by Barbara Lohr
“No eggs to separate, just lemons to peel. I picked up a bag full from Nacho’s vegetable market yesterday but I left them in the car.” Sarah’s eyes darted to the door. “Hope they’re not frozen stiff.”
“I’ll get them.” Ryan needed some air. Not bothering with a jacket, he rushed out to her car. The sharp cold air reminded him of February when the boys dared each other to hop in the lake to prove how strong they were. They’d been idiots back then.
Slipping on the hard-packed snow, he opened her car, grabbed the bag of lemons and dashed back inside.
“Thank you, Ryan.” Slitting the bag open with her knife, Sarah squeezed one. “Nah. They seem fine.”
Now, how did she know that? The woman was just plain amazing.
While she got busy measuring out the flour and sugar, Ryan took the hot chocolate cookies out to Lila, who fussed over them. He felt pretty pleased about that. Then he hustled back to watch Sarah work. Sometimes she’d talk to herself, saying stuff like, “Just a little bit” or “even it off perfectly.” She’d get this cute little frown between her eyes.
“What can I do to help?” After all they weren’t paying him to stand here like a goof staring at Sarah.
Opening one of the wide drawers below the counter, Sarah whisked out a metal thing that looked dangerous. “Now with grating, we’re just whisking off peels. Not too hard. Just lightly take off the thick yellow skin.”
He leaned in, the lemon tickling his nose. “Smells good.”
She smiled. “Kind of gets to you, doesn't it?”
“Yep, you do.” What had he just said? “I mean it does.”
But Sarah hadn’t heard him. She was laying into those lemons when all of a sudden she yelped. The grater clattered to the chopping board. “Oh, I am such an idiot.” She peered down at her bleeding knuckles.
He grabbed her hand. Blood was seeping through tiny nicks in her delicate skin and he felt nauseous. “You’re not an idiot but we need some bandages.”
“In the medicine chest above the sink. What would the health department think if they ever saw me, bleeding into my cookies?” she joked in a wobbly voice.
“They’d probably ask for one.” Ryan was off to the bathroom. Only took him a second to find the box. The only bandages he saw were from the Avenger movies. Sarah must use these for the boys. Grabbing the box, he headed back, painfully aware of how his uneven walk must look as he covered that open stretch of floor.
“Hold still.” Ryan told her, tearing one from its paper wrapping with his teeth. “You’ll need one for each knuckle.” He was winding the third bandage around her middle finger when Sarah's mother spun in from the front.
“Oh my goodness.” Stopping in her tracks, Lila gave them a look. Jolted, Ryan dropped Sarah’s hand.
“Mom, look at how careless I am.” Sarah wiggled her fingers while Ryan closed the metal box with a snap. “What is it?”
“Oh, nothing,” Lila said in a high, sing song voice. The bell jingled in the shop and she dashed back to the front.
Ryan didn’t want Sarah’s mom to be getting any ideas, not that he wasn’t beginning plenty of his own. “Why don’t you measure and I’ll grate?”
“Think you can handle it?” Sarah flexed her fingers.
“Of course I can.” Ryan picked up a lemon. How hard could this be?
He laid into it. Hard. The darn lemon wouldn’t budge. It was stuck.
“You're not digging to China.” Sarah laughed after he’d finally gouged a chunk out of the lemon. How was she getting those itty bitty peels? “Ease up.”
That wasn’t easy for him but it worked. Pretty soon he had the light strokes down. In his mind he was skimming Sarah’s soft skin. Barely touching it while he hummed along to “I’ll be Home for Christmas.” While he grated, Sarah cut and squeezed the lemons. “Do you think the lemon bars will sell out like the thimbles?” he asked.
“They might, if my mother visits the library again.” Lowering her voice, Sarah said, “I wonder how serious this thing is with the librarian.”
He couldn’t help but smile. “How long has she been alone?”
“Almost ten years now.” Sarah’s voice held a wistful note. Was she thinking of her own situation?
“Sounds like it’s high time, right? I mean, for your mother.”
“Time for what?” She stared at him blankly.
Head down, he kept scraping. “It must get lonely for her, Sarah.”
She didn’t say anything for the longest time. “Yes, very lonely,” she finally whispered.
Her words opened up a whole world of hurt. He set down the grater and wiped his hands on a towel. “This will get better, Sarah. With time.”
“Isn’t it awful?” She lifted eyes filled with tears. “But I don’t want to forget him.”
“You never will.” He thought about his brother every day. Every time Ryan hit a pothole along Red Arrow, Jamie came to mind. They used to alert each other with a text. “You don’t forget people who’ve been so important in your life. But I guess, like your mom, you move on. You have to.”
Eyes red, Sarah crinkled her apron in her bandaged fingers.
He wanted to comfort her.
Don’t even think about it.
Instead, he picked up the grater. Pulling a tissue from her apron, she dabbed at her nose. “Guess we’d better get busy. I want to bake a new batch of thimbles too.”
“Again?” The thought of separating eggs again made him drop the grater.
“Rinse that off before you use it again,” Sarah told him in a crisp tone.
“Sure thing, boss lady.”
“Puh-lease.” Her laughter followed him to the sink. For the next two hours they turned out cookies and pastries. Then it was time for him to head to the garage.
He was putting on his coat when she said. “Are you coming to the Holiday Walk this Saturday?”
“Yeah. I told Cole I’d step in for him as Santa this year.” Ryan tried to inject some enthusiasm in to his voice. He wasn’t looking forward to it.
“You’ll make a great Santa.”
“I couldn’t say no. He’s so busy with the new baby and all.
“Being Santa will get you into the holiday spirit.”
“Ho, ho, ho.” He felt as grim as that sounded. “You always see the bright side, Sarah.”
“I try.” She trailed him to the door, as if she was sorry to see him go.
When he cracked open the door, the cold blast of air made Sarah shiver. “Get inside. You’ll freeze.”
She waved good-bye and closed the door. Ryan climbed in the truck. Giving a lazy groan, the engine didn’t want to turn over. But on the third try, it started. He bumped over some icy patches in the alley and finally made it out to the street. But all the way up Red Arrow Highway, the warmth of the bakery stayed with him. Working together felt good. There was nothing phony about Sarah and he liked that.
Then he hit a pothole. Got that, Jamie? Help me out here.
Maybe being with his sister-in-law was getting way too comfortable.
~.~
Nathan and Justin were giddy with excitement Saturday morning. Sarah suspected they’d been sneaking cookies from the store. More than once lately she’d found crumbs under their pillows. Maybe Mom was the culprit. Sometimes she felt that her mother tried to fill the loss of their dad with sweets.
But sugar wouldn’t do it. And it wouldn’t help Nathan behave. Friday he’d brought home a note from his teacher. Nathan had shoved some other boy over something, and Sarah had to call Monday.
But she wouldn’t think about that now. On Saturdays, she worked out front while the boys played quietly in the back. But today Santa was arriving at noon. As usual, Sarah was running late. Maisy Bows had come in, breathless because she was having a children’s party after the Holiday Walk and needed cookies. The platter took a little time, so now Sarah had to rush.
“Come on, boys.” She helped them zip up their jackets. “You don’t want to miss Santa.”
�
��I’m trying to remember my list,” Justin said so seriously that she had to smile. Finally, they were both dressed in jackets, hats, warm scarves and mittens.
Out in the shop, her mother was ringing up customers. Sarah would have to check to make sure the coffee dispenser was full. The pot of coffee she kept in a corner near the window was free for anyone but she charged for the espresso drinks. Mom always encouraged shoppers to take the free coffee. “That crazy machine with all the levers was your father’s idea.”
Word was that a national coffee company was sizing up Gull Harbor, with the intention of opening a shop. Sarah didn’t like to think about it.
This would be a big day for the shop. The Holiday Walk drew folks from the nearby towns. Ryan had helped her stock the display case. They’d been busy since they opened at eight.
“Be back soon,” she mouthed to her mother over the head of Lisa McGill, who was choosing pastries for her next ladies club meeting.
Outside, the sidewalk was packed. Children clung to their parents’ hands or huddled in their arms. The crowd peered down the street, hoping that Santa would appear soon. Usually six boys from the high school dressed as Santa’s reindeer to pull the sleigh.
People greeted her as Sarah led Nathan and Justin through the crowd, but she was on a mission. The line for Santa formed early. Christmas carols poured from the speakers placed along the street. Impatient, the boys tugged her along. She hoped she could get back to the shop soon to help her mother. With such cold weather, people might want gingerbread or eggnog coffee and that would throw Lila into a tizzy.
“Sarah! Over here!” Phoebe waved and Sarah steered the boys in her direction.
“How do you like your mother’s hair?” Phoebe bubbled. “I forgot to ask you at book club.”
“She looks so different,” Sarah admitted. “Younger. You’re a miracle worker.”
“I thought she needed something. You know, since she has that new guy and everything.”
“She told you about him.” The shock must have shown on her face.
“Oh, dear. Me and my big mouth. I didn’t know it was a secret.” Phoebe’s face flushed darker than her red hair. “She didn’t tell you about the new guy at the library?”
“Oh, him. Sure.” Her suspicions growing, she waved casual good-bye. “Gotta run, Phoebe. Have to line up for Santa.”
Sarah’s head whirled as she led the boys through the crowd. She felt hurt. Mom was holding out on her. Finally they joined the other parents at the end of the street where Santa’s chair was set up. A brisk wind from the lake lifted her hair and waves battered the ice floes along the shore. But at least the sun was shining brightly, reflecting off mounds of snow.
Kate Campbell and her husband Cole approached with baby Quinn bundled on Cole’s back. “Look at you! Quinn’s first Christmas.” She gave Kate a quick hug. Cole’s daughter Natalie was with them, cooing over her baby brother. They made a perfect family.
“Maybe I’ll ask Santa for a baby, Mom,” Justin said when Kate and Cole turned to talk to some of their neighbors.
“Justin, that’s stupid,” Nathan threw his little brother a sharp look.
“Now that’s not nice, Nathan,” Sarah said. “We all have our own Christmas wishes.”
Nathan pressed his lips together. But when she turned to scan the street for Santa, she heard him whisper, “That’s not what we need, Justin.”
In the distance came the faint sound of jingle bells. A hearty “Ho, ho, ho” fell over the crowd with welcoming cheer.
“It’s Santa, Mommy.” Justin jumped up and down. His older brother watched the sleigh approach, a determined look in his eye.
Sarah sure hoped they didn’t recognize Ryan’s voice.
~.~
Perched high in the sleigh, Ryan felt like an imposter. He was also having the time of his life. The pine branches tucked in the sleigh sent out an intoxicating smell. Happy faces turned up toward him and excitement filled the air. Right in the center stood Sarah with Nathan and Justin. How he wanted to make their Christmas something special. Last night in his barren apartment he’d practiced dropping his voice so the two boys wouldn’t know he was Santa.
As he waved and smiled at all the little faces, a bit of the Christmas spirit worked its way into his heart. This was what the season was all about. Sharing love and happiness. At the end of the street his nephews’ faces glowed with excitement. Although this costume weighed a ton and the white beard had been tricky, he was glad to be here. His throat was feeling scratchy from calling out, “Ho, ho, ho!” in a deep voice.
The sleigh circled and he stepped down. A high back chair draped in red stood in front of some pine trees. Sitting down, he adjusted his cap. Dressed as elves with bells bobbing on their caps, two high school girls coaxed children toward him. The line began to move. The smaller children sat on his knee while older kids stood. Some took out a list. With the exception of a little girl who burst into tears and was bundled away by her dad, the children were really into this.
The lists were similar, he soon learned, depending on the age. The younger kids wanted play action figures or Frozen dolls. If they were older, electronic iPads and iPhones, drones and robots topped their list. Some drilled down to model numbers, which was hilarious.
Then Cole stepped up with his little girl Natalie. “And thank you, Santa, for visiting Gull Harbor today,” Cole said pointedly. Hah. The guy was just relieved that Ryan had said yes or he’d be the one in the suit that felt hotter than one of the ovens. Cole’s daughter Natalie ticked things off on her gloved fingers while her father rolled his eyes.
“And a new iPad with a hot pink cover,” she concluded.
With a parting wave, Cole led his family away. Kate and Cole were such a great couple. Sarah had told him the two had been together in Debate Club in high school.
Ryan adjusted his cap. The winter sun blazed, hotter than he’d imagined. As he welcomed the next child, Ryan kept one eye on Sarah talking to the women in front of her. She could probably win the prize as Miss Congeniality of Gull Harbor. While the other children jumped up and down and chattered with excitement, Nathan and Justin had a solemn concentration about them. He began to sweat big time. Finally, his nephews stepped up. Showtime. “Ho, ho, ho! And what have we here? Are you two twins?”
“We’re not twins,” Nathan said dismissively. “We’re brothers. I’m the oldest.” The boys did not sit on his knee. They stood like the older kids, and that tore off a little piece of Ryan’s heart. But he had a job to do.
“And what would you like under your tree?”
Drawing closer, they looked cautiously over their shoulder at Sarah. “We don’t want our mom to hear,” Nathan whispered.
“I can fix that.” Ryan motioned to Sarah. “Can you wait over by the tree. Santa has his secrets.” He pointed to a tree at the end of the group of pines. Not looking happy, Sarah edged back.
“You see, here’s the thing,” Nathan began. “We lost our dad.” His voice broke and another chunk of Ryan’s heart ripped away.
Justin picked up. “Yeah, we need a daddy. Mommy says ours is not coming back ‘cause he’s our heavenly hero now.”
He never saw this coming. Gutted, Ryan wet his lips. “Your dad must have been a very good man. I’m sure he felt bad about leaving you, but heroes have a job to do.” What was he rambling about?
“Heroes give up their lives so that all families can be free.” Nathan rattled off. Ryan would bet a hundred bucks Sarah had used those words with the boys more than once. What a load she carried.
“....so we want Uncle Ryan.”
Wait. What? Bending, he drew closer to the boys. “You want this Uncle Ryan to do what?” If they had an expectation, then he wanted to meet it.
“We want Uncle Ryan to marry our mom so we have him for a dad,” Nathan said with maddening practicality.
“Nobody else,” Justin added, stabbing one mittened hand into the other. “He’s the one.”
The one? Was Sara
h seeing other men? The waiting families were getting restless.
“Got it. I mean, Santa tries very hard to make all Christmas dreams came true.” He gulped. “Anything else you’d like?”
Both boys shook their heads. The elves waited with a little girl. Nathan and Justin walked away with their shoulders squared. They looked proud, like they’d finished the job. He remembered the year he and Jamie picked apples in their grandmother’s orchard. She wanted a bushel. They gave her three. That’s how the kids looked. Like they’d accomplished something.
He blinked furiously. “Are you okay?” One of the elves asked, leading a little girl in a green jacket toward him.
He stabbed at his damp eyes with a red mitten. “This moustache is driving Santa crazy.”
By the time two o’clock came, Ryan had lost his voice. The reindeer dragged the sleigh to storage at the North Pole. Then he had to hightail it back to the bakery. Lila had offered him her apartment to change. He had an appointment up in St. Joe at the shoemaker’s shop and they closed at four because of their own holiday walk.
Fumbling with the glossy black buttons, he wanted to rip off the Santa suit. The expressions on his nephews stayed with him. Why had they chosen him?
Sarah deserved a better man. Not a goof-off who’d spent most of high school smoking in back of old man Johnson’s farm. A guy who’d been so crazy that he’d taken a bet to race down Red Arrow and nearly killed himself.
A new heel on his boot wouldn’t matter. He was not the man for Sarah and her boys.
Chapter 6
Ryan spent Sunday walking. His boots felt level on the pavement and that was amazing. Since he didn’t want to bump into anyone he knew, he walked the streets of St. Joe. The extra height in the right heel made a huge difference. Striding along, he checked out Christmas windows, especially toys for Nathan and Justin. The December wind ruffled his hair and bit his ears. He couldn’t wait to see Sarah.
Monday he arrived at The Full Cup earlier than usual. After hanging up his jacket and turning on the ovens, he walked. Worn by age, this wooden floor could be tricky. Still, his boots struck the boards with confidence, and he loved the sound of his heels on the wood.