Cuffing Season

by Danielle Allen

  “Yeah, it was less of a ho conversation and more of a gold digger conversation,” City Boy agreed. “But there have been quite a few emails that also called her a gold digger because her track record has shown a history of fucking men who can boost her career. While when she was dealing with the banker, she didn’t have a legitimate business. She had a dream. She wore some dope outfits. She could dress her ass off. And scrolling through her social media, she still can. But there was nothing really there for him to support. I mean, money is money, but she didn’t have a business. So, this is where the gold digger piece is important… Luca Romano could actually help her career. Does that change the conversation? Is she just a smart business woman? Using what she has to get what she wants?”

  “I think it’s smart, to be honest,” Country Boy admitted amidst City Boys booing. “No, no, no… hear me out. If you’re going to be a ho, be a smart ho. Be a ho for somebody that can do something for you.”

  “That’s twenty-six-year-old with a good job Country Boy talking, because I remember the old Country Boy.”

  “Oh, hell yeah… a few years ago, I wouldn’t be advocating for that shit because I didn’t have shit, and I needed hoes that wanted to be hoes for the sake of being hoes.”

  The two of them cackled loudly.

  “But it is also important to note, none of my girlfriends have ever been hoes or sluts or whatever else,” Country Boy continued.

  “And they damn sure weren’t gold diggers since they were messing with you,” City Boy laughed. Once their amusement subsided, he continued. “But to your point, you fucked some hoes back in the day, but you never cuffed them. So, do you think you can turn a ho into a housewife?”

  “I mean…” Country stretched the word out as he considered the question. “I think it depends on the situation. I wouldn’t because that’s not for me. But I think some hoes can be reformed. Hoes need love, too!”

  “You know damn well you can’t turn a ho into a housewife!” City Boy yelled. “Here’s why… if she’s a ho, you know she likes to fuck, and that variety is the spice of life. So, a ho is going to ho until she can’t ho no more. And by that time, why would you want to settle down with someone who has been stretched out and used up? Why would you want to commit yourself to someone that everyone else has been with? Nobody wants to be out with their girl and then have most of the other dudes in town talking about ‘yeah, I hit that’.”

  “I see what you’re saying, but I definitely see some hoes getting married,” Country Boy pointed out. “I’m thinking about this one chick, and she was real slutty—I mean, she taught me everything I know—she is happily married now. So, I think some people can be reformed.”

  “How long has she been married? Is it who I think it is?”

  There was a beat of silence.

  City Boy began to chuckle. “Oh yeah! Okay, I take that back. We do know one success story. And without putting her business in the streets, she moved away in order to find this happiness. Her husband might not ever find out she used to be a ho. He might be just like me and just accept the low number because we don’t want to think that our girl has ever been with anybody else. And if he knows, God bless him. He’s a saint and a forgiving man because that girl was whew! But outside of her, who can you think of?”

  “To be real, just celebrities.”

  “And that’s the only exception. You can be a ho turned into a housewife if you are a celebrity or if you are rich,” City Boy explained. “But if you’re just a garden-variety ho, no quality dude is going to wife you.”

  “Here’s an interesting email from DannyBoy: ‘What’s up, Lost Boys? I got into an argument with a couple of friends of mine over this, and I want you to settle it for us. Luca Romano has probably slept with a lot of people. Venus has slept with a lot of people. But it’s different for men than it is for women. Men are doing the penetrating and women are the ones being penetrated. Men are dominant. Women are supposed to be submissive. Men are designed to be hunters, and women are designed to wait for us to come back from the hunt. Men are supposed to sow their wild oats while women are supposed to keep their virtue intact. Men aren’t hoes for doing what we were made to do. Women are hoes for doing what we were meant to do. Am I right or am I right?’”

  “Danny Boy, you are correct,” City Boy said with a laugh. “I know it’s hard for some people to hear and to understand, but the facts are what they are. Men are hunters. Women are gatherers. Country Boy, what’s your take?”

  “A ho can be a man or a woman. Men can be hoes. Men are hoes. A lot of men are out here being a ho. Same with women. The difference is men are supposed to be hoes and women aren’t supposed to be. We don’t make the rules so don’t come after us. But that’s just the way it is and the way it’s been,” Country Boy explained.

  “Do you think it should change?”

  “I think it should probably change, but I don’t think it will change.”

  “If it hasn’t changed since the dawn of time, why do you think it probably should change?”

  “Because of the two of us, one of us has to have a positive outlook,” Country Boy laughed. “And I know your ass isn’t going to say anything positive.”

  “Well, what’s your honest answer? Do you think women should be able to be hoes without judgement or that men should be judged more harshly for being a ho?” City questioned him, amusement still tinging his words.

  “If I’m being real, if I had to choose, I would say women should be able to ho without judgement.”

  “Why?”

  “If I met a woman who judged me based off of my ho-story or my ho-fax…” He made a scoffing noise. “It’s just better for everybody if we shred the evidence and keep it moving forward.”

  “True, true.” City Boy chuckled. “To settle your dispute Danny Boy, The Lost Boys conclude that some men are hoes, and it’s okay because men are designed to be a ho. And some women are hoes, and it’s not okay because women aren’t supposed to be a ho. We don’t make the rules. We just follow them.”

  “Oh wait, here’s something interesting,” Country Boy interjected. “This email from B-Boy is saying that Venus was on a date with Luca last weekend and the weekend before that she was with NBA prospect Marcus—”

  “Hold up,” City Boy interrupted. “The same Marcus with the girlfriend who made our—”

  “That’s the one.”

  “Well, loyal listeners… this is the perfect ho breakdown. First and foremost, we have the side chick angle. Anyone who is a side chick is automatically a ho. If you are down to let us hit it knowing we have a girlfriend or a wife, you are automatically bumped up to ho status. Second, we have the social perception. There’s Marcus who has clearly been fucking his girlfriend and Venus. And then we have Venus who has been fucking Marcus and Luca. But of all the emails we received, none brought up the fact that Marcus was a ho because of what he did. The only person being looked at like a ho is Venus. And you know why? Because men are going to do what men are going to do.”

  “In Venus’s defense, I’m sure if she knew all of this would come out, she would’ve made different choices. Dealing with two people who are a big deal—especially on campus right now—is why everyone is talking. But if it was two ordinary dudes, no one would care, and she could’ve gotten away with it.”

  “Yeah, but you can’t change what happened now. All you can do is embrace the fact that everyone knows what Venus is about now. But the most telling thing will be how Luca Romano reacts when he finds out,” City Boy snickered.

  “Let’s move the conversation away from Venus for a second. You think we could get Luca on?” Country Boy wondered. “He could tell us what he’s thinking?”

  “Probably not. Especially if he wants to keep fucking her. No… we’ll have to see if we can get Marcus in the studio.”

  “Ummm, City…” Country Boy snorted. “Did you forget what happened a couple of weeks ago? He wasn’t too happy about us talking about his girlfriend.”

 
“You’re right. He may not be happy about us talking about his side chick either then,” City Boy provoked. “I think our friend Marcus might want to share his side of the story.”

  “City, what are you implying?” Country Boy sounded uneasy.

  “I think the people want to hear the truth, and you know I’m all about giving the people what they want. Now, let’s take a call from the phone line—remember we take calls between eight thirty and nine o’clock every Friday when we can get to it. Okay, Caller, you’re on with Date Night.”

  “Hey, City Boy! What’s up, Country Boy? I’m Brady, and my question is about Los Cabos. I went back—”

  “Who?” City Boy asked.

  “Los Cabos…?” Brady sounded unsure of himself. “The other Lost Boy? I saw you posted on social media a couple of weeks ago that he died—”

  “Yeah, his death was a sad one, but what can you do,” City Boy interjected.

  “Um… that’s what I was calling about. I just saw him last night on a date with his girlfriend.”

  “We posted on social media that the topic was about turning a ho into a housewife. Unless you have information about his girlfriend being a ho, this isn’t exactly on topic. But I pray to God you have a ho-story about his girl.” City Boy laughed. “That would be epic.”

  “Come on, City. That’s enough. You’re going too far.” Country warned before directing his words at the caller. “Brady, Los Cabos is alive and well. He’s moved on and is spending his free time in a relationship. It is cuffing season after all. You have a question about cuffing season?”

  “Actually, I do,” Brady answered. “I’ve been dating this girl for about nine months and she’s perfect. I know for a fact that I want to marry her.”

  “Did you check her ho-fax?” City Boy asked.

  “Yes,” Brady laughed. “And that’s the problem.”

  “Tell us more,” City Boy implored.

  “Well, I found out that back in her hometown, she used to get around. But then she moved here for a job and no one knows. I heard about the situation with—”

  “Don’t use her name. Say Venus, please,” Country Boy interrupted quickly.

  “I heard about Venus and now I’m questioning going to my girl’s ten-year high school reunion. It’s cool here. No one knows who she was here. But it’s likely everyone will be talking about her and me and us when we go to her hometown. I don’t want to be known as the guy who turned a ho into a housewife. So, I don’t know what to do. I was wondering if you knew if Luca has made any statements? I saw the two of them together tonight, and there’s no way he hasn’t heard the talk around campus. I can’t talk to my boys about this. I can’t talk to my family about this. So, City and Country… you two are all I have as far as advice goes. Can you get me in touch with Luca or maybe pass along a question for me—I’ll take anything. I just want to know.”

  “Well, damn,” Country Boy started. “I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, if you love her, you could think of it like this: she’s fucked a lot of men in her past, but when she met you, she decided to settle down. So, of all those other men, you were her favorite. You were the best.”

  “I didn’t think of it like that,” Brady said slowly. “Okay, okay.”

  City Boy cleared his throat. “That’s a good way to look at it. Hoes need love too, Brady. You took one for the team and turned a ho into a housewife. You are the real MVP! Thanks for calling, man!”

  “City,” Country Boy chastised. “Thanks for your call, man.”

  “What? You gave some good advice, and I gave him some motivational words. He took one for the team,” City Boy added with a chuckle. “Stop looking at me like that!”

  “You need help,” Country Boy informed him.

  “We’ll tackle mental health another time. But for the rest of October, we’re going to help our fellow brothers out as we transition into cuffing season.”

  “Lord help us all,” Country Boy groaned.

  City Boy laughed. “Okay, that’s it for tonight. Tune in next week and we’ll answer more of your emails, and we’ll be taking calls based on the topic we post on social media. Check us out next week. You don’t want to miss it. I’m City Boy—”

  “I’m Country Boy…”

  “And this is Date Night with the Lost Boys,” the two of them said in unison.

  Chapter Eight

  I received four text messages, three emails, and two phone calls about it by the time I’d gotten up, taken a shower, and ate breakfast on Saturday morning. I’d heard of Date Night with The Lost Boys, but I’d never listened to their podcast. Never in my life did I think I would ever be the subject of one of their shows. But after having people reach out to me to tell me that I needed to listen to it, I decided to wait until my drive to Luca’s photoshoot to take the time to hear what the fuss was about.

  That was my first mistake.

  I sat outside the old wooden barn on the backside of Dowdy Farms. Located about thirty minutes from home, the farm was the picturesque location for country-style weddings and events just on the outskirts of town. The beautiful late afternoon sun blazed the sky as anger blazed through my veins.

  Rubbing my eyes, I fought back the same tears that I’d been fighting since the podcast opened with its bullshit. I’d had people talk about me over the years, but it was normal high school nonsense or college pettiness. But what I was experiencing was on a whole other level. The fact that I was publicly being called a ho and slut-shamed for things I didn’t even do was bad enough. But what was crippling to me was the fear of how the negative attention was going to affect the official launch of Simply Serena and my business relationship with Luca.

  Beating the steering wheel, I let out a primal scream. The few birds that had been lounging on the corner of the barn scattered. My brain was spinning. I had so many thoughts running through my mind that I started to feel dizzy. I wasn’t sure if it was the thought of the theoretical collapse of my opportunities or the humidity of the car, but I couldn’t breathe.

  Scrambling out of the car, I fell to the ground, panting. Struggling to suck in enough air, the tears I’d been holding back dropped. My heart raced as I let out everything that was bottled up in me. I was exhausted. I was stressed. I was angry. I was emotionally drained. So, I cried.

  And that was my second mistake.

  After expelling all the negative energy and pent up emotions, I stood to my feet, brushed myself off, and wiped my face. No epiphany changed my circumstances, but I was done sulking. I gave into everything I felt for fifteen minutes, but I had to shake it off. With a deep breath, I got back into my car, cranked the volume of my favorite song, and then drove further into the property to the Dowdy farmhouse.

  I’d only been to Dowdy Farms once for a wedding. And while the barns for events were rustic and charming, the Dowdy farmhouse was lush and elegant. The cost to rent a barn on the property was expensive, but the price to rent the farmhouse was outrageous. I’d only seen pictures of the inside of the place, so I let my curiosity lure me up the driveway. I parked close to the three cars next to the house.

  “Okay, let’s do this,” I mumbled as I took a deep breath.

  Checking my reflection in the mirror, I regretted not wearing any makeup. The lack of mascara and eyeliner just brought more attention to the fact that my eyes were pink. My skin was clear but slightly flushed. Although Luca had seen me without makeup before, I felt exposed and vulnerable. I didn’t feel like I needed makeup, but if I’d worn it, it wouldn’t be as easy to see my emotions splayed out on my face.

  At least my hair looks good.

  “Hello,” I called out as I pushed open the midnight blue door. I stopped in my tracks. “Woah.”

  The chandelier sparkled from above, casting rays of natural sunlight throughout the open space of the foyer. The sheer elegance of the ballroom to my right and the overall décor made me feel severely underdressed in my jeans and plain white t-shirt. The wide staircase was ahead of me, but I was so caught u
p with the way the light bounced off the marble floor that I didn’t notice the male figure when it appeared.

  “Serena,” Luca’s deep voice called out to me from the top of the stairs.

  My stomach fluttered at the sound of his voice. “Hey.”

  “You’re early…”

  I forced myself to smile despite all that was on my mind. “I hope that’s okay. It didn’t take as long as I thought it might to get here.”

  “Of course, it’s okay. Eleanor left one of her bags at the place we had lunch, so she had to go back and get it.”

  “Eleanor?”

  “She’s the makeup artist. She’ll be back in the next thirty minutes.”

  “Oh, okay.” I looked around nervously. Does that mean we’re here alone?

  “I need to finish setting up. But if you want to put your stuff down, we’ll be up here. How was your drive?”

  “It wasn’t bad.” Hoisting my bag up my shoulder, I climbed the steps. “I was here for a wedding at one of the barns a couple of years ago. I’ve never been in here before.” I looked around as I got closer to him. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Yes, it is. And this isn’t even the best part.” Following him, I was led to a room at the end of a hallway. He opened the door and then stepped back to let me enter first. “This is the best part.”

  “Wow,” I breathed as my eyes went straight to the window wall. The view of the lake was breathtakingly serene. All the colors were so vivid—the dark blue water, the light blue sky, the green grass, the red and gold leaves on the trees. It was the epitome of a beautiful fall day.

  “You can put your stuff here.” He pointed to a table as he made his way to the window wall. “And if you want anything to eat or drink, I have stuff for you.”

  “Oh, thank you.” Distractedly, I put my bag down in the chair and then made a beeline for the window wall. Even with his camera and lighting equipment set up partially in the way, I was still in awe. “This view is incredible.” I gasped. “This is where we were last weekend.”