The Relic Box Set

by Ben Zackheim

Cool trick.

  I hoped we’d made the right decision.

  Bhz broke the silence. “I would have liked to extend the courtesy of inviting you into our home, but my husband bartered with me before we all met. He said he’d consider taking the sword if the Naga would abandon their tradition of welcoming all humans. It is hard for me to turn you away but such is the compromise of marriage.”

  “We thank you for your hospitality,” I said with a bow. “I hope we have another chance to see you and your people again.”

  Merlin took a step forward and pointed his words at me like a weapon. “No, you don’t. Because that would mean the end of the world. Now go.”

  A staff appeared in his hand. He waved it over us.

  We opened our eyes from a blink and stood under the sun’s noontime blaze at the base of the mountain.

  Merlin’s spell had transported us to the surface.

  A moment of silence passed.

  Cassidy and Rose threw up.

  I stepped out of the way just in time to avoid Belch passing out. He’d been cast back to the mountain with us. The demon giant hit the dirt ground in front of me with a heavy thump.

  It’s not easy to be tossed through time and space.

  Apparently, the wizard didn’t want us soiling his heaven under earth any longer. I didn’t blame him. If I found a home and a wife like that, I’d probably kick mere mortals to the curb faster than he did.

  Skyler sighed. “Five people, two vampires, a demon and three motorcycles.” He clapped his hands together and shouted, “Time to get up close and personal! I ride with Rebel and Scarlett!”

  Chapter 50

  If Atlantis still existed, my renovated house would have fit right in.

  We’d fixed it up over three months. It became a bonding experience for the team. All of the damage from the vampire attack was repaired. I’d even made some improvements to the library, including a spell-resistant safe where we could store whatever treasure we secured next. This safe was protected by 500 feet of Terra Firma and a lot of magic of its own.

  And not just any magic.

  Vampire magic.

  Fox assured us that anything in the safe would be out of reach to any vampire. Even him. The combination to the safe required blood from two people, Rebel and me. If we wanted to get inside we’d have to cut ourselves and drop the blood on the dial, then enter the combination which was seven numbers long.

  Now we just needed to find something to put in there. Something non-legendary maybe. It wouldn’t be the final solution for every treasure, but I was sure it would come in handy in a pinch. We excelled at pinches.

  It was a good feeling to finally succeed in securing one of the vampire’s treasures. We’d suffered through so many failures before that I wondered if we’d ever have a hand in saving the world from those hemogoblins.

  Merlin’s spell of words had worked on me. Telling me I shouldn’t be Skyler’s errand boy was a quick way into my heart. The complimentary message was the lube he’d used to slip into my thoughts. But there was also an underlying tone of need in his spell. He was desperate for me to understand something. Something specific.

  I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, though. If I admitted the wizard’s words had an impact on me then I’d be under the microscope.

  So I kept it to myself.

  Once we all got back to the states Spirit doubled-down on their efforts to find another stash of vampire treasure. Word on the street was the undead were ahead of us in finding some big payloads, so we had some catching up to do.

  There was also word that Cannon had survived the attack. I wasn’t surprised, but I regretted that we didn’t finish the job. He wanted Excalibur because he wanted to build an army — one even more impressive than the one he already controlled. The sooner we took him out and kneecapped his plans, the better humanity’s chances of survival.

  Skyler had been welcomed back into the ranks of Spirit. Rebel and I had no idea why, but we both assumed he’d convinced them he could use his new vampire status to get us some good info. He’d gone off to organize some of Spirit’s other teams but we hadn’t seen or heard from him for weeks.

  He dropped back into our lives like a dried-up turd as I watched our new pool fill up with crystal-clear water.

  That pool.

  That pool was gorgeous. Besides the larger library, it was the one luxury I allowed myself after the hell we’d just been through. The pool was flowed from the outside to the inside via a stone archway.

  But it had some extra surprises thrown in.

  At the spot where the water went under the house’s foundation there was a 150 foot drop. If you dared to take that challenge and hit the bottom, you would find a one pound block of gold. I looked forward to watching the twins try to reach it.

  There were other tunnels that shot off from the main pool, too. Each room in the main house, except the bedrooms and most bathrooms had a tub of water with a chute that allowed you to travel around the house by swimming from room to room.

  Like I said, a luxury.

  Rebel and I sat back in our lawn chairs, whiskey in our teacups, watching the fleet of water trucks line up for the massive task of topping out my opulence. The two of us were pretty relaxed after resting and recovering. But something about Skyer’s absence rubbed us wrong.

  Maybe the silence was getting too heavy for me. Maybe I sensed Skyler nearby. Whatever the reason, I broke the silence with, “It’s just not like him.”

  Rebel knew who I was talking about. For some reason, our ex-teacher was an ongoing discussion, like when a book’s open ending eats away at you, and you just can’t let it go until you decide what it meant. “He loves to talk our ears off, so yeah, it’s not like him. Fox doesn’t know where he is either.” She sipped from her teacup. “I don’t trust him.”

  “Who, Fox? Oh, come on. You’re still angry about the Lancelot thing. Who cares? Why should he go around talking about that?”

  “Because we would have known what we were dealing with! Maybe that would have given us a chance to skip over some of the more dangerous parts.”

  “Then you haven’t been paying attention, Rebel. This shit is going to be dangerous 100% of the time. If you get into the tiny details of who told who what when, then you’re just making drama. Stick with the task at hand.”

  She frowned at me and then sighed. “Maybe you’re right.”

  That’s when we saw the black limo winding up the long driveway to my house.

  “Did you invite anyone?” I asked.

  “No. Maybe the twins did.”

  “Cassidy! Rose! You invite anyone to the house? I told you to clear it with me first!”

  No answer. We watched the car pull into the roundabout. The chauffeur ran to the trunk and pulled out a long black velvet sheet. He pulled it all the way to my house’s front door and gave it a kick. A black tent popped up with a loud snap. Then the driver ran back to the limo and latched the other end to the back door. Someone, a vampire no doubt, stepped out of the car and into the makeshift tunnel to my door.

  “Speak of the devil,” I said.

  “You think it’s Skyler?”

  I actually hoped it was Fox. I hadn’t forgotten that he’d mentioned my dad on the yacht. He’d done a masterful job of avoiding me since then, but I planned on working him over next time he was in my sights.

  “Cassidy,” I called into the mic in my watch.

  “Yes, master.”

  I sighed. “Get the place ready for a vampire.”

  “Roger.” Within seconds we heard metal falling on metal as every window in the place was covered. By the time we reached the library, Skyler was standing there, smiling. He was dressed sharper than I’d ever seen him. His black suit was coupled with a black top hat. He looked like a monster from the 1920s movies. The red handkerchief poking out of his breast pocket was the finishing touch. Skyler clearly enjoyed being a Vampire.

  “Guys!”

  “Don’t call me a guy,” Rebel said
.

  “Girls!” he said, and he ran up to hug us. Rebel allowed it. I didn’t.

  “Where the hell have you been?” I asked.

  “Around. Here and there. Scoping and snooping. The usual.”

  “Why didn’t you call?” Rebel asked. “We didn’t know if we should be looking for you.”

  “Aw, isn’t that sweet? I didn’t know you cared.”

  “We don’t,” I said. “Not about you. But we both kind of enjoy the planet we live on and we’d like to get on with saving it.”

  “How that burns me. Right here,” he said pounding the place where his heart used to be. “Hey kids!” Cassidy and Rose waved at him from the balcony they were leaning over.

  “Beautiful job getting this place back in order, Kane,” he said. “Very nice.”

  “Thanks. The vampire mode is for you and Fox.”

  “You are too kind.” He bowed to me.

  “Fuck you.” I bowed back.

  “Still. There’s something missing.” He started to pace around the room with his hands behind his back. “Something… something…”

  He twisted on his heels and pointed to wall. “AH-HA! You know what would look good on that wall?”

  “I’m sure you’re going to tell us,” I said.

  “Mjolnir!” he said. A gleeful smile crossed his face.

  “Thor’s hammer?” I asked.

  “THE HAMMER OF THOR!” he yelled, arms outstretched.

  Relic: Hammer (Book Two)

  Chapter 1

  Rebel was on my ass. Again.

  “Get off my ass, Rebel!” I yelled down at her.

  I was hanging onto the edge of a cliff from the tips of my fingers. One of them was slipping.

  And my partner, Rebel? Her claws were jammed through the rear of my Momotaro jeans.

  She held herself aloft upon Kane buns.

  “My other choice is between your ribs, Kane!” she yelled back.

  “Stay on my ass!”

  We hung over the edge of a mountain that overlooked the town of Grundarhverfi in Iceland.

  Beautiful town. Gorgeous country. Great place to die.

  Rebel would usually save us with a spell, but she needed her hands for that. All ten of her rock-hard, dagger-sharp fingernails were tied up at the moment.

  I thought of suggesting a free-fall, but there’s no chance a spell can work if you’re flailing your arms around, wondering why you didn’t become an accountant.

  Rebel and I had been Spirit agents long enough to win some, lose some and lose some big. We’d recently managed to secure Excalibur in Tibet before the vamps could. Dangerous shit. Almost died three times.

  But, to Spirit, that was old news. Spirit always wanted to know what we’d done for them lately.

  Spirit was an elite organization of heavily-armed diplomats, tasked with maneuvering the maze of supernatural problems across the globe. Each country had its own team. Some had to fight off werewolves, others trolls, and then there were the poor saps who grappled with demons.

  But most countries, ours included, were busy dealing with the vampires. The hemogoblins, as I like to call them, had reappeared two years prior after taking the nap of the millennium, and they wanted their shit back.

  Our mission was clear. Get to the vampires’ supernatural relics before the vampires did. Then find a place to keep the relics safe.

  That particular day, our orders were to search for a clue at the top of the Icelandic mountain. What clue? No one could tell us. That was the way things worked at Spirit. I got used to the obtuse thinking after a few years. The only thing I knew for sure was that we wanted to find Mjölnir.

  Yeah, that Mjölnir.

  The hammer of Thor.

  I studied the satellite images of the area before we left, and it looked like an easy hike. But our bosses told us we needed to be fresh when we arrived. That usually meant they expected us to be thrown into a fight.

  I decided to use my Swap Portal to get to our destination. A Swap Portal was a kind of spell that allowed me to swap places with anyone, anywhere on the planet. The only downside was that the person I swapped places with was thrown back to where I’d been standing.

  Spirit signed off on the idea and hired some mountain climbers — a married couple, who did side gigs for the org. Their job was to climb the mountain, position themselves in the exact spot where Rebel and I needed to be, and wait.

  Before we swapped, Rebel and I seated ourselves at a nice restaurant, prepaid the dinner, and put the keys to their own gratis hotel room on the bread plate.

  So the hikers got a nice meal, desert, aperitif and slippery etceteras.

  Rebel and I got a craggy cliff with enough room for one-and-one-quarter people.

  After the swap we managed to not fall. But we had to hug each other tight to avoid plunging to our deaths. I shouldn’t complain. If I had to die, there were worse ways than falling from a cliff with a beautiful redhead.

  I was probably enjoying myself a little bit too much when the sky suddenly lit up over a nearby mountain. At first I thought it was the aurora borealis. The green and orange light arced through the dim purple sky and swirled around a mountain range in the near distance.

  Then the ground shook.

  We were thrown off our perch.

  And that’s how we ended up connected by my ass.

  “Idea!” I yelled down to my partner. “Belt!” I spoke in single syllable words because two syllable words just hurt more for some reason.

  “I’m not grabbing onto your belt, Kane! No way am I looking at your bare ass as I fall to my death with your pants in my hands!”

  “Tight! Tight belt!”

  “You promise!”

  “YES!”

  She snagged my belt but the sudden move made me lose my grip on the rock a little.

  Good thing I’d been working out a lot.

  “Don’t you let go,” she hissed.

  “Or you’ll kill me?”

  “I’m climbing up you,” she said.

  I didn’t like the sound of that and, yet, I totally liked the sound of that.

  She treated my body like a pole, a thing that was built for the sole purpose of having her climb up it.

  She reached for the cliff’s edge and pulled herself up, swung her feet over the edge and reached for me.

  “Grab my hands!” she yelled.

  That’s when I couldn’t hold on any longer. My fingers slipped off the rock. I reached out desperately and clasped onto Rebel’s boots.

  “OW!” she yelled.

  It was her turn to support my weight.

  So there we were — Rebel’s legs dangling from the cliff’s edge, and me holding onto her ankles for dear life.

  That’s when the twins decided to drop in with their fucking helicopter to save us. Rose and Cassidy weren’t official team members. It was more of a babysitter set-up. But they’d proven themselves useful.

  One minute (and two rope ladders) later, Rebel and I dropped onto our backs on the cold steel floor of the helicopter, trying to catch our breaths.

  Rose stood over us as we caught our breath.

  “What the hell is so funny?” I asked.

  She turned her cell phone screen to face us. It was actually a pretty good photograph of me, disregarding the whole hanging-from-my-partner’s-ankles thing.

  Over the din of the whirling blades, Rose yelled, “We can’t leave you two anywhere!”

  Chapter 2

  “Take us to the mountain there,” I ordered Cassidy. “The one wrapped in light.”

  “That is one not-subtle clue,” Rebel said. She was right. We were used to struggling with tough clues. Minutia that took years of experience to spot. But this one was like getting a big red ‘X’ painted in the sky.

  “Spirit knows something we don’t,” I said. “Not surprising.”

  “I don’t like it,” Rebel muttered.

  “You’re not paid to like it,” I said.

  “Bite me, Kane,” she sai
d.

  She was right, of course. Something didn’t smell right about this mission. We were following bread crumbs around and it felt like we were being taken for a ride.

  But that wasn’t what I was thinking about on the helicopter ride over Iceland. I was thinking about how it had only been a few months since our mission in Tibet to find Excalibur.

  A few months since I lost Rebel and then got her back.

  Seemed like forever ago.

  Things had been weird between us ever since. No other way to put it. When I thought she was dead I couldn’t find much of a reason to go on. I’m not sure how much she knew about how I felt about her ‘death’, but my guess is that our tight team had told her 101% of how insane I went.

  How I hadn’t cared if I lived or died.

  All that.

  But now that she was back and more Rebel than ever, we slipped into our old habit of sniping at each other. It wasn’t as fun as it used to be. Not for me, at least. It was hard to focus on the job, which sucked because Mjölnir had to get got.

  Thor’s hammer wasn’t a trinket. It wasn’t a thing that could be bought and sold. It was all about power. How much power? Spirit thought it was a key weapon in the fight against the vamps.

  Was it really Thor’s hammer we searched for? I didn’t know. But, as we flew toward the mountain range where we’d seen the lightshow, I thought I’d never sit down the same way again, so it had better damn well be Thor’s fucking hammer.

  Regardless, we needed to get the relic before the vamps did. That was our job.

  I tried not to dwell on the fact that, once again, the twins had saved us. They were getting good at it, actually. At this rate they’d be true-blue members of the team in no time. Hell, they’d probably be my bosses.

  As Rebel bandaged my butt I got to answer the twins’ questions.

  “Last we saw you, you were at Bar 89!” Rose yelled over the roar of the helicopter blades. “How did you get up there?”

  “We swapped with some hike…” I said, before being interrupted.

  “Don’t say another word,” Rebel said.