Every Time We Touch: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 5)

by Parker, J. E.

  Still holding my shirt tight, Hendrix swung his head in Ty’s direction. “What are you talking about?”

  The smile decorating Ty’s face was the perfect target for my fist.

  My fingers twitched as the urge to punch him increased tenfold.

  “I took my brother out to breakfast this morning,” Ty said to Hendrix while looking at me. “When we got back, Chase and I both got an earful of our buddy over here flipping out about Lily.”

  “Oh shit,” Hendrix mumbled.

  “Also got a front-row seat to the pain in Carissa’s voice when she tried to calm him down and make him see reason,” Ty continued, not stopping to take a breath. “You act like you care about that girl so damn much, but you didn’t think twice about flinging her headfirst into your poison.”

  The rage that bubbled in my gut found its way into my throat where it began to choke the life out of me. Red bled into my vision, and I knew—I damn well knew—that I was seconds away from causing bodily harm to one of my best friends. “Ty,” I said, my low voice deceptively calm. “Mind your own business.”

  He shook his head. “Nah, man. For seventeen years, I’ve minded my own business, kept my mouth shut. That ends now. Carissa and I may not be close, but Heidi and I sure as hell will be. And I will be damned if I stand by and let you destroy either of them with your twisted self-delusions and misplaced guilt.”

  Twisted self-delusions?

  Misplaced guilt?

  I may have been twisted, but I wasn’t delusional, and none of the guilt I carried was misplaced.

  I deserved every bit.

  Jerking free of Hendrix’s hold, I pointed a lone finger at Ty. “You don’t have the slightest goddamn clue what you’re talking about!” I yelled, my chest heaving from the force of my words. “My sister died because of my mistake! Until you know what that feels like don’t preach to me about a single damn thing!”

  I expected Ty to yell in return, maybe even hit me.

  He didn’t.

  “You think you’re the only one who feels guilty? I was there that day too, asshole.”

  He may have been there, but it wasn’t the same.

  Not even close.

  “Like you, I watched Lily get thrown into that truck, and I watched her get taken away after we both failed to save her.” He stepped closer. “That guilt you feel, Kyle? I feel that shit too. The only difference is, I work past it once I remind myself of the truth.”

  A million thoughts whirled through my head.

  I could only focus on one. “What truth?”

  “The one that says it wasn’t our fault. We were kids, all three of us. The only person responsible for what happened that day is Edgar Louis, and he’s dead, Kyle. Has been for a long time. I only hope the son of a bitch is roasting on a spit in the deepest recesses of hell as we speak.”

  At the sound of that monster’s name, I turned and slammed my hand into the side of the ladder truck. How every bone in my fist didn’t break, I have no clue.

  “Goddammit!” I yelled, tears welling in my eyes.

  I didn’t want to be reminded of him, of the things he’d done to my sister.

  Block it out, I told myself. Push it all back.

  Out of control, I raised my fist to throw another punch, but strong arms wrapped around me from behind, stopping me from doing so. “That’s enough,” a deep voice belonging to Cap said next to my ear. Running on instinct, I tried to extract myself from his hold, but even as strong as I was I stood no chance of getting away. “I mean it, kid, enough!”

  The world around me faded away as overwhelming grief crushed me, stealing my breath, and ability to think. A myriad of emotions—anger, guilt, resentment—battered me, sending me into a tailspin.

  Life-sucking despair engulfed my heart as rage consumed me.

  Within seconds, everything went black.

  * * *

  Eleven hours and eighteen minutes…

  Seated in Cap’s office, I stared at the clock on the wall, my heart pounding. Next to me sat Hendrix and beside him was Ty. A pissed off looking Cap sat behind the desk in front of me, his angry glare focused on me.

  “God almighty,” Hendrix said, removing his ball cap. “It’s like we’re in elementary school all over again. Only this time it isn’t my fault we’re sitting in the principal’s office.” He chuckled. “For once, I’m innocent.”

  “You”—Cap pointed at his only son—“put a lid on it.”

  Hendrix held his hands up. “I’m shutting up.”

  He then pointed at Ty. “And you, I’ll deal with you in a minute.”

  His eyes, along with his finger bounced to me next. “You,” he said, his back teeth gritted together, “I’m dealing with your ass right now.” Ripping his gaze from mine, he yanked open his right desk drawer, pulled out a folded blue brochure and stood. “You have the worst temper I have ever seen, and that’s saying something considering the two people sitting beside you.”

  Hendrix scoffed.

  Ty and I remained mute.

  “Your anger is out of control, Kyle, and it’s only getting worse.”

  “That’s horseshit,” I replied, feeling the vein in my forehead bulge.

  “Yeah?” Cap rebutted in disbelief. “And when was the last time you blacked out from rage like you did just a few minutes ago?”

  The answer was never, though I wasn’t about to admit it aloud.

  What happened in the bay minutes earlier had been a one-time thing. I’d been angry before, I’d raged plenty of times, but when Ty accused me of pulling Carissa head-first into my poison, I lost it.

  I never wanted to shadow my Beautiful Girl with the darkness that inhabited my soul, but she’d caught me off guard this morning, and I’d been unable to stop the pain that tore from my chest as I told her about Teacup.

  “Answer me, Kyle,” Cap demanded. “Now.”

  Silence.

  Disdain crossed his face.

  “Your silence is all the answer I need.” Mad as hell, he slammed the blue brochure down on the desk in front of me and pointed at it with a shaky finger. “You have three choices,” he said. “Choice number one—you call the number on that brochure, and you make an appointment. Choice number two—you find a grief-counseling group along with an anger management class and you go. Regularly. Choice number three—you do nothing, and you continue to spiral.”

  Spiral?

  “Yes, spiral,” he added, reading my thoughts. “I’m warning you now, kid. If your hotheaded ass chooses that route, you will lose everything. Your job, your friends—” he paused “—Carissa.”

  My back stiffened.

  Losing Carissa wasn’t an option.

  Ever.

  Cap rounded the desk and came to a standstill in front of me. Clasping my shoulder in his hand, he squeezed. “Trust me, Kyle,” he said, his eyes boring into mine. “I may be ignorant to a lot of things, but not this. The spot you’re in”—he squeezed harder—“is the same spot I was in almost thirty years ago, and not getting help nearly cost me everything. I won’t let the same thing happen to you.” Determination lined his tone. “Not if I can stop it.”

  Knowing he wouldn’t get off my ass until I appeased him, I jerked my shoulder free of his hold and picked up the brochure. My brows rose when I read the words scrawled across the front. “Therapy?” I looked at Cap. “You want me to see a shrink?”

  “Anger management, group grief counseling, or one-on-one therapy. Take your pick.”

  He had lost his damn mind.

  “It isn’t as bad as you think,” Hendrix said, glancing at the brochure. “Evan went for a while. Helped him get his shit together before Hope walked away. Hell, I think he still goes.”

  “Chase goes to anger management,” Ty added, his eyes on the far wall. “It’s court-ordered, but it’s helped him. He hasn’t stuck his fist through the apartment wall in a few months so I’m counting that as progress.”

  Despite the messed-up situation I was in, my lips curle
d. Ty may not have known it, but he’d just handed me the chance to goad Cap and Hendrix both.

  “Anger management hasn’t done shit for Chase,” I said, readying myself for the punch Hendrix was likely to throw. “Only reason he isn’t blowing up at every person that looks at him wrong anymore is because of Ashley.”

  Hendrix stiffened.

  “Whether or not he realizes it, he’s in love with her,” I added, continuing to run my mouth. “Probably doesn’t want to scare her away.”

  Every word I spoke was the truth, proving that Chase was a lot smarter than me. He’d calmed down to keep the girl he wanted close, but I hadn’t been able to stop from blowing up in front of mine.

  I’m so fucked up…

  At my words, Cap growled, stomped back around his desk, and dropped into his chair.

  Hendrix remained silent, his fisted hands on his knees.

  But Ty, he was stupid enough to chuckle before saying, “Most likely.”

  Any control Hendrix had snapped.

  Red faced, he jumped up and stormed toward the door. Stopping in the threshold, he looked back at Ty over his shoulder. “You keep your brother away from my niece, Ty. Ashley’s got enough problems, she doesn’t need his short-tempered ass adding to them.”

  Ty quirked a brow. “And how do you propose I do that?”

  Hendrix scowled. “Don’t care, but you better do something; else I’ll kill him.”

  “I’ll help bury his body,” Cap mumbled, his clenched hands resting on his desk.

  Without another word, Hendrix stormed off.

  The sound of his fist hitting the heavy bag that hung in the rec room soon followed.

  I smiled. “Such a temper.”

  Cap’s unimpressed eyes found mine. “Keep it up, and you’ll be on boot duty with Carson.”

  My face dropped. “Fuck that and fuck him. I can’t stand that kid.”

  “Why?” Cap asked, raising his chin.

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned back in the chair. “You know why.”

  “Because he likes Carissa?”

  “Like?” Ty asked, beating me to it. “He’s infatuated with C. Doesn’t matter what’s going on, if someone mentions her name he magically appears. It’s messed up.”

  Ty hit the nail on the head.

  Something wasn’t right with Carson.

  That was a fact.

  Just what that something was, I hadn’t a clue.

  Brochure in hand, I stood, the need to keep and protect what was mine roaring to life inside me. “Keep him away from me, Cap. You don’t, and I can’t promise I won’t put his head through a second locker.”

  Cap rolled his eyes. “You’ll probably do that, anyway.”

  I didn’t bother to deny it.

  Needing to get away before I exploded again, I turned to leave the office. I’d almost made it to the door when Cap called my name, stopping me in my tracks. “Kyle.”

  I turned my head, looking at him over my shoulder.

  “Meant what I said earlier. You’ve got three choices. Pick one.”

  Agitation simmered in my veins. “Yeah, Cap,” I replied, nodding. “I got it.”

  I exited the office and headed down the hall toward the bunkroom. When I stepped inside, I came face to face with the last person I wanted—or needed—to see.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked none other than Carson. “Thought you were outside sweeping the parking lot.”

  Refusing to answer me, he sneered in my direction, making his disdain for me obvious.

  It pissed me right off.

  I didn’t care if the twerp liked me or not, but he would damn sure show me some respect. “Answer me when—”

  My phone rang cutting me off mid-sentence. Pulling it out of my pocket, I glanced down at the name flashing across the screen. In the blink of an eye, every ounce of rage and resentment that lingered inside me evaporated.

  I inhaled, then lifted the phone to my ear. “Hey, Beautiful Girl,” I answered, my eyes finding Carson once again. An arrogant smile tipped my lips. “Did you make it to my apartment alright?”

  It was a dick move, but Carson needed to be reminded that my girl would never be his. Didn’t matter how beautiful he thought she was, or how infatuated he’d become from a distance, the bottom line was that Carissa Ann Johnson was mine.

  Forever.

  Twenty-Two

  Carissa

  Drive faster…

  Who cares if you get a ticket?

  Listening to the devilish voice in my head, I pressed my foot down on the accelerator of my fifteen-year-old Corolla, blowing through a stoplight just as it changed from yellow to red. Meeting a small line of traffic, I weaved in and out of the slow-moving cars, hell-bent on reaching my destination quicker.

  A man in a white Prius honked, then flipped me off as I swooped in front of him, cutting him off. Normally I would’ve been appalled at driving like such an idiot, but at that moment, I didn’t give a flying toot.

  The only thing I was concerned with was making it to Station 24.

  Anxious beyond belief, I glanced to my right, checking that the intersection was clear before turning onto Sycamore Street. It was. My tires then squealed in protest as I stepped on the accelerator again, this time harder.

  Beside me, a wide-eyed Heidi placed one hand on the dash and the other on the middle console. “Jesus, Carissa!” she shouted. “Slow down!”

  Behind me, Ashley remained silent, her white-knuckled hands holding onto the back of my headrest for dear life.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, glancing down at the illuminated numbers on my dashboard. “I’m in a hurry.”

  I had seven minutes to make it to the fire station before Kyle’s shift ended. It was silly of me, and a bit dumb, but I wanted to surprise him so badly. My showing up there would be the last thing he was expecting, and I wanted to see his face when I walked up.

  Besides, I didn’t want to wait another second to see him.

  It had been twenty-four hours since I’d last smelled his scent or touched his skin, and I was losing my mind. We’d gone days without seeing one another before, but now that I knew how it felt to wake up in his arms, I’d never be the same.

  Without him by my side, things felt different.

  And not in a good way either.

  “I can see you’re in a hurry but knock it off, lead foot. I don’t want to die today!” She continued to stare out the windshield. “I haven’t even had sex yet!”

  I turned my head, looking at her.

  She met my gaze.

  “Oh my God, Carissa, look at the fricken road!” Ashley hollered, snapping my attention back to the pavement in front of me.

  “You’re still a virgin?”

  Why in the world I asked my little sister such a question, I’ll never know. Not only was it inappropriate, but it was also unnecessary because I already knew the answer.

  Heidi had never been on a date, never had a boyfriend.

  In fact, I was certain she’d never even had a crush before.

  At least, not until Ty.

  “Nevermind, don’t answer that.”

  I shook my head, dispelling the thoughts running rampant through my brain.

  Busy trying to force my mind onto another subject, I didn’t see the approaching speed bump until it was too late. I didn’t have time to slow down before the car hit the bump, sending us flying a foot or two in the air.

  Heidi and Ashley both screamed while I gripped the steering wheel with both hands, tightening my fingers around the leather until it squeaked in protest.

  Dear God, I prayed, please don’t let us crash because I’m an idiot.

  Sparks flew as the front bumper came down, scraping the asphalt.

  It was a miracle I maintained control.

  With only one hundred yards left to go, I removed my foot from the gas pedal, letting the car slow. A few seconds later I turned right into the station, drove around to the back lot and parked between Hendrix and Kyl
e’s trucks.

  “That is it,” Heidi said, unlocking her seatbelt. “I am never riding with you again. I don’t care if I have to walk thirty miles uphill in a snowstorm both ways. I won’t do it.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic.” I shifted the car into park, killed the engine, and smiled at her. “You didn’t die, did you?”

  The look she shot me was scathing.

  “Ashley,” I said, looking over my shoulder. “Tell her she’s overreacting.”

  Ashley scrunched her nose. “I’d rather not lie.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but they both jumped out of the car and headed for the building before I could. I rolled my eyes as I pulled my keys out of the ignition and followed behind them, chuckling the entire way.

  Ashley opened the metal door along the side of the station which led to Pop’s office. She, along with Heidi disappeared inside without so much as a wave in my direction.

  Knowing Kyle wouldn’t be in that part of the large, two-story building, I headed for the opened bay doors. All the trucks—the ambulance included—were parked inside, their red paint shining in the morning sunlight.

  I saw no one anywhere.

  Sliding my hands into the back pockets of my jean shorts, I strolled into the first bay. Brows furrowed, I looked around the quiet space. “Where the heck is everyone?” I mumbled to myself.

  “I’m right here.”

  I spun around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, coming face to face with a guy I’d never seen before. Standing at six or so feet tall, he had a slender frame, copper-colored hair and golden-brown eyes. Holding a mop in one hand, he smiled and raked his gaze over me, starting at the tips of my freshly painted toes and ending at the top of my blown-out hair.

  The way he looked at me set off alarm bells. Though he had done nothing wrong, his mere presence put me on edge, making me uncomfortable.

  Wanting to get away from him, I forced a smile and took a step back. “I’m looking for my boyfriend, Kyle.” Hooking my thumb over my shoulder, I pointed behind me to the door that connected the bays to the inside of the building. “Do you know if he’s in there?”