All Dwarf'ed Up (Dwarf Bounty Hunter Book 3)

by Martha Carr

  “I’m asking because I care, Johnny.” She stopped directly in front of him, gestured a little helplessly with her arms, and pursed her lips in an attempt to hold back a small smile as she studied his face. “About you. And before you say something about how I don’t know you enough or that you’re not worth caring about, let me go ahead and remind you that I’m your partner. We broke into an armed warehouse to steal a gold-plated invitation. We bid on a dark-Web auction for a girl we didn’t know. With your money.”

  He snorted.

  “I’m not finished. We sat through the most despicable display of greed and power-mongering until we found Amanda, and then we crashed a Monsters Ball to get her out of there. Together. Not to mention running around the Everglades after a Logree that turned out to be another parent mourning the loss of her kid. Offspring. Whatever.”

  Johnny’s mustache twitched above a smirk. “You’re leavin’ out the part where you let some kidnappin’ bastards get away with the girl—”

  “To save—”

  “To save my hounds instead. I wasn’t finished neither.”

  They stared at each other, and she finally laughed self-consciously. “Yeah. I guess I did forget that part.”

  “It’s a big thing to leave outta the equation.”

  She shrugged. “Well, you taking that Logree case saved me my job, so there’s that too.”

  “Uh-huh. You gonna come out and say what you’re tryin’ to say, darlin’?”

  Lisa pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I’m only saying that if you want someone to talk to, I’m here. And you don’t have to keep those walls up all the time. Trust me, things are much easier when you realize it’s okay to let them down sometimes.”

  The bounty hunter sniffed and studied her face. “Well, I appreciate it.”

  “Right.” Her smile returned as she lowered her head and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Any time.”

  “Now let me ask you somethin’.”

  She rolled her eyes teasingly. “What, Johnny?”

  “Do you think there’s any—”

  “Stop! Oh, my God—Eddie, stop!”

  The woman’s shriek rose from the path behind them. They both turned toward the sound as the rustling foliage from the hidden couple took on a whole different tone.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” the man asked.

  “Something’s wrong. I can’t…I don’t know. I have to—”

  “Babe, come on—”

  “I have to get out of here!” Branches and twigs snapped and a woman in her mid-twenties stumbled out of the bushes as she slipped her arm through the sleeve of her t-shirt. Her gaze darted wildly around the woods as she searched the trees and the dark shadows beneath the thick green flora. “It’s not right.”

  “Emily, hold on.” The man—she’d called him Eddie—emerged from the bushes after her, buckling his belt. “What’s going on?”

  “I…” The woman spun to look at him and swallowed thickly. “I saw something.”

  He smirked. “Come on. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

  “Fuck off. I’m serious.” A bird swooped across the path to land in a tree and Emily flinched beneath the shadow before she whirled again, breathing heavily. “I swear something was watching us.”

  “So? Let ʼem watch. Come here.”

  “No, something, Eddie. Something…awful.”

  “Babe—”

  “I know it sounds crazy, okay? I wanna go home.” She hugged herself and shuddered even in the summer heat as she rubbed her arms.

  “Yeah, okay. Okay. We’ll go.” The man pulled her toward him for a hug.

  Neither one of them noticed the bounty hunter and the federal agent watching them from fifteen feet away.

  Johnny leaned toward Lisa and muttered, “Did you see that on her arm?”

  “It looked like the same mark to me,” she whispered.

  “Uh-huh. Hey, folks.” He hurried toward the startled couple as Emily burst into tears. “I couldn’t help but overhear y’all sayin’ you saw somethin’ threw you off a little. Is everythin’ okay?”

  “We’re fine, man. Thanks. We’re heading back to the car.” The man pulled his girlfriend down the path.

  “Hey, have you guys been on one of those Shanghai Tunnel tours?” Lisa asked from a few paces behind them.

  Johnny and Eddie both frowned at her with varying levels of confusion.

  She shrugged. “We’re only in town for a few days. You look like you know the area.”

  The man tightened his arms around his girlfriend and wrinkled his nose at her. “Uh…yeah. It’s a big drawcard for tourists, so have fun. Bye.”

  Shaking his head, he turned and led Emily along the path toward the trailhead. All the while, he rubbed her arms and lowered his head to whisper reassurances.

  Johnny snorted. “Well, that’s one way to get the answer.”

  “Don’t look so surprised. You’re usually the one who asks the blunt questions.”

  “Yeah, ’cause I’m the one who looks like he ain’t messin’ around.”

  “Hey, I’m dangerous when I have to be.”

  The dwarf scratched the side of his head as she passed him on the trail toward the parking lot. “I never said you weren’t.”

  “Well, I’m not finished. When you find your dogs, meet me at the car.” Lisa jogged up the path to catch up with the couple.

  He whistled shrilly, then strode after her. “Time’s up, boys!”

  Branches snapped, leaves rustled, and both hounds bounded out of the underbrush and skidded across the dirt path behind their master. Rex shook himself from head to toe. “What happened?”

  “Johnny, we had this big ol’ thing cornered in its hole,” Luther added. “Might’ve been a hamster.”

  “Don’t matter. Let’s go.” Johnny nodded up the hill toward Lisa, who’d managed to stop the confused couple in their hasty escape from the hiking trail.

  “Aw, man. Now we’ll never know.” Luther sat to scratch behind his ear, then leapt up when Rex passed him.

  “Agent Lisa Breyer with the FBI.” Lisa flashed her badge at the couple. Emily looked up at it briefly through her panicked tears.

  “Seriously?” Eddie frowned at it in surprise. “What…uh, what’s going on?”

  The agent glanced at her partner when he caught up to her. “I won’t keep you long. I’d merely like to get your full names and phone numbers.”

  “Uh…sure. I guess.” The man rubbed his girlfriend’s shoulders. “Why?”

  “There have been some attacks in the Portland area over the last few months. I can see your girlfriend’s shaken and I don’t want to leave anything up to chance.”

  “What, you think we were almost attacked?”

  “It’s very possible.” She nodded and pulled her phone out to store their numbers. “This man’s been terrorizing young couples. You know, in the peeping-Tom kinda way. What she said earlier fits the perpetrator’s MO, and I’d like to check on you both from time to time to make sure nothing else…strange has happened.”

  “Yeah, sure. Okay. Jesus Christ.” Eddie scowled at the path. “Some people are fucking sick.”

  “Yes, they are.” Lisa saved both their numbers in her phone, took a business card from her back pocket, and proffered it. “And if anything else happens, no matter how weird or unlikely it seems, give me a call.”

  “Right. Okay.” Eddie took the card and swallowed uncomfortably. “Thanks.”

  “Eddie, I wanna go,” Emily whispered.

  “Yeah, we should—”

  “By all means. Thanks for your time.” Lisa nodded sternly and slipped her phone into her pocket.

  Johnny folded his arms as they watched the couple hurry up the hillside toward the trailhead. “That was beautiful.”

  She glanced sharply at him. “What are you talking about?”

  “Now I ain’t sayin’ I bend the truth from time to time if it fits a purpose, but you turned it into an art form.”


  A slow smile spread across her lips, but she didn’t look at him. “Well, now we know the tunnels are connected to at least three victims. It’s a good thing you have a partner who can think on her feet, huh?”

  The agent continued up the trail without waiting for a reply.

  Johnny sniffed, chuckled softly, and followed her with the hounds obediently at his heels.

  “She’s saying she’s your partner again, Johnny,” Luther muttered.

  “And you didn’t say anything.” Rex cocked his head to look at his master. “You feelin’ okay?”

  He smirked. It ain’t worth arguin’ right now.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Across the street from the Shanghai Tunnels Tours storefront, Johnny picked through the paper tray of food they’d purchased from one of the food trucks. “What is this again?”

  “Tabouli.” Lisa took a mouthful of hers and watched him warily. “Is something wrong?”

  “Yeah. There’s no meat.”

  “Johnny, you said you wanted whatever I was getting. I even double-checked to make sure that was what you wanted. Twice.”

  “It doesn’t make it taste any better.” He wrinkled his nose and glanced at the hounds.

  “We’ll eat it for ya, Johnny.”

  “Oh, yeah. Totally. You want to get food eaten, we’re your hounds!”

  “Does this have onions?” He held his paper tray toward Lisa.

  “Most likely, yeah. I wouldn’t feed it to the dogs.”

  “Do you want it, then?”

  Her eyes widened as she took his dinner from him. “Sure. I love this stuff. Falafel and everything.”

  “Gesundheit.”

  She rolled her eyes and balanced both trays in one hand so she could use her fork with the other.

  “Aw, come on, Johnny.” Luther lowered his head and whined. “There was enough to go around.”

  “Sorry, boys. With all the extra who-knows-what y’all get into on the regular, I ain’t addin’ to the list with onions in the farfar or whatever.” Johnny glanced at his watch. “All right. It’s ten minutes—time to make this five o’clock tour.”

  “On an empty stomach, Johnny?” Rex hurried after his master and sniffed the dwarf’s fingers.

  “Come on. We haven’t eaten in days.”

  “Y’all had chicken fingers two hours ago. Hush up.” Johnny finished with a sharp whistle and stepped onto the sidewalk.

  Chuckling, the agent shoveled more tabouli into her mouth and hurried across the street after them.

  Ten people had signed up for the five o’clock tour with them and everyone waited in an eager group to get started.

  “Oh, good.” The tour guide with a mess of blonde curls and a pierced lip clapped briskly. “It looks like you’re the last in our group tonight. I’m glad you made it.”

  Johnny grunted. Lisa dropped her empty paper trays in the trashcan.

  “My name’s Stephan. I’ll be your guide through the Shanghai tunnels beneath Old Town, Portland. Now, while this tour is intended to be PG, please be aware that some of the stories you’ll hear tonight as we traverse the underground network from the 1800s are disturbing. It helps to keep in mind that these are no longer in use for anything but these tours and for educational purposes. We’ve recently discovered a few new aspects to round out the history that exists beneath Portland, so for those of you who’ve been here before, you’ll most certainly find a few changes. Is everyone ready?”

  Nods and smiles followed and he nodded enthusiastically.

  “Wonderful. If you could step over here for a moment, we’ll get started shortly.” Stephan stepped toward Johnny and Lisa and glanced briefly at the hounds. “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t allow dogs in the tunnels.”

  The dwarf sucked stray tabouli out of his teeth. “The hounds stay with me.”

  “I’m sure they do most of the time, yes.” The man inclined his head and smiled in full hospitality style as he clapped again. “But not in the tunnels.”

  “How ʼbout I buy two more full-priced tickets for ʼem and hand you two hundred for your troubles?”

  The man chuckled uncertainly. “Sir, I’m sorry. It’s only our policy—”

  “Five hundred.”

  “I… Well.” The guide looked at the dogs. “They need to be leashed, at the very least.”

  “And you folks wanna call this city dog-friendly.” Johnny glanced around the storefront and shook his head. “Do you have any leashes?”

  “No, sir. We don’t allow dogs in the tunnels.”

  “Well, you do now, don’tcha?” He sniffed and looked at Luther, who was busy licking spilled sauce off his master’s boot. “Shit. All right. I got leashes. Gimme a minute.”

  “You have five before the tour officially starts.” Stephan grinned. “After you purchase the extra tickets, of course.”

  With a grunt, Johnny retrieved his wallet and paid the negotiated six hundred-dollars. “Don’t worry ʼbout breakin’ any of it. We’re good.”

  “Excellent. I’ll see you over there in five minutes. With your dogs on leashes.” Stephan turned and practically floated toward the group of people who waited anxiously at the start of the tour.

  With a despondent sigh, Johnny bent and waved Luther away from his boot. “What else is there to lick, boy? Get off.”

  Luther sat. “Oh, there’s plenty left.”

  “What’re you doin’, Johnny?” Rex tilted his head as the dwarf untied his shoelaces.

  “Gettin’ us into these damn tunnels however I can.”

  “Well, that’s certainly creative,” Lisa said as she stepped up behind him. “Do you think they’ll hold up?”

  “If I’m holdin’ ʼem, yeah.” He pulled the lace free from his right boot, then started on the left. “I ain’t do this to keep my hounds close.”

  “Of course not.” She looked at Stephan and grinned.

  Half an hour later, they had fallen behind the rest of the tour by at least six feet while Stephan droned on in his vivid recounting of the Shanghai Tunnel’s morbid and nefarious history. The dwarf’s hold on his shoelaces-turned-dog-leashes was practically nonexistent. “Is he seriously gonna talk the entire time?”

  Lisa leaned toward him and whispered, “I’m very sure that’s what tour guides do.”

  “Well, it ain’t helpin’.” He scratched his head and peered into the dark shadows of the branching tunnels, which were sectioned off by gates meant to keep tour participants on the right path. “Do you pick up on anythin’ unusual down here?”

  “Besides the fact that these tunnels exist and were used to transport men captured and sold into slavery?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “No, Johnny. Not a thing.”

  “No scent of magicals either, Johnny,” Rex said. “And it’s real easy to smell things down here without much wind. For instance, all those stains on the walls—what are you doing?”

  Luther stood facing the wall with his nose pressed to the rough surface and dragged his tongue up one of the aforementioned stains. “Hey, this is good. Rex, you should try it.”

  “Nope.”

  “Kinda salty. Kinda bitter. You know, it almost tastes like…”

  “If these walls could talk,” Stephan continued at the head of the tour, “they’d have countless terrifying stories of all the violent acts performed down here. Torture aimed to make the captured men compliant. Drugging the victims. Death and bloodshed when prisoners wouldn’t comply. Bodies piled up against the walls.”

  Luther whipped his head away from the stone wall and licked his muzzle. “Oh.”

  Johnny snapped his fingers. “Stay sharp, boys. We have a gaggle of potential human victims in front of us, so be on the lookout for anythin’ movin’ here that ain’t part of the tour.”

  “Got it, Johnny.”

  Luther gazed at the walls and whipped his head from side to side. “You mean like all the shadows?”

  Scowling, the dwarf shook his head and peered into the rotting r
emains of what had once been an actual hotel below the city. I can’t say things have improved much ʼround here in the last few hundred years.

  His optimism didn’t increase when they reached the end of the mile-long trek through the tunnels and emerged on the other side.

  “And that concludes our tour.” Stephan clapped yet again and nodded at each of the customers. “Any questions?”

  A woman in full tourist garb—baseball hat, sweater tied around her waist, money-purse strapped over her shoulder, and an actual camera hung around her neck—raised a hand in the air and didn’t wait to be called on before she launched into an elaborate question Johnny didn’t have the patience to listen to.

  “Yeah, I have a question,” he muttered under his breath. “Why the hell wasn’t this more useful?”

  Lisa grimaced and scrunched her eyes in thought. “No demon attacks.”

  “Not a one.”

  “No magic.”

  “Nope.”

  “Nothing.”

  “Any other variations you wanna try, darlin’?” Johnny frowned at her.

  “I’m merely thinking out loud. You know, taking a page out of Johnny Walker’s book.”

  “Uh-huh.” And that’s another stab at me talkin’ to a couple of coonhounds. I ain’t bitin’, Lisa.

  As the tour participants who didn’t want to listen through the camera lady’s intense interrogation of their guide filtered away from the end of the tour, Johnny untied the lace-leashes from the hounds’ collars and balled them into one hand.

  Stephan caught his eye on the way out and nodded. “Thank you so much for visiting the Shanghai Tunnels. Have a great evening.”

  “Not yet,” he grumbled.

  The tour had taken them to the other side of Old Town, where the Friday-night action had only begun.

  “So what now?” Lisa asked.

  He snorted and made a wide circle to avoid a woman on the sidewalk behind a folding table she’d set up to read Tarot cards. “We get off the streets for now.”

  “Because we’ve gone through Plan A and don’t have a Plan B?”

  “Come on, darlin’. You know me better than that.” Johnny gave her a sidelong glance and his mustache twitched above a mischievous smirk. “We ain’t done with these tunnels. I plan to wait a few hours and come back for a private tour without Stephan.”