by E. M. Leya
All I wanted was to find a way to get out of this house and run through the forest so I could hunt. The thought of bringing down a deer or even catching a rabbit made my pulse race. I wanted the taste of blood on my tongue, needed to feel flesh tear. I needed the scent of fear as I chased something.
I jumped up on the couch and curled against the cushions, ignoring Justice's anger and power.
"You leave me no choice." Justice picked up his cell phone.
I listened as he called who I assumed was Kurt. I'd met Kurt right after the wolves had come for me, thinking I'd been one of the men to attack and kill other wolves, but I hadn't been. While I'd been there when it happened, I'd been shocked and scared as someone I'd thought was a friend, tortured and killed. I'd stayed back, refusing to take part, and that was the only reason I was alive right now. It was the reason Kurt had offered to allow me to change into a wolf instead of dying. It had been the right choice. The best choice.
The worst part of being a wolf was this odd obsession I had for Tavish. It was taking everything I had not to go to him, stay by his side, and allow him to be everything I needed in my life. I didn't like the feeling of needing anyone, but I needed him. Fighting that need was going to kill me, but I refused to give into it. For once, my life was going to be my own. I was done needing people, done giving into others. Once I found a way out of this house, I was going to run away and never look back. I was going to lose myself in that forest and live the rest of my life as a wolf, putting the pains of human life behind me.
"Kurt is on his way. I really wish you'd shift before he gets here," Justice said.
I wasn't too worried. Kurt wasn't my alpha. I'd heard about the ritual that would bind me to him. The way I would have to stand before pack and commit myself to them and to Kurt. It wasn't going to happen. I refused to give them control over me. While I was sure Kurt held power, it couldn't be any stronger than the power that Justice had over me from being the one who bit me. I could handle it.
The good thing about them coming out was, hopefully, one of these times when someone came through the doorway, I'd be able to make my escape. I only needed a second to push past them and rush to the trees out back. Once there, I would be able to run. I was sure they would chase me, but my wolf looked forward to that. Even if I was the hunted, I would savor the chase, the hunt, the simple act of running through the trees, escaping those who wanted to control me.
"Mark, this doesn't have to be this way. Tavish loves you, shift so the two of you can talk and get to know each other. He's your mate. I know you have to feel it now. There's no ignoring the scent that fills the room when you two are together. My brother has waited his whole life to find you. You'll be happy together if you give it a chance." Justice stood across the room, near the fireplace, watching me closely.
I didn't respond. Didn't even lift my head or open my eyes to acknowledge that I'd heard him.
"Fuck!" Justice sighed.
I sensed Tavish was close, probably just outside the door listening to everything. I felt his desire, his pain, his confusion. I didn't like it. I didn't know a lot about mating, but I recalled someone telling me that everything I was feeling now would only get stronger once a mating ritual was performed. There was no way I was going to do that. The feelings were already overwhelming and letting someone get even closer was more than I wanted to deal with. I'd become a wolf to escape my old life of needing people. I'd been promised that once I shifted into a wolf, I'd be free to do my own thing. Now that I was a wolf, I was going to do just that.
I napped until I heard the doorbell. I smelled Kurt before I saw him, and was shocked by the feeling of power that came from him even before he walked into the living room. It caused my skin to prickle and my fur to stand on end. The scent of his power was sickening sweet in my nose, causing me to sneeze several times. I didn't like this at all. I kept my head down, trying to pretend I was asleep. Maybe if I ignored him, he'd go away.
"He won't shift back. I've tried everything but beating him into submission." Justice sounded pissed.
"No worries. I'll handle it. You just make sure you keep Tavish away. From his scent, he's ready to bust into the house and protect his mate. I imagine it's taking all his control to stay outside." Kurt sighed. "I'm glad they're mates, but Tavish coming home in the middle of this isn't making it easier on anyone."
"It makes it easier on me," Justice said. "The last thing I want is my twin knowing I slept with his mate. If he'd shown up five minutes later, I'd be dead."
"True, but I still wish Mark had more time to get used to this before tossing the mating bond into this. Stay in the kitchen. I'll handle Mark." Kurt's footsteps came closer and his scent became stronger.
The energy coming from him intensified, causing me to shiver and almost fear what was about to happen.
"Mark, congratulations on shifting. You're a strong wolf. I'm going to be happy to have you join the pack soon." Kurt reached out and brushed a hand over my fur.
I growled and nipped at his hand, not wanting his touch.
The jolt of power was instant, and it was so strong it had me on my back, my neck arched back, submitting to Kurt without hesitation. Whatever power he held, it scared me. He was powerful and demanded obedience, and for some reason, my wolf gave it to him. The human side of me hated it. No one controlled me.
"You will never again try to bite me. You will show me respect." The power surged from Kurt in pulsing jolts.
I whimpered.
"You need to shift back to human form so we can talk. This isn't negotiable. You either do it on your own or I'll force you to do it." Kurt kept his voice calm, but his authority and power were obvious through the power he emitted.
He couldn't force me to shift. The worst that could happen was his power would keep my wolf on his back, submitting to him. I didn't want to be human again. I liked being a wolf. I liked the power of being a wolf. All the stress of being human was gone when I was like this. I didn't want to go back.
"Are you going to shift?" Kurt asked.
I whimpered again, but didn't move.
"I don't understand why you want to put yourself through this." Kurt sighed.
I ignored him, wishing I could get up and run from the room to avoid the strength of his power. It was painful to feel the waves of energy rolling off him and stabbing into me.
"Fine, if that is how you want to do this."
A wave of power ten times stronger than anything he'd hit me with before surged through me. I yelped in pain, cowering, and trembling at the energy he cast at me.
"Mark, I command you to shift back to your human form."
Another stronger jolt hit me. My head ached to the point I thought my brain was going to explode, my skin burned as if I was on fire. I yelped again, trying hard to ignore the energy, but its intensity only grew stronger. My wolf cowered back, allowing my human side forward, and without meaning to, without wanting to, I shifted.
Naked and shaking, I lay on the floor, unable to move.
The energy eased, but not all the way. There was enough there to let me know he wasn't going to hesitate to shoot me with it again. I tried to breathe as the pain eased.
"Sit up and try to relax." Kurt's hand was on my arm, lifting me up so I could sit with my back against the base of the couch. "Justice, grab him some juice or something sweet to drink."
I wrapped my arms around myself, cold and frightened. I'd never felt anything like the power that Kurt had used on me. I hated it. Hated that any one person could have that kind of control over me.
"Listen, I know you're scared." Kurt sank down on the floor to sit beside me. "This is all new to you. I get that you like being a wolf, we all do, but you have to allow your human side to live as well. Once you get used to things, you'll see how much easier this is."
I glared over at the man who had sentenced me to this life. "Right. Like having you cause me pain to get what you want is such a good life."
"It's not going to be like that
unless you make it that way. You needed to shift back. We won't allow you to get stuck in wolf form. It's not uncommon for this to happen at first. You're confused and scared, being in wolf form is what makes you feel safe. I hate having to use my power on the pack, but sometimes it's for your own good. If you don't try and stay in one form for too long, then I might never have to use my power on you again. Don't fight this. Let Justice and Tavish teach you how great a thing this is. Let them show you the joy of being a shifter. Trust them."
I stared at the floor, wishing I had clothes to put on. I hated being naked in front of anyone.
"Here, take a drink." Justice knelt beside me with a glass of orange juice. "It will help."
"Help what?" I glared at him. "I didn't want this. Didn't ask for it. You left me no choice if I wanted to live. I did what you asked, now leave me alone."
"I can't do that," Justice said softly.
"Yes, you can." I took the juice, needing something to wet my dry mouth.
"No, you have a lot left to learn. I don't want to control you, but I want to teach you things and introduce you to your new life. This isn't a bad thing, Mark. If you'll allow us to help you, you'll see how amazing it is. You have fought us since you shifted. We had no choice but to force you to shift back. Now, if you'll let us show you, you'll see this is a good thing. I hope I never have to call Kurt to do something like this again. None of us like feeling his power surge that way. It makes me want to fall to my knees and beg him to stop and he's not even directing it at me. It had to be done. We didn't have any choice." Justice stared at me. "Let me be your friend, not your enemy. Let me teach you to run through the forest and hunt. Let Tavish teach you how to work through the mating bond. Let the pack show you what family is."
Those last words cut deep. I'd never really had a family. There was the abusive fuck who called himself my father, but other than that, there had been no one. My mother had died shortly after I was born. I didn't even remember her. I wanted a family, but was this the family I needed? I wasn't sure.
"Finish your juice, then go get dressed. We'll sit down and talk about all of this." Kurt gripped my shoulder. "You'll get used to it. I promise, in time, you'll be happy. Right now, it's all new and overwhelming." Kurt glanced at Justice. "Go let Tavish know he can come in."
I watched as Justice headed outside. Once he was gone, I looked at Kurt. "I don't want a mate."
Kurt looked surprised, but nodded. "You may change your mind in time, but if you don't, that's okay. Not all mates choose to be together, but being apart is painful and it will take everything you have to survive without your mate by your side. It's something you'll need to talk to Tavish about once you've adjusted to things. Don't try and make any major decisions right now. Your emotions are raw, and your wolf is still trying to fight you for control. Our focus now is making sure your wolf knows that he is an equal half of you, but not the controlling half. Stop hating what you are until you understand it. You might find you like your new life, and you might find that having your mate by your side is exactly what you want. Just be honest with Tavish. He'll understand if you need to take things slow."
As if that could happen. We'd been fucking like bunnies. Even now, with the confusion and anger surging through me, I wanted him on a physical level. I liked the sex we had, even if I didn't have anything to compare it to.
"Go get dressed, then come down and get some food. You can shift later tonight back to a wolf as long as you promise not to stay in that form for more than a few hours at a time right now."
I nodded, knowing better than to argue. He'd just force me to shift again if he needed to. I never wanted to feel his power used against me that way again. Once was enough. With no choice but to do what he said, I headed upstairs.
By the time I came down, I'd relaxed a little. Being away from Kurt had helped some, and as I walked back into the kitchen, I found he'd eased off on the energy he was forcing at me. I was able to breathe easier.
I glanced at Tavish, wondering if Kurt had told him that I didn't want a mate. He didn't seem upset, so I guessed he hadn't. I took a seat at the table. "I'm sorry I refused to shift. I liked being in my wolf form. It was simpler."
"You're hardly the first wolf to refuse to shift. Most fight it. You'll get used to things slowly. It's easy to want to be a wolf and just run the forest and hunt, but life has so much more to offer you. When you're ready, or better yet, when Justice thinks you're ready, come to the pack house and talk to me. There's a ton of job opportunities for you. We'll talk and see what you might like." Kurt reached for a beer that sat in front of him. "You can also talk to my mate. He's been through what you are feeling. He'll understand better than we can."
I nodded. "Thanks."
Tavish stared across the table at me. "You're okay?"
It was weird, but I could smell his concern. It stirred something deep inside me that I had to force back. I wasn't ready to deal with the mating issue right now. "I'm fine. I learned my lesson. I never want to feel that kind of power again."
Kurt smiled. "Luckily, I seldom have to use it."
That was good news.
"Here, try and eat something." Justice put a stack of sandwiches on the table.
I was hungry, but craving meat, not the BLT looking thing in front of me. Maybe I could pick off the lettuce and tomato and just eat the bacon.
Justice narrowed his eyes at me as if he could tell what I was thinking. "Eat all of it. One of the hardest things as a shifter is remembering that while our wolf is hungry for meat all of the time, we also need fruits and vegetables. You're not the only one here who wishes that was a raw steak in front of you, but you need to keep both sides of yourself strong. You'll be in human form more than you will wolf, so make sure you get what your body needs."
"Once you are stronger in a day or two, we can go out back and hunt. That will help your wolf understand that he won't be ignored and you'll allow him time to live how he wants. The more you understand the two halves, the sooner you can learn how to live with both sides wanting out all of the time." Tavish nodded to me. "There are times when I'm on tour that I can't shift for weeks, but my wolf knows that when I get the chance, he'll be free and able to run and hunt like he wants to."
I couldn't imagine going weeks. I'd been in human form less than an hour and already my wolf was pacing in my mind, trying to force himself forward. I hated the way it felt to have him try to push his way out of me. I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to this. Maybe I'd made a huge mistake in choosing this. Perhaps death would have been better.
I focused on forcing myself to eat. I was hungry, but there were so many emotions playing through me, so many thoughts, that I hardly tasted the food. The others talked while they ate, but I sat silent, listening to them, trying to understand how they could act so normal when nothing was normal at all. I hated this. I wanted to let my wolf out again and just curl back up on the couch, but I was too scared that Kurt would use his power again and that was even worse than being stuck in human form.
All I could do was wait and do what they asked me to. Once I earned their trust, maybe I'd be on my own. Once that happened, I'd let my wolf out, run for the woods, and never look back. I was done being bullied and forced to do things others wanted me to. As soon as I got the chance, I was going to take back my life. If that meant living the rest of my life as a wolf, that was exactly what I was going to do. I just needed to wait.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Tavish
Mark was scared. That much was very obvious. I sensed his struggle to remain in human form, but that was to be expected. I still wished to spend most of my time in wolf form. It was a simpler life in many ways, but you also missed out on a ton too. Hopefully, in time, he'd see that both sides had something to offer.
It had been a physical pain to feel Kurt's power be directed at my mate. I hoped I never had to feel it again. It had taken every bit of control I had to keep my wolf back and wait outside when all I wanted to do was rush inside and make
Kurt stop the pain he was causing Mark. The urge to protect him was so strong. I just wanted to pull him into my arms and make everything okay, but that wasn't going to happen. There was no emotional bond forming between us, at least on Mark's side. If anything, he seemed to ignore me.
At times, I sensed him watching me, and once or twice there was a soft scent of his arousal, but again, that was normal. For a wolf, sex was a basic need. His wolf might want the physical release we could give each other, but that didn't mean he wanted me as a man, and that hurt.
I'd always thought finding my mate would mean an instant bond. I imagined it as us meeting, falling into bed, and performing the mating ritual as quickly as we could. That wasn't going to happen here. It was going to take time if it ever happened at all.
I didn't want to think about what my life would be like if my mate didn't want me. I wasn't sure I could survive. The urge to be with him was so strong. Just sitting across the table from him was too far away. I now understood why other mates were always holding hands or touching each other when they were together. I needed that reassurance that my mate was with me.
"When do you go back on tour?" Kurt asked me.
I shrugged. "A few weeks from now. A lot will depend on how things are going here." I glanced over at Mark. "I've let Will know what is going on, and he'll work things out so I can stay as long as I need to. Jackson is stepping in and doing some interviews I had scheduled."
"So the band knows about your mate?" Kurt asked.
"Just those two. I haven't told the others yet, but Jackson might have mentioned it to them. I figured I'd call them this week and we'd figure everything out." I wanted Mark to go on tour with me, but it was too soon to assume that might happen.
"Don't stay here for me," Mark suddenly said. "The last thing I want is to keep you from your life. You have fans who have paid to see you perform. You shouldn't let them down."
I gritted my teeth, trying not to argue. "It's still weeks away. A lot can happen between now and then."