by Barbara Lohr
“Sure reminds me of my girls,” Lindsay said in an undertone. “I should get going. My mother has them today, not that Mom and Dad mind. They’re headed to Florida after the holidays.”
“Sounds nice.” Her mother would probably love a vacation like that. She deserved one.
After Lindsay left, Sarah gave the boys a Santa puzzle she’d been saving for a moment like this. Even Nathan looked pleased. With the bell jingled in the shop, she hurried back to the front. A young family was picking out cookies and pastries. “Guests for dinner,” the young mother said. Chatting away, Sarah filled a bakery box. Their stock was getting low. Maybe she should make up a list of what she wanted to bake with Ryan this week.
The family left and Sarah wandered to the front window. Touching one hand to the glass, she watched the family drive away. Lucky family.
When the phone rang, she almost didn’t answer. Maybe it was her mother. She took the phone from her pocket.
“Hey, it’s me. Ryan.”
“Hey.” Warmth spilled through her.
“What are you and the boys doing tomorrow afternoon?”
“Nothing much.” So many chores waited for her at home. Decorate the house. Put up the artificial tree she’d bought with Jamie five years ago.
“The Grinch That Stole Christmas is playing at the old theater in South Haven. Would you and boys like to see it with me?” His voice wavered a bit as if he were uncertain.
By that time, Sarah had pushed through the door to the back. The boys were huddled over the puzzle. They’d made progress on Santa’s head and one of the reindeer. “Uncle Ryan wants to know if you’d like to see the Grinch movie tomorrow. You guys aren’t interested, right?”
Nathan jumped up so fast he knocked over the chair. “I want to go.”
“Me too,” Justin said. “You're coming right, Mommy?”
With a smile she went back to the phone. “I think that’s a yes.”
The boys had both settled back, heads almost touching over the puzzle. Looked like they were having a private conversation. Lately, they’d been so secretive.
Ryan’s laugh rippled over the phone and right up her spine. “Great. See you tomorrow then.” They set a time.
“You bet.” Ending the call, Sarah felt hungry. The gingerbread men were calling. Returning to the sunny front room, she grabbed a cookie and crunched down. Remembering their frosting fight brought on a fit of giggles.
She could hardly wait for tomorrow.
~.~
At least the roads weren't bad as Ryan drove Sarah and the boys up to South Haven on Sunday. So far this year people were happy to see the snow. The white stuff was “Christmasy.” Usually those were the women who didn’t have to drive in it. Stanley and the other guys in Branson Motors laughed about it all winter. The garage did a lot of plowing, and Ryder earned extra cash. Today the roads were salted and the blue stuff glittered in the sunlight.
Sitting next to him, Sarah looked amazing in a dark green coat and her red scarf. She smelled good too. Snow had caught in her hair and was slowly melting. Getting out of the shop was probably good for her. But the boys were suspiciously quiet in the back. Glancing in the rearview mirror, Ryan saw they had their eyes trained on the front seat. “What’s up with you two today? Cat got your tongues?”
“We don't have a cat,” Justin said very seriously.
“Ryan was kidding,” Nathan said with the tone of an older brother who thought he knew it all.
“Maybe we need some music.” Leaning over she fiddled with a knob on the dashboard. But she didn’t know the stations.
Reaching for the buttons, he brushed her hand. She didn’t back away. Using all the restraint he could muster, Ryan gently set her soft hand back in her lap. He wanted to cup it under his own, but she’d be horrified. “Getting reception can be tricky up here. I have the buttons set.” He punched them until Christmas music filled the truck.
“I’ll never get tired of ‘Silent Night,’ ” she said wistfully.
“Probably because you don’t have one, not with these two clowns.” He glanced in the mirror. “And that means you two.”
“Hey, we’re being good.” Nathan seemed to give his younger brother a signal.
“Yep, we are,” Justin said. “I’m not even kicking the back of your seat with my boots.”
Ryan laughed. “Well, good.” No wonder Sarah looked so tired sometimes. Keeping up with these two was work.
When the music switched to “We Wish You A Merry Christmas,” Sarah leaned closer. “I met Mom’s librarian yesterday.”
“What did you think?”
“I liked him. He’s tall and attractive in a studious kind of way. And he seems to have a thing for my mom, that’s for sure.”
“Glad to hear it.” He really liked Lila Wilkins.
“Hey, what are you two talking about up there?” Nathan leaned forward until the seatbelt caught him.
“Why don't you and Justin count the signs along the road?” Ryan used to play that game with Jamie on road trips. “Justin, you count yellow signs and Nathan will count the white ones.”
“Do we get a prize?” Justin asked. Ryan should have seen that coming.
“Sure.” He caught Sarah's eyes and they smiled at each other.
“What's the prize going to be?” Always one for details, Nathan drilled down.
“Don't pester your uncle like that. Just play the game, okay?” Sarah looked flustered, as if she thought the boys were bothering him. They weren’t. He liked having the little guys around. It was like having a piece of his brother back. He pressed one boot to the accelerator. Yeah, it felt fine. He’d tested it after he picked up his boot.
The truck became peaceful except for the boys counting. When they reached the theater, he quickly found a parking spot on the street.
“I always like this old theater,” Sarah said as they helped the boys from the truck. “Reminds me of when I was a kid. My folks would bring me up here.”
“Me too. The yellow bricks and the old red sign are from another time or place. I’m glad they didn’t tear it down, the way some towns have.”
They hurried across the street. Although Sarah protested, Ryan paid for the tickets. The warm smell of fresh popcorn filled the air and bright red signage lured them to the refreshment counter. “You two boys don't like popcorn, do you?”
Well, that caused a row. Sarah insisted that they share two bags and wanted to pay, but Ryan wasn’t having that. He worked hard and saved well––a secret his brother had taught him. “Save so you can spend on what you really want.” And this? He liked the feeling of walking down the aisle with Sarah and the boys. The theater was about half full, mostly with families.
“Let’s put the boys between us,” Sarah said when they came to an empty row.
“No,” Nathan said with that stubborn tilt to his chin. “You and Uncle Ryan sit in the middle. Right, Justin?” He looked to his brother for agreement.
“Right. I’ll sit next to Mom.”
The theater lights dimmed. “Enough.” Ryan nudged Nathan’s shoulder. They hustled into their seats.
During the previews, Ryan caught Nathan looking around them to catch Justin’s eye. Yeah, something was brewing. Were they playing matchmaker? It just felt good to be sitting here, passing the popcorn back and forth while they sipped sodas and laughed.
What would this Christmas be like if he didn't have Sarah and the kids? Once his mother had suggested that he consider moving to Chicago. “Get out of that podunk town,” was how she put it.
But what would he do in Chicago? Besides, he liked this podunk town. His mother had no time to be a grandmother. That had always been clear to Jamie. Usually she sent the boys a check for their birthdays. Ryan loved spending time with them.
As the Grinch schemed up on the screen, Ryan felt he was sitting just where he should be. Next to him, Sarah chuckled and ate popcorn. The seats felt small and he was tempted to stretch an arm around her shoulders. But she might fr
eak out.
So he sat in silence, watching the screen, but not seeing it. Instead, his mind replayed rolling out the cookie dough with Sarah’s arms around him. He smiled, remembering squirting her with frosting.
All too soon the movie ended and the lights came on. Helping the kids on with their coats and gathering the trash, he felt every bit like a father. Sure, he wished Jamie could be here, enjoying his sons. But sometimes life took a turn you never figured on. What else could you do but deal with it? Ryan squared his shoulders.
But Sarah was more than a duty. Much more.
As he moved up the aisle, he let one hand fall on her shoulder. She fell back a bit as if for comfort, her soft curls brushing his chin. Very softly, he kissed the top of her head. She never even felt it.
Outside, it was getting dark. Sarah waved to some friends. Lindsay and Tanner had just gotten married. “Well, look who's here.” She gave Lindsay a big hug. Two little girls were with them and from what he remembered, the kids belong to Lindsay.
Sarah introduced him to Tanner and then kept babbling with her girlfriend. “So what’s next on your Sunday agenda?”
“We’re going home to decorate our tree,” Lindsay said. “Gotta run.” With a wave, the four of them broke off. Ryan, Sarah and the boys continued down the snowy street.
“Have you put up your tree?” he asked when they got to the truck. Ryan opened the back door and the boys climbed inside.
“No, I haven’t gotten our artificial tree up yet,” she whispered to him. “I still have to put it together.”
“A fake tree?” He was falling down on the job. “Well then, I guess next week we should get one. I know a guy with woods thick with real trees. You can’t celebrate Christmas without a tree, can you?”
“That’s wonderful, Ryan, if it’s no trouble.” She blinked up at him, her eyes turning green as any pine sprig.
“Trust me. You are no trouble.” Their eyes caught and held.
Then she dipped her head and climbed in. Unspoken words danced through his head as he circled to the other side.
Pulling away from the curb, Ryan thought he heard Nathan say to his brother, “See. It's working.”
~.~
The day had been special. The boys looked so happy as she helped them with their prayers and got them settled. That contentment carried her to bed.
“Oh, Jamie,” she said that night, his picture in her hand. “I know you’d want our boys to have days like today. This is just what you would do. And you’d be proud of Ryan. He’s turned into such a good man.”
But she couldn’t share everything that was in her heart.
Chapter 10
The smell of pine hung rich and heavy in the air as they trudged through the woods, looking for the perfect Christmas tree. The only sound was the soft thud of snow shaken free by the breeze. Sarah yanked her red scarf higher around her ears. Ryan walked ahead with the boys, chainsaw hanging from a strap around his shoulder. She enjoyed looking at the three of them.
“See anything you like, boys?” she asked.
Bundled into their jackets, only their faces were visible. Against Nathan’s protests, she’d made them both wear snowpants today.
“Not yet,” Nathan said very seriously. You’d think they were shopping for a car, not a tree. The idea of having a fresh tree this year had excited the boys. She pictured one a little taller than she was with thick heavy branches. In the attic were boxes of family ornaments.
“The trees are so big.” Justin’s voice was filled with awe. Sarah totally understood. Most of the pines towered above them. She didn’t know how they’d ever drag one of these out of the woods owned by Stanley Branson, Phoebe’s father-in-law.
Turning, Ryan smiled. Cheeks red from the cold, he was in his element out here. Snowflakes dotted the mane of hair that wouldn’t be contained by his green cap. “You look like Paul Bunyan,” she teased. “A mountain man.”
“Do I?” He shifted his shoulders, as if he liked the compliment. “What kind of tree do you have in mind, guys?”
“We don’t know yet.” Nathan continued to survey the trees.
“This is a new experience for them,” she whispered to Ryan.
“Sorry, Sarah. I should have suggested this sooner.”
“We’re not your responsibility, Ryan.” She didn’t want to be a burden.
“Yes, you are.” His intense gaze brought back last night’s dream. Blushing, she looked away. “I don’t want you to feel that you have to look out for us.”
Well, that didn’t sit well. Ryan stopped and she bumped right into him. Turning, he cupped her elbows in his gloved hands. The boys had wandered up ahead. “But what if I want to?”
She blinked up at him. “Want to what?”
“Do a lot of things. For you. With you. If you’ll let me.” His eyes pleaded.
The cold air must be getting to her. Ryan probably was talking about shoveling her sidewalk, not the vivid, body melting dreams that had kept her sleepless since the movie in South Haven.
“Sarah?” He lowered his head, as if to kiss her.
Oh, give me a sign, Jamie.
“Mom!” Justin’s voice brought them back to reality.
“Coming.” She could barely push the word through her trembling lips.
Ryan scorched her with a glance. Snow fell from a nearby tree. “Come on. Let’s catch up.” Taking her hand, he pulled her forward. Good thing because her legs had turned to cookie dough.
They’d come to a patch of smaller trees. “These look about right, don’t you think, Nathan? Justin?” Sarah called out. The boys had wandered up ahead.
“No, not these.” Nathan glanced back and saw their hands clasped. Elbowing Justin, he gave his brother a pleased smile. She wiggled her hand from Ryan’s grasp, not that she wanted to.
They kept walking. Whatever the boys had in mind, these trees weren’t passing muster.
“You have to shake the snow off,” Ryan told the boys. “That way you have a better idea of how it will look in your house.”
Sarah chuckled as the boys got busy, grabbing limbs and shaking. Most of the snow ended up on them. As she stood there enjoying the sight, a snowball hit her right in the back. Turning, she found Ryan laughing, his smile gleaming in the sun.
“You stinker. All right. You asked for it.” Scooping up some snow, she packed it tight and aimed. Ryan didn’t know, but she was pretty good at this. The snowball exploded against one broad shoulder.
“Game on, Sarah.” Unhooking the chainsaw, Ryan reached down. Giggling, Nathan and Justin joined in the fun. Snowballs whizzed through the crisp air and some found their mark. Sarah packed hers light and lobbed them toward Nathan and Justin. But Ryan? He got the full force of her aim. The boys shrieked with laughter, cheeks rosy as they threw haphazard mounds of snow at Ryan and Sarah. The craziness lasted for a few minutes, until they were all gasping for breath.
“Snow angels,” Sarah called out, not wanting the fun to end. Falling back, she worked her arms to form wings. Nathan and Justin joined her, arms and legs flailing in the snow. But Ryan only watched, as if he were taking it all in, a big smile on his face. But they’d come on a mission. “Back to work,” Sarah finally said.
Holding out a hand, Ryan helped her up.
“That was the most fun I’ve had in a while,” she admitted, brushing the snow from her green jacket.
“You need more fun.”
I need more of you.
But of course she couldn’t say that.
Ryan retrieved his chainsaw. “Guess we should get that tree.”
As they moved on, Ryan fell in beside her. “Your cheeks are all red.”
“I must be a mess.” She jabbed at her headband.
Ryan stopped and helped her adjust it. “You look cute.”
Sarah felt the crazy impulse to kiss him.
“Sarah,” he said, his eyes holding the kiss she wanted imprinted on her lips.
“The boys,” she whispered.
&nb
sp; He edged away. They kept walking.
Gradually, her pulse had stopped hammering in her ears. “Thanks for bringing us.” Up ahead, the boys had gone back to shaking snow from the trees.
“It’s fun for me too, Sarah.” He smiled down at her.
Dazed, she murmured, “I’m glad.”
His steps slowed. “You know what I’d like to do, right?”
Heat flushed Sarah’s face. “Yes. But the boys.”
“Right.” He looked around. “It’s so peaceful here.”
Away from the bakery, she felt responsibilities fall away, like the snow dropping from the trees. “Before we came out here, it didn’t feel like Christmas, know what I mean? The real Christmas. The holiday of peace and ...love.”
“Not even during the Holiday Walk?” Forehead furrowed, he looked puzzled.
“Don’t take it personally.” She gave him a poke. “Santa won’t even give me a clue about what my children want for Christmas.”
Ryan glanced up ahead where the boys were circling smaller trees. “Some things are sacred. Kind of like scout’s honor.”
She narrowed a glance at him. “You were a Boy Scout?”
“Heck no.” He looked horrified.
Ah, that bad boy look was back. “Way too tame for you, right?”
“Sort of.” But Ryan didn’t look as if he wanted to own that. “Do you think we’re getting closer?”
“Sorry.” She drew away.
Grabbing her hand, he tugged her toward him. “I meant closer to the right tree.”
“Maybe. Who knows what they have in mind?” Their linked hands felt way too good and she broke away. “Nathan and Justin might see us.”
He nodded up ahead. “Looks like they’re plenty busy. Would that be so bad, Sarah?”
“Not really. I guess.” The feelings running through her were real, not from a feverish dream. Reality shook her. She drew in a frigid breath. “Did your parents bring you and Jamie here?”
His chuckle echoed in the quiet woods. “Are you kidding? My mother hated the cold so Dad had to get the tree. She gave him strict instructions. One year he even had to take a tree back and exchange it.”
“No way.” Now, that got her laughing. “That poor man.”