by Adrian Laing
Without saying a word, Paul indicated to Huck to place his hands around Betty’s head, as had been previously discussed and agreed with Helen. This time Paul had decided that for a person of Betty’s size the ‘anchorman’ needed to be skilled and experienced, which meant that he had to assume the challenging responsibility of holding this whole package together.
By the time the human womb was complete, with Davy Crockett and Mandy Haddock on one side of Betty, Mark Bolland and Katie Windsor on the other, Huck at one end and Paul at the other, they were ready to roll.
“OK,” said Paul in a soft, confident voice. “Let’s all breathe together, as one.” Paul exaggerated his breathing, in and out, and the group followed.
“Now,” said Paul raising his voice slightly, “GO, it’s time to GO!”
Even by Paul’s standards this was a tricky one. It was like, he said later, being a midwife to the birth of a baby elephant or maybe a water buffalo. Betty squirmed and shuffled; her cries of angst and loud sobbing caused Paul, perhaps for the first time in his career as a rebirther, to wonder whether he had bitten off more than he could chew.
The group as a whole swarmed around the room sometimes appearing to lose control completely. Huck held on manfully to Betty’s small head with his big strong hands but this one went on and on and on.
After a full half hour a sort of battle pulse took over. Huge efforts were made by Betty to struggle free, resisted with all the strength of the group, followed by brief periods of calm where by Betty seemed to gather even more strength for another big heave-to.
Paul tried hard not to show his concern, he had seen this only once before when one of the group had shouted ‘Jesus, this might need some intervention’ but somehow he dug deep and carried on, confident that this would resolve itself, somehow and soon.
After what seemed like an eternity a strange smile came over Huck’s face and he looked over to Paul. Huck instinctively it seemed knew that Betty was ready and so she was. Betty heaved and screamed and as Huck let her through his widening hands Betty appeared to come through a makeshift birth canal which was no more than Huck’s strong arms. Betty collapsed into a heap and found herself eventually, weeping uncontrollably on Huck’s broad shoulders.
Paul and the others spontaneously comforted Betty, stroking and patting her, all the while passing reassuring comments.
Mark Bolland was in a particular state. He hadn’t even been present at the birth of any one of his own seven children and this was the closest he had experienced to the real thing. He felt even more emotionally and physically shattered than he had after a two hour concert in front of tens of thousands of hard core fans. Katie, Davy and Mandy were too exhausted to say much at all.
Paul was in no rush to spoil the moment which lasted for some time. Eventually Betty seemed to surface and looked deep into Huck’s eyes with the unfocussed attention of a newborn baby.
“Huck, Huck. Thank you, thank you.” Betty sniffled a bit and sat up slightly.
“My god, that was weird, I mean really, really weird. It was like it was really happening.” Betty suddenly lapsed into further sobbing, but this time it was the tears of a grown woman who had experienced the trauma of childbirth, for real. “You know why I didn’t want to come out Huck? Do you know why?”
Huck shook his head. If he hadn’t been through a similar experience he might not have been so empathetic, but he had and knew how real it felt.
Betty seemed to pull herself together and steadied herself as if what she was about to say was going to be ridiculed. But out it came. “I… I didn’t want to come out because I thought no one wanted me. I was so afraid I’d come out and be… I don’t know… thrown away… I wasn’t sure anyone would want me. That’s why I came here. I was beginning to feel that no-one really wanted me. Not even my daughter, Diane.” That was about as much as Betty could muster before breaking down again but the group was with Betty on this one. Each one in turn without being asked or prompted looked into Betty’s eyes and said comforting words. By this stage Davy was in tears, the likes of which he had never been through, sadder and more real than Snow White’s death.
“Oh, Betty. Betty, we all want you girl. You’re here with us, babe,” said Davy with the quivering voice of a young boy.
Slowly the group sat away from each other and Paul discreetly turned up the lights. No one had noticed that the music had stopped some time ago. With the lights on the group resembled the survivors of a major catastrophe – a flood or an earthquake or some event from which they had all managed, just about, to survive and tell the tale.
No one heard Helen open the door and enter the room. The contrast between Helen’s immaculate and hair-perfect persona and the group’s post-apocalyptic appearance was striking.
“My,” said Helen, “looks like that was some event, everything OK?”
Betty looked strangely different. There was a definite gleam in her eyes and a colour in her cheeks. In fact by any standards Betty was positively shining with life.
“Everything is fine, Helen, thanks. I feel so great, it’s difficult to explain.” Betty gave Huck another hug and stroked in a thankful manner the rest of the group in turn.
“And, Huck, how do you feel?” Helen’s presence suddenly came across as premeditated and her tone slightly rehearsed.
“Thank you, Helen, thank you.” Huck looked at the group as if to make a confession. “Helen and I and Paul of course agreed that I could come back and help do – I mean rebirth – Betty. OK, for my sake as well as Betty’s. I needed to go through this again but on the outside this time. It’s straightened me out, it really has.”
“And Huck, anything else?” Helen looked at Huck as if he had forgotten his lines.
“Oh, yes, yes, of course. Listen everyone. When I first came here I didn’t really know why. All I could say was I needed to be here when I felt most ‘at risk’. Hell, I wasn’t really sure what I meant by that. What I wanted to say was that I wanted to be here when I felt most afraid. And, you know, I came to realise what it was that I was most afraid of.”
The group stared at Huck; it was clear that a ‘big announcement’ was imminent.
“What I was most afraid of was accepting who I am. Who I really am, and I’ve decided. I’m having a sex change. Not like in one go, it takes time. But my mind is made up. I’m crossing over – for good. In a year’s time it will be complete. Goodbye Huck, hello Dolly.”
“Dolly?” asked Davy. “Dolly?”
Huck put on a deliberately deep voice and puffed out his chest, theatrically.
“Yeah, Dolly. You got a problem with that brother?”
“No, no I ain’t got a problem with that er… brother. Just a bit of a shocker, I mean you wanna join the ladies – that’s cool. Freedom, brother, freedom.” Davy knew Huck was joking on one level but it still felt like the danger zone to Davy, Huck being a cage fighter and all that.
“Yeah, look, I now it’s a bit of a shock but that’s how it is.” Huck looked over to Helen who was now holding the remote control.
Helen smiled at Huck and pressed the remote a couple of times. Out of the speakers came the undisputable sound of Barbara Streisand.
The group looked at each other in disbelief at first and then got the point. Within a few bars, everyone was joining in, led by Mark Bolland, the most famous rock star in the world, serenading Huck the micro-psycho.
“Well hello, Dolly, well hello Dolly, you’re looking swell, Dolly, it’s so nice to have you back where you belong…”
Helen took Huck’s hand and they sashayed and swayed together in a little impromptu dance. Betty rose unsteadily to her feet and seemed to hold on for dear life to Davy Crockett who quickly found a rhythm of sorts with his new found dancing partner. After a few awkward moments they were swooning around like an old couple on a farewell cruise, without a single care in the world.
Kati
e Windsor was the only one who looked completely baffled and she turned to Paul and whispered: “Er, is it like this every day at The Place, Paul?”
Paul ignored the question, took the famous actress in his arms and gently waltzed Katie around the room. “Some days, Katie, it’s even better.”
For the first time ever Katie felt something inside, a feeling of belonging, of camaraderie, looked round the room and smiled. “Really, Paul? Maybe I should stay here a bit longer.”
21
Ralph Crossley looked intensely at Simon Hall trying to disguise the raw hate that filled every part of his weary heart.
“Well, what do you think, boss?”
Simon could not contain his pleasure as his finger whipped the images and text across the tablet he was studying. There, laid out in glorious detail, was an expose of the highest order.
“It’s ok, old boy, very ok indeed. I’m tempted to give you a bonus – well a day off maybe – just for the main photo. How did you get that one?”
It was Ralph’s turn to smile. The photo was good, almost too good to be true. It gave the impression that a group from The Place had agreed to participate in the article. There they were all television smiles, staring straight ahead, striking a light-hearted pose in front of Kenwood House, looking so happy, so stupid. It was perfect.
“Judas dressed up as a tourist with his girlfriend. Japanese style, I recall. They knew what was afoot so the girl stood in front of the house with the group behind her. They all saw the picture being taken and couldn’t resist the attention.”
“Fucking classic. Ralph. The powers that be in New York will be ecstatic with this one.”
“I hope they are, Simon. I really do.”
***
Helen had reconvened the ‘Confrontation Therapy’ session in the Encounter Area. This particular session always worked best early in the morning Helen had decided; the participants tended to be half asleep and their egos more manageable than they were later in the day. Helen liked to describe this session as ‘deliciously dangerous’, for reasons the group would soon discover.
“Well, I do want to thank you all for yesterday, from what I heard – and saw – it was quite a session. Betty, how are you feeling, today?”
Betty, it had to be said, did look different. Perhaps it was the way she had tidied up her hair or the fact that for some reason she no longer felt totally out sorts in a two-piece tracksuit. Her complexion, without a trace of make-up, looked healthy, and her eyes seemed especially clear and bright.
“I’m feeling so good, Helen. I’m so up for whatever this involves, I really am. I slept like a newborn baby. I really did.” Betty looked and sounded ready for anything, which was more than could be said for the rest of the group.
“OK,” said Helen. “Let me explain how this works. First of all before we start, I want to you to shake each other’s hands – hug if you want to. Look into the other persons’ eyes. I want genuine contact. No air kisses.”
Helen sat back while Davy, Mark, Katie, Betty and Mandy went through the motions of shaking hands, hugging and getting straight into the spirit of what was already beginning to feel like a very warm and friendly session.
Davy Crockett seemed to make a meal of every mini-encounter, going on about ‘spreading the lurve’ which Helen knew Davy was likely to regret, very shortly.
The group quickly sat back down on their little chairs and looked to Helen for guidance.
“There are no props or gimmicks or distractions today. Only us. We’re just a group of random people who happen, at this point in time, to be sharing each other’s company. No two people ever come here for the same reasons. They may have similar problems, but their reasons for coming here are always different.”
Helen stopped abruptly and looked around the intense-looking faces, each one eager to know where Helen was heading.
“Now, I do need to warn each of you that of all the sessions I conduct, this is the one where people get most frightened. I mean scarier than what Gootsy dishes up.” Helen had suddenly adopted a very different, almost sinister tone. The group, as one, started to shuffle around feeling a collective sense of impending doom.
“So, this is how it goes. This session is in two parts. This is the first part. I’ll get to the second part when I think it’s time.”
Helen paused to make sure she had everyone’s complete attention.
“What we’re going to do is to pretend we don’t like each other. I want you to say whatever you want to any other member of this group. Be brave. There’s no physical contact and you stay in your seats at all times. It’s not about being rude, it’s about saying what someone doesn’t want to hear. Is that understood?”
Helen remained silent, as did the group following the same pattern, as always. Helen waited until the silence edged from slightly uncomfortable to quite embarrassing.
Helen knew how to get this party started. “You see one of the real problems each of you have – and you don’t even know it – is that because you’re so well-known, each for different reasons of course, you’ve become used to people saying what you want to hear. This is a special, a sort of protected space, during which you can say things which are not what you want to hear. It takes a lot of courage.”
“OK, Helen, I get it. I get it.” Davy looked at Katie and took a deep breath. “Katie baby, your last movie was crap. I mean it made no sense, and you looked as if you’d rather be somewhere else. No offence, but from what I read, it was more shit than hit.”
Davy sat back looking rather pleased with himself, not noticing that the force of nature that was Katie Windsor had just been whipped into a storm and was now heading towards Davy Crockett.
Katie’s persona changed with frightening immediacy. “Don’t ‘baby’ me you halfwit. You can’t sing, you can’t dance. You can’t even mime properly. You haven’t had a hit in my whole lifetime and quite frankly you’d do well to take out your false teeth, shut that stupid, decrepit badger’s arse that you call your mouth, and get on with getting through your bucket list before you keel over and die, if you’re not dead already that is.”
Helen tried not to smile; as an opening shot, that wasn’t bad.
Davy looked stunned but sat back is if to say ‘it’s only a game’ and then crossed his eyebrows in deep thought.
Mark Bolland, however, was having none of it, not from a fresh-faced starlet who probably couldn’t even manage to drink a bottle of scotch without losing consciousness.
“Listen, Katie, Katie Windsor. Here’s how it is. You’re barely out of your nappies. You haven’t really lived. You’ve done a bit of acting and won a piece of plastic to put on your daddy’s mantelpiece. You think you’re in the drinking game but in my world you wouldn’t last five minutes. You’re just a kid who’s got lucky. Davy over here has been through it, lived it, survived it. Show some respect girl.”
Betty knew she would have to jump in sooner rather than later and there was a part of her that was enjoying this immensely.
“Don’t try and intimidate Katie just because she’s smaller than you, Mark Bolland. Try picking on someone your own size. The thing is about your music – I mean your whole repertoire – is that it never was as good or original as The Who, or The Beatles or The Rolling Stones, it was sort of right for the time you know when people were drunk or stoned or both, but when everyone sobered up they realised your music was just you know, sort of average.”
Betty leaned back feeling pretty hot but not quite prepared for the next scud missile which was coming her way.
“I don’t need protecting by some beached whale who’s past her sell by date, I can take care of myself, fatty. I know ten year olds who could do a better job presenting a brain-dead telly programme better than you. Why don’t you stop eating like a pig and go for a jog?”
Davy and Mark made a spontaneous, synchronised ‘oooh’ sound as if to r
egister that Katie had entered new and dangerous territory. If Katie was acting, it was clear she was a very talented actress.
Betty for a moment looked quite stunned, not by what had just been said but by the mouth it had come out of. Betty also realised that a few days ago she might have disintegrated into a big, blubbering heap if someone like Katie Windsor had said such a thing, no matter what the circumstances. However, all that Betty had been through seemed now to make sense and she felt a great surge of confidence, an inner power, and was up for it.
Betty placed her hands confidently on her knees and straightened up. “Listen girl, by the time I was your age I had been raped twice, had three abortions and seen my mother die of cancer before she was forty. Your problem is that you have only known success; you probably haven’t been hungry – really hungry – for one day in your whole life. I guess you’re here because you can’t even handle a night out on the booze. You know what Katie, knowing what you’ve got to go through I wouldn’t swap my life for yours, not for one minute. Your time in the spotlight will come and go in the blink of an eye and you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering how it went so quickly. In ten years time you’ll be shuffling around the bargain buckets in Asda, in your pyjamas, wondering whether the life you had was all a dream or not. And you know what Katie, no one will care because by the time you’ve sobered up everyone you know will have had enough of your crap, your parents will be dead and you won’t be able to buy a kid, let alone have one.”
Betty’s outburst did set the bar a touch higher than was expected and for Katie it seemed a bit too real. She placed her perfect face in her dainty hands and sobbed like a little girl. It was as if Betty had caught Katie’s hand grenade and managed to lob it back from whence it came.
No one, apart from Helen who was very astute at such matters, noticed Mandy’s fists clenching tighter and tighter until the whites of her knuckles were disarmingly noticeable.
It was a truism to Helen that ‘he who blows last, tends to blow loudest’ as Mandy was about to demonstrate. At first it seemed as if Mandy was trying to say something but couldn’t quite get the words out. But once the dam burst, she was off.