The Twelve Wild Swans

by Starhawk

  Guidance: Invoking Deity

  By now, we have found some new ways to rely on the power of the Goddess in our lives. We have sought Her guidance by open attention to nature, by finding a special outdoor spot, by questioning the “Old Woman,” and by spending time at our home altars. We have remembered to give back whenever we have received guidance or inspiration.

  Now we are ready to complete the creation of sacred space with the invocation of deity. We already learned how to ground, purify, cast a circle, and invoke the Elements of Life. After these steps are complete, we invoke the Goddess and the God.

  Prepare yourself by learning about and meditating on at least one Goddess whose stories and powers particularly appeal to you. Some Goddess stories and myth cycles include a God, who is the Goddess’s lover and/or child: such as the stories of Isis and Osiris, Freya and Odin, Morgan and Arthur, Inanna and Demuzi. Other Goddess stories, like that of Diana, the virgin huntress, do not involve a God. You and you alone are the authority on your personal relationship with deity, and if you are a beginner in the craft of the wise, you yourself may just be beginning to have a hint or clue as to where your devotion lies. So feel free to experiment; be curious, open-minded, gentle, and persistent. You can learn to feel the presence of deity at your altar and in your life.

  You may wish to begin investigating deities who were important to your ancestors, whose tales were told in the land of your great-grandmothers. Or you may be called to learn about a Goddess whose qualities or powers resonate with your own character and challenges. A woman struggling with infertility might invoke Hestia, Goddess of the hearth, of sanctuary, and of infertile women. A woman facing big decisions might call on Hecate, who stands where three roads meet. A woman facing overwhelming odds might want help from Ganesh, the elephant God who assists the Goddess, overcoming all obstacles with his strength. Or she might need to call on a trickster spirit, Anansi or Coyote, to help her against seemingly impossible opposition. Sometimes, you may need help from a deity whose powers are opposite to what appears to be your challenge. A woman overwhelmed by caring for small children might need help not from a mother Goddess, but from Artemis, inviolable virgin, forever free. When you know whose help and inspiration and wisdom you need, you are ready to invoke deity. It is our own raw need, more than any fancy poetry, that brings the deities when we call them.

  Ground and purify. Cast the Circle and call the powers of the elements and center. Take a moment to still and open your heart, your ears, and your vision. Listen. Where is she? Call her name. Can you feel her coming? Praise her and tell her story. Now she’s nearer. If you feel her prompting you, do what you feel would please her. Move, sing, make up poetry, offer gifts and food. Now she’s here, inside you, inside your circle, throughout and about. Say, “She is here. Welcome.” If you’re working with friends, pass a kiss around the circle: “Thou art Goddess.” If you’re working alone, look in your mirror: “Thou art Goddess.”

  In Reclaiming circles we usually call the Goddess and the God, sometimes more than one God or Goddess if someone present wants or needs the influence of another deity. You can repeat the process above to call in the God, or you can call him along with her. Try both ways, and see what works best for you. Sometimes in women’s circles we call only the Goddess if we’re feeling private.

  Now we have learned to complete the creation of sacred space with the invocation of deity. We have walked out of our castles into the green and begun to rely on guidance from Mother Nature and from the Old Woman within. We are practicing the devotional arts, building a personal relationship with deity at our own altars. Now we are ready to take the next step on our journeys. Following Rose, we will seek the salt shore, and there we will find the voice of our siblings, the voice of bitterness over past injustices.

  The Inner Path

  Rose has found the courage to walk away from everything she has ever known. She simply cannot continue to live a life based on a lie and an injustice. She has committed herself to a clear purpose: to find her brothers and free them. But she becomes lost at once, in the wild green life of nature. She has no map, only her clear intent and her determination. Finally, she finds a little stream and the Old Woman. They can guide her to the next step of her journey.

  We who walk the Inner Path follow Rose. We have left behind the familiar castle, our old patterns of thinking and feeling. When we listened to our intuition, from dreams, divination, and sensation, we found a doorway out of the castle. Now we must wander, and our wandering will take us deep into the undergrowth of our own inner lives, giving ourselves our own undivided attention and care. As we bend over the little stream and see our reflections, we are drawn into the mystery of our own wild selves. When we have wandered long enough, we must find guidance.

  Rose finds a little stream, the first sign of help or comfort she has come across in the unfamiliar wilderness outside the castle. We can imagine her relief. She allows herself to sit down, to rest, to bathe her hands and face, to wash the fear and confusion away, to drink. As she leans over the stream, like Narcissus and many other figures in myth and story, she sees, as she must, her own reflection.

  This moment of insight, the sudden view of the self in the luminous surface of the water, marks a beginning for Rose. It is the beginning of the journey that leads first to the ocean, and then to the Otherworld, and thence to the fulfillment of her life’s purpose. But now, like Rose, we have just discovered the beginning of our path, the first hint or sign of what it might be—a journey that begins with the self. Those of us who walk the Inner Path must take the time to linger by the stream.

  For ancient peoples, who had little metal and no mirrors as we know them, the surface of water would have been the most common way to catch a glimpse of one’s own face. And so in Western mystery tradition, the meaning of water includes self-knowledge and the dissolving, healing power of love and self-love. The story tells us that when we have found a source of water, we have found a thread that we can follow to the ultimate power of the sea.

  Just as Rose wanders in the wood and follows the wanderings of the stream, we learned in the Elements Path to wander outdoors, observing Mother Nature with open attention. Now in the Inner Path, we will take the time to wander in the mystery of our own reflections, with open attention to our sweet selves. We are each a beautiful act of Mother Nature, as much as any mountain meadow or river mouth, flight of starlings or summer storm.

  Finding Time for Wandering Within

  So, like Rose, we must stop and rest our selves. We must allow the water to heal and soothe and mirror us. Here is a challenge that for modern people may be among the most profound of the whole story. Never have people been so hurried, so frantic, so overstimulated, so dissatisfied, so out of touch with themselves as we find ourselves at the turn of the millennium. We are lost in a concrete jungle, with a million things pulling and pricking us like the thorns and branches in Rose’s woods. Our cancer doctors, our heart doctors, our psychiatrists, and our spiritual teachers tell us to relax and meditate, but we look at them in confusion and disbelief. Where will we find the time? How can we stop the barrage of ringing phones, advertising jingles, billboards? After all, we’ve got mail!

  When I find myself unwilling or unable to set time aside for my soul-life, I sometimes ask myself the following question: If I had a lively and sensitive little daughter—say, four or five years of age—who loved me dearly and longed for my attention, how much of my time would I make sure to give her every day? Five minutes of undivided attention? Twenty? Wouldn’t I want to plan my whole day and my whole life around her?

  But how much of my attention do I give to my own soul-life? Why is it so hard to give myself the love and attention I would willingly give others? It’s a little sad, isn’t it? This is a question I have asked many women over years of mentoring, and it is amazing how frequently we are determined to love, protect, and care for an imaginary daughter and yet are unwilling or unable to take the time to care for our own dear soul
s. It’s surprisingly difficult to give ourselves undivided attention for even a few minutes a day of meditation, self-care, and devotion. It helps a lot to give ourselves a regular time to meet with friends and attend to our soul-life in circle. Many Witches work on their personal healing with others, in circle, precisely because it is so hard to be regular and consistent about spiritual practices on one’s own. There are also things to be learned from other people and our interactions with them that are very hard to learn alone.

  The rewards of developing a spiritual practice are enormous. We can find the little stream that leads to an enormous sea of love. In the Charge of the Goddess, she says, “My law is love unto all beings, … for behold, I am the mother of all things, and my love is poured out upon the earth.” When the Goddess says this, she means that love is the law for all the endangered species, for the poor polluted streams and bays, for the smoky air, for the hungry and hopeless, and also for me, one sometimes confused woman living a seemingly trivial life. Her love is poured out upon me. It’s sometimes hard to believe that unconditional love is already mine, should I choose to accept it. If I stop my frantic efforts and listen to the voice of nature, I can hear her on the wind, through the trees, or over the rooftops: “Shhhhhhhh. All will be well.”

  This kind of love, although we may long for it, may seem very distant and unlikely. But it is no more distant than the sea is from Rose, as she kneels by the little stream, not far yet from her ancestral home. If she follows the stream, it will inevitably lead her to the ocean. The same is true for us. If we follow that first glimpse of the self, if we begin to give our souls a little love and attention, if we stop and rest in view of the self, if we don’t get discouraged or give up or become distracted, our efforts will inevitably lead us to an immensely powerful salty sea full of love.

  Now, if you are ready to commit yourself to a little bit of self-care and self-love, you can try the following series of exercises, which will help bind your own soul journey with that of Rose. Since we are Witches, this commitment to self-love and care is nothing abstract. Just as we would try to express our love for children with good meals, silly games, clean T-shirts, and openhearted listening, so we practice our love for ourselves with concrete practices, which appeal to Younger Self. These are some ideas to help you get started on your own path of self-love. As always, take what you like, and leave the rest.

  The following exercises are meditations on self-knowledge and self-love. They are dreamy and interior. If you are working in circle, you may wish to use one of these meditations and follow it with some singing, dancing, games, and drumming to raise energy, raising a cone of power to bless and empower your healing work. Then your circle will need to relax, eat, and cool off.

  Wandering Within Exercise: A Rose

  You will need a rose, a little water, scissors, and a bud vase. If you are working in circle, everyone may bring a rose, and you’ll need a bigger vase. Create sacred space at your altar, and light your candles. Bless the water and the vase, and pour the water in.

  Now prepare the roses. Trim the stems and lower leaves, and place the roses in the vase.

  Take time to meditate on the roses, as though you were looking in a mirror. Can you sense your own softness, freshness, fragrance, complexity, your beauty, your colors, dark or pale, which are so perfect for you and no one else? Can you see how the roses have secret depths as well as welcoming openness? Can you see how your colors compliment one another, how your different styles of elegant tightness and lush openness work together for beauty?

  Know that just as your soul needs your attention, so your roses will need regular attention. The water must be changed, the stems trimmed; from time to time the roses must be composted and replaced, or soon your home altar, or your circle’s altar, will be strewn with dead petals and a dank smell of old water and dying foliage. It is a law of magic that changes on your altar can create changes in your soul. Placing the roses on your altar is a commitment to your own soul-life. Keep a bouquet of roses on your altar while you work through the story of the Twelve Wild Swans, since each of you is Rose.

  Wandering Within Exercise: In-drinking

  For this exercise, you will need special cups. If you have a cup that you’ve charged as one of your magical tools, use it. If not, use any cup that appeals to you. You will also need some liquid that you like drinking. This exercise works best with a dark liquid; grape or cranberry juice works well.

  Create sacred space—alone or with your circle. Now, fill the cup partway, and find your reflection in the surface of the liquid. This may take a few tries, as you may have to adjust your vision to see yourself. When you begin to catch glimpses of yourself in the cup, allow your responses to yourself to surface. If some of the responses are harsh (“God, I look old”; “She really needs to lose some weight”), simply take note of them and then release them on a breath. It may take some patience to get through the layer of comparing, judging responses, but it will be worth it. Soon you may catch a real glimpse of yourself, although it may be just for a split second. Even the briefest true impression of our selves—a single fresh, wild image—is worth working for. When you see something that seems true, say it out loud: “I see a woman who…” Now drink it in (drink the juice, OK?). Let it become part of yourself forever. If you don’t see something fresh on the first try, drink that in, too, with compassion for yourself: “I see a woman who has had trouble seeing herself fairly. I see a woman who is committed to helping herself in this area.”

  Try this exercise with various kinds of light. Try to find your true reflection by candlelight, by moonlight, by sunlight, by starlight. In circle, you may wish to discuss what you’ve seen; if working alone, make some notes in your Book of Shadows. When you begin to be expert at in-drinking, go on to the next two exercises.

  Wandering Within Exercise: Self-Blessing

  When you have begun to feel comfortable with your reflection, try giving yourself a blessing. Use your cup, as in the last exercise, or use a mirror. A hand mirror is one of my most important magical tools. I try to use it frequently with the formula “I see a woman who…” as a tool for self-knowledge and self-love. It may seem odd to say anything out loud to yourself in a mirror. If it feels too strange, start by just saying “Hi.” Then try saying your name out loud to yourself, and try your nicknames too. It’s amazing how much raw emotion can surface from hearing a nickname that was important in some past time. When you’re ready, try saying a simple blessing to yourself in the mirror: “Blessed be.” Remember, love for you is part of the Goddess’s only law; her love is poured out upon you. One of my most powerful experiences with this exercise was when I tried singing a love song, which had been a favorite of mine when I was a young teenager, to myself in the mirror. Try it sometime.

  Wandering Within Exercise: Asymmetry

  As you get used to looking at yourself, you may notice that the left and right sides of your face are not exactly the same. In fact, it’s worth taking a piece of cloth and veiling first one side of your face and then the other. Take the time to get to know both sides of yourself. Right-handed people may find that the expression on the left side of their face shows an unexpected emotion. A very upbeat person may show sadness on the left side of the face, while a timid person may show fierceness. Or the opposite. One of my students did self-portraits of both sides of her face, and the pictures expressed completely different feelings. When you are working with this exercise, be sure to bless both sides of yourself. You don’t have a “bad” side and a “good” side; you have two beautifully human sides.

  Wandering Within Spell: A Valentine

  Since I take my magical name from the folk tradition of the valentine, you can guess that this exercise is a very important one for me. It’s deep, and it’s simple.

  Create sacred space, alone or with your circle, and break out the art supplies. The only rule is that you have to use the materials that appeal most to Younger Self. Using glitter, stickers, pictures cut out of magazines,
colorful paper, doilies, and glue, make a valentine for yourself. Sing love songs to yourself and to the Goddess while you work.

  Write your vows to yourself somewhere on the valentine: “I will never forsake you, I will always be with you…” When you are done, charge and bind the spell, and keep the valentine on your altar, or keep the valentines on your circle’s altar, for as long as it pleases you. Never throw a spell like this in the garbage can when you are done with it. Bury it in your compost to keep feeding your garden and your family; leave it at a crossroads and walk away without looking back to feed the heart of whoever needs it most; tie it on the wicker man on Midsummer Day and burn it as a sacrifice to the gods. Do something with it that works magically for you.

  Wandering Within Exercise: Sensation and Self-Comforting

  For this exercise, you will need to get yourself warm and comfortable. A special blanket or teddy bear are the magical tools of choice. Create sacred space, alone or with your circle. Close your eyes and relax completely. Turn your attention inward, and let it draw together into a glowing sphere behind and between your eyes, in the center of your head. Allow your attention to drop on each easy breath until it reaches a resting place deep in your belly that feels like your center.

  If the space of your lower belly or lower back is difficult for you, remember that you are trying to cultivate a place you like to return to, so be gentle and persistent, and encourage yourself. If you sense part of your attention observing or directing from up in your head, gently use your exhalation to drop the observing self down into sensation in the belly, bit by bit.