by Barbara Lohr
Looking down at her, he smiled. “You see the good in everything. Everyone.”
“That’s very sweet.” The urge to kiss Ryan twisted inside her, and she felt relieved when Nathan called out, “I see it! I see it, Uncle Ryan. The perfect Christmas tree.”
“I can’t wait.” Her breath froze white on the air as she hustled to catch up. Then she skidded to a halt and shot Ryan a glance. His surprised expression mirrored her own amazement.
This had to be the most pathetic tree she’d ever seen. Just a few inches taller than the boys, the poor thing listed to one side, its thin branches reaching for the ground. “Oh, honey. Are you sure?”
“This is it,” Nathan said and Justin nodded his agreement.
Sarah swallowed. “It’s kind of small. Maybe we’ll come back in a couple of years. Meanwhile, we can take one of the other trees home.” She glanced around. They all looked better than this one.
“Make that ten years,” Ryan muttered from the corner of his mouth.
But her sons didn’t agree.
“The tree needs us, Mom.” Nathan gently fingered the needles of a scrawny bough. “We can make this the best Christmas tree ever.”
She seriously doubted it. “Might take a lot of work.” Leaning to one side, the tree had maybe ten branches, if that. And they all aimed in different directions.
Nathan's lower lip came out. “If we give it a lot of love, it’ll grow, like those flowers you brought home last summer.”
Kate had given Sarah a flat of zinnias that had gone without water too long. Sarah nursed them back to life. “But this is a tree, sweetheart. Trees don’t grow that quickly.”
Nathan didn’t look convinced.
“This is our Charlie Brown tree,” Justin chimed in. “Like the TV show.”
They seemed so certain. She hated to disappoint them. Sarah glanced over to Ryan, who lifted his shoulders. “Looks like the boys have made up their minds.”
“You’ve gotta have hope, Mom.” Something in Nathan’s voice pinched Sarah’s heart. Had she lost all hope after what had happened to her family? She sure hoped not. Did the size of the tree matter? After all, the Christmas tree was for the boys. And it sure wouldn’t take much time to decorate. “Okay then. Let’s take our tree home.”
When Ryan pulled the ripcord on the saw, the boys’ eyes lit up like Christmas bulbs. Sarah hadn't seen them this excited in a long time.
“At least I can drag this one to the truck without too much trouble,” Ryan said above the rattle of the saw.
“Are you kidding? Even I could carry this tree.” One disapproving look from Nathan and she shut up. Before too long, the tree surrendered with a graceful swoosh.
“Are you two going to help me?” Ryan turned off the saw and hooked it back on shoulder harness. Both boys nodded, eager to get their hands on the tree.
“Good. I’ll take the bottom and you two take the top.” Ryan hoisted the tree and the boys fell in behind him.
The day was crystal clear as they trudged through the snow, the base of the skinny tree resting on Ryan’s shoulder while Nathan and Justin tended to the top. When they reached the truck, the tree fit perfectly in the back, its slender trunk extending just a bit. Ryan tied a red flag on it. Then they took off for home.
All the way back, the boys craned their necks to see out the back window to make sure the tree hadn’t fallen out of the truck.
“Don’t worry,” Ryan said with a chuckle. “That tree isn’t going anywhere.”
“Thank you,” she mouthed silently to him.
His smile widened. When he reached for her hand, she linked her fingers with his. Every so often, he brushed a thumb over her hand. The ride home wasn’t long enough for her.
Back at their bungalow, they took the tree through the French doors. The tree fit perfectly in the corner next to the fireplace. Watching Ryan position the tree in the large green and red stand, she knew she would remember this for a long time.
“Do you have the decorations?” Ryan asked.
“In the hallway. I brought them down from the attic.”
“I would've done that for you, Sarah.” She heard the frustration in his voice.
“It's not a problem, Ryan. I’m used to taking care of myself.” She watched him fume. “What?” The boys were in the hall and she heard them pop the top off one of the bins.
“I enjoy doing things for you,” Ryan said quietly.
She felt something unlock inside. “And I like it too. So I guess I’ll just shut up.”
“Here’s the angel, Mom.” Nathan rushed into the room. “For the top of the tree.”
The glittery angel with its outstretched wings would dwarf this poor tree. “It's getting late. We’ll save that for tomorrow, okay?”
Night had fallen so quickly. “Maybe we should decorate the tree tomorrow night. Grandma Lila can help us.” Sarah knew her mother would find that fun.
“Oh, Mom.” Their faces drooped.
They both looked tired. “School tomorrow. Ryan and I have to get up early and work.”
Standing in the doorway, Ryan hesitated.
“You'll come help us decorate, won't you?” she asked, remembering what he’d just said about helping her.
“I’d like that, Sarah,” he said with a slow grin.
“I'll make chili.”
“You don’t have to feed me.”
“Maybe I want to.”
They stood there, tossing words at each other like colorful ribbons that bind a gift together.
But it was getting late. “Boys, give your Uncle Ryan a hug and then up to bed.”
How it warmed her heart to see Ryan scoop the boys up one by one to give them a bear hug. He really loved them, and they adored him.
“See you tomorrow?” He turned to her before he left.
She followed him to the back door. “You're allowed to sleep in late tomorrow.”
His eyes twinkled. “I don't even know what that means.”
“You’ll probably have those ovens roaring by the time I get there.” The hug caught her by surprise. Ryan smelled of warm sheepskin and the pine tree, and his arms felt so good around her.
“Is...is this okay, Sarah?” he asked drawing back.
“Yes, it sure is.” But it was getting late. Hands on his chest she pushed away. “Now you be careful on those roads.”
Behind her the boys giggled. Without turning around she said, “You’d better be upstairs before I count to ten. One...two... “The old stairs creaked as they scurried up to bed.
“Well, good night.” For a second he looked undecided. Then he opened his arms and she fell into them. The kiss brushed her lips but ignited her entire body.
Giving her a final soft hug, Ryan released her. “I better go.”
“Night.” Feeling dazed as she stood in the doorway, she watched Ryan get into his truck and start the engine. She saw the quick turn of his head and a final wave before she closed the door. The glass panes felt cool against her forehead when she rested her spinning head against them. Sarah sure hoped she knew what she was doing. Her lips burning, she slowly went upstairs to tuck the boys in. They were talking. Hand on the door, she waited before pushing it open.
“Do you think it’s working, Nathan?” Justin asked.
“Yep. Just like we planned,” her oldest answered with smug satisfaction.
Whatever were they talking about?
She poked her head in the door. “Did you brush your teeth?”
“Yes, Mom.” Looking guilty as heck, they snuggled down under the warm blue quilts Lila had given them last Christmas.
“Did you have fun?” Sarah perched on the bottom of Nathan’s twin bed.
“We like being with Uncle Ryan,” Nathan said. “Don’t we, Justin?”
Her youngest nodded, eyes swerving to his big brother, as if they shared a secret.
“What’s going on here?” Her mom radar went up.
“Mom, do you like Uncle Ryan?” Nathan asked slowly.
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“Of course, I do. I’ve always liked your uncle.” Well, that was only partially true.
“That’s good.” Justin settled back.
“Do you think he’d show me how to use that saw?” Nathan made a sound like a chainsaw, one that would chill any mother’s heart.
“Maybe. But not until you’re older.” She gave them one more kiss and then left the door open a crack. The night light was on in the hallway.
Walking back downstairs, she locked up. Their pathetic little Christmas tree sure didn’t look like much. Some of the branches hugged the trunk, straight up. Yep, this was a sorry sight. “Little tree, what are we going to do with you?” The house smelled heavenly, though. Nuking some water in the microwave, she stirred in some sugar, just as Lila had taught her. Then she added some cold water so the mixture was warm but not hot and added it to the tree stand.
“Drink this up, little tree. It will help you keep your needles until after Christmas.” Then she fixed herself some cinnamon peach tea and settled onto the sofa. Her life was so busy that she rarely had these moments.
Without any lights or ornaments, the tree tugged at her heart.
“You and me, kiddo,” she told the tree. “We need a redo.”
Sitting there, she felt the Christmas season fill her heart. If she could string together these happy moments, then maybe she could rebuild her life. After all, wasn't that what Christmas was all about? Hope and love.
She felt the weird sensation of teetering on the brink of something. The feelings she had for Ryan grew deeper every time they were together. Running her fingers gently over her lips, she closed her eyes and relived that kiss. Yep, she sure liked it. Pushing up from the sofa, she turned out the lights and went to bed.
Later, as she lay with the covers up to her chin, she had her usual conversation with Jamie.
“The boys had such a good time today, picking out a tree. You should have seen them. But the tree’s pretty pathetic. You wouldn’t believe it. The boys had fun, though. They love Ryan. And I...” But she carefully placed the picture back on the nightstand.
Oh, Jamie. Please send me a sign.
~.~
As he carried a tray of fresh bread to the front the following morning, he overheard Sarah talking to her mother. And he stopped. They’d mentioned his name. So he rested the tray of cookies he’d been bringing out and listened. Sure, this was eavesdropping. He didn’t care.
Sarah had just said something like, “I’m so glad you’re moving on.”
“Aren’t you jumping to conclusions?” Lila said. “After all, Stuart and I just met.”
“But he really likes you, Mom. I can tell. And you should move on, shouldn’t you? I mean, it’s time.”
The sound he heard sounded like a sigh. Or maybe it was just the wind whistling through the leaky door in the back. Ryan edged closer.
“Oh, Sarah, how can you measure what the right time is? It’s about the man, not any set amount of time.”
Silence. Ryan was afraid to move.
“Is it that simple, Mom?” Sarah finally asked.
Ryan stepped back. Clearly, this was a personal moment.
“It is, sweetheart. When the man is right, it’s that simple.”
All right! Ryan brought a knee up and pumped a fist. His knee banged the tray and lemon bars went flying everywhere.
“What is going on back here?” Sarah peeked around the swinging door. Her face fell when she saw the mess. “Oh dear.”
“I-I just tripped,” he stammered, scrambling to pick up the bars. “Maybe these can be saved.”
“Oh, I don’t think so.” She helped him clean up.
“I’ll start a new batch. But first I need more coffee.” He escaped to the front, wanting to hug Lila as he passed.
“So did you choose the perfect Christmas tree?” she asked while he filled his mug with coffee.
Ryan shook his head. “I don’t know how perfect it is. But they like it.”
Sarah joined them, wiping her hands on her apron. After yesterday, he could hardly look at her without wanting more. But this morning she couldn’t meet his eyes. Was she mad about the lemon bars?
“Your mom just asked me about the tree,” he said. “Is it perfect?”
“Perfectly awful,” Sarah said, pursing the lips he really wanted to kiss again. “But it’s the tree the boys wanted.”
“Really? I'm all ears.” Lila’s mom was wearing a Christmas sweater with reindeer on each side in sparkles. Before, Ryan never noticed what she wore. Now she was brighter. More cheerful. Must be the librarian and he was happy for her.
Walking over, Sarah filled her mug with coffee. “Remember the Charlie Brown Christmas show?”
“Of course. We watched that every year, remember? Charlie Brown picked out a scrawny tree that needed all the tender love and care he could give. I loved that show and so did you.”
“Well that's what we have in our living room.” And Sarah didn’t sound very happy about it. “I can’t picture our decorations on that tree.”
He didn’t want her worrying about that. “I’ll help you decorate. Look. It’s snowing again.” As Ryan walked to the window, he felt Lila’s eyes on him and turned.
Sarah’s mother tilted her head. “Something is different about you, Ryan, and I can't figure out what it is.”
“Just the same old me.” Time to head back to the workroom.
But before he could escape, a light went on in Lila’s eyes. “You're walking differently. Did you have surgery or something?”
Sarah studied him. “That's silly, Mom. Of course not.”
Time to come clean. Ryan kicked out a boot. “Just had my boots adjusted a little.”
“How did I miss this?” Sarah’s hands went to her pink cheeks. “I’ve been with you every day and I didn’t notice.”
“It’s no big deal, Sarah.” The last thing he wanted was her studying his limp.
The bell over the door jingled. Cold air gusted in along with an older man with a cardboard carrier holding three steaming cups. They sure smelled good. “Good morning.”
“Hello, Stuart.” Beaming at the guy, Lila introduced them.
So this was the librarian.
The man nodded. “I’d shake your hand but mine are full.”
“Let me take those.” Putting down his mug, Ryan grabbed the carrier and set it on the counter.
“You’ve all been so good to me, sharing your delicious cookies,” Stuart said. “I thought I might share what I learned from my family about coffee.”
“Well, aren't you the one?” Lila gave Stuart a look that made Sarah blush.
Ryan was enjoying the whole thing.
Stuart started handing out cups, and Ryan set his mug aside. “As I told you at the library, Sarah, my family is in the coffee business. And I’ve learned quite a bit.”
“He has all kinds of fancy machines in his kitchen,” her mother said.
The remark seemed to catch Sarah by surprise, and she exchanged a look with Ryan. Then she took a sip from the cup in her hand. “Caramel?”
Stuart nodded. “Like it?”
“Love it. What do you have, Mom?”
“Gingerbread,” her mother said with a pleased smile. “My favorite.”
“I know.” Stuart gave Sarah’s mother another adoring look.
But he tore his eyes away to focus on Ryan. “How do you like the peppermint?”
“Delicious.” Ryan wasn’t a fan of peppermint but he saw where the older man was going.
Stuart eyed their coffee pot in the corner. “Sarah and I have been talking about the coffee part of this business,” Ryan said.
“Yes, we have,” Sarah admitted, feeling like they’d come to a turning point. “Daddy did start this as a coffee shop, Mom.”
Her mother toyed with the top of the cup. “Oh, I know.” She eyed the large machine behind the counter with trepidation.
“This machine is a relic,” Stuart told Lila softly. “A newer model would
be easier for you to operate.”
“Would it?” Mom said, defeat in her voice. “We’re so busy.”
“You want to be busy, Lila. At some point, one of the coffee companies is going to open a shop in Gull Harbor or out on Red Arrow Highway,” Stuart pointed out. “Those outfits usually put in some baked goods too. Not bread, but definitely pastries.”
Her mother gave a soft gasp. Sarah's face paled. She set the warm coffee on the counter. “That would be a disaster.”
Ryan hated to see her like this. “But that doesn't have to happen,” he said. Her frown eased a bit.
Stuart was nodding. “Ryan is right. I'll be happy to kick around some ideas with you to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“Maybe after the new year,” she said, running a hand over her forehead.
Would Stuart even be here next year? Ryan would be back at Branson Motors full time. He’d miss this place. And Sarah. They should move on this now. “I know you’re busy right now, Sarah, getting ready for Christmas,” Ryan said slowly. “Would it be all right if I kick some ideas around with Stuart?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She didn’t look convinced. “I hate to take up your time.”
“January and February would be a good time to makes changes,” Stuart suggested. “After the holiday rush.”
Lila was looking at her daughter. Sarah was the decision maker now.
Ryan wasn’t about to let this go. “It wouldn’t take long to come up with some ideas. You and your mom could look them over. You wouldn’t have to be involved.”
Her eyes cloudy, Sarah turned to him. “Are you sure you have time?”
“I’ll make time. It’s just a coffee machine, Sarah.” With relief, he watched her frown fade.
“Well then, I guess we’ll move ahead.” Picking up her cup, she took a gulp.
“Good.” Relief washed through him, and Stuart looked pleased.
“To Christmas and new beginnings,” Sarah said, holding up the coffee.
Ryan liked the sound of that. He didn’t want Sarah or her mother to be put into a bad spot. Jamie wouldn’t have wanted that. Suddenly Ryan saw that his promise to his brother held more than just watching over Jamie’s family. Was he ready for the job? That might be up to Sarah.
After Stuart left, Ryan got back to work. He was zesting a lemon for more lemon bars when he felt a soft touch on his shoulder.