by Moore, M. K.
“That’s gonna be a long road. Her entire family is dead. We’d have no obstacles in just taking he and raising her as our own,” I respond.
“No matter what, I will go down that road for her. She won’t be a secret. I want her, Brand.”
“I have some knowledge on adopting a child from a country that is a part of the Hague Adoption Convention. It can take anywhere from three to twenty-four months. Are you ready for that type of commitment? I know you don’t meet the age requirement, but I do. That only applies if we are married though. The Desarrollo Integral de la Familia or DIF doesn’t play.”
“It doesn’t matter. I am supposed to love that little girl forever. I felt it the second I saw her, just like I did with you. It’s obviously a different feeling, but it’s there. I can recognize it,” she says adamantly. I smile. She speaks so elegantly when something is important to her.
“Then we’ll do whatever it takes,” I vow.
“Thank you, Brand.”
It will be a long road, but I’ll get the process started tomorrow. Tonight, I am going to fuck the woman I love more than I ever imagined possible until she can’t walk.
It’s gonna be a good night.
8
Jaymes
Two Weeks Later
It has been an amazing two weeks since the night Brand brought Mariela home. I feel like somehow, we reached a new level in our relationship after that intense moment we shared. We cemented something that was already solid to begin with. That night opened something inside of me, and what I thought was darkness and pain has turned into light and hope.
He…saved…me.
My thoughts have become full of the future and a life I want for us. I see more sunshine, rainbows, and sparkles. Where before there was shadows, smoke, and blurry pictures.
The other amazing part of this has been having Mariela. She is wonderful. This four-year-old girl has been through one of the worst things an adult could go through, let alone a little girl, is resilient. She is bright, inquisitive and not afraid to show her feelings. The nights when she cries for her mama and papa are the hardest. My heart bleeds for her. But it’s more than that.
The nights where her nightmares make her scream out in agony is hard for me and Brand. Every instinct in both of us is to hurt someone. To go back to that desolate place, we found her and kill them all over again for what they put this beautiful angel through. But instead...we hold her. We hold her and tell her how sorry we are that the monsters are real. How sorry we are that her family was taken from her so brutally.
Then we tell her how much we love her. How we are going to take care of her forever. She looks at us like she is not sure if she can believe what we say. But then she lays her head on Brand’s shoulder, like she never wants to let go.
What can I say? I feel the same way. He is my protection. My shield against anything outside that seeks to destroy me. He is my best friend that understands, never judges, and follows me into the deepest darkest places I could go. But he is also, the light in my darkness. My reason for seeking each new day. The song in my heart and the pep in my step.
Watching him with her is like watching a puppy follow its owner around. Loyal and looking for affection. But in this scenario, he is the puppy and she is the owner. Mariela owns him. And boy does she know it. I have watched this grown man tell her she can’t have any candy before dinner. Firm and sure of himself.
I was standing back against the wall, neither of them aware of my presence. She gets up on the stool in front of him, wraps her arms around his neck, kisses his cheek, and lays her head on his shoulder. I couldn’t hear what she said to him, but I see his whole body melt into her as his arms wrap her in his embrace. The next thing I know, he is giving her a whole bag of Haribo Bears. She giggles and runs off. I laughed so loud I snorted. Sucker.
So, all in all it has been wonderful. We got the visit from the social worker yesterday. After a nerve wrecking three hours, she tells us we have been cleared to foster her and they will be filing the petition for adoption. In celebration, we are having a dinner tonight to finally introduce her to the family. We have been hibernating here with here, not wanting to overwhelm her with everyone. But it’s time.
“Mariela. Sweetie come down here. It’s time for everyone to get here.” She comes down the stairs in her pretty dress holding Brands hand looking so beautiful. She picked a pink dress with little yellow polka dots. Her hair is in pigtails with matching bows on each one.
“Hey sweet girl. You ready for the party?”
“Yea.” she whispers. I can’t explain it, but the moment I saw her these motherly instincts I never knew I had kicked in. Just like right now I know she is nervous.
“Hey sweetheart. What’s wrong?”
“What if they don’t like me cause I am not your real daughter?” My eyes start leaking. For a few minutes I cannot find the words. I look to Brand to help me, because right now my voice is working against me.
“You don’t have to worry about that sweet girl. My family will love you. They are going to spoil you and tickle you. They are going to love you, listen to you, and teach you all sorts of things. They are going to be your family Mariela. I promise. I will never let anything or anyone else hurt you, emotionally or physically. As long as there is breath in my body. You and Jaymie are everything to me.” And then he kisses her head and mine too. I can’t help but laugh at his use of the nickname she has given me. I look down at my daughter...though it is not yet legal...she is mine. I look down at her and ask her again.
“You ready baby girl?” She grabs my hand, smiles and says, “Yea Jaymie. Let’s party.”
I fucking love my life.
9
Brand
Mariela’s party was a success. Everyone loved her, just like I knew they would. She and Jaymes are at the park today while I am at Jorgensen’s Jewelers.
“Uncle, I knew it was only a matter of time before you came in here.” Torran says.
“Yes, well. Let me see the Elite Collection,” I say. “Where the hell is your brother?” I ask, wondering why I haven’t seen Sven for weeks now.
“Coming right up,” he says going in the back room. “And I have no fucking idea. He said he needed some time a few weeks ago and hasn’t been back since.”
“That sounds like him, I guess,” I reply. While I am waiting, I see a little gold necklace with various letter charms. As soon as I see it, I know that I need it for Mariela. Torran comes back carrying a tray.
“Here is what we have,” he says. The tray has many, many engagement rings and wedding bands on it. I look through them and then I see it. A platinum solitaire. Picking it up, I see the little card. My aunt Alva wore this ring in the fifties. She passed away about ten years ago in a car accident.
“I’ll take this one,” I say pointing to the ring. “I will also take the necklace and the letter M, please.”
“No problem. I’ll box those up.” After leaving the store, I get in my truck and before I can pull out of the parking space, my phone rings.
“Mr. Jorgensen?”
“Speaking?”
“This is Sarah Detwiller, from DHS. We met earlier this week.”
“Of course, how can I help you Mrs. Detwiller,” I respond, remembering the older woman from when she came to inspect our house and when she said we could foster Mariela.
“I have been speaking with my counterpart at DIF down in Juarez. Mexico has relinquished their responsibility in the matter of Mariela Agudo. They have exhausted their efforts in searching for any living family members for Ms. Agudo. There are none. They agree with me that she’d be better off in Minnesota than in an orphanage down there. Minnesota has a required three-month waiting period in which the child resides with you. I have fast-tracked that for the welfare of the child. I was able to get you before Judge Susan Talridge of the Ramsey County Family Court on May 20th at one pm. I’ll send you a reminder email. Bring your attorney and Mariela. On a personal note and off the record, Judge
Talridge is an old-fashioned hard-ass. You will want to be married before appearing before her. She doesn’t care when it happens as long as it’s done. Do you understand what I am saying?”
“I’ve got it, ma’am. Thank you for calling.”
“No problem. Have a good day.”
“You as well,” I reply hanging up the phone. This is the best possible outcome. I was dreading the length of time Mexico could choose to drag this out. I get home quickly and find my girls watching cartoons.
“Jaymes, the social worker called. We got a couple more hoops to jump through, but she’s ours.” She jumps up and into my arms.
“Are you serious?” Her excitement is palpable
“Very. Mariela is ours.”
“Oh my God, this is amazing”
“It is. Mariela?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you come over here?” She gets up off the couch and comes over to us. I crouch down and pull out the box for her”
“A present?”
“Yep. Just for you,” I say as my heart is breaking for her.
She opens the box and gasps. “It’s so pretty”
“Here, let me help you,” I say putting the necklace on her.
“It’s just likes Jaymie’s,” she says rubbing the pendant.
“Just like Jaymie’s,” I repeat, assuring her.
“Yay,” she says running back to the couch.
“So, what now?” Jaymes asks me.
“We have a court date in a little less than a month, but as far as Mexico is concerned, they are done.”
“Oh my God.”
“So, I just have one question for you,” I begin, getting down on one knee in front of her. Pulling her ring from my pocket I hold it out to her. “Will you be my wife?” She doesn’t say anything, and I begin to worry about it until she smiles.
“Yes, of fucking course.” She grins as I slip the ring on her finger. Thank God. My damn heart can beat again. I stand and pull her into my arms and kiss her upturned lips.
“I need you to make love to me as soon as she goes down for the night,” she says kissing my neck.
“Make love? What happened to my rough fuck girl? You don’t want the pain anymore?”
“Do you?” she asks.
“No, I just need you,” I reply honestly.
“Me too. I’ll admit I didn’t mean I don’t want you to fuck me rough, but as for the pain I don’t need it anymore. I am whole with you.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” I say kissing her again. Everything I’ve ever wanted is coming together quickly. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but I can only hope I can keep it up.
10
Jaymes
One month later
Uggh. I am so freaking tired. This past month has been amazing, aside from the fact that I have been dead on my feet every day. Besides being in school full time and being a fulltime mother is both rewarding and tiring. Mariela still has her moments of sadness and I won’t try to take that from her. I want her to grieve for her parents because they were important to her. They loved her. I just don’t want her to wallow in it.
I called down to the Mexican residency office and asked them if maybe they had any pictures of her family from when their house was cleared out. They found a family photo of her and her parents and sent it to us. It now hangs in her room in an 8x10 frame on her wall.
Aside from being sad about her family, she is also exuberant. She talks a mile a minute, has a ton of energy, and loves to laugh. She started kindergarten a few weeks ago and has taken to it like a champ. She has even made a few friends.
We went shopping to turn her bedroom into every little girl's dream room and boy did she have fun picking out what she wanted. Almost more than I had watching her. I can’t help but smile as I think about her running around the store throwing things in the cart. Her whole spirit was lit up as she realized there wasn’t anything she couldn’t have. By the end of it, I was sleepwalking.
We had our court date yesterday and it gave us full legal parentage over Mariela. We decided to dress up for it. All of us. Including Brand. Damn can that man fill out a suit. Mariela in her pretty white dress was so beautiful she looked like an angel. The judge looked at us and smiled.
“You three already look like a family. My only concern with situations like this is that the child has gone through so much and I don’t like to put them with couples who are not married. Having that last piece of commitment may be small to some, but it is important to me.”
“If I may, your honor?” Brand asked for permission to speak.
“Please, Mr. Jorgensen.”
“Thank you, your honor. We understand and we agree. I have here our marriage license. We got married exactly three weeks ago. I don’t want you to think it was solely for this purpose, because it wasn’t. I was always going to marry her, sooner rather than later. But it was important to us to also give our daughter stability.” He handed the license to the bailiff. The judge looked at it, then turned to us and asked Mariela to step forward.
“Sweet girl. This is about you. So, I want to ask you, what you want. Do you want them to be your new family?” I don’t know why but my heart is beating a mile a minute. The thought did cross my mind that maybe she wants something else.
“Yes,” she whispered. And like that, the last bit of darkness that lived in me is washed away and my heart soars.
“Very well. By the state of Minnesota, I pronounce you a family.” And we became parents.
Now, here I am sitting in a doctor's office because I have been feeling nauseous and exhausted. My mom has a thyroid disorder, so I am worried about that. But I have also missed a period…or two...I’m not really sure.
“Mrs. Jorgensen. It will take a week or so to get most of your blood work back. But, right now I can tell you positively that you are pregnant.”
“Wow. I knew it was a possibility, but to hear you say it out loud is…. wow. A baby.” Brand and I turned our shadows into light, and it created a new life.
“Would you like to do an ultrasound?”
“Can we?” A part of me wants to wait for Brand, but I think it would be better to surprise him with a photo.
“Absolutely. Since you are not so far along, we have to do an intravaginal. Put on the gown and place your legs in the stirrups and I will be right back.” I do as she tells me in a gleeful fog. She walks in right as I get situated.
“Alright let's have a look and see.” She places the rod inside and as weird as it is to have something phallic going inside me that isn’t Brand, I could care less right now. I am about to see our baby.
“Look there. The little peanut. That is your baby. See the flickering little blimp?” I nod my head, tears blurring my eyes.
“That’s the heart.” OMG! Nothing could beat this moment. She does a few more things and clicks a few keys.
“So, by my measurements your about two and a half months.”
Holy shit! Why am I not surprised? It probably happened the first time. She prints off the pics, gives me a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and sends me on my way.
I drive home in a sunshine filled haze. Walking in the door, my emotions get the better of me watching Brand and Mariela frosting cupcakes.
“Hey, baby. Where have you been?” I laugh a bit noticing he has frosting all over his hands.
“You want a cupcake, Jaymie?” Sweet girl.
It hits me then. What if Mariela has an adverse reaction to this? She has had to endure so much change already. I don’t want her to feel like she is being replaced. Suddenly, I feel not so sure about this, but what can I do? It’s done already and I couldn’t be happier.
“I would love a cupcake, sweet girl. But first I would like to talk to you two. I just came from the doctors and I have some news.” I say trying to calm my nerves.
“The doctor? Baby, you didn’t tell me you weren't well. What’s going on?” I can see the panic starting to rise in him. I love him so muc
h.
“Nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is great.” I pull the picture out and give it to him. Walking to Mariela, I sit on the stool and put her on my lap.
“Jaymes, is this what I think it is?” I nod my head, tears threatening to stream down my face.
“A baby? We’re having a baby? Holy shit baby.” He walks over grabs my face and kissing me. Once he pulls back, I look down at Mariela to see her fidgeting with her hands.
“Mariela. Are you happy?”
“Does this mean I have to go back now that you will have your own baby?” She asks with tears falling, shattering me on the inside. I feel as if she has destroyed me. My poor angel. Her life has been filled with so much uncertainty.
“Oh, sweet girl. No. You are our daughter, Mariela. We would never send you anywhere. We love you so much and you will be a big sister to this baby. He or she is going to look up to you. You will always be our first.” I hug her. I’m sure I do it too hard, but I want no doubts. Brand wraps us both in his arms and just like me, I feel her relax encompassed in his strength.
“Well…” she starts, stopping before finishing.
“Well what sweetie? You can ask us anything.”
“Can I call you mom and dad like the baby?” And the dam is broken. I am seriously ugly crying right now. There is probably snot running down my nose. I look to Brand because there is no way I can answer her right now.
“We would be very honored to have you call us Mom and Dad, angel.” I can hear the emotion in his voice as he kisses her head.
“Ok. Mom and Dad. I can’t wait to be a big sister.” She is our girl. And right here in our kitchen our family is complete.
Epilogue
Brand
Six Months Later
Can I be honest and say that my gorgeous wife is being a bit demanding and more than a little annoying. Don’t get me wrong, I love her so fucking much, but I am beginning to think that this has nothing to do with her hormones or pregnancy. She’s being bratty and spiraling out of control. In the past, she would cut and be fine.