Amish Baby Lessons

by Patrice Lewis

  “I need to get to work out in the fields,” Levy called out from the kitchen. “I’ve already had breakfast.”

  “Ja, gut.” Jane took a deep breath and reentered the kitchen. “Do you want me to can more chutney or pie filling today?”

  “If you would. I’m harvesting as fast as I can in the garden and orchard, so we’ll have lots to sell on Saturday.”

  The work must go on. Despite the ricocheting of emotions, the work must go on.

  Jane was grateful to Gott she hadn’t said anything to Levy about her possible acceptance of his marriage proposal. It was best if those thoughts were kept to herself, to her heart alone. She drew in a deep breath, slipped Mercy into the baby sling and went to bring up more canning jars from the basement.

  When Levy came in for lunch, she initiated the subject to avoid the subject of marriage. “You must be very happy your sister is coming home.”

  “Ja. And no. It’s complicated.”

  Jane paused. “But you’ve done nothing but beat yourself up over her since I met you. How can you not be happy she’s returning?”

  “Because I don’t know what she’s returning from. There have been horrible situations where a youngie left the community, got involved in drugs or crime, then tried to return and fit in. It was often a disaster.”

  “But you don’t think Eliza got mixed up in any of that, do you?”

  He fixed his gaze on her. Then looked pointedly at the baby.

  Jane bit her lip. He had a point. “Did she say anything about her circumstances in her letter?”

  “Nein, just that she’s ready to come home and be baptized.” He picked at his food in silence for a few moments. Then he said, “It’s going to take Eliza some time to resettle, for sure and certain.”

  “And she’ll live here? With you?”

  “Ja, of course. This is her home, every bit as much as mine.”

  Which would leave no room for the nanny. At some level, Jane realized why Eliza’s return disturbed her. She was jealous.

  Oh, not of the life Eliza had lived out in the Englisch world. Instead, Jane was jealous about the baby. Jane would never in a million years let Levy or anyone else know how much she dreaded the thought of Eliza’s return. It wasn’t that Eliza would put her out of a job. She could start working at her aunt and uncle’s mercantile store. But she’d grown to love Mercy, now sleeping and secure in her crib. The boppli was blessedly unaware of the kaleidoscope of emotions swirling around her caregivers.

  Levy returned to work. Jane concentrated on making more peach chutney for sale at the farmer’s market.

  By the time evening rolled around, Jane’s wounded feelings were humbled as she saw how preoccupied Levy was, between news of his sister and the weekly strain of preparing for the farmer’s market. Her life might be emotionally complicated, but it was nothing next to Levy’s—not just concern about Mercy, but about finances and his sister’s forthcoming return. He had a lot on his plate, and she didn’t have to add her injured feelings on top of everything else.

  By the time he sat down to dinner, he seemed more centered as well. “I think I got a lot done today,” he said after the silent blessing, reaching for a bowl of green beans.

  “Will Eliza be able to work the farm with you?” asked Jane. “It seems you’re in desperate need of an additional pair of hands.”

  “Ja, no doubt. But I don’t know what will happen when she gets here, even whether she’ll want to take over Mercy’s care.”

  Jane startled. “Surely she will. It’s her daughter.” She looked at little Mercy, snug in her bouncy seat in the center of the table. The infant batted at the colorful toys on the bar above her. Soon the baby would be sitting on her own, then graduating to a high chair as she learned to eat solid food. “And it won’t take long to love this boppli.”

  Levy laid down his fork. “I hadn’t stopped to think about that, or even how difficult this will be on you.”

  Jane looked down at her plate as tears stung her eyes. “It’s hard not to fall for something this sweet,” she admitted.

  There was a short and pained silence. “I don’t know what Eliza will do with Mercy,” Levy warned. “She has every right to take over the care of her own child.”

  “Of course. But...” She looked at him with swimming eyes. “But if she does, I’ll probably go to work in my uncle’s store. Or go home to Ohio, back to my family. It would be too hard to see Mercy on a daily basis but not take care of her anymore.”

  He was silent a few minutes, eyes on his food. “Things will change after Eliza gets home, for sure and certain,” he admitted. “She hasn’t been here while I built up the business—the produce sales, the farmer’s market, even the bookkeeping I do. I don’t know what she’s been doing while out in the Englisch world.”

  Jane could see why Levy had his doubts about Eliza’s return.

  Not wanting to offend, she just said, “It’s in Gott’s hands. For all you know, Eliza wants to walk the straight and narrow path from now on. She could be a huge asset to the business side of things. You just don’t know until she returns.”

  He looked troubled. “I realize that. And I aim to give her every chance—not just to settle back into the church and the community, but to help on the farm and help with the market.” His mouth thinned. “But one thing I do know. It will be like having a stranger in the house again. I don’t know how much she’s changed, if her values are different, what her work ethic is like. I don’t know her anymore, and she doesn’t know me or how much I’ve changed. I haven’t seen her in three years. That’s a long time.”

  Her heart ached for him. She could see the love for his sister warring with the reality of his work demands. “If I may ask, Levy, why the sudden doubts? Since I’ve known you, you’ve done nothing but express regret about the mistakes you think you made in raising her. Eliza coming home is a gut thing, ja?”

  “I think it’s because it’s now real. Now I have to deal with her.”

  “Don’t be surprised if she’s stronger and more mature than you imagine,” advised Jane. “If she’s been out in the Englisch world, it means she’s changed. Hopefully any harsh experiences she had have made her grow up into a young woman of strength. In other words, don’t condemn her before you see her. You might be pleasantly surprised.”

  Jane struggled with herself for a few minutes, then added, “But whatever happens, Levy, please don’t carry a burden of guilt around anymore. Eliza is her own person. You did the best you could after your parents died, and my hope is Eliza knows that and is grateful. Besides, how many youngies go crazy and leave for the Englisch world and do schtupid things with their lives, and who come from loving, intact homes? No one but Gott can change how a young person feels or behaves. Maybe Gott finally worked on Eliza.”

  “I hope so.” He sighed. “I sincerely hope so.”

  On the walk back to her aunt and uncle’s that evening, Jane reflected on her own dread of Eliza’s imminent return. It was more than the possibility of losing Mercy. It was also the possibility of losing Levy. Awkward marriage proposal or not, she knew she was in love with him. But Eliza’s return meant Levy’s attention would be understandably divided by the needs of his sister.

  In other words, she was jealous.

  Maybe it was time to return to Ohio, to her parents and siblings, to her home. The emotions that had sent her fleeing here seemed eclipsed by the emotions she struggled with now.

  Jane was ashamed of herself. Jealousy was an ugly emotion. She knew that from experience after watching Isaac fall in love with Hannah. The way she’d coped from that debacle was to leave Ohio and come here to Grand Creek.

  Now it seemed she would be coping with her current jealousy the same way, by leaving. How could she stay and face the man who no longer even had the pretext of caring for the baby as the basis of his marriage proposal?

  On
ce again, it seemed everything she cherished, longed for, hoped for, wished for was being snatched away. She had a moment of blazing anger at Gott for doing this to her...again.

  She was a baptized member of the community, and her faith in Gott wasn’t diminished. But she was angry at His hand in all this. Why couldn’t Eliza have just stayed away?

  The moment the thought went through her mind, she was ashamed of herself. She should be praying for Eliza’s redemption, not her estrangement. Yes, jealousy was an ugly emotion.

  * * *

  These thoughts were not resolved by the time Jane returned to Levy’s the next day. He was in the kitchen heating a bottle for Mercy. “She took a tiny bit of solid food this morning,” he told her. “Eliza will be so glad she’s healthy and developing normally.”

  “Ja, we must thank Gott Eliza will be happy.” Jane heard the jealousy in her voice and turned away in shame.

  Silence fell in the kitchen, and finally Levy asked, “Jane? What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing.” To her frustration, she felt tears welling up in her eyes and refused to turn around to let Levy see them. Instead, she busied herself gathering the ingredients for making the bread she hoped to sell on Saturday.

  “Are you worried about Eliza coming home?”

  “Nein, why should I be?”

  “You’re not a very good liar, Jane.”

  She jumped, then froze when she felt his hands on her upper arms as he came up behind her. He continued gently, “I know this is hard on you, with the likelihood Eliza will take over Mercy’s care. But I don’t think I realized how hard it would be for you.”

  Her shoulders heaved as a sob rose in her throat. With an inarticulate sound, Levy spun her around and pulled her against his chest. Jane’s pent-up emotions finally released and she burst into tears.

  He stroked her back and just let her cry. A part of Jane was relieved he thought she was weeping solely over the loss of Mercy. But much of Jane’s despair was the imminent loss of Levy as well—the daily interactions, the seamless work, the shared meals, the mutual concern for the baby. How long could she stay in Grand Creek if those things were no longer hers to enjoy?

  The pressure of his arms and the gentle stroking on her back were too much. Not trusting her reaction to his touch, she pulled away, fished a handkerchief from her pocket and removed her glasses to mop her face. “Sorry,” she murmured.

  “Don’t be.” He stepped back. “Eliza’s return will throw a wrench into a lot of things. I’ve been thinking it over too, and finding myself hoping she doesn’t disrupt my routine to the point where I can’t make a living.”

  “What do you mean?” She blew her nose.

  “I mean, she’ll need a lot of support as she transitions back into the community. I’m the logical person to give her that support. But you’ve also seen the tight deadlines I deal with as I prepare for each week’s farmer’s market. If that deadline is interrupted and I’m not ready, I don’t earn money. The rest of the year I’m more flexible, but these farmer’s markets bring in the bulk of my income for the year. Eliza has no idea how tight my schedule is.”

  In an odd way, it helped to know she wasn’t alone in realizing how much Eliza’s return would complicate things. “And you said she’ll be here next Tuesday?”

  “Ja.”

  “Then I will plan to not come to work that day. You and Eliza will have much to discuss.”

  “I’m pretty much resigned to the fact I won’t get much work done that day.” He glanced at the clock. “Which means I’d best get back to the fields right now.”

  Jane needed a huge batch of dough for bread to sell at the farmer’s market. While the dough rose, she fed and changed Mercy, then slipped the baby into the sling while she did a quick once-through on housecleaning. By the time Levy came in for the evening, ten loaves of bread were cooling on racks, and she had made meat loaf with green beans for supper.

  She hoped Eliza would be able to take over these tasks. Levy needed the help.

  * * *

  After Jane left for the day, Levy spread a small blanket on the floor and put Mercy down on her stomach so she could practice lifting her head. The boppli smiled readily now, and he was less clumsy with her since Jane’s baby lessons were so effective.

  “What will your mamm think of you, do you suppose?” he asked the infant. “Will she think your bumbling uncle did an okay job?”

  He himself was still mulling through the ramifications of his sister’s return. He recognized part of his ambivalence was wondering where Jane would fit into his life after Eliza came home.

  If Eliza slipped back into the role of mother—and he fully expected she would—where did that leave Jane? Levy realized how much he had come to look forward to seeing the woman on a daily basis. Whatever Eliza chose to do after she came home, Jane’s schedule would naturally change. And Levy wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

  He sighed as he dangled a toy in front of Mercy. The infant raised her head and focused on it, but didn’t quite have the strength or coordination to reach for it yet. That would come. She was in all ways a healthy baby, hitting all the developmental milestones she was supposed to hit—or so Jane told him. And he trusted her to know. Her gift with babies was uncanny.

  She had a gift for more than babies. Since her involvement with the produce stand at the farmer’s market, his income had gone up tremendously. He had just paid off the last of the hospital bills, something that would have taken him a year to do. But thanks to Jane’s hard work, business sense and presence in the booth, his sales had quadrupled. And she did it all while raising a baby not her own.

  He remembered looking at Jane months ago when she first came on as Mercy’s nanny and thinking there was more to her than met the eye. Now that he knew her so much better, that opinion hadn’t changed.

  He knew beneath those thick glasses beat the heart of a warm, wonderful woman.

  Chapter Fourteen

  On the day before Eliza’s arrival, Jane made sure Levy’s house was spotless. She dusted and swept Eliza’s bedroom, and made up the bed with fresh sheets and a cheerful quilt. She topped off the room’s kerosene lamp and made sure the globe sparkled. She swept the house, did laundry and cleaned the kitchen.

  And when Levy came in from his day’s work, she hugged Mercy to her chest, kissed the child and handed her to Levy.

  “Jane, wait!” he called as she marched out the front door. But she didn’t answer. Instead, the tears poured from her eyes as she walked back to her aunt and uncle’s house.

  * * *

  Feeling bleak, Levy watched Jane walk away with an air of finality that disturbed him. Mercy cooed in his arms, quiet and content, but he knew that wouldn’t last as the child would soon miss the security of Jane’s embrace and her confident care.

  He paced around the kitchen, already missing Jane’s vivacious presence. He didn’t like the way she’d left. He knew she was bothered by Eliza’s upcoming return, but why couldn’t she just give him a few days to get reacquainted with his sister and then get things back to normal?

  He looked at the baby in his arms. What was “normal”? This whole summer had been anything but normal. He knew Jane loved Mercy very much. But would Eliza love Mercy too? Or had that bond been severed?

  He sighed and put the baby in her bouncy chair, then poured himself a cup of coffee, sat down and played with the baby’s toes.

  “Your mamm is coming home,” he told her. Then he wondered if that was true, or if Mercy’s mother had just walked out the door. Who was Mercy’s real mother?

  Restless, he unstrapped Mercy and lifted her to his shoulder, then went upstairs to his sister’s bedroom to get it ready. He was certain it needed dusting, and of course the bed needed to be made...

  He stopped in the doorway, dumbfounded. The bedroom was pristine, with clean sheets and a bright quilt, a vase of flower
s, a polished kerosene lamp on the dresser and not a particle of dust visible anywhere.

  This was Jane’s doing, of course. She might be filled with sorrow, but that didn’t prevent her from making sure Eliza would be welcome in her own home.

  He swallowed hard. Jane was a treasure. And it hit him how much he wanted to keep that treasure.

  The question was, how?

  * * *

  Eliza arrived the following morning by taxi. She wore a blue Amish-style dress, but no apron—and no kapp. Her dark blond hair was pinned back in a bun, and her blue eyes were wary. She looked world-weary and cautious, as if unsure of her welcome. Above all, she looked older. During the time she’d been gone, she’d grown from a teenager into an adult.

  “Eliza!” Levy rushed out the door and scooped his sister into an embrace.

  Eliza hugged him tight and began to cry. “Brüder! I didn’t know if you’d want me back.”

  “How could I not?” He drew back and watched the tears course down her cheeks. “This will always be your home.”

  “But I’ve been gone so long, and so many things have happened.”

  “Well, you’re home now.” He fished a clean bandanna from his pocket and handed it to her. “Come inside, we have a lot to talk about.”

  “Levy...” Eliza stood rooted on the side of the road. She twisted the handkerchief in her hands. “Mercy...is she okay? Is she here?”

  “Ja, she’s here. She had a good nanny while you were gone.”

  Eliza nodded, then followed him through the side door into the kitchen. Mercy was strapped to her bouncy seat on the table. She had reached the age where she could bat at the rod of colorful shapes above her.

  “My baby,” whispered Eliza. Her hands trembled as she lifted the infant out of the seat and cradled her on her shoulder. The young woman started crying again. “She’s grown so much, and I’ve missed it all.”