Do Better

by Rachel Ricketts

My husband gathering his men+ to join me at a march for women’s rights.

  My East Asian friend acknowledging the ways in which I face additional oppression due to misogynoir in our discussions about racism.

  A white client in the wellness industry holding a fund-raiser to pay for my travel expenses to host a racial justice workshop at SXSW.

  My straight friends acknowledging and affirming my bisexuality when I came out.

  A white friend using her power and privilege at a major national business to get the company to hire my services.

  Folx sending me financial contributions when they have learned something from me IRL or online (without asking or sharing, just doing).

  These are only but a few of many ways you can show up for those who hold less power and privilege than you in some or all instances. Below I’ve shared some additional (but in no way exhaustive) examples of ways to act in allyship. I have separated these into two categories, external and internal acts of allyship, which are by no means black and white, because it is important not only to act in allyship in outward, tangible ways but also inner, abstract ones. Truly acting in allyship requires both. As always, I have highlighted acting in allyship with queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+, but many of these are applicable for BI&PoC generally and/or other or additionally marginalized folx. There’s also space at the bottom of each for you to add your own ideas for doing better, because we’re here for critical, independent engagement!

  Examples of External Acts of Allyship

  Lobby for government reparations from all countries that participated in and benefited from the transatlantic slave trade to all Black folx in such countries.

  In the words of Rihanna, tell your friends to “pull up.” Engage them in your racial justice learnings and direct them to your queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+ educators, ensuring never to attempt to lead racial justice efforts if you are white.

  Divest your money and support from brands, celebrities, and influencers who do not actively support racial justice and anti-oppression, and support Black and Indigenous folx and brands. Call on your people to do the same.

  Address harm when it arises, whether it originated from you or not. Believe queer and trans Black women+ and understand that, no matter your race, continuing to work with, defend, or befriend people who have been shown to harm queer and trans Black women+ is also an act of violence.

  Set aside a monthly budget for ongoing micro-reparations to queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+.

  Use your light-skinned privilege to amplify darker-skinned folx and dismantle colorism.

  Speak to the organizers of conferences, panels, and events that do not feature and remunerate multiple queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+ (one ain’t enough) and boycott if they refuse to do so.

  Support queer and trans Black- and Indigenous-owned and -operated businesses as the standard rather than the exception (head to www.rachelricketts.com/buy-black for a list of places to start).

  Advocate to defund the police and abolish the prison-industrial complex, including the school-to-prison pipeline, while reinvesting funds into Black communities.

  Demand and support an entirely new, anti-oppressive political system and vote for queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+ in the interim.

  Learn the names and history of the Indigenous peoples whose stolen land you live, work, and play on. Acknowledge them and their land at every opportunity, and support them or their descendants energetically, financially, and otherwise.

  Withdraw from capitalism, wealth accumulation, and all forms of extraction and exploitation in ideology and lived reality.

  Amplify queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+ racial justice educators/activists, and share the specifics of what you have learned from us.

  Stop appropriating Black American culture (see Chapter 10). Be considerate of how you consume their music, language, style, hair. If you aren’t actively supporting an end to anti-Blackness personally and collectively, you have no right to indulge in Black culture (especially when we are oppressed in a way you’re not for doing the same thing, like rocking cornrows).

  End the white-washing of wellness: Stop using white sage, palo santo, and other sacred and endangered Indigenous herbal medicines. Stop frequenting businesses that treat yoga or other BI&PoC practices as a commodity instead of honoring the roots and intentions of the practice. Follow, support, and pay BI&WoC teachers and mentors.

  Defund the gross wealth accumulation of the Christian and Catholic Church (and the oppressive powers that wealth affords them).

  Support Indigenous land and water protectors: write your governments in support of Indigenous rights and use your power to amplify their message.

  Put your body on the line to protect Black and Indigenous people from physical violence or arrest.

  Use inclusive language, including but not limited to asking for and stating your own pronouns—always, not just in the presence of those you believe aren’t cisgender. And stop using ableist language (like crazy, dumb, blindspot, etc.)

  Apologize when you cause harm and change your behavior (see Chapter 11).

  Examples of Internal Acts of Allyship

  Do your personal inner-healing work to better withstand your own discomfort and address the ways you oppress others. For example, through talk therapy, asking for help, processing and communicating your emotions, connecting with yourself, etc.

  Take full ownership over dismantling oppressive systems you and the dominant group you belong to created and perpetuate.

  Contemplate the ways in which all forms of oppression are connected and how you can best address allyship in the most intersectional way.

  Question whose comfort you’re prioritizing. (Is it the person with the most or least power, and why?)

  Unpack and address how colorism shows up for you and causes you and others harm (especially darker-skinned folx).

  Stop lumping all BI&PoC into one group and address our specific harms individually, prioritizing anti-Blackness and anti-Indigeneity.

  Notice and challenge your oppressive thoughts as and when they arise.

  Challenge your inner ableism when you feel pressure to be “productive” rather than simply be.

  Ask yourself: Whom could this action or inaction hurt today and/or in the future? And at the same time ask: Whom could this help?

  Notice the inequity present in the spaces you visit and occupy and how they impact those not represented or welcomed.

  Reflect on the queer and trans Black and Indigenous stories and narratives you experience through music, art, books, film, or otherwise. Ask how they make you feel and process why.

  Practice soulcare and give yourself support to best support others (via community and otherwise).

  Reflect on how much you/this world takes from Black and Indigenous communities (music, food, style, language, resources, land, spiritual practices) and how little you/it gives back.

  Care more about acting in allyship than signaling to others that you are an “ally.”

  Constantly check in to ensure your allyship centers queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+.

  There is an entirely inexhaustible number of actions you can take (well beyond this list), and the ifs, whens, and hows of acting in allyship will always depend on the specific circumstances you’re in. Resist the urge to rush out and check this list off so you can feel better about your privilege—shit doesn’t work like that and this isn’t about you. Whatever actions we seek to take or not take in order to act in allyship, the most helpful guiding question will always be: How does this serve, or not serve, those most oppressed? In the words of Dr. Dori Tunstall, we can ask how our actions or inactions might “assist the most vulnerable in their ability to cope with the conditions that are causing their vulnerability” and, I would add, dismantle the systems creating that vulnerability altogether.3 In addition, so many folx acting in allyship do so as a result of the work of those most marginalized. And we de
serve credit! As Pro-Intersectional Feminism (@iwritefeminism) suggests, “Ask yourself—who taught me this? What have I done for them in return? Am I giving them credit for their labor? To whom do I owe my growth?”4 Those most oppressed do not owe you thanks for acting in allyship (it’s just the right thing to do), but we deserve gratitude for showing you the way. For teaching you, holding space for you, and leading the charge toward our collective liberation. Gratitude means crediting our words and work, remunerating us, and otherwise supporting us physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically. We don’t need you to be a voice for the voiceless, because nobody is without a (metaphorical) voice. We just need you to pass the damn mic.

  PERFORMATIVE ACTIVISM

  It is important to not only get clear on what acting in allyship is but also what it isn’t. Allyship doesn’t mean hitting up a protest and posting it all over social media to ensure everyone knows you were there. Nor does it mean wielding your greater economic power (which you likely have as a result of white supremacy) to try to absolve your role as oppressor or rectify harms you’ve caused. Performative activism or allyship, also known as slacktivism, is a well-intended social justice gesture with no real teeth or substance. It is more about signaling your “goodness” than it is supporting the oppressed. And this shit is flagrant. The rise and increasing power of social media has allowed for more messages and discourse to spread to a wider audience, a great thing for oppressed voices; but when it comes to activism, it has created a community of individuals who fall under the false impression that clicking a “like” button, posting a black square, or otherwise partaking in outward activities for the sake of ensuring everyone all over the internet is aware of how liberal/great/non-oppressive you are makes you an activist. It doesn’t. Not even fucking close. Performative allyship is not only offensive, it’s dangerous. Take, for example, the safety pin movement where white people in the United States and UK, following Trump’s 2016 election and the Brexit vote, took to wearing safety pins to signify solidarity and label themselves “safe” for BI&PoC. Wearing a pin will not address your racism—you can and likely will still cause harm to the BI&PoC you seek to provide safety for. And, more important, violent white supremacist groups quickly saw this as an opportunity to prey on already vulnerable populations, donning safety pins in order to cause harm to any BI&PoC who wished to approach them.5 If you really want to act in allyship, you need to take action. Both internally and externally. You need to try. And yes, that may mean being called out and doing better the next go-around. Allyship isn’t about doing it perfectly (nothing is), it’s about growing and apologizing and continuously being and doing better. In the words of my Insta-friend Florence Given, “Real change happens when we give up power, without telling anyone we did it.”6

  HOW TO ENGAGE IN TOUGH CONVOS

  One of the major ways we can act in allyship is to call out those who are perpetuating white supremacy, anti-Blackness, and other forms of oppression. Especially with the family, friends, and colleagues closest to us. Below are some suggestions for doing just that.

  #1—Set Boundaries

  First, set tangible boundaries for yourself—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, verbally, and physically. Get clear on what your deal breakers are and let those closest to you and/or whom you most spend time with know what they are. This helps you know when you need to call yourself into action and how. For example, I have zero tolerance for racist or misogynist jokes or commentary. If they’re said in my presence, I will call it out on the spot. If I have the energy and feel sufficiently safe, I’ll explain why what was said or done was problematic and why I refuse to be around it. If you’re white and/or hold other privileges, this is one of the eight million times per day when you get to choose if you will act in allyship or not. As a queer Black woman I am exhausted at calling out and educating on white supremacy all day every day, and there are tangible consequences for my life and livelihood when I do so. Even more so for my friends living at the intersection of additionally oppressed identities such as trans, poor, fat, immigrant, old, disabled, etc. White and otherwise privileged folx have a lot more work to do, so I really implore y’all to speak up and out, even and especially when it feels uncomfortable. All that said, also remember that you aren’t an anti-oppression educator (unless, of course, you are!). Either way, you don’t need to head into these situations guns blazing, ready to change the minds of every last oppressor you encounter. If that’s your mission, well, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Your role is to follow the queer and trans Black and Indigenous racial justice educators leading this work and to call white and other privileged folx on their shit when it arises around you and let them know why it’s not okay. State your piece and know you can never convince anyone of anything but rather offer them an invitation to cause less harm.

  If you set clear boundaries but Uncle Reg the Racist refuses to rectify the harm he’s causing over holiday hors d’oeuvres, then make it clear that your boundaries have been crossed and that you refuse to be in that person’s company for the remainder of the event. If the behavior is particularly egregious, you may need to state that one of you has gotta go. Regardless, after the fact ensure everyone who needs to know is aware of the boundaries that were crossed and that you will not be in situations with said person moving forward so long as their oppressive behavior continues, no matter who they are. Sharing a bloodline with someone does not excuse their bullshit behavior. Seem harsh? So are oppressive beliefs and perspectives that uphold a system of white supremacy murdering marginalized folx every day without repercussion. Make no mistake—shit is dire and there is no time to waste. You’re either contributing to change, or you’re not.

  #2—Discuss Values Not Issues

  If you’re stuck in a disagreement with someone who is genuinely willing to learn about their oppressive ways (and worth your time, energy, and free emotional labor), it can help to approach the conversation from a values perspective rather than homing in on a specific issue. For example, I value social equality* for all, freedom, and fairness, and these values inform why I find racial justice imperative. Sometimes we have similar values as others but seek to have the needs aligned with our values met in different ways, so we’re just talking past one another.

  Many conservatives value justice and liberty, and though they usually apply those values to their right to bear arms and say whatever the fuck they want (major eye roll), you may be able to appeal to those values with respect to racial justice. This isn’t easy, and certainly not always warranted, but if you’re in the mood to really try with someone, it’s worth a shot (and Goddess-speed!). Do note that sometimes, if not most times, your values simply will not align and that’s a good time to call the convo quits. You can’t change the minds or hearts of those who are committed to disagreeing with you or your humxnity, and that’s why having clear boundaries is the most important piece.

  #3—Protect Your Energy

  I also suggest mindful tactics to protect your energy before engaging in dicey dialogue, if you know it’s coming, such as partaking in a culturally sensitive form of meditation (as we’ve been doing here), breathwork, and/or visualizing yourself protected by a healing cloak of white light that serves as a buffer between you and unwanted energy. First ask yourself if you have sufficient energy for the conversation. If and when you get into it, in addition to sticking to your values and explaining problematic behavior whenever warranted, do something to release that energy as soon as possible following the discussion. Suggestions include:

  mindfully washing your hands and forearms while envisioning the talk’s and/or other person’s energy being rinsed down the sink (extra helpful during global pandemics)

  a few deep, cleansing exhales

  making big movements with your body, such as dancing, running on the spot, or safely punching the air to help any trauma from that engagement release

  My mayjah takeaway is this: if you are genuinely committed to dismantling white supremacy, then yo
u will call folx out, even your next of kin, however and whenever necessary. This does not mean you lose your shit or cause yourself or others harm, but it does mean that staying quiet or allowing oppressive statements or behaviors to go unaddressed is a choice to prioritize your comfort and/or the comfort of oppressors.

  If you’re the target of oppression, suss out the sitchu and do you. Lord knows most of us do enough every other day of the year, not to mention that we are subjected to actual, tangible harm if and when we do call it like it is. But if you’re feeling sufficiently safe, I encourage you to stay affirmed in who you are and what shit you will and will not allow around you. You deserve to be supported and believed. Always. Especially around those closest to you and with whom you spend the most time.

  * * *

  Get clear on your values and why they’re important to you, then engage with others in a mindful manner that prioritizes your values, your well-being, and, most important, the well-being of the most marginalized. Always remember, acting in allyship is not the goal, dismantling all forms of oppression as they currently exist is. Call in support—you can’t do this alone. And if your anti-racism is not about centering and supporting queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+, then it’s bullshit.

  Spiritual Soulcare Offering/Call to Action

  You Betta Act in Allyship List

  Review the lists of acts of allyship above, then engage in one to three acts of allyship to support those most oppressed, especially queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+, this week and, at a minimum, every week for the next month. No matter your class, education, ability, or the like, there are options that are accessible and actionable now. Like, this minute. Get to it! Then reflect as follows: