by K. A. Last
Now, it’s almost the end of our last day of holidays, and I feel like I haven’t had a break from anything.
I dig my toes into the sand, and stare out at the ocean. I came down to the quiet end of the beach, hoping the sound of the waves might calm me, but they haven’t.
I’m tired of being on a merry-go-round. I don’t know how I should act or feel when I’m around Levi, and it’s tearing me apart. One minute everything is perfect, and he’s perfect, but then everything changes in an instant.
Is it me?
Am I the one to blame?
Am I asking too much of him?
Or am I overthinking everything?
Last night was the most we’ve talked about Mason ever, and I accused Levi of being exactly like his brother.
I’m so scared that he’ll do something stupid as well.
Today has been hard, because I want Levi to call me so badly, but it’s late afternoon and he hasn’t. I want to call him, but that would be like saying he doesn’t need to be responsible for his actions. If I call and apologise for what I said, where will that leave us?
Right back where we started.
I want to hear his voice, but I also want him to realise he can’t keep drinking like he does.
It will destroy him.
It will destroy me.
“Hey.” Karen flops onto the sand beside me.
I pull my knees to my chest and hug them. “Hey.”
“Feeling any better?”
“I’m ... I don’t know.”
Karen tucks my hair behind my ear. “Why don’t we go out tonight? It’s our last night. We can go dancing. You know how much Stacey loves dancing.”
I shrug. “Okay.”
“We can go to the nightclub Jess and Stacey told us about,” Karen says, getting to her feet. “I can’t believe you’re eighteen, and we haven’t gone to a club together yet.”
I look up at her. “Sounds noisy.”
“Come on, Katie.” She grabs my hand and pulls me up. “You need to let your hair down. Let’s go get ready.” She tugs me up the beach towards the road.
We walk the five minutes back to the hotel. Jessica and Stacey are already getting ready for one more night out before going home. While Karen does her makeup, I put on the clothes she suggests, slipping into skinny jeans and a black halter top. Then I go through the trauma of putting my contacts in. Even after all the months I’ve been wearing them, I still can’t seem to do it easily. Still, I like the way I look without my glasses. I don’t wear a lot of makeup though, so I just use my usual gloss on my lips, and run a brush through my hair.
“Ready,” I say, slipping my feet into my sandals.
Karen grins and grabs her room key from the table. “Let’s go have some fun.”
“Who said fun?” Stacey asks from the hallway.
“I said fun.” Karen pulls our room door closed behind us.
Jessica smiles, but doesn’t show as much excitement as the other two. We head downstairs and onto the street.
“It’s early,” Stacey says, turning her face to the darkening sky. “Dinner first?” She looks at us over her shoulder as we walk.
“Sounds perfect,” Karen says. “We can go to the pancake place in the mall.”
“For dinner?” I ask. We stop at the lights and wait for them to change.
“I think pancakes for dinner sounds awesome,” Jessica says.
We laugh and cross the road, walking towards the mall with a steady stream of other people. I look around at my friends and feel a moment of gratitude towards them. I’m so lucky to have these three girls in my life. I’m not sure I’d be able to get through any day, let alone every day, if I didn’t have them. I want to hug them all.
I settle for slipping my arm through Karen’s and giving it a squeeze. Jessica and Stacey walk ahead.
“Everything good?” Karen asks, glancing at me sideways.
I lean my head towards her. “Yeah. I have you.”
“Always.” She smiles.
When we reach the pancake place it’s already pretty full, but they squeeze the four of us onto the end of a long table. It’s informal dining, and none of us mind. The atmosphere is full of happy energy. Maybe it has something to do with the sugar everyone is eating.
We each order something different so we can try as much of the menu as possible. Traditional pancakes with maple syrup, pancakes with berries and ice cream, waffles with chocolate and strawberries, and a banana crepe, plus milkshakes all round.
I enjoy a couple of hours with my friends, eating, laughing, and talking about what we plan to do when we get home.
“I would love to take a year off,” Jessica says. “Maybe do some travel with Josie? She’s pretty excited about it actually. We just have to convince Mum and Dad.”
“I think everyone wants a gap year.” Karen takes a sip of her milkshake.
“We don’t always get what we want,” I say.
“I don’t think they’re a good idea,” Stacey says. “You end up a year behind. I think I’d rather get my degree out of the way, then have a year off while I decide if I want to use it or not.”
I sip my milkshake. “Why wouldn’t you use it?”
Stacey shrugs. “Right now, I want to go into vet science. But in four years’ time I might hate animals.”
“There’s no way you’d ever hate animals,” Jessica says.
“Anything can happen.”
I look around at my friends. Yes, anything can happen. We don’t know what the future holds, but that’s what makes it so scary, and, according to Karen, fun at the same time.
I’m suddenly aware of how much time I’ve wasted this week moping about when I should have been making the most of every second I have with my friends. Who knows where we’ll end up next year? What if I’ve ignored the most important time of our lives together?
“We should go,” I say. “There’s a dance floor waiting for us.”
Karen jumps up. “I think you’re right.”
Jessica and Stacey get to their feet, and I smile at everyone’s enthusiasm. This is what I want. To see my friends happy, and to share that happiness with them. I’ve been so wrapped up in Levi that I forgot how good I have it. How lucky I am to have these girls in my life.
We pay for our meals at the counter on the way out and head up the mall towards the nightclub. The entrance is via a flight of steps leading to an upper level. We all get carded on the way in.
As soon as we pass through the doors the noise level rises. Lights strobe around the club in blue, pink, and green. A smoky haze floats above the large room. We move farther in towards the bar. Music pumps, and the bass vibrates through my feet. People move violently around the dance floor. The dancing here is nothing like it was at the formal. Stacey’s face lights up, and she cranes her neck to get a better look at the dance floor. Karen pulls herself up onto a stool at the bar, and I take the one next to her.
“Come on.” Stacey tugs Jessica’s hand and leads her through the crowd towards the dance floor.
Karen and I laugh, and watch with smiles on our faces.
“Drink?” she yells in my ear.
I nod. Karen picks up the cocktail list and raises her eyebrows. I hesitate, but then nod again. I’ll only have one. I’m not going to drink to get drunk. I just want to enjoy a night with my girlfriends.
Karen orders two Pina Coladas, and the bartender asks us for ID, even though we were asked at the door. I don’t mind, and I smile when I hand him my licence. He winks at me before making our drinks.
I sip my cocktail and scan the crowd, watching Stacey and Jessica on the dance floor, and checking out what some of the girls are wearing. Their outfits make my jeans and halter top look like rags.
Karen and I sit like that for another two rounds. Every now and then, she points and I smile or laugh. Or the other way around. I’m surprised at how easily the cocktails go down, and a nice buzz courses through me. I feel happy.
Someone sits on the b
ar stool beside me, but I don’t pay them any attention.
The person leans over and yells in my ear, “You can’t stay away from me, can you?”
I turn to see Scott, the guy I met on the beach who tried to force himself on me. Seems like my knee to his crotch wasn’t obvious enough. I stiffen, smile with my lips closed, and then angle my body away from him and towards Karen, taking another sip of my cocktail. We’re in a crowded nightclub and Karen is right next to me. Surely Scott won’t touch me here.
Scott moves to stand in front of us. “Would you ladies like a drink?”
I hold up my glass and raise my eyebrows. “Already have one.” But I don’t know if he can hear me.
“Who is this guy?” Karen yells at me over the music.
I crinkle my nose, and lean close to her ear. “Met him on the beach. He’s a creep.”
I never told Karen what happened that night. If she knew, she’d be kneeing him in the balls right now, harder than I did.
Karen looks him up and down. “Yeah, I’ll have a drink.”
I glare at her and hope she gets my ‘What the hell are you doing?’ vibe.
Scott grins, and I turn away, cringing. I finish my cocktail, but I don’t think accepting a drink from him is a good idea. Still, I go with the flow, keeping an eye on Scott and the glasses to make sure he doesn’t spike them with something. Scott hands us a vodka and orange each. I sip the sweet drink through the straw, not sure if I like the taste of it after three Pina Coladas. I take another few sips, then set my glass on the bar.
I lean over and put my lips to Karen’s ear. “Let’s dance.”
She sucks half her drink through the straw, then jumps down from the bar stool. I link my fingers through hers, and follow her through the crowd to the pulsating mass of bodies on the dance floor. It takes us a few moments, but we spot Stacey and Jessica a few people in, swinging their hips, and waving their hands like everyone else.
Karen and I join them, and it takes five minutes of dancing for me to be grateful I wore flat shoes. The lights strobe around us, and I lose myself in the rhythm of the music, moving to the beat and concentrating on nothing but how it makes me feel. I’m buzzing from head to toe, and I figure it’s the alcohol, but I don’t care. The power of the bass beats through my body, and I forget about everything that’s happened.
It feels good.
Hands touch my waist, and someone presses up against my back. I turn to see Scott behind me, and my happy moment is ruined. In my frantic attempt to get away from him, I stumble into the people beside me, and a girl falls to the ground.
“I’m so sorry,” I yell, but my voice is drowned out.
I reach down to help her to her feet, aware that someone’s hand is on my arse. Once the girl is up, I turn again and confront Scott. I want to scream at him but there’s no point. He won’t be able to hear me, so I’d be wasting my breath. He grins at me.
I push my way off the dance floor.
I can’t breathe. It’s too stuffy in here.
I make it as far as the bar, and my head spins. I grab a stool to steady myself. The barman smirks then pours a glass of water and pushes it towards me. I sit on the stool and take the glass, downing the cool liquid in three gulps.
“What the hell happened?” Stacey yells in my ear.
“Are you all right?” Jessica grabs my arm.
Karen pulls me to my feet. “Let’s get out of here. You need some air.”
My friends surround me, and we shuffle towards the exit. I stumble going down the stairs and into the mall. The cool night air hits my face, and I break out in a sweat. A sick feeling creeps into my stomach. I’m not sure if it’s from the alcohol or having Scott’s grubby hands on me again. It’s probably a combination of both.
I concentrate on the sound of the waves crashing on the beach across the road—anything to take my mind off the way that creep looked at me. The way he touched me, tonight and the other night on the beach ... My hand goes to my throat.
“Let’s sit down,” Karen says. She leads us to the pedestrian crossing, and we make our way over to the beach side of the strip. The four of us head to the steps and sit on the top few. I stare out at the dark ocean and take slow breaths, trying to get the sick feeling in my stomach to settle down.
“What did that guy do to you?” Stacey asks.
I grimace and turn my face towards her. “He grabbed me.”
“Looked like he wanted to dance with you.” Jessica tucks her hair behind her ear.
“He bought us a drink while you guys were on the dance floor,” Karen says. “I think he wanted more than a dance.”
“You’re right.” I take a deep breath and stare at my hands. “Our first night here, when I stayed on the beach—”
“When you were late, and I was about to come look for you?” Karen asks.
I nod, my stomach rolling. I swallow before continuing. “That guy ... Scott. He came over and talked to me. He asked me to come to this party they were having near the steps that lead to the sand. I said no, but then I saw Veronica and she called me over.” I shrug. “I went to talk to her, then Scott saw me and introduced me to his friends. After I left to come back to the hotel, he followed me. The beach was dark. He ... grabbed me.”
“That bastard,” Stacey says.
I offer her a small smile. “I gave him a good knee in the balls.”
“Go you,” Karen says.
My friends laugh, and I do, too, but it’s not funny, and I still feel sick.
“I’m not sure I would’ve gotten away from him if it wasn’t for Geoff,” I say.
“Geoff?” Karen asks. “Geoff Wilcox?”
“It’s ironic really.” I look at her. “Geoff is ...”
“Yeah. He’s a dick. What he did to Veronica ...” Karen stops. Her eyes go wide, and her hand flies to her mouth.
“What did he do to Veronica?” Stacey stands up.
I shake my head. “We promised her we wouldn’t tell.” I glare at Karen.
“No, you can’t do that. You can’t say something then not tell us,” Stacey says.
“I know about it.” Jessica stares out at the beach.
“What?” Karen and Stacey say at the same time.
I put my face in my hands. I’m not surprised. Josephine and Veronica are friends. Josephine probably told Jessica at some stage.
“She asked us not to tell anyone, okay?” I say. “Just ... let it go. And to Geoff’s credit, if he didn’t turn up, who knows what Scott would’ve done to me.”
“You should report him,” Karen says.
I shrug. “I told Veronica the same thing.”
“And did she?”
“I don’t think so.” I look at Karen. “There’s no point. I’ll never see him again, and he didn’t ... I got away.”
We all go quiet. Stacey frowns, then walks down a few steps and leans against the stair railing, crossing her arms over her chest. Karen bites her lip and stares at her feet. Jessica puts her arm around my shoulders and gives me a gentle hug. I concentrate on not throwing up, swallowing a few times to suppress the urge. My head spins, and I think now it’s definitely the alcohol.
There are a few people about, walking into and out of the mall, and hanging out on the beach. Murmuring voices float on the air, mingling with the crashing waves. Cars pass on the road. The traffic lights behind us tick as they change.
“There she is,” someone says.
Feet shuffle behind us. I look over my shoulder towards the voice. Scott stops a few metres away from the steps, and he’s brought friends. My head pounds, but I recognise the other boys from the beach earlier in the week.
I get to my feet, swaying a little, and face the three boys. Jessica gets up as well, and she and Stacey move to my side.
Karen steps forward. “You touch her again and I’ll hurt you.”
Scott laughs. “Wow, Katie. Your friend is feisty.” He stares at me, and it makes my skin crawl. “We just want to buy you a few more drinks.”<
br />
“Yeah.” One of the boys grins. “Why don’t you come back to the club and show us a good time?”
“Because you putting your hands where they’re not wanted isn’t our idea of a good time,” Karen says. “Go find someone else to have fun with.” She makes quote marks in the air with her fingers. “Or I’ll call the cops.”
“You do that.” Scott raises his chin.
The three boys come towards us. Karen stands her ground, but Stacey and Jessica pull me down the stairs until we’re standing on the halfway platform. My knees are weak, and it’s getting harder to stop myself from being sick.
Scott puts his hands up. “I’m sorry about that, really. Can we start over?” He smiles at me, and my stomach rolls.
Jessica and Stacey are still beside me, so close I can hear them breathing.
“He looks like a creep,” Stacey whispers in my ear.
Scott shoulders past Karen and comes down the stairs. His two mates stay at the top.
Karen looks up and down the street before following. “Get away from them.”
“I want to talk to Katie.” Scott stops in front of me. “I really like you. I’m sorry if I went about it the wrong way. The other night ... I was a drunken idiot. Can we take a walk and maybe chat?” He angles his head down and stares at me through his lashes, giving me a look I’m pretty sure he thinks is going to win me over.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I say, swaying. I have to blink a few times to see him properly. “Didn’t you get the message when I kneed you in the balls?”
He comes closer, still smiling, and then I vomit all over him.
“You bitch,” Scott yells.
I’m off the ground and over his shoulder.
Stacey cries out and stumbles on the steps.
“Katie!” Karen yells.
Bitterness fills my mouth. The taste makes me gag. I kick my legs and pummel Scott’s back with my fists, but he doesn’t let go. When his feet hit the sand he stumbles, his shoulder digging into my stomach. Karen, Jessica, and Stacey yell but I can’t see them. Their voices blur into one frantic sound. Scott’s shoulder digs into my stomach as he runs, and more bile rises into my throat. A siren wails on the strip, and I catch a glimpse of red and blue lights.
The waves crashing on the shore get louder. Scott stops and drops me. I hit the water and the cold envelopes me, filling my mouth and my nose. When I come up I cough and splutter, flopping around in the shallows as I try to get to my feet. Then I’m plunged under again, a hand forcing my head down. Scott’s hand? His fingers curl into my hair and yank me up. I cough again, my arms flailing as I try to grab onto something.