. "I need to be away. To have time to think, and to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm healthy and strong and I can do something with my life too."
"So, you can earn the divorce money?" he chuckled.
"You think that's funny?" she gasped.
There was something in her voice that had his head turning to stare at her.
"No, actually, I don't." he stared now. "Why do you want a divorce? You said you weren't looking for another husband, so what's the reason."
"I-I told you when I ask you, that I'd give you a divorce." She searched for her answer.
"Sounds like your giving me a gift." He sighed heavily.
"I am," His head jerked about to stare at her. "Your freedom. I didn't mean to imprison you forever, you know." She tried to make light of it. "I didn't even stop to consider that you might have been involved with a woman when I asked you to marry. I hadn't been around you long enough to even know if you had someone or not. I'm ashamed I didn't ask before we married."
"And do you think if I did, I'd have married you?" He asked with a bit of incredulous.
"We were best friends, and you were always so kind to me. Always helping me out of jams I got myself into. Marrying me like you did, it was just another kind gesture on your part. I didn't mean to tie your life up for the rest of your life, nor embarrass you with your friends. I don't know if you know it, but Susan was always very fond of you."
"Susan Dixon?" he looked shocked.
"You didn't know? Yes, she's a nice girl, comes from a prominent family here in Wayward. And she's beautiful."
"She didn't sound that nice when I talked to her the other day."
"What do you mean?"
"Telling me she felt so sorry for me, that you were always making such a fool of yourself. And I was always bailing you out of trouble."
"Susan said that?" Then moving her head back and forth she nodded. "Well, I guess she was right."
"Yeah, and more."
"Well, I guess I have made an impression on my friends then. But I can't fault her, she's right."
"Now my wife is match-making for me." He chuckled.
"I just thought you might be interested." She defended herself. "Sometimes men walk around with blinders on and don't see things the way they are."
"I'm married, and until you file for divorce, I'll stay that way. And I'm in the habit of picking my own ladies."
Anna leaned back in the chair. "I guess I need to turn in. I got to get up early in the morning. I didn't mean to upset you. Goodnight."
"Alright, I'll show you to your room." He told her.
She almost stopped herself from getting up out of the chair at that remark. So, she would have a separate room from his. Well hell, what had she thought?
The marriage was a farce and she was making u
p things in her head of how it should be.
They walked upstairs and he took her to a far room at the end of the hallway. "This will be yours, as long as you want it."
It was lovely with peach colored quilt and a beautiful glass light by her bed, and a closet bigger than her bedroom at home.
"It's very nice, thank you." She said dully.
He nodded and started to leave.
"I can still work at the livery?" she asked.
"If that's what you want." He glanced at her over his shoulder.
"Thanks, I'll do my best not to embarrass you any further. Oh, how can I get to work, my horse is at the stable."
"The nag?"
She grit her teeth, then turned to look at him. "She's not a nag!" she stomped her foot. "I wish people would quit calling her that."
Something in his expression softened as a smile tempted his lips. "I apologize, didn't know you had an affection for her. George went and picked her up for you."
"I just wish people would quit calling her that." Anna cried coming closer. "She's a sweet old horse and I like her. Does everything have to have a pedigree these days to please you?"
"No," he pulled her to him now and kissed her tenderly on the lips, then raised his head to stare into her startled face, "I like my horses and women the same—wild! Goodnight darlin'."
She opened her mouth, but she couldn't think of a thing to say.
Chapter Ten
The next morning, she got up and got dressed and went downstairs. Maria had a pot of coffee going. "Can I fix you some breakfast?"
"Oh no, I got to get going." Anna told her.
"Then take this, it is ham and eggs wrapped in a tortilla."
"Thanks, you are so sweet. I gotta run, but you’re terrific for fixing it for me. You really know how to cook, maybe you can teach me a few things."
"I would be honored to teach you." She smiled.
"How do you like your new home?"
"It's beautiful here." Anna told her.
"Mr. Joe is so happy you are finally home." She smiled with such an expression.
Anna blushed, "Yeah, I guess. See you tonight."