Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  “Would you? If he asked you, I mean?” she asks as she pulls up to some traffic lights. “How would you know if it’s the right thing to do or not?” Would I? I doubt it, but maybe.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. Conner is more open with his feelings, Belle. Alex is... Well, he’s complicated to say the least,” I reply as I imagine being with him full time. Whether I could keep up with his mood swings or not is incomprehensible but the thought of waking up in those arms everyday is truly enviable.

  “Right, well, I think that deserves a conversation and a few drinks, and what are we going to do about Mum?”

  “I’ll call Dad tomorrow. He never could lie to me. If I have to, I’ll travel back and play for the truth. I might even beat him, and I’ve gotten better lately,” I reply as I laugh at my own obsession with beating Mr. White at his own game.

  “Yes, I’ve noticed you playing at home. Mr. White likes chess then?”

  “Mr. White likes all sorts of games, Belle. He’s also very good at every one of them. That’s his thing as you call it.”

  Thirty minutes later and we’ve managed to crack the gate code and park the car. The back door access was equally easy but the now loud, high-pitched screaming coming at two second intervals from the alarm panel is setting my nerves on edge to the point that my brain can’t apparently spell any more. What the hell is Meritato anyway, for Christ’s sake? I try one last time and thankfully the screaming turns to a dull four-tone beep and then miraculously the entire place lights up as a computerized female voice welcomes me as Mr. White. Mrs White, thank you. What? Fuck, why did I think that? Shit, ridiculous... Stop it, Beth. Idiot.

  Belle smiles as she encourages me forward. I hesitate as I look along the length of the corridor in front of me. I can’t believe he gave me all the codes to get in here. I know he says he loves me but this is real trust in me, faith. The thought warms me and I smile as I sweep my way along the corridor as gracefully as I can, completely in control as if this is my home, hopefully towards a bar because frankly, I have no idea where we’ll end up.

  Thankfully, after two more doors, that’s exactly where we end up, straight into the bar. Belle claps her hands together like a child, removes her jacket and throws it on the bar with happy abandon.

  “Righty ho then... What shall we start with?” she says gleefully as she wanders her hands across all the bottles. I shake my head and settle in front of the white bar on a stool to watch her attempt at bartending. She launches at varying bottles and then dips to a fridge. “Oh, fucking hell, I’m in heaven. Look at all this alcohol. Where’s the music?”

  “Fourth button on the top panel apparently,” I reply as I scan the area. There is no panel. We both look again for it.

  “Found it,” Belle says as she leaps up onto the back bar, frankly very impressively in those heels, and presses the fourth button. Thumping, hard-core beats hit my ears so suddenly I jump up and giggle at my own stupidity as I nearly fall off the stool.

  “Can we change it?” I scream at her over the deafening noise. It’s fabulous for a night out at eleven ish, but five thirty in the afternoon, not so much.

  “Absolutely fucking not!” she screams back as she returns to her drink mixing, dancing to the beat and grinning like a fool. Oh, she’s so on one!

  She looks good behind a bar and as I look down at my skinny jeans and heels, I suddenly realise that maybe I might too, so I dance my way back to her with a shrug of indifference and help her with her cocktail making. This is more than likely going to get very messy because it’s quite obvious why we’re drinking - Mum.

  Quite a few very strong drinks later and we’re both well on our way to merry-go-land. The music is still thumping out around us and Belle has even decided to turn it up. I have taken the opportunity to take my drink to one of the podiums and have a go at being a diva, something I’ve never even entertained the idea of doing before, but it seems that Belle’s idea of Cosmos and Singapore Slings has given me that edge of idiocy that you watch every other girl having at somewhere around midnight. I realise it’s only about six thirty but I couldn’t give a rat’s ass at the moment because I’m just happy to take my mind off my mum. The euphoric melody of Delirium’s Silence is slowly pulling every wanton sexual move out of my body as I glide my hands over myself and up into the air with every intention of belting out the song. I’m so hot that I’ve tucked my t-shirt up into my bra so that I can give my stomach some air, and the feeling of being exposed is somehow increasing my need to grind on the pole that’s stuck in the centre of my podium.

  Christ knows how she’s done it but Belle’s even managed to find the light system so the pink, yellow and blue hues that swirl around us seem to open up a green light for us to let rip to the thundering beats. I glance around to see that she’s decided to take the other podium now and we grin wildly at each other as the bass drops in and our bodies give in completely to the rhythm. Bloody hell, she’s good. She could easily have been a stripper and I watch in awe as she spins herself around the pole and then randomly licks at it seductively. Who she’s doing it for I have no idea.

  I burst out laughing but then decide that it was, in fact, stupidly erotic so I have a go and find myself instantly wanting to have sex with my pole. Alex. My pole is Alex? Yes, it seems my pole has become Alex, and suddenly I want to give it everything as I throw my leg around it and lean backwards. I’ve seen that move somewhere, some model or something. I can do that.

  Fortunately for me, I can do it and am in fact quite good at it as I find my balance and try a few other moves. My hands move to the grip I use when my wrists are bound and before I know it, I’m spinning, hopefully gracefully, around it and letting the music take me far away as it starts to come to an end. I can hear the song finishing in my mind but my body doesn’t want to comply, doesn’t want to finish its grinding and twirling, and as I run my back across the pole to stop myself, I open my eyes to search for Belle. She’s standing stock still, watching me with a gaping mouth.

  “Fuck me, where the hell did you learn to do that?” she shouts across at me as a less thunderous beat kicks in. “That was... I’m not even sure what that was.”

  “Quite,” a very familiar voice says from the darkness. Both our heads immediately spin towards Conner and I instantly scan for Alex. Fuck. “It’s a good job he’s not here, Beth, because that would not have been acceptable for me to watch at all. I have a feeling I might have gotten my very attractive head ripped right off,” he says as he saunters out of the gloom into the light. My half pissed state is obviously in full effect now or my sexual tension is because I can’t help but notice how good he looks in a suit.

  A suit? Really? Yes, a black suit. He looks all kinds of right and wrong in it. I shake my head at myself and watch Belle leap gleefully off her podium into his waiting arms. He devours her instantly as if he’s never touched her before and I smile at them as I step back to give them a little privacy. What they’re about to get up to is probably not for me to watch and I giggle to myself as I make for the steps quite unsteadily.

  The darkness envelops me again as I round the corner behind the DJ booth and hands suddenly grab at me and slam me against the wall. My heart leaps into my throat instantly and then his body meets mine. His hips thrust into mine as he kicks my legs apart and before I know it, the zip on my jeans is yanked down and he’s roughly pushing them down my legs. His aftershave assaults me as hot, panting breaths travel up my neck towards my face, and when his mouth meets mine, it’s like an explosion of desire within me bursts forward.

  He crushes me against the wall and growls that unmistakable sound low in his throat as his hand finds its way into my soaked panties and his fingers slide into me deliciously. I tip my head back instantly and try to stop the moan that is desperate to escape my lips, but when his mouth bites down on my nipple, I can’t stop the groan that erupts. He pushes my jeans down one of my legs with his foot and I slip out of my heeled shoe so that he can do it easier,
pulling my leg up as he tugs the bottom of it off completely.

  I open my mouth to say something but he instantly brings his finger up to my mouth to silence me and I gaze into his playfully darkened blue eyes as he removes it again and grabs at my leg to hook it around his waist with a wicked smile.

  “Be quiet,” he says as he unzips his suit trousers and pulls my hand towards his cock. “Do you feel that, how fucking hard I am for you?” Oh god, I do, and as my fingers wrap around his length tightly, he grunts and swipes at my hand to move it away. “Not enough, baby. I want inside you.”

  I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Belle and Conner are here somewhere and the thought makes me squirm a bit, but the first touch of him against my quivering core and I’m lost in him again, eternally. One very hard drive later and he’s so far inside me that I can’t stop the exquisite groan of pleasure that springs out of me again. His hand immediately covers my mouth as he slides back out and then slams back in again repeatedly. His dark eyes stay locked with mine as the corners of his mouth quirk teasingly and I tremble around him. I’m so close, for some unknown reason I can’t even begin to hold it back so I don’t. He hasn’t told me to so I let go with everything I’ve got around him and delight in the feel of his ridges rubbing the very inside of me.

  Something about him holding me against the wall and covering my mouth only heightens every passionate response so I yield completely and let him guide me. His grunt of approval at my acceptance lets me know how much he needs this, how much he wants me to allow his roughness, and as his hand clenches more around my mouth, I grab onto the back of his neck for support.

  My nails sink in as I feel the next wave of pleasure rolling towards me and embrace it with open abandon. He does this, frees me to give in to him and let go of something I never knew I had. Every hard thrust bruises my back against the wall as I wildly try to suck enough air in through my nose to keep up with his pace, but then he widens his hand and almost closes off my air completely. My mind reels at the thought of no air so I tense instantly and begin to panic a little, only to feel him push more of his weight into me and lift me from the floor.

  “Stay with me,” he whispers hoarsely as my safeword flashes through my head and I realise that I can’t say it even if I want to. But before I know it, the thought has disappeared into a feeling. It’s only his penetrating blue eyes that I see, only his overwhelming body that I feel against me, pushing me once again towards a new experience. And oh god, his hips are forcing harder now, punishingly so, and I can feel him thickening deliciously inside me so I tense my leg around him and let my orgasm take hold of me.

  I feel every brutal stoke as his breathing shallows and he lifts his head, revealing straining neck muscles and a suddenly taught aggressive jaw. I watch his shoulders stiffen as he begins his release and starts to buck his hips erratically at me, stretching me wide and tensing his hold on my waist.

  “Fuck, you feel good,” he growls out as I whimper into his hand and try to gasp for some air. He tightens it again and grins as if he’s enjoying the sensation of me struggling under him. “Can’t you breathe, Elizabeth?”

  My eyes widen at his dark amusement, yet at the same moment all sorts of pure bliss roll over me, seemingly dulling and yet somehow heightening each conscious touch as he slams into me again and again and squeezes that hand tighter. I can’t breathe, and I’m not even trying anymore because whatever he’s doing is so consuming that I don’t care. My legs grip onto his relentlessly pounding hips as I stare into those eyes and watch as he groans and removes his hand to allow me one quick breath before he replaces it with his mouth. The world seems to blur as every part of me becomes focused on sensation, completely overriding the need for air as I feel him shudder inside me and we ride out our heavenly pleasure together.

  Slowly he brings his mouth away from mine and I immediately pant for the air he withheld from me until he replaces it again then nips at me. “Still perfect,” he whispers as his eyes dance with that amused devilment.

  “Mmm,” is all I’ve got as he lazily grinds into me and I try to smile at him adoringly, still gasping in much needed oxygen. His white shirt wrinkles around his neckline and his eyes sparkle ice blue again as he draws his fingers over my lips and smiles.

  “How did you like not breathing?” I don’t even have words for that so I just stare back and wonder what else he’s got in his box of sexual tricks. Who knew not breathing was one of them? “Quite debilitating, isn’t it? Somewhat euphoric, though, in the right moment.” I’m still panting for air, and again, I have no fucking words at all, only some strange quivering that continues to ride itself all over my skin as I try to bring some semblance of order back to my frazzled brain.

  “I think I’ll have a pole installed in the bedroom.” Oh Christ, he was watching me… My eyes widen. “Quite the performance,” he says as he slowly pulls out of me and reaches to straighten my jeans. I shuffle them back up and do my belt up as he sorts himself out.

  Why I’m suddenly embarrassed by my dancing is beyond me so I drop my head a little and watch him running his hands through his, literally, just fucked dark hair with a permanent smile on his handsome face. He slants his eyes toward me. “Are you looking at the floor, Miss Scott?” he says with that rising brow of his. “Because we both know how I feel about that.” My head shoots up again.

  “Yes, I just... I didn’t know you were watching,” I reply as I sink back to the wall for balance and chew my thumbnail. Mortified is not the word, but at least he’s not angry or some other ferocious emotional response.

  “How could I not?” he says as he moves towards me. “You were hot as hell and completely immoral. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so lust-worthy.” Okay, well, I can feel better about myself then. Clearly I’m not bad at that pole thing, and Christ, he looks good. I so want him... Again. My core clenches fiercely as I look at his shoulders moving off then glance at his hands. All I want is for him to bend me over and do his worst, show me everything he’s got. I can’t even process my thoughts as to why but I know I want it, any way he chooses.

  “I think I need fucking again,” I blurt out without thinking as he extends his hand to mine. Even I can’t believe I’ve said it and as I watch his eyes swing back to me sharply, I groan at the snarl that meets me. He’s immediate in his glare of darkness. Everything disappears apart from his eyes and the sudden proximity of his hand at my throat.

  “Is it the tequila, Elizabeth, or have you finally found your voice?” he says as he forces me backwards and goes to that eerily still place of his. My back hits the wall and I moan again at the thought of the Alex in the Lake District. I relax completely, ready for anything he’s about to deliver and smiling at it, wanting it more than life itself for some odd reason.

  “Anything you want, Alex. Do anything you want,” is my slightly hazy answer. I can’t even remember the question. Was there one? God, I hope he’s rough. Shit, I’m horny. I clutch his hand and squeeze it tighter around my neck, hoping to spur him on or something. Unfortunately, he flexes his hand and slowly let’s go of me. It’s not the response I was after so I frown at him. He chuckles. It’s really not funny.

  “Now’s not the time baby, but the attitude is fucking perfect,” he says with a raised brow as he moves in to kiss me softly. It’s not enough, but he’s probably right and it’ll do as I wrap myself around him. “Come on, I’ll see what I can do for you later.” He winks at me and grabs my hand again,

  so I take it and follow him through to the bar to see Belle and Conner sitting there drinking. Belle looks just as dishevelled as I feel. She’s probably just had the same hello as I’ve received and I smile our secret smile at her as she glances at me and smirks.

  Conner turns around to see Alex and instantly holds his hands up in surrender with a surprisingly wary look on his face. Even in my drunken state I notice the flash of uncertainty in his eyes.

  “I swear, man, I was only watching Belle,” he says quietly. Alex chu
ckles and slaps him on the back as he rounds the bar and pours them both a large Scotch. Conner visibly relaxes again. I have no idea what the hell that was about. Surely Conner wasn’t really expecting his head literally being ripped off?

  “To be honest, I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t,” he replies dryly. Belle’s eyes widen and she slaps his arm over the counter. Conner’s eyes instantly hit mine with a devilish grin, so I slap him as well and then we all burst out laughing.

  Several minutes later, I realise that there’s no one else in the bar apart from us. Why the hell I hadn’t noticed before is anyone’s guess.

  “Where is everyone?” I ask.

  “We don’t open till nine and I made the staff wait in the back. Tom was fucking leering at you,” Alex sneers as he walks out the back. I watch him with a frown, wondering where exactly happy Alex has disappeared to because he’s apparently gone all emotional about something.

  “He won’t like sharing you, Beth. I’m actually really surprised he didn’t twat me one,” Conner says softly behind me. Belle arches her eyebrow and bursts out laughing again.

  “God, we were only dancing. That’s just ridiculous,” I reply as I knock back the rest of my Belle creation. I have no idea what I’m drinking anymore but I do feel very pissed now. In fact, is Conner actually moving or sitting still?

  “That’s just him, Beth. Don’t rile him. It’s not fucking pretty at all,” he says as I watch him sway in front of me. Was that him or me? Oh, he really is quite pretty.

  “Well what a dick. If you ever get like that with me, I’ll twat you one,” Belle responds as she staggers off her stool. Conner grabs at her before she hits the deck. Christ, we really are pissed.

  “Possession is nine tenths of the law, precious,” he says as he lifts her back up with a glorious grin. He’s so in love - cute, blue-haired genius, very pretty indeed. Where’s mine gone?