The Morning After the Wedding Before

by Laura Ziepe

  Kim felt a mixture of happiness and worry. She couldn’t actually believe that Andy was here in Vegas! She couldn’t wait to see him, but she also knew it was time to have the important talk. Kim felt sick with apprehension and distress. Surely her husband still loved her if he’d come all the way out to Vegas as a surprise?

  ‘Meet me at the hotel reception,’ she told him, ‘I’m leaving now.’

  ‘See you soon.’

  Kim span round to the others, unable to contain her smile as she looked at Emma’s grin.

  ‘I can’t believe Andy is here and you kept it a secret! I’m so shocked!’

  ‘He told me to keep it quiet,’ she explained. ‘I nearly slipped up a few times, to be honest. I bet he feels like it’s a bit of a wasted trip now the wedding isn’t going ahead.’

  ‘Vegas is never a wasted trip,’ Holly replied with a smile.

  ‘I’ll speak to you after, girls,’ Kim said, making her way down to where the taxis were.

  ‘Good luck,’ Holly said with feeling, giving Kim’s hand a quick squeeze.

  Fifteen minutes later, Kim was walking through the main entrance of the Wynn Hotel.

  Andy’s face broke into a huge smile as he saw Kim approach in the long, floaty dusty pink dress she’d bought especially for the wedding. Her hair had been curled by Holly and then put up into a loose braid, a few tendrils coming down.

  ‘Hello,’ he greeted her, taking her into his arms and kissing her lips. ‘You look absolutely beautiful.’

  Kim could tell he really meant it and she realized that these days Andy rarely saw her with her make-up done and hair styled. There was hardly any point when she wasn’t going anywhere nice, was there? Her appearance was something else she didn’t make much effort with any more and she vowed to change this. Not every day of course, but she’d missed seeing Andy look at her in this way. She missed feeling really good about herself.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re really here,’ Kim said, holding onto him and feeling safe in his large arms. ‘I’m so happy to see you, Andy,’ she gazed at him earnestly. ‘Let’s go to the room; I need to talk to you.’

  They walked into the suite that Andy had booked, discussing Emma’s decision to call the wedding off. It was huge with a gorgeous view of the strip, a private terrace and even a hot tub in the bathroom. ‘Wow, Andy. This must have cost a fortune,’ Kim said, taken aback.

  ‘I wanted to treat you,’ he exclaimed, his eyes bright. ‘We rarely get time to ourselves any more. I thought it would be nice.’

  ‘It’s lovely. Thank you,’ she said, sitting on the bed and pulling the fabric of her dress down.

  Andy sat on the bed, leaning his head on the headboard. ‘What did you need to talk about?’

  Kim faltered, feeling uneasy. ‘I don’t really know how to begin.’ She paused, forcing herself to say the words. ‘I’m just going to come out and say it though. I should have mentioned it the moment I stumbled upon the messages.’

  His nostrils flared. ‘What messages?’

  Kim cleared her throat. ‘Andy, is there something going on between you and Lily? You were in the garden the day I got the wedding invite to come here, and your phone beeped. I saw the messages on your phone from her.’

  Andy’s brow crinkled and his eyes widened as he stared at her for several beats. ‘No, of course not. We’re friends. There is absolutely nothing going on between us and there never will be. I can’t believe you would think that.’ He looked devastated.

  She scrutinized him, becoming aware of her heartbeat: an urgent hammering. ‘Really? Even though the messages were flirty and completely inappropriate when you’re married? She called you “hot stuff” for Christ’s sake. What was I supposed to think? You’ve been liking her Instagram selfies and she’s been liking your photos too and making comments. Please, don’t lie to me if there is something going on. I need to know …’

  ‘I swear to you Kim, there’s nothing there. Not like that.’ His voice was even and clear, his pupils huge. ‘I know you won’t believe me, but Lily was complaining how she never gets any likes on Instagram so I said I’d like her photos. I can’t stop her liking mine. “‘Hot stuff” is a joke too; nobody seriously uses that term. I can assure you that’s her just messing about.’

  The relief that he was telling her he wasn’t having an affair was instantaneous, but Kim was still dubious about what he was saying. Would Andy lie to her?

  ‘So why have you been entertaining those messages? It’s obvious she has a thing for you. I’m not stupid, Andy. Please don’t treat me as if I’ve made all this up in my head.’

  ‘Okay,’ Andy said calmly. ‘Maybe Lily does have a thing for me. She’s mentioned a few things previously which leads me to believe that perhaps she likes me as more than a friend, but Kim, she knows I would never, ever dream of going there with her. I love you and she knows that.’

  ‘Then why not just tell her to stop messaging you like that? Why are you even replying?’ she demanded, feeling a shot of betrayal all over again. . ‘I would never do that to you!’

  Andy stared into space and heaved a sigh, a thick vein appearing on his forehead. ‘I guess I was flattered, I don’t know,’ he said helplessly, shaking his head and looking mortified. ‘I’m sorry to say that , but I guess it’s the truth. But you’re right, I should have told her to stop. I wouldn’t have liked it if a man had been sending you messages like that and you’d replied and entertained it. I would be angry. It was wrong of me. I’m so sorry, but I swear on Mylo and Willow’s lives, that nothing has ever happened or ever will. I would never cheat on you, but I should have stopped those messages. It’s disrespectful and I crossed the line.’

  Kim believed him. She knew Andy couldn’t lie. Thankfully, he was a terrible liar. She once caught him lying about what he’d been up to when he was arranging her surprise birthday party. He couldn’t make eye contact and his cheeks turned a shade of pink; Kim had known straight away he was up to something.

  ‘Did Lily ever make a move on you?’ She had to know.

  ‘No, nothing like that. She just flirts, that’s all.’

  ‘And you flirt back?’

  ‘I brush her comments away and make a joke of things all the time …’ he stammered, looking out of his depth, ‘you know, try to lighten the mood, but I wouldn’t exactly call my behaviour flirty. I just should have nipped it all in the bud from the very start and I’m sorry,’ he said ruefully.

  Kim was still so upset with him. She knew it would take a lot more than ‘sorry’ to ever get those messages out of her head. ‘Are you happy with me? With us?’ she ventured.

  The thought of Andy entertaining Lily hurt like hell. Just the thought of another woman acting all coquettish towards her husband made her livid. But it was also a wake-up call.

  Andy scratched his beard. ‘Yes,’ he said with certainty, ‘though I would love to spend a bit more alone time together. I wish you would come out more with our friends like you used to. I kind of miss the old you. But I do understand that the children come first and things have changed …’ he broke off. ‘I love the kids to bits, but if I’m really honest, sometimes I think you need to relax a little with them. Let them play without following one step behind them, ready to catch them if they fall. You need to let them breathe a bit.’

  ‘Andy, as much as I’m not happy about those messages, I’m also sorry,’ Kim replied, swallowing hard. ‘I’ve had a long time to think since I first found them and I’ve not really been the best wife over the past few years, have I? I don’t agree with how you’ve behaved about the whole Lily thing and I’m not going to pretend I’m not angry about it, but I can’t be too shocked at you for enjoying a bit of attention from her, not when I haven’t been giving you any.’

  Andy stared at her, looking pained. ‘I still shouldn’t have ever made you feel worried about us, about me. I want you to be able to trust me. Do you?’

  ‘Yes, strangely enough, I think I do.’ Kim stared into his grey eyes. ‘I
always felt so guilty when Mylo was born, what with the cot …’

  ‘That was not your fault,’ Andy reminded her.

  Kim nodded. ‘Do you remember how tiny he was when he was born? When I first saw how delicate he was with those tiny little tubes coming out of him, something changed inside of me. But focusing so much on him and Willow has meant that I haven’t given any of my time to you, or even let you in.’

  Andy looked into space thoughtfully. ‘When I got that call that you were in labour, I was in such a state of shock. I was so frightened, but I knew I had to be strong for you and the baby. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I remember one of the first things you said to me when he was whisked away to intensive care.’

  ‘What?’ Kim had been completely out of it. She was sure that Andy had never told her this before.

  ‘You said you were sorry.’ Andy blinked several times. ‘Even though I told you none of it was your fault, I knew you didn’t quite believe me. I knew you were struggling with it all and I did try to tell you it was just one of those things. But I should have offered you more support. I should have made you take a break from time to time rather than just letting you deal with everything because you always said you had it under control. I should have been there more and tried …’

  ‘You have been there, Andy,’ Kim assured him. ‘I just think I’ve shut you out.’

  ‘I do want to be a good father, Kim. Our family means everything to me. I’m just scared of always doing things wrong, or not how you like them to be,’ he explained. ‘You’re a fantastic mum, the very best, so I don’t want to complain about that, but I’ve just always felt a bit excluded and inadequate no matter how hard I’ve tried. I can’t exactly say you make me feel wanted or particularly loved. I know how childish and pathetic that sounds,’ he admitted.

  Kim had been right about his feelings, as she had always known, deep down. Things had to change – now.

  ‘I’m going to work on chilling out a bit where the children are concerned, I promise. I want it to be different and I never want you to feel like you’re not needed. You are, Andy; more than you’ll ever know. The children adore you. After seeing those messages and worrying about what was going on with Lily, it’s made me realize I need to change my ways too.’

  ‘I should have said how I felt before, I’m aware of that. I don’t know why I haven’t ever voiced these feelings to you before. I’ve gone about everything the wrong way,’ he shook his head looking disappointed with himself. ‘I should never have just pretended everything was fine. We should have talked about this a long time ago and got help.’

  ‘I have to agree with you.’

  ‘Do you forgive me?’ He looked sick with anxiety. ‘I promise I never intended for anything to happen between us. I love you and would never be unfaithful to you; I have far too much at stake.’

  Kim exhaled slowly. ‘I want to move on from this, yes. I can’t say I don’t feel upset with you, because I do, but I think we have something too special here to throw away just because of this.’

  He appeared elated. ‘It makes me so happy to hear you say that. I can promise you too, I’ll have a word with Lily and tell her the texts, Instagram and whatever, needs to stop. You have my word. I’ll even move schools if it makes you happy. I can’t apologize enough about it, but it never meant anything. Not to me.’

  ‘I don’t know how I’ve changed so much, but being here and having some fun for once has made me come to the conclusion that I need to have a bit of time for myself as well as time for us too. It’s so important. Somehow I got a little lost after the children were born. I won’t shut you out any more,’ she explained, meaning every word.

  ‘Come here.’ Andy patted the bed next to him.

  Kim lay beside him, running her fingers through his thick, dark hair. She kissed him, unable to remember the last time they’d spent some moments like this. It felt good. Kim fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow most nights and it always felt like before she knew it, Mylo was tapping her to wake her up or Willow was screaming from her cot. Their kissing became more heated and Kim pulled the duvet of the bed down, signalling for Andy to join her. As his hands roamed under the covers, Kim felt her body tingle, as though it was the first time they’d explored each other’s bodies. Why didn’t they do this more often? she asked herself as she gasped for breath. She felt the passion coming off them in waves as Andy pulled the zip of her dress down.

  Just by talking through their problems, Kim already felt closer to Andy . She felt he now understood how Mylo’s birth had affected her, making her feel the need to take control where their children were concerned, but in fact, she needed Andy just as much as he needed her. There was still a long way to go and it would take time to get back to how they once were, she knew that. There would be more conversations and serious discussions, but as Andy bit her lip gently, Kim decided that for now they could put it to one side.

  Chapter 34

  Kim

  It was the day after the wedding was supposed to have taken place and instead of waking up hungover and tired next to Holly, Kim was waking up wrapped in Andy’s arms feeling deliriously happy and finally at ease.

  ‘Good morning,’ Andy smiled widely, kissing her nose.

  They had spent the entire day watching films, lying in bed and ordering room service. It had been amazing. Kim had been reminded of a time when it had been just the two of them, no interruptions, no responsibilities. She felt as though they had reconnected. Why hadn’t she ever taken Andy up on his offer before?

  ‘I’ve texted your mum and she said the children are fine,’ Andy said, glancing at his mobile, which he took off the charger.

  ‘Oh really? Maybe I’ll call …’ Kim stopped herself. ‘Okay, great.’ She didn’t need to call. Her mother was perfectly capable of handling them for a few nights. Andy had explained the previous day that he’d changed her flight so she could stay an extra couple of days with him. Kim couldn’t wait to see the children, but she told herself she and Andy needed this time together. A few nights was absolutely nothing, and Andy told Kim that her mother was thrilled to be getting them for so long.

  ‘Shall I order breakfast in bed?’ Andy raised an eyebrow.

  ‘You know what, I think I’ve seen enough of this bed. Fancy going out somewhere instead?’ Kim checked her phone and saw she had a few messages from Holly. ‘Holly and Emma are going to a pool if you fancy it?’

  ‘I’ll have breakfast with you, go to the gym for a bit and then meet you afterwards. Sound like a plan? Unless you want to join me in the gym?’

  Kim pulled a face. ‘I’ll meet you after,’ she kissed him.

  Two hours later and Kim was lying on a sun lounger next to Holly and Emma.

  Emma had been too afraid to go out much the day before, embarrassed to bump into any of Charlie’s or her own family. She’d switched her phone off and she and Holly had done the same thing that Kim had done with Andy: hibernated in the hotel room and eaten junk food.

  ‘Yesterday was exactly what she needed; she’d been pretty tearful for most of the day,’ Holly told Kim when Emma went to the bar.

  Emma told them all about the wedding ceremony with the stranger, Luke, one of the guys they had met on the night of her hen do. Kim had been astonished; thank goodness the ceremony hadn’t been legal, otherwise it would be causing Emma even more hassle and stress than she was already going through.

  Emma walked back over, handing them a bottle of water each.

  ‘So you and Andy are okay then?’ Holly asked.

  ‘I didn’t even realize anything was wrong,’ Emma pointed out.

  ‘I think we are, yes,’ Kim replied, explaining for Emma’s sake what had been going on between them since Mylo’s birth .

  ‘I’m so glad you were able to talk it through,’ Emma said. ‘And now you have a few more days to just enjoy being alone together again.’

  Kim nodded. ‘I’m loving the idea of relaxing with Andy for a bit longe
r. He’s so sweet coming out here and arranging it all without me knowing.’

  ‘You’ll have a lovely time, but personally I’m glad we planned to go home today. I’m dreading the thought of seeing anyone,’ Emma told them as they laid out in the sunshine, rubbing suncream into their warm skin. ‘I’m also so pleased that Charlie and I hadn’t booked a honeymoon. That would be even more wasted money. We always said we wouldn’t need one straight after Vegas and we planned to go away somewhere nice in the winter. I do hope he’s doing okay,’ she said, sounding glum. ‘He won’t reply to my messages and I really can’t blame him; he probably despises me.’

  ‘Give him time,’ Holly said wisely. ‘It’s still so fresh and raw. He’s hurting.’

  ‘Have you had a nice time, despite me calling off the wedding?’ Emma asked, squinting in the sunshine.

  Holly paused. ‘You know what, I’ve had a lovely time, but I honestly cannot wait to get home to see Lottie and Jacob. I was saying to Kim the other day, sometimes I feel like I’ve lost a little part of my old self being a single mum; it can be such hard work. Exhausting. But being without them, even for just a short while, makes me realize how truly lucky I am to have them. They’re everything to me. They’re my life,’ she said, looking a little emotional. ‘I feel guilty for being so eager to get away. As soon as Rob told me his news I knew I had to come here. I’m not going to beat myself up about the fact it may take a while to get used to our new set-up with Nikki in the picture now. It’s a massive change in all our lives. I feel like now I’ve accepted it, it’ll easier for me to move on and focus on myself. Maybe I’m not entirely against eventually meeting the right person when the time is right. Until then though, I’m just going to focus on spending time with my children and my friends.’

  ‘That sounds like a plan,’ Kim said. ‘You shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to get away either. I agree, it’s not always easy and we all need a break sometimes. This is something that I’ve learnt too. I know I’m thankful I came.. Coming to Vegas has helped me address some important issues and now we can move on.’