The Forever Girl

by Jill Shalvis

  Taking a deep breath, she got out as well and joined him. They were at the top of a bluff, the night sprawled out in front of them. They leaned against the car in silence, taking in the light wind and singing crickets, the hoot of an owl . . . and for Maze, the delicious scent of Walker’s soap or aftershave, along with the undeniable strength and heat coming from him.

  She wanted him. She wanted him bad.

  “This wasn’t exactly my plan when I asked you to come with me,” he said quietly. “I really just wanted to give you a moment away from the house and thought a drive would do it.”

  “Thanks.” She sent him a small smile. “I’m starting to think there’s some sort of a chemical disorder between us.”

  His mouth twitched. “You make it sound like a bad thing.”

  She wanted that mouth on her so much that she was shaking. “I blame the vibrations from every time you revved the engine, not to mention all the bumps on the fire road. I nearly had an orgasm on the drive up here.”

  She’d meant to make him laugh, to lighten the heavy mood, but he turned toward her, eyes intense—oh so intense—and dark with desire. “The drive turned you on?”

  No more than the low, rough timbre of his voice. “Maybe it was also a little bit the man driving.” She shrugged.

  He slid his hands into her hair and tilted her face to his. “Again, I want to say that this wasn’t my plan for tonight.”

  She wrapped her hands around his wrists. “Then thankfully you’re a man who knows when to deviate from your plan.”

  At that, he finally smiled, his playful, sexy smile. And it was a doozy. “Yeah. I’m a real flexible guy.”

  He lowered his head slowly, clearly giving her time to change her mind—which was not going to happen. Unlike him, she worked from the heart, on impulse. Yeah, it’d gotten her burned before, but she still couldn’t help herself. Not when it came to this man. “Walk?”

  “Yeah?”

  She stared at his mouth, still an inch from hers. “It’d be great if you could deviate faster.”

  “Sorry, I’ve been waiting a long time for another shot at you.” Lifting her onto the still-warm hood, he leaned over her. “You’re not going to rush me.”

  “I’m not?”

  “No.”

  And then he finally kissed her, slow and deep. When their tongues touched, she moaned. At the sound, he pulled her even closer and looked into her eyes before dropping his gaze to take in the rest of her. She’d wrapped herself around him like he was a tree and she was a monkey getting ready to go for a climb.

  “Maze.”

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m going to kiss you again. Tell me that’s okay.”

  She nodded eagerly. If it was any more okay, she’d already be naked.

  “The words, Maze.”

  “It’s okay. Please kiss me, Walk. Now.”

  He obliged with a sexy thoroughness that stole her breath. She heard herself whimper and slid her hands under his shirt to rest on his chest, where she could feel the steady beat of his heart. As they kissed, that heartbeat kicked into gear. She affected him, and the knowledge gave her a surge of power.

  She had no idea how long they made out, she lost all track of time and place. She was adrift in the sensations, his lips on hers, his hands on her body, teasing her, bringing her to life, the sound of the wind and the night around them, the feel of the car beneath her. When they came up for air, his mouth moved down her neck, sending shock waves straight to her good parts, and there were most definitely more good parts than she remembered. Her fingers shook when she unbuttoned his shirt and shoved it off his shoulders. She was going for the zipper on his pants when he caught her hands.

  “Don’t even think about stopping now,” she warned him.

  He searched her gaze, his own dark and heated and sexy as hell. “Here then?”

  “Here.” She ran her hands up his chest, cupped his head, and pulled him back in for another kiss.

  With a rough groan, he tightened his fingers in her hair. “Do you remember what I said I was going to do if we got here again?”

  “That you’d stop talking?”

  He gave a low laugh. “That I wasn’t going to stop until you were panting my name.”

  “I’m not much for making a lot of noise.”

  “That’s not how I remember it.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but he unzipped the back of her dress and pulled the top down past her shoulders. He kissed the curve of her throat, her collarbone, moving southbound to the swell of her breast above her barely there bra. Then that was nudged down too, baring her to him and his mouth, which he used liberally.

  She already knew that Walker loved to touch, loved to kiss and taste . . . everything. He was a tactile guy, and he could say more things with his body than his mouth ever could. He lifted her higher onto the hood. Then, standing between her legs, he ran his hands up her thighs, bringing the hem of her dress along with him, until the material pooled on his forearms, his hands vanishing beneath. His fingers played with the edge of her panties, teasing her through the lace until she gasped out his name in both entreaty and demand, which made him laugh low in his throat.

  “It’s a good thing you’re sexy as hell,” she muttered, her mouth busy on his throat. “Now stop teasing me and—” She broke off when he slid the lace aside and out of his way.

  “And?” he murmured, not stopping anything he was doing. In fact, he lifted a knee onto the hood between her legs, adding a delicious pressure.

  “And do me,” she demanded breathlessly.

  He laughed huskily, and she might have killed him there and then, but their eyes met, and the need and desire she felt for him, everything was matched in his eyes.

  “Be sure, Maze.”

  “This is the one thing I am sure of.”

  At that, he gave her the sweetest, most loving kiss. Then he took that mouth on a tour south, stopping when he got to the small tattoo of Harry Potter’s glasses and lightning bolt on her hip, along with the tiny script that said, HAPPINESS CAN BE FOUND EVEN IN THE DARKEST OF TIMES, IF ONE ONLY REMEMBERS TO TURN ON THE LIGHT.

  He smiled and then licked it.

  “Oh my God,” she moaned.

  “I was hoping for ‘Yes, oh yes, please, more, ruler of my universe.”

  She’d never laughed during sex before, but then he switched things up on her, adding his fingers into the mix, keeping her on the very edge until she tightened her fingers in his hair, holding him where she wanted him the most.

  He laughed softly against her, but she didn’t have the bandwidth for anything other than what he was doing to her. Well, she did finally manage to get his pants open and her hands inside, which was a whole lot like opening a birthday gift that you already knew you were getting but wanted more than anything. “I’m going to cry if you don’t have a condom.”

  “No crying necessary,” he said. “But if you want to scream out my name . . . I’m up for that.”

  “You’re up for anything,” she said, the evidence in her hands.

  He laughed and did something diabolical with his fingers and then she was flying, still gasping for breath as he protected them both and entered her.

  They froze in shocked wonder at the incredible sensations.

  Gathering her wits the best she could, she wrapped herself around him as the sensations took them both.

  After, she had no idea how much time had passed before Walker lifted his head and looked at her with both tenderness and good humor. “I’m never going to go off-roading again without thinking about this.” He helped her right her clothing before reaching for his. And then they stood there on the cliff, beneath the moon, staring at each other.

  Reaching out, Walker took one of her hands in his, using the other to push her damp hair from her forehead. “That was even better than all the fantasies I had about you.”

  Yeah. Her too. But the anxiety he’d beat back with his magic body was slowly returning and she shook her he
ad. “What are we doing?”

  He held her gaze for a moment. “Whatever you want to be doing.”

  “I don’t want to go back to the past.” The thought of losing him again, now, as adults, had panic swirling inside her. “I can’t—”

  “I know.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, Maze. If you want this to be nothing, it’s nothing. You’re in the driver’s seat. You’ve got all the control here.”

  She huffed out a sigh. “Well, that’s just great.”

  He looked amused. “You can’t control yourself around me?”

  She groaned.

  “You can’t.” He was out-and-out grinning now. “Cute.”

  “Look, not all of us can be Mr. Control,” she said, crossing her arms.

  “Don’t mistake my restraint for lack of emotion, Maze. I do what I think is right, not what’s easy.” He held the car door open for her as she got in. Then, instead of closing the door, he crouched down on the balls of his feet so they were eye to eye. “To be clear,” he said, “I didn’t see tonight coming, but I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t have any regrets. Not then, not now. I’m sorry if you do.”

  She held his gaze. “You’ve never been a regret to me, Walk.”

  He didn’t move, didn’t so much as blink, for a long few seconds. “Good to know. But . . . ? Because I sense there’s a big but.”

  “But what we did tonight?” She shook her head. “It stops here. It has to.” She felt herself getting emotional and felt silly for it, but she couldn’t contain her feelings, they were spilling out all over the place. “I can’t handle more, not with you. It nearly destroyed me the first time.” She gulped in some air. “Please don’t ask me to go back to that place.”

  His eyes were dark and intense as he gently squeezed her hand. “I’ve never asked you for a single thing, Maze. I’m not going to start now.”

  They rode back in silence.

  Chapter 17

  Caitlin’s to-do list:

  —Buy more wine.

  Later that night, Caitlin was at the kitchen table flipping through recipes. It was either that or take a Xanax. Dillon was already asleep. They’d fought about what he’d blurted out to Maze in the kitchen earlier, and Maze still wasn’t back. She felt sick with worry.

  Roly and Poly were curled up at her feet as she thumbed through her iPad, specifically Pinterest and her wedding board, where she’d pinned everything from dresses to flowers to lighting to table decorations—all of it simple, designed for a small wedding with a warm and cozy feel, just as she’d been dreaming about since she was a little girl.

  Too bad that wasn’t what she was putting on.

  It’d started out so perfect. Dillon had gotten down on one knee, offered to love her for the rest of her life, and since there was nothing she liked more than a happy ending, she’d said yes.

  But if she was honest with herself, over the past few months something was making her restless . . . and unhappy. Having her people here this week had been good for her. Watching her life with Dillon through their eyes had given her some perspective, not to mention a few hard realizations.

  Somewhere along the way, she’d become the sidekick in her own story.

  Not an easy admission, even to herself.

  She was still sitting there sipping tea an hour later, when the back door opened and in came Maze. And Walker.

  Together.

  At one in the morning.

  The dogs lifted their heads, eyes sleepy, and gave big yawns and a few squeaks. Walker pointed at them and they went back to sleep.

  Walker and Maze weren’t speaking or touching, which was par for the course. What wasn’t par for the course: Maze holding her sandals in one hand, her other at her throat. She was missing her bra, which was obvious only because the dress she wore was thin and she was clearly chilled. Her hair was wild and clearly wind—or finger—tousled around her face.

  And then she moved her hand to push her hair out of her face, which revealed a suspicious mark at the base of her throat that was maybe, probably, a hickey.

  Caitlin turned her attention to Walker, in jeans and an untucked button-down. His body seemed loose and relaxed, but that was deceiving, because he always looked that way. “What’s going on?” she asked.

  Walker shrugged and opened the fridge, pulling out all the makings for a late-night snack.

  Maze went straight for the bottle of Jack on the counter, poured herself two fingers, and tossed it back. “Going to bed,” she said, and headed to the door.

  Neither of them was acting particularly out of character, but Caitlin’s radar was buzzing. Something had happened, and she wasn’t an idiot. She could bet what that something had been, and she was happy for them, but why did they each seem to be pretending the other didn’t exist?

  “Hey.”

  Maze turned back.

  “You okay?”

  Maze softened. “Yes. And that should be my question for you. What are you doing up this late?”

  “Not sleeping, that’s for sure.”

  Maze drew a deep breath and let it out before coming back to the table. “You’re stressed. What can I do? What else can I take off your plate?”

  Caitlin thought of the pregnancy test she’d bought at the pharmacy earlier, the one she hadn’t yet taken because she was a coward. Still, that was more of a solo project. “You’ve already done so much. Actually, you’ve done everything. I’m fine. Now you,” she said meaningfully, glancing at Walker.

  Maze carefully didn’t look at Walker. “Nothing to tell.”

  “Looks like we’re both big fancy liars,” Caitlin said with a laugh. “Come on, what’s going on with you guys? Where were you?”

  Walker had three mile-high sandwiches going with everything on them but the kitchen sink. He brought them to the table. “Whoever doesn’t want theirs, I’ll eat it,” he said as he began working his way through his.

  All while both he and Maze still didn’t look at each other.

  Caitlin eyed Maze, who shrugged again and picked up a sandwich, taking a big bite.

  “So . . .” Caitlin said. “Neither of you has anything to say?”

  Maze pointed to her full mouth.

  Walker chewed, swallowed, and paused in his mission of inhaling the sandwich to say, “We were off-roading up to Old Man’s Bluffs.”

  Caitlin choked on her tea. “The make-out spot?”

  “Is that what it is?” Walker asked innocently.

  Maze turned to him and narrowed her eyes.

  He kept eating like it was his job.

  Caitlin just gaped at them. “Have you both regressed back to teenagers?”

  “I blame the lake air,” Maze said seriously.

  Walker snorted and eyed Caitlin’s sandwich. She waved for him to take it and he picked it up. “Are you going to say anything?” she asked him.

  “You got any chips?”

  Caitlin got up, dragged a chair to the narrow cabinet above the fridge, and pulled down her hidden treasure trove of salt and vinegar chips.

  Walker reached for the bag, but Caitlin hugged it to her chest. “One question—and I’m not judging, because if the answer’s yes, then I’m happy for you both—but did you just sleep with my best friend?”

  “I was under the impression that I was your best friend,” he said, and eyed the chips.

  Caitlin held on to them and turned to look at Maze.

  Maze shrugged. “If it helps, there wasn’t any sleeping involved.”

  Caitlin sank back to her seat, gaping. Her eyes went to Maze’s hickey again, and she felt the teensiest, tiniest little bit of jealousy. Not because she wanted Walker to give her a hickey like that. No, she was jealous that there was a hickey at all. She and Dillon had a healthy sex life, but it’d been a while since it’d been hot and hungry enough for a hickey situation. And after earlier, it might be a lot longer. “What does this even mean?” she asked.

  Walker snagged the chips from her. He poured half the b
ag onto his plate and handed the rest to his partner in crime, who also dug in. When Caitlin gave Maze a pointed glare, she swallowed her mouthful and sighed. “Look, I don’t want you to worry about this, okay? It’s not a thing. I wasn’t even going to tell you because you’ve got a lot on your plate, and also the attention and focus should be on you this week. Not me. Not him.” She hitched a thumb in Walker’s direction. “This isn’t a big deal. It was a one-time thing, and it’s over and done.”

  Caitlin eyed Walker.

  He just kept eating, and something tightened in her gut. Worry. These were two of her very favorite people on the planet. They meant everything to her. But God bless them, neither of them would recognize true love or a real relationship if it smacked them in the face right between their eyes. So whether this was really just “a one-time thing” or not, odds were that at least one of them was going to get hurt.

  Not that either of them seemed to care.

  “You know what?” she said, tossing up her hands. “You’re both adults.”

  Maze blinked. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”

  Caitlin stood. “Yep. I’m going to try to get some sleep.” She headed to the door, but then paused. “Okay, so maybe there’s one more thing.”

  “There it is,” Maze muttered.

  “I love you both,” Caitlin said softly. “I don’t want to see either of you get hurt. So I really hope that you know what you’re doing.”

  “Not doing,” Maze said. “You mean what we’re not doing.”

  Walker still didn’t say a word, which had Caitlin’s bad feeling intensifying. She looked at him, but he was doing a great impression of an impenetrable rock, the stupid man. “Just . . . be careful,” she said.

  “Too late for that,” Maze mumbled.

  CAITLIN GOT A whole four hours of sleep before she was up again. She went into the bathroom to begin her morning routine, extremely aware that it was day five of an MIA period. She pulled open her bottom drawer and stared at the pregnancy test. Then she shook her head and got into the shower. Just as she was getting out, Dillon slipped into the bathroom.