Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  “What was in the box, Mr. White?” I ask as I land my hands on my hips. The act in itself gives me at least a little more confidence around him. Oh god, he’s leaving the doorway and heading my way. Why does he have to be so bloody gorgeous? He is so going to try and seduce me into having this building from him. Not going to happen.

  “Why do you want to know, Elizabeth?” he replies as walks behind me and starts to circle around my body. It’s like he’s perusing his prey and I can’t help but feel instantly intimidated again. Will I ever be able to feel in control of myself near him? My skin electrifies under his intense scrutiny and I drop my gaze a little then whip my head back up quickly. Looking submissive in any way is not going to achieve my goal in the slightest.

  “I don’t, if I’m honest, unless you want to tell me that is. I just want to know how you feel about what was in the box.” He stops his circling in front of me and reaches into his inside pocket. A long, rectangular box is withdrawn from within and my eyes narrow immediately. The red bow indicates that this is yet another present of some sort and I suck in a breath to calm the impending storm that’s beginning to brew inside my mind.

  “Do you mean this box or the other box? And have you got any idea how much I want to fuck you right now?” His amusement at my irritation is not only fuelling my feelings but it’s seriously beginning to make me question how this is ever going to work between us. But yes, he’s making his feral glaze pretty clear to me and unfortunately, try as I might, I can’t stop that trembling thing again.

  “The other box, because you can’t possibly be thinking about giving me another gift, Alex. I might not be able to contain my anger much longer. You know how I feel about this.” His mouth softens a little as he presumably thinks about my response.

  “Hurt, amusement, regret, sadness and then resolve,” he says with no expression at all as he closes the space between us and tucks the box into the front of my dress casually. How he’s found any room I have no idea. This dress was made for the smallest Beth possible. And what the hell did all those words mean anyway?

  “Excuse me?”

  “You wanted my feelings about the box of my mother’s belongings. Now you have them. When you accept the building, I’ll tell you why. This is a negotiation, is it not?” No, this isn’t a bloody negotiation. This is me finding a way to not accept this building, something I’m sadly not finding a way to do at the moment.

  “I can’t...”

  “Elizabeth, don’t tell me you can’t out of some moral commitment to yourself. You are everything I wished I might find for myself and never truly believed that I was entitled to. If I have amassed a fortune for any reason other than to share it with you then please tell me what it is?”

  “Alex, that’s not the point here and you know it.” His sigh of frustration ends my sentence as he backs away and pinches his brow.

  “That’s exactly the point,” he says with a huff of displeasure as he paces. “I have not been a good man, Elizabeth. I am still not a good man and if I had the slightest bit of decency, I would have let you go before I even got my hands on you, but just watching you move was enough to make me hope for something more. This money is part of me. It will not go away and you will have to find a way to believe that you are deserving of my affection in any way I see fit to deliver it. If you could give me something I needed, would you withhold it?” I throw my hands up in annoyance. The man is exasperating. What a ridiculous statement.

  “Well of course I wouldn’t, but what could I possibly give you that you don’t already have?” He spins so quickly that I stumble backward. Thankfully, he catches me by the arm and steadies me.

  “Take the building and I’ll tell you what you give me. If you want all those emotions from me then you’re going to have to give me what I want in return.”

  “No.” I will not barter money for feelings. His eyes bore into mine as he tightens his hold on me and frowns. He clearly isn’t used to getting a firm no in his world. Well tough, this is the world of love. It’s a little different than business and he will learn that I only want him.

  “You are so stubborn, Elizabeth. If I told you I would end this if you didn’t take the building would you accept it then?” Oh god, please don’t do that! My eyes falter as I feel the power of his voice and my throat almost strangles me with its response to the possibility that he would. His stare is relentless, as if he can’t comprehend my point of view at all so I raise my head and return his glare.

  “No.” I won’t be scared into it. I will stamp my foot at him in a minute, though, because beautiful as his words have been, I still refuse to take this from him. “I don’t want this from you. You can’t bully or cajole me into taking something from you that is just too much, Alex. If you love me it’s because of who I am. If I let you shower me with your wealth then I will become someone that I’m not. How will you think of me then? I will just be another money grabbing bitch and you will resent it. It will change us and I won’t allow that. I just want your love, Alex,” I reply, throwing my hands up in the air. I seriously don’t know what else to say to make him realise what this means to me. Why can’t he see what this sort of act does to me?

  I feel his hand loosen on my arm and then watch as he walks away from me and puts his hand on the back of his neck. “Open the box, Elizabeth,” he says as he wanders around. What box? Oh right, the box that’s tucked in my cleavage. Stupid Beth.

  “Alex, I...”

  “For Christ’s sake, open the damn box. I swear I’m going to fucking explode if you don’t just do one thing that I ask.” Okay, so pissed off Alex is arriving, someone I was hoping to avoid but apparently I haven’t managed that. I gingerly remove the ribbon and open the box to probably reveal some expensive jewellery or something, but instead I am presented with a dark red tie. What the hell?

  As I take it out of the box and run my fingers across the expensive silk, I look back up at him in confusion. I haven’t got a clue what this is about.

  “It’s for me,” he says quietly as he stares at it in my fingers and chews the side of his lip. It’s something I’ve never seen him do before and I suddenly realise he’s very nervous of something. I still have no idea what he’s trying to tell me but I’m guessing it’s reasonably important so I take a step toward him as he reaches up to his top button and closes it up around his throat. Are his hands trembling? “Come and put it on for me.”

  I move across to him and drape it around his collar. He instantly pulls me forward and kisses me tenderly but I feel the stiffness in his demeanour and his eyes hold something I’ve never witnessed before. I can only liken them to the time in his father’s house, apprehensive maybe, or fearful even. He nods imperceptibly as I gaze into those blue eyes and wonder what on earth is going on behind them and why he’s bizarrely asked me to put a tie on him in the middle of our argument. His mouth tightens as I tuck the material behind his collar and do up the first knot.

  “My father would put his tie around my neck when he dragged me up those stairs.” I drop the silk instantly and try to take a step backwards. His hand clamps around my waist as he pulls me back harshly. “No, Elizabeth, I want you to understand exactly what it is that you give me. Keep going,” he says as he pulls in a breath and focuses his eyes on my mouth. I nod as I reach up again and pick up the material softly and start the second stage of a Windsor knot. “I haven’t ever worn a tie because I can’t breathe in them. You were the first one to make me forget the pain.” My fingers freeze at his confession and I gaze up at him. “You still do.”

  “Alex, I don’t know what-”

  He cuts me off. “I haven’t finished. Keep going,” he says softly while he grips onto me tighter and furrows his brows at the feeling of my fingers moving again. “He would make sure it was on my skin and then he would tie it so tightly that it would almost strangle me. His favourite entertainment was to tie the other end to the banister and make me stand three steps down so I was almost hanging, then he would kick my feet fro
m underneath me. Sometimes he would taunt me with his hand and then pull it away when I was close enough to reach it. Other times he would simply keep kicking me until he got bored. ”

  His face is expressionless again as he recalls the events and I cringe at the thought and swallow my disgust. He watches me lick my lips nervously and the side of his glorious mouth curls upwards so I do it again and he broadens his smile. “You see, just watching your mouth makes it go away. You have no idea how liberating that is for me. I have spent my entire life waiting for something to take the pain away, Elizabeth.” His eyes return to mine and I pull the long end up to thread it through, but the thought of pulling it tighter scares the shit out of me. I pull my eyes from his, look down at the red tie and wonder what to do next. What the hell must that have been like for him? What sort of arsehole does that to a child? I can’t do this to him now. No matter how much he trusts me, the thought of him recalling something so painful because of me is revolting and I feel my tears welling up at his discomfort. His thumb brushes across my jaw.

  “Tighter, Elizabeth. Yours are the only hands I want to feel at my throat. Yours are the only hands I will ever allow there because this is what you give me.” My eyes lock with his again as I tentatively pull on the silk until it’s finished. He releases a breath and swallows against the restriction. “You give me the peace I crave, baby. You remove the memories, and you give me the freedom of a future I never thought possible.”

  We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity until my mouth opens, trying to formulate a response. I fail miserably and close it again as I take in the man in front of me in a tie. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about the fact that he’s wearing it or what to say to him at all. Is he wearing it for me or for him? I’m not even sure if I like the fact that he’s wearing it at all. If the thought of it causes this sort of feeling for me then what the hell is it doing for him? The emotional response to a situation like this is to be overwhelmed with love and happiness, I’m sure, but I can’t get the image of a father and his little boy standing on the stairs out of my head. This is so huge for him that I begin to understand what it means to him to have that strip of red around his neck. That he’s only be able to do it with me at his side is humbling to say the least and that this breathtaking man could need me in such a way suddenly breaks any amount of control I was containing so I let the tears run freely down my cheeks.

  He grabs at my hand and lays it across the tie near his chest, and as I scan my fingernails against the red silk, I realise that he had this planned. He wanted to tell me this as he gave me something. He was going to give me his feelings and memories as a way to extinguish the flames that he would create by trying to give me the gift of a building. All I’ve ever asked him for is his feelings and love and this was obviously his way of balancing the scales in his favour. He tips my head up with his other hand and smiles softly.

  “You didn’t have to tell me about this,” I say as I stare through my tears at him and he brushes them away. My fingers can’t stop themselves from trying to remove the frown lines from his forehead as I gaze into his eyes and try to send messages of adoration and love. I have no idea what to say to convey how much I feel for him and how proud I am of him.

  “Well, I knew some sort of negotiation would probably have to be endured.” He chuckles quietly as he pulls my face to his and claims my lips hungrily. I melt into him with a new-found sense of love and wrap my arms around his neck. Eventually he breaks away and leans his chin on the top of my head and we stand there for a moment, wrapped around each other.

  “Please take the building. I need to give you this to help you understand how I feel about you and I don’t know any other way of explaining how much I love you.” I can’t begin to fathom how to say no to him given what has just transpired so I do the only thing I can think of.

  “Okay.” It’s nowhere near enough of a response but as I gaze at his throat, I honestly can’t think how to say thank you to something like this. Regardless of how much he seems to be in control of himself, I’m still a disgraceful mess of tears and emotions. “On one condition,” I say as I move my fingers back up to his neck and start to undo the tie. His brow mars in confusion at my actions.

  “And that condition is what, Miss Scott?” I pull violently at the bloody thing and throw it to the floor beside us then undo his top button - much better.

  “That you never wear one of those things again,” I reply as he stares at it with a raised brow. Clearly this move was a surprise for him and I grin at the instantly more relaxed Alex. “If you want me around your throat, it will be against your skin only.”

  I’m actually really inspired by my own surprising statement and reach my lips up to drag kisses all over it, as if trying to wash away the years of agony that must linger there. He groans into my neck and picks me up. Before I know it, I hear the clanging of metal beneath his feet and realise that he’s taking us up the stairs. I still don’t remove my lips from his neck as my core ignites with lust. I know exactly where this is leading and his grunt at the banging of a door only increases my want for him.

  My backside hits a table and I push the jacket from his shoulders frantically as he looks down at me. My fingers move to undo his waistcoat swiftly and as he shrugs out of it, I move onto the shirt and eventually reveal his perfect skin. His hands yank at the lacing on my dress until it loosens and I travel my hands madly over his belt until it finally releases. He pushes at my dress roughly until it skims my hips and lands on the floor beneath us. His breathing spikes as his gaze rakes over me in my lace hold ups and thong with more animal lust than I can ever remember seeing before.

  “Fuck, you’re incredible,” he says as he reaches forward and skims a finger over my sensitive nipple. I know exactly what I want and I’m happy to give it to him as I back up onto the table and lie back down against it, spreading my legs for him as I go.

  “Show me how you feel, Alex,” I say as I push myself further along the table. Clearly this must be the boardroom. His reaction is instant as he climbs over me and licks his way up to my mouth. Hot shivers course across my skin as his mouth connects with my body and I feel my ache beginning to build. I’m desperate for him and as I grab hold of those muscular shoulders and draw his face down towards mine, his hand finds its way between my thighs. Pushing them wider and forcing a hand down to hold me in place, he suddenly thrusts into me with no warning whatsoever. An exquisite groan of pleasure echoes in the room and I revel in the feeling of him filling me so completely. His fingers wrap around the back of my knee as he wraps it around his waist roughly and he pushes in again deeper.

  “Always so fucking good,” he growls as he lifts his head and grabs hold of my hair. “Tell me you love me.” My body responds before my brain engages and arches up to him with a moan of desire as my core clenches around him and he increases his pace.

  “Oh God, yes, I love you,” I groan as he kneels up and drags me down towards him, impaling me again. My eyes fly open to see him tipping his head back and moving his undulating body in perfect synchronicity with mine, one hand on my stomach and the other under my back to increase my arched frame. He flicks his thumb across my nub at precisely the time I need it and I shout out his name as I let my orgasm take hold of me and scrabble my hands around for something to grab on to. His eyes come back to mine at his name being called and I watch his expression turn to one of love in a split second as his own release starts to build.

  “Say it again,” he growls, as his breathing turns rapid. He suddenly pulls me up to him and continues his rhythm without missing a beat as I grind down onto him and kiss his neck frantically.

  “I love you.” His arms tighten around me as his movements become less aggressive and his mouth skims over mine tenderly. He’s close to the edge, so close that I can feel him shaking as he tries to cool himself down. My body reacts immediately by clamping around him and milking him for everything he has. Suddenly desperate to feel him flooding in me and have
that connection that binds us together, I wrap myself around him and lick and suck at his throat, my throat, the throat that belongs to me.

  “Again…” His groan is delicious.

  “I love you.” I can’t get close enough and his arms are forcing me so tight to him that I’m struggling for breath. My thighs push me upwards and downwards on him as I try to get closer still and he grunts out his pleasure. “I love you, Alex.”

  “Christ, I love you. Come with me.” It’s all I need as my body shakes into oblivion and I feel him thickening inside me. “Fuck yes,” he groans as I feel his warmth spilling inside of me and I let the stars alight behind my eyelids with every panting breath, forcing another delicious aching pulse of our combined bodies.

  “I love you,” I murmur into his mouth as he meanders his lips along mine while our breathing settles. This is my time to tell him all that I feel and what he gives me.

  “I love you so much it hurts. You deserve everything from me and I want you to take everything I have. I’m all yours, Alex. You’re worth every second of my thoughts and my love, you always have been.” He pulls his face back to gaze at me as he brushes my hair from my face reverently and pulls me closer to his body. His searching eyes seem like they’re trying to tell me something but he doesn’t open his mouth; he just keeps looking at me and running his fingers across my back. Eventually he blinks his eyes, frowns a little and moves us to the side of the table so we can dress.