Sex had largely lost its intimacy for me, but kissing had not. That was the one thing, no matter how hard a John pushed, I refused to do. Kissing was the last line of defense I had, and it wasn’t sexual anyways—at least not in the sense that men got off from kissing like they got off from oral—and so Rock could never press for it.
Some men tried to do it, but I always gave them the cheek at best, a side bob at most.
Not tonight, though.
Not with Derek, my knight, my hero.
Not with the man who might have just saved my life.
We moved in rhythm and pleasure together, our eyes seemingly forever locked. He knew of the hell I’d been through, but I could see he had a hell of his own I wanted to know about. Why did Rock and the Black Falcons hate him so much? What was it about him they despised?
What did they do to you, Derek?
We came together, which only seemed like the most appropriate way for our escape from hell to end. Hand in hand, reaching the pearly gates of heaven, touching down on the heavenly cloud of orgasm at once.
For several seconds, Derek did not move, breathing heavily but also at a very slow pace, trying to catch himself. My arms were wrapped around him, refusing to let him go. I never wanted to see him leave.
Even though I had to go.
“Eve…”
“Derek…”
Neither of said anything more. Neither of us had to.
For at least a few hours, we had each other, and that was enough.
Epilogue
Derek
“What… is your favorite color?”
Eve giggled at the dramatic pause leading up to such an otherwise simple, basic question. For the last several minutes, we had just lay on the bed with each other, listening to the heartbeat and breathing patterns of the other. Words would have seemed to ruin the moment.
But at some point, I just had to know more.
But in a strange moment for me, a once-married man who had no problems with women in bars, streets, and otherwise any other situation, I found myself tongue tied and feeling a bit silly.
So I just blurted out the first question I could think of. I braced myself for Eve to mock me, as damn well she should have for something so first-grader.
“Purple,” she finally answered. “Yours?”
A girl who is beautiful, intelligent, and can play. I don’t know what I did to please fate, but I’m not about to question it.
“Yellow,” I grinned.
“Yellow?” she said, still giggling like a little girl who’d just found out she had a crush. “Really? I didn’t think anyone’s favorite color could be yellow.”
“Just is,” I said with a chuckle. “Reminds me of summer. Used to be my favorite season until this year. This year’s making me hate summer; this heat wave’s been a real ball-buster.”
“I weep for your balls,” she said.
God, I was so tempted to make something of a crude joke about how she didn’t have to, they were sleeping well right now. But I decided better of it—some things, at least for the moment, might have been a bit far for her.
She did, after all, still have to leave here within a few hours.
And I knew all too well that those “few hours” would feel like a few minutes with how quickly they went.
“But you’re right, it has been unseasonably warm,” she said, snapping me from my thoughts. “The lack of rain is partially to blame.”
“The dry spell will run up soon,” he said. “Least I hope it will.”
Another silence came. I wasn’t about to let this one last nearly as long, most especially since I now had something I could be smartass about.
“Favorite animal?”
I was surprised that she not only had beaten me to the punch, she was now picking up the game herself.
OK. But don’t be surprised.
“Cat,” I said, playing with her hair. “Yours?”
“Dog,” she said, followed by a gentle kiss.
I laughed the confident, reassured laugh that what I was about to say would not be taken the wrong way in any fashion.
“Seems we are running opposite with most our answers.”
“Oh, no, the horror,” she said with another kiss. “I don’t mind cats. I just have always been more of a dog person, I guess.”
“Ah, well, I suppose dogs are cute,” I said, playfully pretending it was the hardest thing I ever had said. “I’ve always just loved cats. I guess because of the work that needs to go into having a cat. They aren’t quick to trust. But once you get a cat’s love, they are loyal to only you.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” she said.
I knew she was smart enough to realize that was describing me.
I hoped—with some degree of confidence—she was smart enough to realize she had this cat’s love.
“You’re not so bad, Derek Knight,” she said, sitting up on her forearm, bringing her gorgeous green eyes into my full vision. “You know, for being a gangster.”
I snorted and laughed, exactly the opposite response that would have usually followed a quip like that.
What could I say? I really did like this girl.
“And you’re quite charming. You know, for a hooker.”
But instead of playing alone, she bit my lip at that and looked down. I smacked myself a bit inside, reminding myself that for all this girl had experienced, she still had some insecurities—just like I did, even if I only admitted them in the rawest of moments like this one.
“You don’t think that makes me a bad person, do you?”
The conversation had gone from kid-like playfulness to very adult serious. I cleared my throat, turned in bed, and placed my hand on her face as gently as I could.
“Not at all. It’s just a job, after all—I could just as easily say that you’re quite charming for a waitress or a gas station attendant or the queen of France.”
A gentle smile broached her face. And then it took a nefarious turn.
“Would be difficult,” she interjected, “since France has a president.”
Ahh, there we go.
“Spoken very much not like a hooker. Besides, me and my crew don’t—”
“‘—my crew and I.’”
“Huh?” I said.
When I got it, I just had to smile. No one in my position deserved a woman this smart, but that’s exactly what I had.
“Anyway! I was raised to show respect to everyone, even the janitors and garbage men, because you never know who’s going to choose to stab you in the back and who might be there to take the knife for you.”
“Damn, that’s one way to look at it!”
I laughed right along with her, even as I chose to overlook the brutal realities of what I had just said.
And when she finished smiling, I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t smile like this all the time.
Well, that had an obvious answer—her circumstances and daily life sucked.
But why was she even there?
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” she said, running her fingers gently over my skin.
“What got you here?”
She hesitated for a long time, but her eyes never left mine. She wasn’t working up the courage to tell me; she was working up the courage to just say it at all, period.
“My brother.
What the fuck?
“Your brother got you into this work?”
“I mean, not directly. It’s not like he meant for it to come to this.”
Something in the way she said that sounded a little too… explanatory. Like the truth was even worse than she was letting on.
“He got into some trouble with the Falcons, racked up a bunch of debt or something, and I guess I…”
She stopped there. I didn’t dare utter a single breath, let alone I fill the space that she needed with anything other than absolute stillness.
“And I guess I took the easiest means of paying them back.”
/>
I wasn’t an idiot—I knew that wasn’t the full story.
But I also knew if she asked me about my spot, I would be just as coy. It would take more than just a single night of sex for the beans to come out.
“Sounds like a bunch of bullshit, this brother of yours. It shouldn’t be your responsibility.”
She shrugged, but I knew she wasn’t saying it all.
Nor, frankly, did I want her to if this was as difficult as I figured it was.
“I know, but… well, my brother got arrested—he’s in jail now—and it’s not like he can do anything to pay it off. I was between jobs—just out of college and not really sure what to do next, actually—and this gave me a chance to help out my brother while getting a roof over my head and such. Yeah, it’s a shit deal, but it is what it is.”
There’s just… even if this is all true. It’s not your responsibility. Let your brother suffer the consequences of his actions. He’s the one at fault here. Not you.
Him.
He suffers.
But I was pushing my luck by continuing this train of thought.
“You don’t have to answer if this upsets you. I didn’t mean to pry. I guess I was just curious and it sort of spiraled into this…”
“No, it’s okay,” Eve said with a kiss. “Yeah, it’s not the happiest of subjects, but maybe it’ll be good for me to talk about this. It’s not like I’ve really had a chance to talk about it much.”
She paused. This was the moment I’d get as much out of her as she had ever spilled—I wanted to make sure I paid full attention.
“Yes, my brother’s fuckup led to me being a whore. No, I’m not particularly thrilled about it, but, like I said, it keeps me housed and fed and its helping my brother for when he’s out of jail. I’m not sure why I’m helping him, it’s not like we were necessarily close—no more close than any other siblings, I suppose—but I guess I always believed that when family was in trouble you stepped in to help them, especially when the sort of trouble they’re in is…”
“With the Falcons?” I said. “Sounds like he was quite the charmer. And you’re still doing all this for him?”
“Like I said: he’s family.”
I paused for a long time. A long, long time.
“You know, I want to say your brother doesn’t deserve to be family, but there’s something my father taught me,” I said, taking a breath. “When you’re family, that never changes. Siblings fight. Children rebel. Parents have crises. But family stays together under any and all circumstances, no matter what. In your case, it’s gotten extreme. But you know what? If that’s what you value, it’s what you value. You are a strong, powerful woman who has found herself in a shitty position through bad luck. I feel reasonably certain you haven’t told me everything, but I don’t mind. You know why? Because that doesn’t matter. What matters is you, Eve, and I like you.”
Her reaction was one I would have thought would have happened before, but when it came, it left me just as emotional.
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” she said through free-falling tears. “You show me all this kindness and sympathy and understanding, and even after I tell you a story like that… you’re still willing to lie here with me?”
“I feel like there’s a lesson I’m trying to teach that you’re just not learning.”
I wanted her to get it wasn’t her fault. I wanted her to get that she was special.
But that would come in time. I would help her get there.
“No,” she admitted, still smiling, “I suppose I’m not learning it at all. But I will take you, Derek.”
Eve
God, why does this have to end tonight?
I didn’t want to leave. I was too lucky to have found a man like this.
Too lucky, indeed, because in about four hours, my luck would run out. I’d have to head “home” and give money to Rock to placate him.
But here, now, in the moment?
Best moment of my life. I’ll cling to it while I can.
“Thank you, Derek,” I said, kissing him repeatedly.
I pulled back and he smiled at me, admiring all my features as no one ever had. I don’t deserve you.
Why are you here?
“So what about you?” I said.
“What about me?”
“How did you get here? You said family. What happened to them? Do you have, err, did you have someone else?”
“No.”
He spoke far too quickly and too curtly for me to believe that was the whole story.
“Derek?” I pressed.
He tensed at his name, looked away, and sighed. Had I pushed him too far? Had I—
“I don’t really have anyone now, actually,” he said, every word sounding like an enormous struggle. “The gang-life took my immediate family. And, I mean, yeah, I was married once and… and I guess we were considering doing the whole family-thing, but… it didn’t work out. You know how families these days work: one day they’re there and the next…”
There’s more to you than that, isn’t there?
What happened to your wife? Who was she?
But I didn’t dare press the comment. Instead, for how tender tonight had been, I cuddled up close to him, our two naked bodies practically fused together.
“Thank you again for this,” I finally said after another long-yet-relaxing silence. “I really needed this.”
He looked to me then and nodded.
“Same here.”
I loved how, with him, I could just fall into silence and it wasn’t weird. Nothing about us felt forced. Nothing about us felt like we had to fill the gaps.
We just… fit.
“This really has been an unusual night, hasn’t it?” Derek said softly.
“It really has,” I said. “Not every day that you nearly die and I have to save your ass.”
He gave a laugh and then, as if on cue, a grimace. I gently pushed my hand onto his ribs, massaging as best as I could without hurting him.
“Not necessarily bad in the end, though. In fact, I’d say it was just about perfect.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” Then, clearing his throat, he said, “Just so you know, I haven’t forgotten the part about saving your ass. I’m doing whatever it takes.”
“Aww, babe,” I said, surprised to find myself using a pet name already. I kind of even didn’t mind the reminder that my stay in heaven was temporary, soon to be replaced by a return to hell. “You’re too much.”
“No, I’m serious,” Derek said. “I like you and you’re amazing. What more reason do you need than to be rescued?”
“Oh, Derek.”
I kissed him once more. It never felt rote or repetitive.
I never did fall asleep that night, but I didn’t care one bit. I didn’t want to fall asleep—nothing I dreamed about would be as great as Derek.
Finally, at 3:30, an alarm went off, and he jolted up.
“Ready?”
“No,” I said. “But I know you’ll be coming.”
“Absolutely,” he said. “You have my word as a man. Count on it.”
“I am,” I said.
He led me to his bike, cracking a few jokes along the way. I always worried if that engine roared too loudly this time of night, but then again, it wasn’t Derek if he cared about other people worrying about his engine.
He dropped me at that usual corner, giving me a kiss as I hopped off. I couldn’t stop smiling.
“Until tomorrow, Eve.”
“Until tomorrow.”
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Savage Mercy (Savage Saviors MC #1) Page 22