Whispered Kisses

by Sarah Johnson

  His eyes grew cold as he answered, “You may see my old friend in a different light, but from personal experience I can assure you, his good opinion once lost is lost forever. I can never regain what we had. If my story will give him some solace to his past with me and the death of his sister, then I wish him well. However, it is not in me to continue to hope for our friendship to return to what it once was.” He turned to walk down the hill, saying as he went, “Do what you must with this information. Good day, Miss Elizabeth.”

  She continued to sit there for a long time, losing all sense of the hours that had slipped by since she left her home. It was all such a sad tale, and as her mind began to form the events into a manageable sketch, she knew this could be remedied. It might take some effort on her part, but both gentlemen deserved to have their friendship renewed. They both needed the other, though they would never say so themselves.

  Knowing Mr Darcy’s normal routine of getting away from Netherfield most days to come to Oakham Mount, Elizabeth felt it was for the best that she wait for him here. The conversation she wished to have with him did not need to be overheard or interrupted.

  So she waited. For what seemed hours she waited.

  The air became colder and the puffs of breath escaping her mouth were getting more pronounced when she finally conceded he was not to come today and began down the hill to return home.

  She was halfway down when she spotted his horse riding across the field towards Oakham Mount. She waited while he dismounted and tied his horse to a tree branch, then turned and made her way back to the top of the hill ahead of his ascent.

  Darcy crested the hilltop with a quick stride, coming to her side as he noticed her start to shiver. He removed his own coat and wrapped it around her shoulders, rubbing her arms as he said, “Why are you out today? It is far too cold for you to be up here.”

  “I was waiting for you,” she replied.

  “Come here,” he urged, his arms wrapping around her and warmth rushing through her helping to thaw her chilled body.

  The two stood in the embrace until Elizabeth’s shivering calmed, then Darcy let go and urged her to sit beside a tree where the wind from the overlook would not affect her as it would have on her usual rock perch.

  When they were both seated, he asked, “What is the urgent need that would cause you to remain here when you knew if I did not find you here I would have gone to Longbourn to visit you?”

  “I was here to meet with someone else, actually, and only remained after our discussion in hopes of talking with you as well.”

  “Who is it that required you to meet them here instead of at Longbourn?”

  “Actually, it was at my request that it was here. I felt we had some things to discuss that I did not want others to overhear or interrupt. It was with Mr Wickham.”

  His heart sank and a knot formed in his stomach. “Please tell me he has not won you over to his side with lies and deceit.”

  “What lies exactly? There is truth in his eyes, and I felt it was necessary to know what has taken place between the two of you, as you have not exactly been forthcoming with such information.”

  “Elizabeth, please...”

  She interrupted him, “You have both suffered tremendous loss in your lives. Just when you need each other the most, you have cut him off.”

  “I never cut him off—it was his decision to replace my friendship with others, following after their wild ways.” His eyes grew dark with the admission.

  Elizabeth was not going to back down now, so she squared her shoulders, and continued on. “Is it true, sir, that after your father’s death you and his own father pushed him out of your lives? You left him to have to choose others even though it was a time when he needed your wisdom and counsel the most.”

  “He refused my counsel when I tried to give it.”

  She nodded, “Yes, he told me of that as well. He also said that he has since learned just how true your words were, and that he wished he had listened earlier.”

  Darcy stood and walked over to the edge of the rocks, his shoulders hung low and his face drawn as the weight of the burdens physically changed his usual stance.

  Elizabeth continued on, telling him all Mr Wickham had revealed to her of their childhood. Finally she got to the part about Miss Darcy. “Your sister gave Mr Wickham a chance to be the man he wished to be. Yet you would not even discuss with him the possibility of his own change of heart and the affection the two held for each other.”

  “What did my sister know of affection? Their connection was of so little time, and she was not even to have her coming out for two more years!”

  “What did you feel for me that made you send me flowers?”

  He turned to face her, “Do not compare my own feelings for you to my sister’s. She was far too young to be married and I would not hear of it.”

  “So you are saying you have feelings for me?” Her heart began to race.

  He turned around again, saying quietly, “You know I do.”

  Elizabeth stood and walked over to his side, grasping his fingers with her own and leaning her head onto his shoulder. “Had you given him the opportunity to explain, you would have learned that their plan was to marry only after she had her coming out. Until then, Mr Wickham was to return to school and complete what was required of him to become ordained, then they wished him to take on the living promised in your father’s will. It was your sister’s desire to stay near her home, and near you.”

  Tears began to gather in his eyes, and his voice cracked as he uttered, “What have I done? How could I not see what was a good and honourable plan? If only I had listened, but my mind was set against him from the start. I had already lost my good opinion of his character, and was determined to have nothing more to do with him.”

  She wished to wrap her arms around him and offer him comfort, but knowing it was completely against propriety, she instead just squeezed his arm a little tighter. “Although you cannot bring your sister back, you do have before you the opportunity to set things right with your friend. He only joined the militia because his prospects were severely lacking without your assistance. Now before you is the opportunity to do for him what you should have done last year. Does he not deserve to have what was promised to him by your father?”

  “The position at Kympton has already been filled, so I can no longer offer it to him.”

  “That may be true, but you can still offer him the ability to marry where his heart leads and find a living somewhere else besides the militia. I am certain you have connections which could help him in his search for the proper place.”

  He took a deep breath, slowly letting it out as he thought of all she said. Finally, he turned to her and replied, “You have such confidence in me, even after I have been so wrong.”

  “Is it too hopeful of me to feel it is not too lofty a standard, sir?”

  He chuckled, “No, in fact it is your courage that has bolstered my own and will lead me to do what I should have done all along.” His fingers flexed, wrapping more tightly around hers as they looked into each other’s eyes. Finally he whispered, “I have some business to take care of in London, but when I return, I must ask for a private audience with you.”

  “We are alone now, sir.”

  His lips rose slightly and he took a step back, bringing her hand up to his lips. He deposited a kiss onto the back of her glove, then said, “Now is not the proper time, but soon. I promise.”

  She shuddered with emotion.

  “Come,” he replied, “it is far too cold for you to remain out of doors any longer. I will walk with you to Longbourn and take my leave of your family, then I must return to Netherfield to leave on the morrow.”

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “It is my desire to complete my business quickly, but I cannot say how long it will take. I hope not too long, as I wish to be back by your side as soon as I have set things to right with my friend.”

  Elizabeth smiled. “I shall miss
you, but it is an honourable endeavor and one I will value above the missed moments together.”

  Elizabeth awoke to Lydia running up the stairs and past her room, complaining of something Kitty had done, and slamming her own chamber door further down the hallway.

  She sat up wearily, her bleary eyes trying to focus at the room around her without much success. She had returned home with Mr Darcy, and before she retired last evening she began to feel ill. She chastised herself for waiting out in the cold so long for him, but she did not regret it, especially with such an outcome. Today he was to leave for London and would soon return to her.

  Jane stepped over to the bed from where she sat at the dressing table. Her hand went to Elizabeth’s forehead, and she gently urged her sister to lie down again.

  “Shhhh, just rest Lizzy.”

  Elizabeth lay down again, but rest was far from her mind and heart. “You must not waste your time sitting here with me, Jane. What if Mr Bingley calls?”

  “Lizzy, please do rest. Mr Bingley is not to visit me today—you know that. He sent a note last evening saying he has business in London and will return in a few days.”

  “Oh—I forgot.” Her head was starting to ache, a pounding heard in her ears with each beat of her heart. Jane’s cool hand running calmly over her forehead and through her hair was soothing it nicely. Unable to resist it any longer, her eyes grew heavy and sleep overtook her body.

  The next few days were lost to a feverish haze of events that blended together into one memory for Elizabeth of Doctor Jones and her family, mostly Jane, caring for her. The only thing that stood out in the many conversations that floated around her was when she heard her father tell someone else that Mr Bingley had returned from London, but without Mr Darcy.

  He was still gone. Her heart ached for him. She tried to console herself with the knowledge that he would soon return, and that his friendship with Mr Wickham would be restored.

  She was too tired to think any more on such a topic, so she tried to clear her mind of everything and just rest. The bed curtains were drawn closed on all but one side of the bed, keeping the drafts, as well as the echoes of the house, at bay. Elizabeth heard the familiar sound of her sister enter the room. The unmistakable tinkle of a spoon and teacup were next, and then she felt her sister beside her, helping her to sit up with gentle words of comfort. She helped her sip the warm liquid, the tanginess of whatever tincture had been added to the tea running across her tongue in velvety smoothness as the mixture was ingested.

  Then Jane helped her lie back on the pillow once again, the blankets pulled high to Elizabeth’s chin, and the dim light fading once again as Jane drew the bed curtains closed even more to allow Elizabeth to rest.

  The next sounds were of unknown origin, but Elizabeth could tell Jane was still in the room. She heard her sister set something down on the table beside her bed, and within just a few seconds Elizabeth knew what it was. The unmistakable fragrance of the flowers Mr Darcy always gave her filled her with delight and she was brought immediately back to the feelings that ran through her heart the first moment she smelled these buds in London. He must have sent her them while he was away.

  As she drifted off to sleep, she saw Mr Darcy standing on Oakham Mount, his hand held out to her with his fingered wrapped around the stems of the blue flowers. Then her memory of the feel of his arms around her and the look in his eye as he kissed her gloved hand. Her heart melted at his deep baritone voice as he uttered the words, “... when I return, I must ask for a private audience with you.”

  The fever eventually ended and Elizabeth was able to return downstairs and sit with her family.

  Mr Bingley returned earlier than Mr Darcy, though he assured her that his friend hoped to be back at Netherfield soon. For now, she took comfort in the flowers that would arrive every few days from him always from his most trusted delivery boy, Joseph.

  By the arrival of the second bunch of flowers she was not as ill, and their arrival allowed her the opportunity to speak with her father of all that had occurred. He was disappointed in her admission of eavesdropping on him and his brother, though when she explained what had come from it, he knew she had handled the situation with much grace and courage. He was astounded at the young lady she had become.

  The arrival of the third bunch of flowers was no shock to the gentleman, and Mr Bennet returned to teasing her about her beau, though this time her response was encouraging enough to tell him that he should expect an audience with Mr Darcy when he returned. She also received high praise from her father for her illness, as it was timed perfectly so as to keep his cousin from desiring to visit. They both laughed over the ridiculousness found in the letter the Reverend William Collins had written to Mr Bennet. She was glad to have her relationship with her father mended so easily.

  “A Ball! In three days’ time! Oh my!”

  Elizabeth heard her mother’s voice from the top of the stairs. She quickly made her way down to the hall where her mother stood with the invitation in hand, delivered by the amiable Mr Bingley, whose eyes were now affixed on his intended.

  “Oh, Mr Bingley, it is so good of you to throw a Ball in honour of our dear Jane,” Mrs Bennet gushed towards the gentleman.

  “The honour is mine, madam, in being able to soon call her my wife.”

  Elizabeth smiled at the love-struck looks the two held for each other, despite the presence of the rest of the family gathered around.

  They were all soon seated in the drawing room, the particulars of the event and what each would wear being talked about by the younger sisters, when a group of three soldiers were announced to the room.

  After a few minutes, a walk was suggested, and though it was a brisk November day, they were all eager to gather their spencers and hats and join their visitors out of doors for a vigorous walk to Meryton to procure the necessary accoutrements they would need for the Ball.

  Elizabeth felt it would be best if she remained inside, so instead she told her sister of her desire to wear the blue flowers in her hair, just as she had at the Assembly. Jane assured her she would try to find some shoe roses or ribbons to match. Then when they all left, Elizabeth joined her father for a game of chess. She would miss their times like this when she was gone. At the thought of what she knew Mr Darcy was to ask upon his return, her heart began to beat heavily.

  After three days of hearing her younger sisters and mother expound upon every tiny detail of the evening’s attire for every individual of their household, Elizabeth was happy to finally be in the carriage and on their way to Netherfield Park.

  The last time Mr Bingley visited Longbourn, he assured her that his friend intended to return in time for the Ball, but she still did not know if he had arrived. If not, the next few hours were sure to be a trial, as her heart was set on talking with him throughout the dancing.

  They entered and were announced. Everyone dispersed around the room, joining the various groups that had already begun to form as the neighbors all entered.

  As she looked around the beautifully appointed ballroom, all she could think of was the Assembly just a few months prior when she finally came face to face with the gentleman who had now won her heart. If only he were here, but she did not see him. Mr Bingley made no indication whether his friend had returned or not, and she dared not ask in front of her mother, so she would just have to wait and see.

  The ballroom was starting to fill up nicely. Elizabeth saw her friend Charlotte enter with her family and she lifted her hand in greeting to let Charlotte know where she was. Very soon afterward, her friend was standing by her side.

  “Dearest Lizzy, did you ever expect such a match would be made for your sister?” Charlotte asked while looking over at the loving couple who would celebrate their engagement this evening with this Ball.

  Elizabeth chuckled, “I thought you were above such romantic sentiments?”

  “Perhaps seeing it directly in front of me is starting to change my opinion.” She shrugged her shoulders,
“It is not as if there is anyone for me here in Hertfordshire though, so it matters not what my opinions on romance and marriage are. We are not a large community and the variances to our society are not constantly changing.”

  Elizabeth lifted her eyebrow, the corner of her mouth rising as she teased her friend, “Just be glad my father’s distant cousin cancelled his trip. His letters proved just how ridiculous he was with his prattling on about his position as rector for a grand lady of distinction.”

  “Oh? What has kept him from visiting?”

  “When he heard of my illness, he immediately sent my father a letter stating that, given the great distinction of the family to whom he is forever beholden, he shall have to cancel any possible chance of his traveling to visit us until the known illness has played its course in our fine neighborhood.”

  They both chuckled. Their attention turned to the group of soldiers that entered the ballroom. Elizabeth noticed that Mr Wickham was not among them. She was about to ask if her friend knew why when Charlotte leaned closer and lifted her fan, clearly eager to pass on some gossip.

  “I see your eyes are drawn to the soldiers. Have you heard yet of the fate of Mr Wickham?”

  Elizabeth did not want to give away what she did know, so she shook her head and awaited the news her friend was so eager to share.

  “My father tells me that he resigned his commission just yesterday and returned to London, where an anonymous benefactor has paid for him to return to school.”

  Elizabeth smiled. So Mr Darcy was able to complete his business in time. Why was he not here this evening? What could have delayed his return?

  Upon seeing her partner for the first set begin to walk her direction, Charlotte replied, “It is time I resign myself to dancing with Mr Goulding. Pray my toes survive, Lizzy!”

  Elizabeth hid a chuckle behind her fan and greeted the gentleman, then watched as he escorted her friend to the lines of dancers beginning to form for the first set that would begin very soon.