The Morning After the Wedding Before

by Laura Ziepe

  ‘Where are you going to go?’ Mark asked her, his voice laced with sympathy and sadness as she opened the bedroom door with a suitcase.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Rachel responded honestly. ‘Home I guess. Not that it should concern you now.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose home to your parents is best. Rachel, I’m so sorry,’ he said pathetically, looking as though he didn’t know what to do with himself.

  Rachel sniffed loudly, still unable to believe they were breaking up. ‘So am I, Mark. So am I.’

  She closed the front door behind her, not looking back at him, and made her way to her car before her face crumpled and she cried her heart out.

  Fifteen minutes later and Rachel was still crying. She was dreading going home to her parents and explaining what had happened. Her parents would be so disappointed; she could just see her mother’s sorrowful expression wondering how Mark had done this to her daughter. Her mother and father adored Mark. They were always telling her what a lovely young man he was and that she couldn’t have picked better.

  I definitely could have picked better, Mum, the bastard has left me, she thought wryly as she stopped at the traffic lights.

  Rachel’s mother had been harping on about grandchildren ever since she could remember and now she felt like she’d somehow let her down. She wondered if it would be better going to Bianca’s? Bianca lived alone in her flat and had a spare room she could stay in. They’d been best friends since childhood and Rachel felt completely at ease being a snivelling wreck in Bianca’s presence. Rachel was always there for Bianca when she was feeling down; she couldn’t count the number of times she’d been on the phone until 1 a.m. listening to Bianca ramble on about some guy who hadn’t called her back. Deciding this was the best idea, Rachel put her foot down hard on the accelerator and made her way there.

  ‘Rachel?’ Bianca looked as though she’d seen a ghost as she opened the front door. Her eyes were open wide with concern and shock as she gazed at Rachel standing there.

  ‘Oh Bee, it’s all gone horribly wrong. Can I stay here?’ Rachel sniffed, wiping her nose with a crumpled tissue she’d found in the bottom of her handbag.

  ‘Of course.’ Bianca opened the door and took Rachel in her arms. ‘What’s happened? Is it Mark?’ she asked gently.

  Rachel nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. ‘We’ve broken up,’ she croaked. ‘He doesn’t love me anymore.’ Rachel’s face wrinkled as she said the words.

  ‘Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry. I’m just so, so sorry. Come through to the lounge. Let me get you a drink,’ Bianca suggested kindly.

  Rachel let Bianca lead her into the lounge and sat on the sofa. ‘It’s come out of nowhere. I don’t know what I’m going to do,’ Rachel said, feeling helpless. The rug had been pulled from under her feet. She couldn’t believe she was here, instead of at home making dinner and wondering what to watch on television for the evening. Everything had happened so quickly.

  Bianca looked awkward. She felt really bad for Rachel and it was a surprise seeing her in such a vulnerable state. Rachel was the strong one in their friendship. Rachel didn’t get upset about the little things like Bianca did. She was the one who was normally comforting and reassuring Bianca for whatever reason. Rachel had been the lucky one. She was the one with the job she loved and the boyfriend she adored. She was the first one to kiss a boy, lose her virginity and get into a serious relationship. It was Bianca who went out on the countless bad dates and struggled to find a nice man to settle down with.

  ‘Can I get you a drink? I can open a bottle of wine if you like?’ Bianca offered.

  ‘No, I’m fine,’ Rachel exhaled. ‘Well, I’m not fine, I’m completely heartbroken, but the thought of eating or drinking makes me feel sick.’

  Bianca gave a little nod and sat down slowly opposite Rachel. ‘What did he say?’ Bianca asked in a small voice, her large brown eyes full of sympathy.

  ‘That he loves me like a friend,’ Rachel confessed, rolling her eyes. ‘Just what every woman wants to hear,’ she said sarcastically. ‘There’s nothing I can do about that, is there? I can’t make it better. I can’t say I’ll stop nagging him as much, or that I won’t be as possessive or whatever other things men hate. Because I don’t do any of those things and it’s not because I’ve done anything wrong, it’s because he doesn’t love me anymore. It’s the worst possible thing he could say.’ She closed her eyes trying to prevent the tears again. ‘I’m just hoping he says he’s made a mistake. I’m praying that because I’ve actually left him, he’ll change his mind.’ She laughed uncontrollably. ‘I’m pitiable, aren’t I? I just don’t know what’s going on anymore. I just want him to want me back.’

  Bianca shifted on the armchair and stared at Rachel with a frown. ‘Perhaps it’s for the best?’ she replied optimistically. ‘You’ll meet someone else, Rach, you know you will. You always do. Maybe Mark just wasn’t for you?’

  ‘I don’t want to meet someone else,’ Rachel moaned, shaking her head and blowing her nose. ‘Mark was nice. He was reliable, loyal and dependable. My parents love him. My friends love him. He was the one,’ she stated firmly, her chin wobbling. ‘I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with him. I can’t explain it …’ She broke off. Bianca had never had a long-term boyfriend, so she couldn’t possibly know how she felt. Bianca’s relationships usually lasted no longer than a month. She had no idea what Rachel was going through, couldn’t ever know the pain she was feeling – not that Rachel was about to voice this for fear of hurting her feelings.

  ‘I just keep thinking I should have known,’ Rachel continued. ‘But I didn’t. I honestly thought everything was fine between us. I knew things weren’t perfect, but that’s life, right? No one’s relationship is perfect. The longer you’re together the more comfortable and relaxed you get. That’s just how it goes. What does he actually want?’ Rachel said, raising her shoulders.

  Bianca sat quietly looking down at the floor. ‘You’ll meet someone else,’ she practically whispered.

  ‘I’m sure I will eventually,’ Rachel nodded, rubbing her nose and desperately trying to find some positivity. She knew this was going to be difficult, but she would get through it. She had great friends and family around her for support. She wasn’t the first person to go through a break up and she certainly wouldn’t be the last. She was aware things could be much worse. Somehow, it would be okay again one day, she did know that deep down. She just needed to get over the shock and hurt. ‘I really thought I had the right man,’ she explained, shaking her head in puzzlement. Then the thought suddenly hit her, as though a light switch had been turned on inside her head. ‘Oh my God. Say he’s already seeing someone else? I didn’t even ask him. How could I not have asked him? He could be leaving me for another woman. Have you seen him with anyone at work? Do you ever speak to him?’

  Bianca’s eyes darted around the room, like she was afraid to answer and Rachel instantly felt tension in the room.

  ‘No, I don’t see him at work. Well, sometimes I see him. Like occasionally, but it’s not often … I … he … we work on different floors,’ Bianca replied, appearing a little flustered and uncomfortable.

  Rachel frowned, wondering if Bianca was hiding something from her, when her eyes landed on a black jacket hanging up outside in the hallway. A feeling of sheer dread hit her like a tidal wave. She felt sick to the core as she stood up and walked over to it, her hands shaking as she reached out for the jacket.

  ‘Rach? What’s wrong? What are you doing?’ Bianca asked, watching in horror as she picked up the jacket and opened it.

  Rachel prayed that she was wrong. She hoped with every single fibre of her being that it couldn’t possibly be true. She opened the jacket and when she saw the pink nail varnish stain inside by the pocket, it took her breath away as though she’d been punched. She knew then exactly why Mark had broken up with her. She pivoted and stared at Bianca in disbelief.

  ‘This is Mark’s jacket,’ she stated calmly,
adrenaline pumping through her.

  ‘No it’s not,’ Bianca replied quickly, her face turning a shade of pink. She let out a nervous laugh. ‘Why on earth would Mark’s jacket be here?’

  ‘It’s Mark’s jacket,’ Rachel stated with certainty, ignoring her, her index finger touching the stain. ‘I had just painted my nails once when he asked me to grab his phone from the pocket because he was in the bath. You see this mark here?’ Rachel pointed to the pink smudge. ‘This was because my nails were wet still. I felt really bad about it afterwards, though you can’t see the stain from the outside. Mark was always particular about his clothes. He takes good care of them.’ She shot Bianca an intense gaze. ‘Why is Mark’s jacket here?’

  Bianca’s eyes were as round as saucers. ‘Rachel, please let me explain …’

  ‘I got you that job at Mark’s firm,’ Rachel interrupted. ‘It was me, you know. I begged him to get you in there. I told him how down you were and how bad I felt for you getting made redundant. He didn’t want to get involved at first; he kept telling me it was a bad idea in case you weren’t any good and he’d been the one to recommend you so it wouldn’t look good on him, but I kept on about it, singing your praises and persuading him to do it. I’ve been a good friend to you, haven’t I?’

  Bianca gave a weak nod, looking away.

  ‘Yes, I have. So I think it’s about time you were honest with me, don’t you?’ Rachel could feel herself growing angrier with every second. All those late nights Mark had been working flashed through Rachel’s mind. All the times that Bianca hadn’t answered the phone and then made excuses as to why she couldn’t meet up, Rachel had just assumed she’d been really busy, and she supposed she had been –

  with her boyfriend!

  ‘I don’t know what you mean …’

  ‘Bee, just cut the crap, okay?’ Rachel interjected hotly, rolling her eyes and feeling as if her head was about to explode in rage. ‘How long have you been seeing Mark for? How long have you been seeing my boyfriend?’ She couldn’t believe she was even saying the words. She glared at Bianca, feeling the tension emanating from her.

  Bianca fiddled with her hair, at least having the decency to look ashamed. She looked at the floor; she’d clearly rather be anywhere else in the world at that very second.

  ‘Rachel, I’m so sorry,’ she said finally, tears filling her eyes. ‘I never meant for any of this to happen. We both didn’t.’

  ‘We? So you and Mark are a we now?’ A loud laugh escaped her lips. ‘Tell me, for how long? How long have you both been lying to me?’ she snapped, feeling more hurt and betrayed than she ever knew was possible.

  ‘Oh God, I know you’re upset, but the last thing we ever wanted was to hurt you. We’ve both felt so bad, Rachel. Please believe me. It’s been going on for about two months, that’s all. I told him I wanted to stop. I couldn’t carry on until things were sorted between you two,’ she sniffed loudly.

  Rachel gazed at Bianca noticing her mascara was smudged, her eyes focusing on the black smear underneath her chocolate brown eyes. She looked around the room at the colourful scatter cushions on the sofa with the sequins which scratched your skin, the full magazine rack with magazines piled messily around it and Bianca’s pink fluffy slippers lying in the middle of the room. Mark wouldn’t care much for her untidiness. He’d hate it in fact. It would grate on him eventually, but perhaps he didn’t even know that side to Bianca just yet. Or maybe it didn’t bother him right now because everything was so new, sexy and exciting. She could just imagine the thrill of their sordid meetings, worrying that Rachel may or may not catch them and find out. How could the two of them have got together behind her back? At what point had Bianca become appealing to Mark? He’d never seemed remotely bothered about her before. They’d always gotten along of course, but just on a normal boyfriend/best friend level. There had been absolutely nothing remarkable about their relationship. In fact, she distinctly remembered Mark calling Bianca ‘quite the chatterbox,’ implying it was a bad thing. So when had the chatterbox become irresistible to him? Nothing between the two of them had ever told Rachel to watch out because, if she wasn’t careful, one day they’d hook up and ditch her. They hadn’t even flirted in front of her before. Rachel felt as though it was all a bad dream; she was frail and shaky and thought she might pass out from the shock at any second. How could they both do that to her?

  Bianca began to weep and Rachel had to stop herself from comforting her out of habit. This was certainly not the time to make her so-called best friend feel better.

  ‘So you’ve really been seeing Mark then?’ she asked, a nasty bitter taste flooding her mouth.

  Bianca nodded, her nose beginning to run. ‘I think I’m in love with him,’ she cried. ‘I’m so sorry. It’s all just such a mess. We just got chatting at work one day in the lunch canteen. We were talking about you, but there was just this spark between us. I can’t explain it. I know you’re going to hate me,’ she sobbed, ‘and I deserve it. I really do deserve it.’

  Love? It was as though the word was lodged in Rachel’s throat and she couldn’t swallow. So it wasn’t just a fling then? It wasn’t a mistake. Bianca was planning to steal Mark because she couldn’t live without him. Supposedly loved him. Her Mark. What had happened? Had they started a conversation about her and then realized that actually, they would make a better couple? How about we both lose Rachel and get together instead? The world had gone crazy.

  ‘I don’t know what to say to you,’ Rachel said, filled with a wave of disbelief, her eyes suddenly dry. She was too stunned and hurt to cry at that moment. The shock had dried up her ability to show any emotion. ‘I just need to get out of here. I need to be away from you.’

  ‘Please just believe that we’re sorry, okay?’ Bianca pleaded. ‘You can’t just leave like this.’

  Again, the word ‘we’re’, to show that they’d become a secret couple, while Rachel had just been happily living her ordinary little life in ignorance. ‘Wrong. I can do whatever the hell I like,’ Rachel retorted, her head throbbing like it did when she had a migraine coming on. ‘I don’t owe you anything, Bianca. You want my boyfriend? You’re welcome to him. Don’t ever contact me again.’

  Rachel marched to the front door, slamming it behind her. She took a deep breath wondering what on earth she was going to do.

  What a very merry Christmas this was going to be.

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