Abruptly, he stood up and went into the bathroom, leaving her sitting on the bed feeling bereft. Obviously, she’d just done something that hadn’t pleased him, and for the life of her she didn’t know what. He’d seemed to enjoy her kiss until he’d gotten up and left the room. Was she that bad a kisser?
She climbed under the covers, determined to be hidden from his view when he returned to the room. She wanted to pull the covers over her head so she could cry. She didn’t cry in front of people. She hadn’t in years. No, she would wait until the lights were out and she could cry in private, the way a woman should. What else could she do? She’d been rejected again.
When Bob came into the room a few minutes later, her eyes were closed and she seemed to already be asleep. He’d thought for a while during his absence and decided he would leave the choice of consummation to her. If she released him from his promise, then it was all good.
But instead, she was lying asleep. He turned down the lamp and undressed in the dark, climbing into bed beside her. He couldn’t even hold her close, because her back was to him. He sighed. Never would he be good enough for a beautiful woman like her.
* * *
When Jessie woke the next morning, she was more determined than ever to be a perfect wife to Bob. She would spend the day cooking and cleaning, and when she was finished with all of that, she would begin planning her lessons for when school started.
By the time Bob woke, she had bacon, eggs, and toast ready for him. She poured his coffee before sitting down across from him. “Do you want me to fix lunch today?” she asked. She was determined to be happy in his presence, even though she was dying inside.
“No, you spend that time either writing or planning your lessons. I’ll come home and take you to the diner.”
Even her cooking wasn’t good enough. Jessie wondered how long it would take before he wanted to eat every meal at the diner again. She didn’t tell him how she felt. She knew the folly of that. No, she would suffer silently. It was her lot in life apparently.
Once he’d left for the day, Jessie gathered their dirty clothes and started on the laundry. He had a clothesline off to one side of the barber shop, and she would use it to dry the clothes. There was little space to do much outside, and she was grateful for that luxury.
Jessie baked a cake for supper and she tried to make chili for the first time. She hoped she’d done well with the spices, but if not, she would just try again. She would perfect it and everything else. How else could she get Bob to fall in love with her?
At lunchtime he noticed that all of their laundry was on the line as he climbed the stairs to take her to the diner. “You’ve been busy today!” He took a sniff and almost fell to his knees. Whatever she’d baked that morning was going to be the highlight of his day. He could already tell. “Are you ready to go?”
She nodded, removing her apron and hanging it on a hook. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”
She took the arm he offered when they got to the street, knowing it was all for show. For some reason he wanted people to think they had the perfect marriage, even though he hated to touch her. She would happily play along because the truth was, she didn’t want anyone to know what a difficult time she was having. She wanted to appear to have the perfect marriage too.
When they walked in, Jessie saw that the special was fried chicken. “Is their fried chicken any good?”
He nodded. “It’s so much better than my mother’s.”
“Isn’t everything better than your mother’s?” she asked, a cheeky grin on her face.
He laughed. “Yes!”
They both ordered the special, and he told her about a little boy who had come in that day after his three-year-old sister had taken a pair of scissors to his hair. There had been spots where it had looked almost like it had been shaved, and was still long in other places. The boy was only eighteen months old, and he’d had blond curls all over his head. “After I finished with him, there wasn’t a single curl left. It was sad.”
Jessie shook her head. “It sounds sad. I’m glad I wasn’t his mother.”
“Are you going to want our children to have curly hair? Your hair has some natural curl to it.”
She nodded. “It does. Do you know, it just now occurred to me that a barber brushed out my hair last night? I was thinking of you as a husband, not a professional.”
He shrugged. “I thought of it the same way you were. It was nice to feel so close to you.”
“Then why did you leave while we were kissing?” She hadn’t meant to ask, and wanted to take the words back as soon as they slipped out but knew she couldn’t. She would hate herself forever otherwise.
He frowned. “Everything was moving too quickly. I didn’t want to put you in a situation you didn’t want to be in.”
“I’m your wife. What kind of situation could you put me in?”
He shrugged. “One I don’t think either of us is ready for.”
His response made her think. He didn’t want to have that kind of relationship yet obviously. She would just play along. He could make all the moves and she would follow his lead. It seemed to be the only way they could be happy.
After lunch, he walked her home and pressed a kiss to her lips before leaving her at the front of the shop. Jessie took the clothes off the line and carried them in, folding and putting them away. She wasn’t going to let herself get upset about the way he was treating her anymore. He was a kind, loving man, and if that wasn’t good enough for her, she didn’t know what was.
She spent a great deal of time that afternoon planning out her first week of school. Knowing she would need to teach the children their letters and numbers made her almost dread the whole thing. She was used to teaching the older children who only needed to be told what to read and write. These children would need to learn how to read and write.
She made a seating chart based on the children’s age. She knew she should make a trip to the church as well to decide what needed to be ordered for the school. She would need a blackboard of course, but one that could be covered up on Sundays. The entire congregation did not want to see her students’ math problems.
By the time Bob came in at the end of the day, she was feeling much better about the situation. She hadn’t moved to Texas to be a loving bride. She’d moved there to be a teacher. She’d hoped for both after meeting her husband, but since it hadn’t worked out the way she wanted it to, she would move on.
“I’m going to spend part of the day tomorrow at the church,” she told him. “I want to measure the wall behind the pulpit so I can order a blackboard, and make curtains to cover it up on Sundays. I think that’ll be the best way to use the space.”
“Makes sense.” Bob had realized she was upset about something at lunch that day, but he really wasn’t sure what it was. She was odd in that she seemed to have mercurial mood swings. He hoped that wasn’t something that told how their daughters would be as well. One moody woman in his house was enough.
Jessie put the meat pies she’d made on the table, and sat down across from him. She’d made four meat pies for him and two for herself. She didn’t tell him, but she’d also made two lemon filled pies. He’d have his sweet tooth satisfied every night if she could make it happen.
After the dishes were done that evening, Jessie changed into her nightgown and retired to their bedroom to read instead of joining him in the parlor. She couldn’t stand another evening of spending so much time together with him not touching her. She couldn’t be that unattractive.
As soon as the thought popped into her head, Jessie forced it out and looked back to the page of her book. She wasn’t going to dwell on what wasn’t. Instead she was going to be happy about what was.
She’d even made an appointment to meet with the teacher in nearby Bagley the next week. That would help her understand whether the two of them could work together on school pageants and plays if they chose to do so.
Yawning, Jessie closed the book after putting a bookmark bet
ween the pages, and turned to her side to fall asleep. Why wait for Bob? He didn’t care for her as more than a companion anyway. He’d made that abundantly clear.
When Bob walked into the bedroom thirty minutes later to go to sleep, he saw her lying on her side. She had again fallen asleep before he could get into bed. He’d looked forward to having some time together, but she obviously didn’t care about their special time. That was all right though. He knew he wasn’t an attractive man. In three weeks, he would approach her anyway. Why not? She was his.
As he fell asleep, he felt a sinking feeling in his heart. He’d thought maybe they could have a good marriage, but now it didn’t look like that was possible.
Chapter Seven
Dear Journal,
In the past few days I’ve managed to lose sight of why I’m in Texas. I’m not here to fall in love. I’m here to start a school and I needed a husband to support me while I did it. It cannot matter to me that he doesn’t find me attractive. It cannot matter that I’m falling in love with him. Instead, I need to focus on getting ready to open my school.
Today I will go to the church and measure the space where I can put my blackboard, and then I will need to sew curtains to cover it up on the weekends. I’m not a great seamstress like Fae was back at the orphanage, but even I should be able to manage simple curtains.
From now on, my entries will be about starting my school, for I’m certain that’s why Wiggie wanted me to have this journal. They will no longer read like a young girl’s obsession with a man she has set her cap for and who doesn’t return her feelings.
After Bob left for work the next morning, Jessie left for the church. She spent the entire morning there, thinking about the small changes she could make during the week so her classroom would run more smoothly. While she was measuring the space for the blackboard, the pastor came in. “Hello, Mrs. Samuels. Are you getting ready to take over my church five days a week?”
Jessie turned and smiled. “Yes, I am. I’m going to have to put a blackboard here, and I’m going to make curtains so you can cover it on the weekends. I have a feeling the congregation might get distracted by the math problems I’ll be putting on it.”
The pastor laughed softly. “They might at that.”
“What color would you like for the curtain to be? I haven’t purchased the fabric yet, so it can be any color you prefer.”
The pastor thought for a moment. “How about a nice royal purple? This place is the home of the King of Kings after all.”
Jessie nodded. “I’ll make sure I do just that.” She made a note on the sheet of paper she was using for her measurements.
“Are you excited about starting the school?” he asked.
Jessie nodded enthusiastically. “I’ve been putting lesson plans together and thinking about ways I can modify your church to be a classroom. Of course, the modifications will need to be temporary.”
“As long as you can change things back, you’re free to make any changes you need. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?”
“Not that I can think of. I’ll be working on the things I need on my own.” She finished jotting down her notes. “I’m going to head over to the store to order the blackboard and chalk, and see what I can find in the way of royal purple fabric.”
“That sounds good. Remember you don’t have to do this all on your own. There are any number of people in town who would like to assist you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for your help today.” Jessie left the church with those words, walking toward the mercantile. She was surprised at the number of faces that already looked familiar, and the number of people who nodded to her.
When she reached the mercantile, she went straight to the proprietor. “I need to order a black board. Would you be able to help me with that?”
The man nodded, getting out his order book. “Absolutely. What size do you need?”
After she’d given him the dimensions, she walked to the rear of the store where the fabric was on display. There was a woman in the back sitting at a table, pieces of fabric all around her. Jessie walked around the table and looked through the fabric that was in sight.
“Can I help you?” the young woman asked.
“I’m looking for some royal purple fabric for curtains for the church.”
“Why does the church need curtains?”
Jessie smiled. “I’m Jessie Samuels. I’m starting a school in the church building. I need to make curtains to cover the blackboard I’ve just ordered on Sundays, so I don’t distract people with arithmetic problems. The pastor wants everyone’s full attention.”
The girl grinned. “I’m Beth Johnson. I work here in the store making clothing for people.”
“I see. I guess you’d know the right kind of fabric for curtains better than I would.”
“I would think for the church you’d want velvet. And I know for a fact that we have no royal purple velvet in stock. You’ll have to talk to Mr. Peabody about ordering it.”
Jessie sighed. “I just finished talking to him. He’s ordering my blackboard.”
“Now he can order fabric for you.” Beth nodded toward the front of the store.
“All right.” Jessie walked back to Mr. Peabody, noting that a woman had joined him behind the counter.
“Rob, you know it’s time to do inventory, and I really don’t care that you hate doing it. It’s necessary for our livelihood.”
Mr. Peabody groaned. “You can do the inventory this time. I’ll just watch.”
“You know better. Now help this sweet young lady.” Mrs. Peabody rushed away.
Jessie spent a moment wondering just how many of the thousand inhabitants of Nowhere, Texas were named Robert, but decided not to ask. The number seemed overwhelming at the moment. “I need to order some fabric.”
After Mr. Peabody had taken down her specifications, she wandered over to the fresh meat. “Is there a butcher in town?”
“Yes, there is, and I get all my meat from him. There’s nothing different about mine.”
Jessie was certain that Mr. Peabody marked up the meat after he got it from the butcher. She would head to his shop after buying a few things there, but she would rather not have to get directions from him. She was sure he would simply tell her again that his meat was the same as the butcher’s.
Once she got home right before lunch time, she put the meat in the ice box. Then she mixed up a bowl of bread dough. They were out of fresh bread, and she knew very well how much Bob loved everything she cooked.
He arrived home to take her to lunch shortly after she’d set the dough to rise. Walking to the diner, she didn’t try to get close to him. Instead she pretended not to see him offer his arm.
They both ordered the special—turkey and dressing—and she told him how she’d talked to the pastor and measured before ordering everything from Mr. Peabody. “I feel like I’ve already worked a full day and it’s only lunch time. I’m ready to get into the routine of teaching every day.”
“Are you really?”
She shrugged. “I do enjoy teaching. I’m sorry if I somehow made you think I didn’t.”
“I know you do. But I also know that you prefer writing.”
“Yes, I do. But I won’t be unhappy teaching. I hope you realize that.”
“I do.” He looked down at his glass of water. There was something that had gone wrong in the past day or two, and he wanted to know what it was. “Have I done something to offend you in some way?”
She shook her head. “Of course not.” Never would she let him know she’d wanted more from their marriage than he was willing to give her. Why would she tell him that?
“Are you sure? You seem more distant for some reason.”
“I’m just concentrating on getting ready for school.” It wasn’t an outright lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. “I’m meeting with the teacher in Bagley on Saturday while you work. You don’t mind if I drive there by myself, do you?”
>
“No, but make sure you get someone to draw you a map. I don’t want you getting lost.”
“I will.” She noticed he didn’t offer to draw the map. He just told her to make sure someone did draw one. Did that mean he wasn’t willing to help her? She didn’t know, but that’s how it sounded. Every day he was less interested in her. She wondered if he was wishing he could send her back to where she came from.
When they got back to the apartment, he kissed her absently on the cheek before she rushed upstairs. She had things to do that didn’t involve her new husband. Whether he liked it or not, her world didn’t revolve around him.
* * *
Jessie’s fabric arrived on Friday morning, and she hurried home with it to start the curtains. The blackboard still wasn’t in, and since Mr. Peabody had promised to find some men to put it up anyway, she wouldn’t need to pick that up at all.
She carefully cut the fabric and began hemming the ends. She wanted two curtains that could be spread apart when she was teaching, or pushed together for the church services on the weekends. Purple wouldn’t be the best color for not showing chalk dust, but she’d do her best to keep it clean. If necessary, she could take the curtains home and wash them once a month.
On Saturday she headed to Bagley, a map drawn by the pastor in her hand. She was supposed to meet the woman at her ranch, which was close to where the school was. It turned out her new school wasn’t within city limits. Instead, it was a country school.
When she arrived at the house she was told to go to, she knocked on the door and waited. Someone came to the door. “Are you Mrs. McClain?” Jessie asked softly.
“No, I’ll get her for you. Are you Mrs. Samuels?”
“I am. I’ll be the teacher in Nowhere.”
“Yes, I was told you were coming today. Have a seat,” the older woman said, gesturing to the dining table which was covered with school books.
Jessamine’s Journal: The Alphabet Mail-Order Brides Page 6