Safety in the Friendzone

by Elizabeth Stevens

  I watched, my fists clenching of their own accord, as I saw her laugh at whatever he’d said. She added insult to injury when she brushed her hair behind her ear and looked down with that cute little smile that rarely came out. My heart thudded and I felt my jaw tighten. I wanted to hit Brock. That was a new feeling for me.

  But why now?

  Why was I jealous now?

  Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe all that mattered was what I was going to do with this. Only, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I should do with it. And I didn’t know what I wanted to do with it.

  I felt like I wanted to kiss her. I certainly didn’t want anyone else kissing her.

  But did I want to kiss her enough to risk our already dysfunctional friendship?

  At lunch, I saw her in her usual spot in the Common Room. As though she felt my eyes on her, she looked up and found me. There was something a little different in her eyes and I wondered if she saw the same in mine.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her. I couldn’t stop wondering what it would be like. How would she feel? Would she taste like her Coke lipgloss? Would it be sweet? Or would she bring her usual level of spice to it?

  I’d never thought about Charley like that before. But I was thinking about her like that now.

  I ran my hand over my mouth and one side of her mouth tipped up further than the other like she could read my mind. My smile grew more rueful. Of course, she could read my mind. She knew me the best out of everyone in the world, possibly even better than I knew myself. She’d know exactly what was going through my head. The fact she seemed into it just made it better.

  “Earth to Lindon,” I heard and dragged my eyes off Charley to turn to Bleeker.

  “What?” I asked.

  “What is up with you lately? You’re never paying attention.”

  “I’m paying attention!” I snapped. “Jesus. What?”

  “Oh, no. It wasn’t that important. Just your best friend talking to you.”

  “Dude, chillax. It’s not the end of the world.”

  “How would you like it if I was ignoring you.”

  “I’m not ignoring you. I didn’t even know you were talking to me.”

  “Yeah, because that’s better.”

  “What do you want from me, man?”

  “Nothing,” he said sullenly.

  I shrugged at Jory and Harvey. “What?”

  Harvey shrugged as well. And Jory gave me a knowing look. Charley complained that I was a drama queen and obsessed with people paying attention to me every second of the day. Bleeker was worse. He got all sulky when we didn’t pay him enough attention and wouldn’t get over it until we’d made him feel better. But, whatever. He was one of my best mates. You did what you needed to do.

  “Okay. Man, I’m sorry,” I said.

  “Whatever, man. I don’t even care.”

  I rolled my eyes as the bell rang. “You sound it.”

  We picked up our stuff and I tried to listen to whatever Bleeker was going on about it. But I caught Charley’s eye again and got totally distracted by her. I hung back a few steps from the boys to fall into step with her.

  “What do you want?” she asked.

  “Nothing particular.” I nodded to Penny and Jett. “How are we?”

  Penny looked like she’d just realised that the Queen was going to be teaching her next class. Jett looked slightly confused, but looked more suspicious.

  “All right, Lindon. You?”

  “Oh, you know,” I answered with a smile. “Getting along.”

  “We’ll see you later, Charley,” Jett said before they went their own way, leaving me and Charley standing in the middle of the corridor.

  “Were you just nice to my friends…all by yourself?” she asked me, feigning pride.

  “Look, I don’t wanna brag–”

  She lay a finger over my lips. “Unusual for you, but I suggest you quit while you’re ahead then,” she said with a smile ghosting her face.

  “What are you up to now?” I asked her, knowing she probably had my timetable memorised by now and I couldn’t even remember what subjects she was taking.

  “I’ve got my Free, but I need to go back to the library.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  She smirked. “Homework. You in the library this lesson?”

  I shook my head. “Back in the classroom.”

  She started walking and I walked with her.

  “Are you not going to class?” she asked.

  “I thought I’d go via the library.”

  “Aren’t you in the complete opposite direction?”

  I shrugged. “I might be.”

  “So, should you not go to class the quickest way?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Best make sure you get there safely.”

  “I think it’s more likely you won’t get to class safely.”

  I nodded. “You’re not wrong.”

  She shoved me companionably. “Go to class. I’ll meet you at the car after school.”

  I waggled my head. “All right. Only because I’m such a good boy, though.”

  She snorted. “Keep telling yourself that, dude.”

  “I will.”

  “Go!” she laughed, pushing me in the opposite direction.

  “I am!” I said.

  She tried for her serious face and I thought, just for the attempt, I’d be good and go to class.

  “I’m going. See? I’m going.”

  “I’ll see you later.”

  “Later!”

  Chapter 13: Charley

  I wanted to kiss Zane.

  It was irrefutable. I couldn’t refute it anymore – not that I’d tried very hard in the first place, admittedly. It was one thing acknowledging it, but what was I going to do with that?

  Looking at each other at lunch had been…achingly tortuous.

  I couldn’t tell for sure if he was feeling the same as me. But I knew him well enough to suspect he was.

  All I could think about was what if Claudia hadn’t walked in? What would have happened? We would have kissed. But what would he have felt like? What would I have felt like? I couldn’t help it. My head was playing repeat after repeat of my favourite hook up fantasies and inserting Zane into all the supporting roles. Didn’t matter where I was, my mind would inevitably wander off and I’d find myself picturing yet another option for our epic first kiss.

  I got home without making any sort of fool of myself. At least, if any of my behaviour constituted making a fool of myself, Zane was right there with me. There was like this added layer to our interactions that felt eerily familiar and so comforting. I couldn’t describe it in behaviours really, it was in the way his smile was more sub-conscious, in the way he seemed less cocky somehow, it was in the way he looked at me.

  Thankfully, no one else was home when I got inside. So, I went to my room and wondered what to do. My eyes kept straying to the treehouse and I found myself thinking about Zane. A lot. Not just hooking up with him this time. It was everything. Everything that I’d have to take into account if we kissed.

  It would change everything. It would have to. There was no way we could kiss and then go back to exactly how things were. I didn’t care what books and movies said, there was no way a kiss could not change everything.

  Was it worth it?

  I fiddled with my necklace as I looked out at the treehouse, trying to work it out.

  It felt like I’d already decided kissing Zane was worth whatever it did to our friendship, it was worth exploring whatever this was. But there was a part of me who felt obliged to argue and wouldn’t shut up. It kept asking what would happen if Zane and I kissed and everything fell apart. As much as I knew I should be worried about that, I couldn’t. Just the idea of kissing Zane felt so right I couldn’t see a scenario that it wasn’t worth it.

  It was terrifying and electrify
ing.

  Had I liked him all this time?

  Maybe the guy he was with me, yeah.

  So, how did I do anything about that?

  I ummed and ahhed over it until after dinner. I was looking at the silhouette of the treehouse again and an unusual sense of calm, clarity, and confidence came over me. I pulled on a jumper and headed out of my room.

  “You meeting up with Zane, honey?” Mum asked.

  “Uh, yeah. That okay?”

  “Sure. Just don’t be too late.”

  I nodded. “I know. School night.”

  I didn’t know if Zane would meet me. I could be totally making up any reciprocal feelings he had. He might be fully aware that I thought I was feeling a spark and avoid me because it was all just me.

  But I’d never know if I didn’t try.

  I pulled myself up the treehouse ladder and plugged in the signal for ‘I’m here if you want to hang out’. There had never been any obligation in that green light. If I looked out my window and saw it on, sometimes I went and sometimes I didn’t. I reminded myself that if Zane didn’t come, for whatever reason, that was okay and I hadn’t messed anything up.

  I was trying to take my mind off the possibility he wasn’t coming by trying to plan what I’d say to him if he did, that I didn’t hear him arrive until he spoke.

  “Hey,” he said.

  I jumped a little and turned. “Hi.”

  “What’s up?”

  I shrugged. “Oh, you know. Just…felt like saying hi.”

  “Hi.” He grinned as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

  We both just looked at each other for a while, like we were both on the verge of saying something, but never quite saying anything. It wasn’t uncomfortable, I didn’t feel like an idiot, I just didn’t know what to say to him for the first time in thirteen years.

  Finally, he cleared his throat. “Did you want to sit?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Sitting’s good.”

  He smiled and, out of pure habit, we both dropped into the giant beanbag we’d hauled up there. We fell haphazardly, the natural dip in the beanbag making us roll a little into each other.

  “Have you seen how much treehouses cost now?” he asked.

  “Why would I need to know how much a treehouse costs?”

  “Well, because our new houses are going to have one. Maybe Mum and Dad will let me move this one?”

  “That seems more hassle than it’s worth.”

  Zane gasped. “What? This treehouse is priceless, Char.”

  I laughed. “Why don’t we just move in together, then you’ll have a live-in conscience and we can have sleepovers in the living room?”

  “You’ve thought of us moving in together?”

  I forced my cheeks not to heat. “You haven’t?”

  I felt his hand right next to mine. I suddenly became hyper-aware of it and how it would take very little effort by either of us to be holding hands.

  “Of course, I have,” he admitted. “That was, of course, my preference. I didn’t think you’d go for it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you hated the idea of just living next door,” he laughed.

  “Dude, living together would be different.”

  “Yeah?” he asked. “How?”

  I rolled my head to look at him and saw he’d done the same.

  “I dunno…” I said softly as I searched his eyes.

  He shifted so he was lying on his side, still with his body up against mine and his arm supporting his head so he was looking down at me.

  “We might be able to afford a better place together.” His voice was also soft.

  “As long as you don’t leave your undies lying around.”

  “I make no promises.”

  Ugh. His voice was doing something to me. Something good. My heart fluttering like a fly trapped in a car, I licked my lip.

  Zane’s eyes got this sense of purpose in them and the whole mood changed. Not in a bad way, though. Not by any stretch. There was just no more pretence. I tingled in anticipation and I was a mess of nervous excitement.

  He dropped his head off his hand and leant towards me. Feeling like I should do something, I cupped his cheek with my left hand and reached up to meet his lips. And we kissed.

  All my nervous excitement broke apart like uncaged butterflies soaring for freedom.

  I snaked my right arm up under him to rest my hand on his side and I felt him lower himself down a little so he was lying half over me. The kiss deepened and I didn’t regret it for a second.

  One of Zane’s knees was between my legs and our bodies pressed together in a way that totally didn’t gross me out. I wasn’t sure why I’d assumed it would gross me out, but I was definitely anything but grossed out.

  “What about Brock?” he asked suddenly.

  I smiled against his lips. “Brock who?”

  I felt him laugh against me and he kissed me again.

  Chapter 14: Zane

  Shit. I was kissing my best friend. I was kissing my best friend and it was amazing.

  Charley and I talked about sex – not sex with each other, obviously – so I wasn’t completely surprised by the confident way she kissed me. I knew what she thought about sex, I knew how far she’d been with someone, and I knew she wasn’t shy when it came to any of it. Just as she knew all those things about me. But it was still an exciting surprise when she changed the angle of her head and kissed me deeper and harder.

  After a few moments, I needed to take a breath so I pulled away and rested my forehead to hers.

  She was smiling up at me as her fingers danced along my side. I laughed as it tickled.

  “I forgot how ticklish you were,” she said and I felt her tense like she was getting ready to attack.

  “No. No!” I laughed. “No tickling.”

  “That has never worked,” she reminded me.

  And it hadn’t. In fact, history suggested that every time the words ‘no tickling’ were uttered, tickling then had to occur.

  I nodded. “Maybe not. But I’ve got something new in my arsenal now.”

  “Oh really?” she asked me.

  I smiled.

  “What’s that then?” she pressed.

  And I kissed her again. I felt her smile against my lips and it made my heart skip a beat. I’d never realised such a simple act could feel so perfect.

  Charley relaxed against me and into me, and I felt all light and airy and ridiculous. But in the best possible way. I didn’t care what this did to our friendship. From where I was sitting, it could only make it better. There was no way we’d both want this if it wasn’t meant to be.

  When next we came up for air it was because she wriggled.

  “What?” I asked. “You okay?”

  She nodded. “You’ve got your elbow on my hair.” She was smiling so I had to hope that wasn’t a terrible thing.

  I still moved it quickly. “Sorry.”

  She shook her head. “It’s fine. Come here.”

  “Did I know you were this bossy?” I teased.

  She looked up at me. “Did you forget who I am?”

  I shook my head as I lowered back down to her. “Not a chance.”

  “No?” she asked as I kissed her.

  “It’s Georgia, right?” I joked.

  She tickled my side and I flinched away from her with a laugh. I grabbed her arms and held them above her head. I had no doubt she could have got herself free if she’d wanted. She didn’t even try.

  “Now who’s bossy,” she sassed.

  “Oh, you like a little domination?”

  She shrugged coyly. “I’d give it a go. But the safe word has to be–”

  I almost laughed just anticipating what she was going to say. “Don’t,” I warned her, trying to keep my composure.

  “What? I was going to say the safe word has to be Moaning Myrtle.”

  I looked down at her in dis
belief. “Sorry? Moaning Myrtle.”

  She nodded. ‘Yes. That’s my rule.”

  I had not expected her to say that. “I have no objections,” I told her as I leant back down to her.

  As my lips hit hers, she whispered, “Pickles,” and I was done.

  My head slid down and rested on her shoulder as I dissolved into laughter unbecoming of a young man. It was unbecoming of anyone, actually. I was pretty sure there was a snort at one point. Charley just let me lie on her laughing. It was the least sexy thing I’d ever done in my life and I didn’t care anyway. But I particularly didn’t care when I finally got myself under control and pulled back to look at her and she was just smiling.

  “Are you all right?” she asked as though she hadn’t set me off in the first place.

  “Fine.”

  “Fine?” she teased as she brought my face back to hers.

  “Yes. Fine,” I said before I closed the rest of the gap.

  She ran her hand slowly up my side and it had to be the most sexual thing I’d experienced. It made my breath hitch. I had to force a deep breath to try to steady it. At least I wasn’t thinking about laughing anymore. Goose bumps chased over my skin and I both wondered and knew exactly where this girl had come from.

  “Charley?” Brendan’s voice came from below us.

  Charley pushed me up and half sat up. “Yeah?”

  “You coming in?”

  “Yep,” she called back. She sighed, then looked at me. “I’d best go.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  She took my face in my hands and pressed one more kiss to my lips. “I’ll see you later?”

  I smiled. “Of course.”

  I rolled out of her way and let her stand up.

  “You’re not coming?”

  I shook my head. “I might just chill here for a bit.”

  She looked me over weirdly and I knew I wasn’t fooling her as to why. “Really?” she asked.

  I shrugged. I wasn’t apologising for it and she didn’t actually expect me to. “He’s got a mind of his own.”

  She grinned. “He’s not the only one.”

  And with that, she was gone.

  I lay back against the bean bag, my arm flopping over my chest.

  A smile rose unbidden on my lips. A smile that turned into a soft chuckle. A soft chuckle that turned into a giddy laugh.