Heartbeat Echoes

by Brittany Yeats

  Melissa began to play with the charms dangling from Liz’s arm.

  “She had herself under control until about five minutes ago when I urged her to break down. There’s a hole in me. I have no idea what to do about living life normally anymore, or at least how to fix the hole.”

  Liz began to stroke Melissa’s hair as her friend started to sob. Liz knew it was going to be the first of very many breakdowns, but the first was always the hardest. The first emotional breakdown came because realization hit that the loved one was really dead and there was nothing that could be done about it. Liz managed to get Melissa to her feet and together they walked to Melissa’s room. Liz tucked both of them into bed and just let her friend cry and cry without saying a word. Nothing that came out of Liz’s mouth would be helpful. Liz and Melissa watched the sun come up, both wondering how the next few days would unfold.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chaos. The days after Ashley and Max were gone brought utter chaos. Melissa ran from one end of the house to the other, dealing with all types of little crises. Anna demanded that the three of them go through Ashley and Max’s clothes together and as a result it was a very emotional day of remembering various times different pieces of clothes were worn. They went through Max’s stuff first. Melissa hid two of her father’s dress shirts and a sweatshirt, claiming them as her own so she would have a tangible memory of him. Conner found out that he and his father were basically the same size. Conner didn’t really want to, but at his mother’s insistence, took a few suits. She would never know if he never wore them. Then they moved on to Ashley’s room. Melissa shockingly found several sweatshirts she thought had been thrown out by her mother.

  “That little thief,” Melissa said with a laugh. “I have been looking everywhere for these. I honestly didn’t even think to look in here.”

  Anna looked over. “I wanted to throw those out.”

  “Apparently my sister saved them for me.” Melissa choked back tears and folded everything neatly. She left to put her pile in her own room.

  “Is it really so bad that I want my oldest daughter to look like a grown up? What almost thirty-year-old woman do you know wears sweatshirt and sweatpants all the time?”

  “I don’t really pay attention to what any almost thirty-year-old woman is wearing.”

  “Well, maybe that explains a few things. Like Yards by Yard not doing very well? Or your lack of lady friends?”

  Conner looked over sharply and shook his head. “Concentrate your matchmaking on Melissa. I can handle my love life just fine. If I wanted lady friends I would have them.” He stood with the box and strode from the room.

  Anna stared into the empty closet and sighed deeply. “Is this going to be my life? Emptiness? Where I talk to barren closet walls?” She chuckled to herself because of how ridiculous she was being. Of course her remaining children wouldn’t leave her. She picked up her own full box and flicking the light switch off, she took the box to the pile by the front door.

  Across the house, Melissa was standing in her closet, putting away the clothes Ashley had saved for her. It was a marvel to Melissa that Anna hadn’t found them. The woman spent hours with Ashley and the little girl had hid everything perfectly. Melissa promised herself that she would be the type of mom that her kids didn’t hide stuff like clothes from. It all seemed silly to Melissa. The moment Melissa had a free minute to herself, she was going through the company records for Yards by Yard. She had a fashion degree under her belt. If she needed business courses as well, then she would take those too. It was past time she got out on her own.

  Melissa turned as she heard footsteps. Conner was leaning against her doorjamb, looking . . . contrite.

  “Well, has the high and mighty come to slum it with the commoners?”

  He rolled his eyes.

  “All it takes in one sentence and I’m annoyed. Why do we have to swipe at each other? We should be bonding in this experience. We’ve lost a parent and a sibling. That’s heavy shit to deal with.”

  Melissa counted to ten before she said anything. “Now we need to bond? What happened all those times I came to you, seeking solace in your company because I was sad and wanted a friend and you brushed me off or sent me away? Do you remember the last real conversation we had? You called me Christian’s current whore and instead of punching you, I walked away. Do you have any idea how much I have needed you in the past few weeks as just my brother and you couldn’t be bothered with me? The time for us to ‘bond’ is past, Conner. Hopefully there will come a time when you need me again but right now, unless you have something important to tell me, get out.”

  “Well, I have two things to tell you. You can decide if they are important or not. The first is that I am sorry that I have been treating you so awful. I feel shame about some things that involved dad and instead of talking them out, I bottled them up and let them fester, making me a terrible companion. The second is mom asked if I would deliver Dad’s eulogy but I don’t think I’ll be able to speak tomorrow at his funeral, so I am delegating that task to you. I’ll be leaving you now.”

  Deep in her throat, Melissa made a sound of complete frustration and turned to face her brother. He had stopped at the sound because she made it habitually when she was about to give in on being a hardass.

  “Oh stop it. You’re not going anywhere. Sit and tell me some stories of Dad. That way I can incorporate you into the eulogy and it’ll be like we did it together.”

  Conner took his sister’s hand and they walked over to her window bench. They sat and talked for hours. At one point Melissa got up and go her laptop, typing memories out so they would be preserved forever. While he watched, Melissa wrote a three-and-a-half-page speech about their father that was both witty and incredibly touching.

  “Mel. There isn’t going to be a dry eye in the whole place. I think you missed your calling when you went to fashion school. You should be a writer. Or at least a copy writer. If I ever need a speech for work, you’ll be writing it.”

  “Thank you. I have always had a way with words. But fashion. The vast amount of colors and textures and styles out in the world and things yet to be discovered? That is my passion.”

  Conner patted her knee and stood. “Get some sleep, my dear. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day.”

  Melissa gave a crooked half smile and when she was alone, she leaned her head against the cool window glass and wondered when life would go back to feeling even semi-normal. She looked up as the door clicked open. Grace stood next to Melissa’s bed, pointedly holding up the covers as a mother might do to a child reluctant to go to bed. Melissa curled into the center of the mattress and broke the lock on the dam in her heart, letting the tears slide freely down her face for what felt like the millionth time. As Grace eased the door closed, she hoped the earth-shattering sobbing she heard would cleanse Melissa’s soul and recharge her strength.

  ~ ~ ~

  Melissa heard the soft click of her bedroom door opening and even softer footsteps as Grace crossed the room. As the curtains were whisked aside, Melissa sat up, looked around the room, and saw none of her surroundings had changed, yet the mood of the house was completely different. Melissa lay back down and covered her face with a pillow. The mattress dipped.

  Melissa felt Liz lift the pillow an inch. There was silence and yet so many words were spoken. Melissa was soaking up the energy Liz was pumping out. She heaved herself into a sitting position again and just looked at Liz, trying to get some mercy.

  “Why do we have to go today? Can’t we just stay here, in my huge, comfy bed and wallow? You brought ice cream, didn’t you?”

  Melissa looked for signs of a partner-in-crime to wiggle out of the funeral and took stock of her best friend. Fairy queen, head to toe. Her hair was blonde, the type of blonde that made the sun jealous. Melissa started to play with the ends of Liz’s hair, dyed recen
tly in several different shades. Pink, blue, purple, it looked like Ashley had taken her neon crayons and had a coloring field day.

  “Your mermaid hair looks so pretty today. We can stay right here and eat ice cream and braid each other’s hair and Ashley will run in and bounce around us and then my dad will run in to grab Ashley and everything will be okay.”

  Melissa risked a peek up at Liz’s face and heaved a huge sigh. Grace walked back into the room from picking out Melissa’s outfit and smiled at Liz.

  “Have you finally convinced this one to get out of her bed? Come on, Melissa, get up.”

  Melissa looked at Grace and shook her head. Grace softened her gaze and sat on the edge of the mattress to take her friend’s other hand. Melissa was linked between her two favorite people. She could feel the extra boost of Grace’s energy and was trying to turn it into the strength she needed to get into the shower and get on with the day. It wasn’t working that well.

  “I know you’re hurting, Lissa, but you need to be strong for your mamma and for yourself. Come on now.”

  Melissa wiped her cheeks and rose to get ready for breakfast. She stayed quiet as Grace laid out her funeral clothes and styled her hair. Liz chattered through the whole process, keeping Melissa happy. Even if it was a temporary happy. It was going to be the longest day of her life. She looked out the window at the beauty of the day and was struck by the absurdity of the sunshine when she felt as gray as an overly laundered pillowcase.

  It was springtime edging in to summer in California. Cosmo said teal was the new pink and purple was the new blue. Fabric colors really had no effect on Melissa now though, because the color of her future was black.

  Melissa steeled herself to stop being so selfish and think of the others in her family. The one suffering most was Conner. He was suddenly the public head of the family. In a week, the board of directors would swear him in as the president of the family company, Yards Holdings, Inc. It was a company built of many different types of companies. There was agriculture, construction, manufacturing, and a poorly run fashion arm that Melissa knew her father wanted her to take over.

  Her mother was stone-walling her from becoming involved in any arm of the business. The argument of a woman didn’t belong in the business world made Melissa crazy. It was the 21st century, for crying out loud, but traditional-to-the-bone Anna would not budge. She wanted a society daughter. The one man who could help Melissa get around her mother was forever silenced.

  Dressed early, Conner stiffly strode to his father’s study. It was a sturdy room, made for a man who knew how to be in control. Upon entering, Conner felt as if the chair behind the desk would turn and his father would be asking about the latest sales on customizable floor mates or if the projected numbers were accurate. He looked around the room as he had countless times, but it was as if he was seeing everything with a completely new perspective.

  The walls were red, green, and blue plaid. The furniture was brown leather and the main piece in the room was the desk that sat in front of the largest window in the house. Conner sat down in his father’s huge leather chair behind the desk and felt a little more in command of his emotions. He sat for what felt like eons. It was where Melissa and Liz found him, looking surly. Wanting to lighten the mood for even a second, Melissa looked at Liz and the two girls linked hands, then walked into the room.

  “Well, it looks as if that chair was made for you.” Melissa added a smile so Conner knew she was being sincere. He smiled back but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked at Liz and as usual felt his tongue tie into tiny knots. She was so beautiful, he felt as if the world dimmed around her, making everything else seem insignificant. Melissa walked over and stood behind the chair. She placed her hands on Conner’s shoulders in an offer of support. He reached back and squeezed one of them. Liz sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, wishing there was some way she could erase the sadness from her friends’ eyes.

  “This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. How am I going to shoulder the burdens of being the president of an entire company? I found out today Dad was looking into properties in Europe for the expansion of the fashion label. Europe! As if one factory there isn’t enough. Now he wants two or even possibly three. I’m only twenty-four. Father was supposed to train me, to show me how to do this. How could he?”

  “I have no idea, Conner.” Melissa shook her head. “If I had any helpful advice I would certainly give it to you. As to father being sick? Conner, it was a fever. It’s not like he planned to die or he had a disease and didn’t tell us. We saw he was sick and we got him help as soon as we could. It was an incurable disease.”

  Conner still looked frustrated, as if Melissa had said something nasty.

  Liz stood and walked to the window. “It looks like you can see the whole world from this spot. I wonder what it must have felt like to have been so powerful. Everything is going to be all right, Conner. Why would your father have given you such responsibility if he didn’t think you could handle it? At any age? Melissa will be right behind you the whole time. And I’ll be right behind her. You have a very special support system here. No worries.”

  Liz leaned over and fixed his crooked tie. Conner visibly calmed. The three of them sat around talking about light things for the rest of the time before the funeral, trying to keep everything as relaxed as they could.

  Things had always been easy between Melissa and Conner. They were five years apart, but it seemed like less. It was something Conner teased her endlessly about, being well in her twenties, closing in on her thirties, and not married. Melissa didn’t much care and instead enjoyed her freedom. She knew marriage was in her future but she wanted it to be her decision not her mother’s. They looked over as the door opened. It was Turner, the main housemaid.

  “Your mother is ready to leave.”

  Melissa dipped her head in acknowledgement and tapped her brother’s shoulder. Liz took Melissa’s hand. Turner wished there was something she could say but nodded back and left the room. She heard Melissa and Conner follow her. The tedious day was beginning.

  “Don’t let go.”

  Liz looked her friend in the eye and the gleam in them made Melissa weary.

  “Not even a remote chance of that happening.”

  Chapter 5

  How is it possible that fate could be so cruel? The thought ran through Melissa’s head as she heard her mother weeping silently. Melissa vowed she would save her tears for when she was alone. Grief choked her, but she wouldn’t let it consume her. She assumed it had already overtaken her brother as he was present physically but not emotionally. There was an expressionless vacancy to his eyes.

  Every once in a while he would look up from the ground, acknowledging something that was said. The trip to the cemetery where the family plot resided was incredibly difficult because it somehow made everything real. Conner kept looking out the limo’s front window, at the hearses holding the coffins. As if by sheer will, Conner seemed to think he could make their father and sister rise from the dead.

  Melissa took Conner’s hand as they walked closer to the grave plots. She needed the pressure of his hand to stay grounded to the earth. Melissa wondered if Liz’s hand was broken. Her grip had not slackened since they climbed into the funeral car. If either girl was in discomfort, neither said anything. Both needing the continued contact to keep their composure intact.

  As the preacher proceeded through the funeral, Melissa’s mind wandered to fate and how hers was going to change. When it was her turn to speak, she pulled her mind into the now and swallowed hard. She walked to the front of the crowd, standing in between the two coffins. Laying a hand on the top of each, she said a silent goodbye to her father and then to Ashley before she unfolded her papers. Melissa couldn’t tell who was more surprised, Conner or Liz, when she started to talk and her voice was strong and he
ld no hint of tears. Melissa knew if she made eye contact with anyone she would lose her control. She made one pass over everyone’s face and felt her heart skip a beat. Christian was present, waiting to hear her words. Melissa couldn’t help herself, if she ever looked up, her eyes went directly to Christian’s face. She walked to her seat, praying her mother hadn’t noticed.

  Melissa sniffled into her silk handkerchief as the rest of the crowd murmured amen after the preacher’s final prayer. The mourners filed past the coffins and laid down their roses. Their last goodbyes to Ashley and Max. Melissa wanted to walk up and swipe those flowers onto the ground. It would do nothing but make her look petty, but she still wanted to do it.

  As everyone filed out, Liz took another moment to say her own goodbyes. Ashley had been like a niece to Liz. And Max had welcomed her with open arms into the family. Her own grief was locked away so tight, she didn’t know if it would ever surface. She was there for Melissa and that was really what mattered. When she did have a second alone she would unlock the box and get rid of everything she was feeling. She climbed into the funeral car and observed as each stared blankly out the window.

  The silence in the car stretched endlessly. Melissa was glad the ride from the cemetery to the house was mercifully short. When they pulled up in front of the house, Melissa bolted from the car first and, ignoring her mother’s gasp and calls to go inside the house, she ran through and out of it, to her tree. Liz looked at Anna’s pale, strained face and wondered why her friend did certain things. She took off her shoes and raced after Melissa.

  “Please, Melissa, do not do this today. I know your tree is your comfort place, but the people in the house might need you a little more than you need to be alone. Come insi—” Liz was mid-sentence when the plea in her friend’s eyes turned toward panic, so Liz heaved a sigh of resignation and laced her fingers to give Melissa a boost.