Safety in the Friendzone

by Elizabeth Stevens

  She rolled her eyes and huffed loudly. “No! I was gonna…” She bit her lip in frustration.

  “Charley…” I said slowly. “If you want to yell at me, yell at me. I’m a big boy, I can take it.

  “I don’t want to yell at you,” she yelled at me.

  I blinked. “Okay. So… What do you want from me, Charley?” I asked it softly. It wasn’t a demand, I just wanted to know what I could do, if there was anything I could do.

  “I… I want you to be the little boy who never left my side. I want you to be the boy who offered his pencils to Georgie Parker in Year Four. I want you to be the kid who used to put others first, not put them down.” She sighed, tears glistening in her eyes. “I want you to be my Zane.”

  My heart hitched. “I am your Zane,” I told her, meaning so much more than those words.

  She looked at me. There was a hint of a smile at her lips, her eyes full of hope. “I just… You are such a dick!”

  I huffed a laugh. “This is a Grade-A apology, Char.”

  She flailed her arms again, but stepped towards me. “No,” she admitted. “This is an apology.”

  “Could have fooled me.”

  A small smile lit her face. “I’m not going to apologise for yelling at you–”

  “Wouldn’t want you to.”

  “–and I’m not apologising for…saying what I said.”

  I nodded. “Good.”

  “Or calling you what I did.”

  “Excellent.”

  “But I am apologising for giving up on you.”

  Now I frowned. “What?”

  She took another step toward me and I didn’t know if I was hopeful or concerned. “I gave up on you, Zane. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d never learn. I shouldn’t have thought a total jerk was just who you were now. I shouldn’t have stopped trying to remind you of the great guy you really are when you’re not showing off to you friends.”

  I took a step. “I gave you four and a half years of doubt, Char. I don’t blame you.”

  “You should. Real friends don’t give up on each other.”

  My heart went with concern as it took a nose dive into my stomach. “Friends.”

  “We are friends, aren’t we?”

  I cleared my throat. “No. Of course. Sure we are.”

  “More like family really, no matter what happens we’re still here for each other.”

  I started to nod, then stopped. “No.”

  “What?”

  I shook my head. “No, Charley.”

  “What do you mean, no?”

  “I mean I don’t want to just be friends any more. I don’t want to be like family. I want to. If that’s all we can be, I don’t want to be that damned selfish. But I can’t go back now.”

  “Zane…” she whispered. “I didn’t–”

  “I can’t.” I shrugged wildly. “I know I screwed up. But I’ve loved you almost my whole life. I don’t remember when there wasn’t you and I don’t want to know what my life looks like without you. I never have. I always thought we’d be part of each other. I just didn’t realise I wanted more. Everything. I don’t want to be the guy you come to when you have a break up. I want to be the guy who gets to love you every day. I don’t want to be the guy you tell about your first time. I want to be your first time. I don’t want to be the best man at your wedding. I want to be the one waiting for you down the aisle. I don’t want…” She was biting her lip against a laugh. “What?”

  She shook her head, still fighting the laugh. “I just…” Her nose wrinkled in sympathy and she came to stand in front of me, taking my hands in hers. “I didn’t mean we couldn’t be more. Or that I didn’t want more.”

  “But you said friends?”

  She reached up to cup my cheek and I leant into her hand. “You’re not going to stop being my friend just because you’re my boyfriend, are you?”

  There was a mad fluttering in my chest. “Boyfriend?”

  She nodded. “Boyfriend. I don’t think we’re ready for husband just yet.” She smirked ruefully.

  “Ah. So, when I said that, it was totally theatrical. I meant–”

  She leant up and kissed me. When she pulled away, she was still smiling. “I’m not saying no. I’m just suggesting we give this more than a few weeks.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, no. Totally agree.”

  Chapter 23: Charley

  It was official. Zane and I were dating.

  Well, we’d made it official between us. Working out how to navigate the waters of high school with our new reality was going to be another thing entirely.

  What business of it was the school’s that we were dating? Good point. Well made. Unfortunately, not how the world works.

  I took a deep breath as Zane pushed the school door open, with a firm – and somewhat comforting – grip on the hand he’d convinced me to let him hold. Because apparently, we had to make an entrance. It wasn’t enough that I’d stooped to agreeing to date him, in his mind we had to make a thing of it.

  Of course, I didn’t really care. If I did, I wouldn’t have made the move from best friend to girlfriend so unhesitatingly.

  I just knew he cared, so I was going to complain and drag my heels at every opportunity. But Zane knew me the best out of anyone in the world. So, he let me whinge and even played along with my charade.

  People stared unashamedly at us as we passed. Zane was his usual level of cool, strolling along like it made no difference if he had Swamp Thing or Jennifer Lawrence trailing after him. He ran a cocky hand through his hair as he kicked his chin in greeting to a few people and I marvelled at the ease he felt.

  I felt like my heart was about to vibrate out of my chest, it was pounding so quick and hard. My palms felt sweaty, but Zane showed no sign of wanting to let go. Too many people were looking at us. Too many people had an opinion – I could see it on their faces.

  But then Zane pulled me closer, put his arms around my shoulders and kissed my temple.

  Everything settled.

  Everything felt normal and right again.

  What did it matter whose hand I held? They didn’t know what we’d been through to get there. I was Charlotte Baines, self-proclaimed hard arse, sardonic outsider and soldier for justice. That didn’t change just because I wanted to hold Zane’s hand. I was more than their judgement of me.

  As we passed, Jory and Cody were harassing a kid a few grades below us.

  “Yeah, I thought so, four-eyes,” Cody said.

  Zane paused and I felt kicked in the gut. I had no idea what he was going to do here.

  “Nice glasses, man,” was all he said to the kid and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  Eye blinked rapidly behind those glasses. “Uh…” He looked around like he was expecting the punchline. “Thanks, Zane.”

  Zane nodded, then looked at his friends. “Come on, boys.”

  “You dating Baines, mate?” Cody asked, his eyes narrowing.

  Jory stepped up behind him, as did Harvey a little less enthusiastically.

  Zane squared up to his friends. “Yeah. Got a problem?”

  Cody looked at me and I looked right back at him.

  The guy had always been a bully. I’d set one foot in Saint Michaels and known he was a bully. I blamed his bad influence for Zane’s awful behaviour. But I was going to take Brendan’s advice and use it as a teachable moment.

  The bullies only won when we stopped stepping up.

  Finally, Cody looked back to Zane. “Top of the Pop and Queen of the Dweebs dating?” he asked. “Nah. Guess not.”

  Zane nodded. “Good.”

  “Told you, you wanted to bone her,” Jory laughed.

  Zane grinned. “That’s none of your business, man.”

  They all had a ‘mate’ moment complete with guffaws and fist bumps and overlapped conversation I didn’t think I needed to be involved with.

  I hovered around a little uselessly, looki
ng around the corridor.

  People were still looking. I tried not to let it bother me, but how often did I just hang around while Zane and his friends talked.

  “Zane?” I asked, trying to get his attention.

  “Yeah?” he turned to me.

  “I’m gonna go find Penny and Jett, yeah?”

  He nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you later.”

  He leant over to kiss me in front of everyone. I’d have minded if I didn’t like it so much.

  “See ya later, Charley,” Cody said, for the first time I could remember calling me by my first name.

  I nodded to him. “Later.”

  Zane insisted on acting like a couple at school. In his words, it meant we weren’t ashamed of our relationship. I told him wanting to keep people out of our business wasn’t shame, it was privacy. But again, I cared less than he did and cared more about complaining, so I went along with it.

  I even actually started to enjoy it.

  But I enjoyed it more when it was just the two of us, when we could just be us the way we wanted to be and not the people we were at school.

  And, with Eden on uni holidays, my house after school it was.

  I was really hoping to pull Zane through the house with no one seeing us. But no dice.

  “You two need something to eat?” Brendan asked from the kitchen.

  My intention was to keep moving and pretend he hadn’t seen us. Zane had other ideas as he stopped in the archway. My hand still in his, I was pulled to a stop as well.

  “What’s recently out of the oven?” Zane asked.

  “I hope that’s not some kind of subtle reference to Charley’s oven,” Mum asked as she walked in from the laundry.

  “Mu-um!” I cringed.

  “What?” she asked innocently.

  I shook my head. “We’ll be in my room.”

  “Speaking of ovens…” Mum started.

  “Do we need to lay down some new ground rules now you two are dating?” Brendan finished.

  I felt like I went bright red and Zane chuckled.

  “Oh, my God,” I hissed.

  “I don’t know,” Mum said to Brendan. “Do we make an open-door policy?”

  “No touching after nine?”

  “Constant parental surveillance.”

  “Jesus!” I cried. “Stop. Really? You haven’t cared about finding him in my bed for years and now you do?”

  Mum smirked. Brendan was no better.

  Brendan’s smile softened. “You think for one minute that we would have been okay with that if we didn’t know Zane didn’t just respect our home, but you as well?”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Oh.”

  “We have faith that whatever you two do and don’t get up to, you’ll be sensible, respectful and ready for it,” Mum added.

  I wrinkled my nose in distaste. “Enough.”

  “Thanks, guys,” Zane said proudly.

  “We trust you with our girl,” Mum said.

  “Naw, guys…” Zane cooed.

  “See?” I said. “He is totally your favourite. Why don’t you just adopt him already.”

  “Well, we thought about it,” Brendan started.

  “But we can wait for the wedding to really call him son,” Mum finished.

  I spluttered and Zane laughed.

  “Very sweet of you, Kate.”

  Mum just had to continue. “Of course, I think Charley should take Zane’s name.”

  Quite aside from the fact no one was marrying anyone, I had to respond to that. “What? Why?”

  “Because Zane Baines sounds far less elegant than Charlotte Lindon.”

  “I dunno,” Zane said thoughtfully. “Sounds kinda like a superhero’s alter ego.”

  I didn’t care we were seventeen and literally a week into a proper relationship, I melted at the cocky grin on his face. I wasn’t quite so far gone that I was going to ask but, had he asked, I certainly wouldn’t have counselled against it this time and I probably would have even said yes. I’d have instantly realised how stupid that was, but I still would have done it.

  “Zane’s dream come true,” I replied.

  There was a very pregnant pause and everyone looked at Zane before he said, “Oh, I have a comeback. I just wasn’t convinced it was appropriate for the ‘rentals to hear. Did you want me to–?”

  “No!” Mum, Brendan and I all laughed loudly.

  “How about we take this to the bedroom?” I asked.

  “You want to rethink that sentence?” Mum asked me wryly.

  “Really no need,” Zane said cheekily.

  I rolled my eyes as I started pushing Zane to my room. “Kay, thanks, bye!”

  “Let us know if you need anything!” Brendan called.

  “I think we can work it out for ourselves, thanks.”

  Chapter 24: Zane

  Things were different. But this time it was a good different. I could feel it like something in the air. It was all around me. As the older generation are fond of saying: it was the vibe.

  Maybe it was me.

  Over the next few weeks, I found more and more courage to stand up to my friends and tell them when they were being dicks. Sometimes they listened, sometimes they called me pussy-whipped and ignored me.

  But I didn’t laugh anymore.

  Well, I tried not to laugh and it was slowly becoming my first reaction to speak up not to snigger.

  As Charley was fond of saying, I wasn’t perfect but I was trying. And Charley made me want to be the very best human I could.

  I’d thought I’d lost her, but she was better to me than I deserved. She’d always been better to me than I deserved. And I was going to try to deserve it a little more.

  The school adjusted to us dating. Most people were surprised, having no reason to know our history. They had questions. A lot of questions.

  “How did you guys get together?”

  “How do you even know each other that well?”

  “Was she tutoring you?”

  “How long have you known you’re in love?”

  “Are you all going to be, like, friends now?”

  It was a minefield. I didn’t much care. I was used to people constantly talking to me, asking me questions, being interested in my life.

  Charley, though?

  I could tell it was frustrating her and I didn’t know what I could do about it. I tried telling people it wasn’t really their business, but that got a less than favourable response more often than not.

  It didn’t last long, though. A couple of weeks later and the next new couple had come along and distracted everyone.

  Jett was slowly warming up to me. And by that, I mean he didn’t look at me with quite so obvious contempt in his eyes. I felt a little less nervous around him as he seemed to get less and less intimidating. I was pretty happy to bond with him when I could.

  Although, I put my foot down after he first got me to try rugby. From the moment we stepped out from under the cover of the verandah, it all went badly for me. But it did its job.

  “Never again!” I laughed, spluttering mud.

  As I tried to stand up, I slipped and ended up on my arse again half on top of Jett. Not that it mattered, because I was already covered head to toe in mud.

  Jett laughed as I fell again.

  “How do you do this?” I whined.

  “Cleats,” he answered, standing up easily and holding his hands out to me.

  I took them and he hauled me effortless to my feet.

  “Can we go inside now?” I puffed.

  Jett clapped me on the chest. “Not yet.”

  “When?”

  “We don’t stop until there’s mud in your arse crack.” He clapped me on the chest again and jogged off.

  Damn him and his easy athleticism.

  “I am not made for this!” I called. “Also, I’m pretty sure there’s mud in my arse crack!”

 
But that hadn’t got me out of that scrimmage.

  Luckily, my sportsmanship did get me out of any further ones. Plus, Jett didn’t have any more time for me to dick about at their practice because they had a season to concentrate. And yes, his whole team had had a great time hazing the captain’s friend’s new boyfriend.

  Penny was more easily won over. As soon as I told her Sam was my favourite Winchester, she was on Team Zane.

  “There aren’t teams,” Charley insisted.

  Penny and I nodded.

  “You’re either Team Sam or Team Dean. Rules,” Penny said.

  “Stupid rules,” Charley said.

  “You only say that because it’s two against one,” I told her.

  “Dean is clearly the better Winchester,” Charley said like it was matter of fact.

  “You just think he’s the hot one,” Penny accused.

  Charley nodded. “Yeah. What else are we supposed to judge them on?”

  Penny was very passionate about her love of Sam Winchester and I thoroughly enjoyed ganging up on Charley with her. I personally didn’t really have a favourite, but it was worth saying I did to disagree with Charley. Naturally, Charley knew what game I was playing, but she didn’t say anything to Penny.

  And, we spent a lot of our alone time in the treehouse.

  Sometimes we relived our childhood, playing pirates or astronauts for a very short-lived run. Sometimes we were very adult and talked about grown-up things like getting part-time jobs after school and moving out one day.

  We’d lie on our beanbag, our fingers laced and just coexisted. And, I had to wonder, if there really was safety in the friendzone. After all, my girlfriend was and always would be my best friend.

  Safety in the Friendzone

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