Do Better

by Rachel Ricketts

  As described by the University of Kansas’s Community Tool Box, internalized oppression is when people are targeted, discriminated against, or oppressed over a period of time such that they often internalize—meaning believe and make part of their self-image and internal view of themselves—the myths and misinformation that society communicates to them about their group.1 This is not to be confused with internalized racism, as only white folx can partake in, let alone internalize, the global system of race-based dominance, and internalized racism is just racism. Periodt! BI&PoC internalize white supremacy, Black folx internalize anti-Blackness, women+ internalize patriarchy, LGBTTQIA+ internalize homophobia and transphobia, and those living at the intersections of oppression internalize them all. Anyone belonging to a marginalized group or groups is prone to internalize the oppression taught and consumed by the dominant culture. As South African anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko once said, “The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.”2

  MANIFESTATIONS OF INTERNALIZED OPPRESSION

  Internalized oppression, also known as self-oppression or internalized inferiority, manifests in two primary ways through either the individual or group membership. With respect to race or ethnicity, on an individual level we oppress ourselves by internalizing the myths and misinformation spread by white supremacy about our race, gender identity, sexual preference, or ethnicity. This results in hiding our truth, withholding our authentic, fulsome identities, and/or playing into stereotypes leading to self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, when I was twelve years old I had a crush on the class cutie. Paul was blond and blue-eyed with Australian ancestry. One day I saw a photo of Paul and me that a friend had taken, and I quickly concluded our fate: we could never be together. He was the epitome of white male ideals—why would he ever like a “Black girl” like me? And that was that. I put a lid on liking Paul or any of the other guys in my predominantly white class and deemed my Blackness decidedly undesirable. Paul wound up marrying a South Asian woman—whom I adore—and my inner child was nearly moved to tears.

  Race- or ethnic-based internalized oppression shows up through group membership when BI&PoC buy into white supremacist myths and misinformation about other members of our own racial or ethnic group and oppress or discriminate against one another instead of fighting those in power (white folx). This results in fighting, isolation, discrimination, criticism, etc. within ethnicities and communities of color. Anti-Blackness within the Black community is an example of internalized oppression on the group level. This plays out when, for example, Black men+ refuse to date Black women+, or Black folx advocate for people in power who actively discriminate and oppress Black people (hello, Kanye!).

  Internalized oppression in the individual and group membership contexts leads to the furtherance of white supremacy amidst and between BI&PoC and shows up in all sorts of ways, such as:

  A Nigerian woman+ bleaching her skin to be lighter (i.e., whiter).

  A Mexican child refusing to speak Spanish in public to assimilate with the dominant white language (i.e., English).

  White-passing BI&PoC denying their non-white ancestry to reap the benefits of whiteness.

  An Indigenous person with straight A’s only applying to community college because they don’t believe they’re smart enough to succeed elsewhere.

  The Rwandan genocide (murdering each other based on groupings created by and for the benefit of white colonialists).

  I often find it’s internalized oppression that fucks me up the most. It has me out in these streets stifling my own damn self and pits other Black folx against me (and me against them). White supremacy has done a damn good job of ensuring we hate ourselves and each other arguably more than white supremacy itself. You’d be hard-pressed to find a BI&PoC who’s escaped this vice—not even our greatest heroines.

  My mother once told me about the time she had the honor of designing the stage for Maya Angelou at a speaking event. When she went back to the dressing room that she’d designed to meet Ms. Angelou, whom I adore, our poetic prophet was having none of it.

  “She can’t come in,” Ms. Angelou said, pointing to my white-passing mom (after finishing all the hard alcohol my mom had been required to leave in the room). “She’s milk!”

  My fellow Black folx will know that Ms. Angelou was referring to the fact that Black folx come in all shades, from milk white to blue black. My mother was a light-skinned, multiracial Black woman, and Ms. Angelou, of much darker complexion, actively discriminated against her because of it, leaving my mom utterly crushed.

  I don’t share this to shit on anybody—both my mom and Maya are legends gone too soon in my eyes, and if you’ve read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, you know Maya endured some seriously painful stuff. My point is that internalized oppression can get the best of all of us. And it’s a damn shame.

  IMPACTS OF INTERNALIZED OPPRESSION

  Irrespective of how it manifests or disseminates, race- or ethnicity-based internalized oppression has serious adverse impacts on the oppressed. These include:

  feeling inherently less worthy, good, capable, deserving, beautiful, accepted, etc. because of your race or ethnicity

  believing there is something wrong with being a BI&PoC

  believing you are not BI&PoC, or less of a BI&PoC, because you are white-passing

  having lowered expectations and limiting your self-potential

  experiencing limited choices to either act in alignment with white supremacy or disrupt the status quo and the internal conflict that creates

  feeling hopeless or overwhelmed by the lack of available possibilities3

  As Dr. Tarakali shares, it also frequently leads to survival strategies that may include:

  appeasing and caretaking of the oppressor

  staying silent or attempting invisibility

  withdrawing from and avoidance of the oppressor

  isolation

  dissociating and numbing

  hypervigilant scanning and interpreting everything in the social environment as a threat4

  These impacts are real, lasting, and take a toll on the well-being of the oppressed. As a queer Black woman I have been dealing with adrenal burnout caused by caretaking, hypervigilant scanning, and people pleasing for close to a decade. The consequences are more multifaceted and magnified for those at additional intersections of oppression. A queer, trans, dark-skinned, disabled, fat Indigenous woman will have to unpack further layers of interconnected internalized oppressions, for example.

  For multiracial folx with white origins and/or white-passing BI&PoC, the mindfuck continues, as you are likely to both benefit from white privilege (in some form) while also battling internalized oppression caused by white supremacy. For this reason, many white-passing BI&PoC are forced to work double duty to address their shadow side, which often entails the oppression of others while also being oppressed because of race or color.

  HOW DO WE HEAL?

  White supremacy starts within, and for the oppressed, it festers there, creating a potent cocktail of self-hate and in-group conflict. How do we overcome it? First and foremost, by dismantling white supremacy. It is impossible for BI&PoC to eradicate our internalized oppression so long as its cause, white supremacy, exists. Though it is on white folx to dismantle the oppression they created, we all must fight for racial justice out in the world and make room for BI&PoC, especially queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+, to prioritize our own comfort above that of white supremacy in our hearts and homes. Facing our shadows, showering ourselves with compassion, and supporting ourselves with soulcare are all vital to the resistance, as is coming together in sufficiently safe spaces free from the white gaze to commune over our shared struggles. Acknowledging the ways in which we cause harm to ourselves and others serves to loosen the shackles of oppression. As Audre Lorde once said, “What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence?”5 Naming in
ternalized oppression when you notice it at play in yourself and others can help to minimize its power. Get clear about your intention to address and overcome your internalized systems of dominance. This intention can reduce your time spent in tension. And BI&PoC deserve all the freedom we can get.

  Spiritual Soulcare Offering/Call to Action

  REFLECT AND JOURNAL ON THE FOLLOWING:

  How has internalized oppression shown up in my daily life (re: race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, etc.)?

  How have I contributed to internalized oppression in others (particularly queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+)?

  This can unearth a lot of conflicting feelings, so you may wish to ground yourself before and/or after. If it is available to you, head outside and put your bare feet, hands, or back on the earth (grass, soil, or sand). Getting into nature and connecting to the earth’s electrical energy, known as earthing, can alleviate stress and promote well-being. Hence the term “getting grounded”! If nature is inaccessible, all good: if possible, lie on the floor at home and envision roots extending from your spine into the earth below.

  Call to Action

  IN MOMENTS WHEN YOU FEEL INTERNALIZED OPPRESSION MAY BE AT PLAY, ASK YOURSELF:

  Whose comfort am I prioritizing right now?

  Why?

  What is it costing me and/or others (especially queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+)?

  Commit to calling it out in yourself and/or others whenever it is sufficiently safe to do so.

  EIGHT

  Spiritual Bypassing & Emotional Violence

  The courage to be authentic is spiritual. Unauthorized positivity in order to be liked [or] approved of is not.

  —UNKNOWN

  My father has spent the better part of his life seeking spiritual affirmation. He has changed his name to abide by numerological guidelines, fasted to better commune with his physical vessel, and spent what I’m guessing cost tens of thousands of dollars on (blood) crystals to energetically uplift his environment. When I was eight, he built a meditation hut in his backyard. When I was ten, right after my half sister was born, he spent a month of solitude camping in the jungle in Kauai, searching for Spirit or salvation or whatever the fuck you find living solo in a jungle. When I turned twenty-eight, he moved to Malaysia to live near his guru of the moment. I don’t know many people who have spent as much time and energy on their spiritual fitness as my father. And yet, I have not experienced the fruits of all that money and supposed labor. For all of his efforts to connect with his highest self, my father remains entirely, and often incredulously, ill-equipped to face his shadow self or take any responsibility for his actions. Despite practicing yoga and meditation long before it became cool, he remains unable or unwilling to own up to his shit and truly heal his heart. Instead, he uses his spirituality as a cloak to not only disguise his personal imperfections and emotional underdevelopment, but justify them. Actions such as telling my twelve-year-old self I would never amount to anything. Or criticizing me for being unable to “release the past” when I hold him to account for his emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive ways. I’ve spent much of my life enraged by and resentful of this fact. Now, I mostly feel sad. I have come to realize that my father is partaking in a well-oiled machine of denial, bypassing, and emotional violence. One created and powered by a white supremacist source of spirituality.

  Spiritual bypassing is the “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks… to disparage or dismiss relative hum[x]n needs.”1 It is rampant not only in spiritual and wellness circles but in the daily discussions I have with liberal white women+ (especially cis women), who use it to primarily end any discussion about race that makes them uncomfortable. Being pretty much any discussion they have with me about race! It’s the notion that spirituality means things are always light and positive. It means they bypass addressing or talking about the hard stuff. And that is not spirituality. That is the opposite of spiritual. That’s using spiritual tools or offerings as a means to bypass the reality of people’s lived experience, to bypass humxn emotions and discomfort. In terms of racism, spiritual bypassing manifests as:

  Constantly seeking “positive vibes only.” This is “love and light supremacy,” where spirituality is used to avoid an embracing of our shadow selves, conflict, anger, or challenging emotions of any kind.

  Claiming we are all “one race,” which denies the very real and divergent lived experiences of BI&PoC.

  Perpetuating the “law of attraction” or “you create your own reality” style of thinking, which denies systemic barriers for BI&PoC and privileges granted to white/white-passing folx, also while blaming BI&PoC for our inability to overcome institutionalized oppression. As tarot reader Corinna Rosella said, “Maybe you manifested it. Maybe it’s white privilege.”2

  Anger-phobia and overemphasis on forgiveness, which denies the full spectrum of humxn emotions, demonizes anger or sadness, and requires BI&PoC to withstand violence while undertaking deeply challenging emotional, mental, and spiritual labor, causing us harm and upholding white supremacy.

  “Stop being divisive,” which again denies the lived experiences of BI&PoC and upholds the egregiously divisive status quo that is white supremacy.

  The person partaking in spiritual bypassing is keeping their comfort prioritized. It’s about them, their inability to face their shadow or tolerate their entire emotional spectrum, let alone the spectrum of others, and that’s it. There’s nothing spiritual about it. It is also often accompanied by a serious level of judgment of others and anything “low vibe,” delusional thoughts of being somehow spiritually enlightened, repression of emotions, or a tendency toward mindless compassion. Now, here’s the tricky part. Because nothing is fully black or white (pun intended). There are nuances to all of these things. For example, I very much believe that we are all one. I believe we are interconnected beings. But in order to appreciate and lean into our connection, we must honor the vastly different experiences each of us is having and the ways in which I have been harmed, and have harmed others, at the hands of white supremacy. It’s a thin and often shadowy line. But fear not. I got suggestions to help you with this delicate dance.

  BOLSTERING AGAINST SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

  One of my primary suggestions for recognizing if you are engaging in spiritual bypassing as it relates to racial justice and anti-oppression is to check in with your honest intention and its actual impact. Are you trying to make things easier and more comfortable? If so, for whom? If it is for white people or the oppressor in question, chances are something problematic is at play. Spiritual tools and practices are about unity and oneness, but that unity is only authentic if it is bringing folx from all walks of life together to be affirmed and supported equitably for who they truly are and for the breadth of their full lived realities. In order to create real union we need to honor and acknowledge the oppression faced by BI&PoC due to white supremacy; women+ due to patriarchy; trans and queer folx due to transphobia and homophobia; and queer and trans BI&WoC due to all of the above.

  Spirituality is a means for us to learn how to withstand our discomfort and unpack and address its origins; it is not intended as a mechanism for constantly feeling lighter or better, for working around or away from challenging emotions. If you are engaging in avoiding discomfort through a spiritual-based excuse, you are spiritual bypassing. That is entirely different from invoking Spirit to help you move through challenging emotions or as a means to help you dive deeper into yourself and the ways in which you can honor and accept wrongdoings, repair harm caused, and expand into a higher, more aligned version of yourself. That is the path to Spiritual Activism.

  EXPOUNDING EMOTIONAL VIOLENCE

  In addition to spiritual bypassing, there are a host of other harmful actions and behaviors that are often present amidst those both inside and outside of spiritual or wellness communi
ties, all of which are forms of emotional violence. Emotional violence can be described as a range of psychological-based behaviors inflicted, intentionally or unintentionally, to manipulate, silence, hurt, coerce, control, belittle, isolate, intimidate, or otherwise psychologically, verbally, emotionally, or spiritually harm another. I include spiritual bypassing as a form of emotional violence because it results in psychological, spiritual, and emotional harm. For example, if I inform a white yoga teacher that I found their class harmful because they did not use inclusive language and the teacher responds by saying I am being divisive or that they “don’t see color,” the teacher is using spirituality to avoid the issues being raised and derail the conversation at hand. This causes me emotional harm because I have expended time, energy, and labor to raise these concerns, and the result is being met by defensive responses that deny my lived experience and reject my request for connection. Our deepest need as humxns is belonging, so feeling constantly othered, ostracized, and unwanted, especially as a result of speaking truth to your own oppression, is incredibly painful. It causes real and tangible harm. Other forms of racialized emotional violence include: